Chapter 26
JOSIE
Five nights of refusing to knock on JR’s door so I could get a simple night of sleep. And I knew sleeping in my car was out of the question. He’d just wake me up and tell me to sleep on his couch.
I hoped.
Who knew what he actually thought after the scene at his house.
But I was too mortified to even consider seeing him again. Thankfully, he disappeared for a couple of days, making it easy to avoid him, but since he returned, I had to be on guard at all times.
I purposely hid from him, making sure he was gone when I had to leave the house. I only went to the store when I knew he was working and I wouldn’t have to risk running into him.
And then there was the small problem of the woman who had come the other day and, as far as I knew, still hadn’t left. Was he in a relationship with this woman? Was he sleeping with her?
Not that it really mattered. I only wanted to use his couch, not his bed. Unless, of course, she was still there. Then I would be intruding on their time together.
Then again, he had kissed me, which suggested he wasn’t in a relationship. Or he was a cheater. The possibilities were endless, and no matter how much I told myself not to go over there, that I wasn’t at all curious, I knew I couldn’t take another night of no sleep.
I was desperate.
My body was so tired and my eyes were burning from lack of sleep. Even my stomach was upset. I needed sleep, and I was going to have to suck it up if I wanted to get even a few minutes of shut-eye.
Wrapping my blanket around myself, I made the trek across our lawns, noting that the curtains moved across the street.
By morning, everyone in town would think I was having an affair rather than a one-night stand.
They didn’t realize my brother and his fiancée were keeping me up all night, and I could barely function.
Marching up his steps, I banged on the door, knowing he was still awake. I had timed it perfectly, waiting for him to walk inside and have enough time to go to the bathroom before I slipped out of my house.
When the door swung open, I didn’t give him a chance to talk. I marched right under his outstretched arm that was braced against the door frame, and headed for the couch.
“I know you must be sick of me, and I’m sorry about the rumors in town, but I’m desperate,” I said, spinning around. “I haven’t slept in five nights. Their sex noises are so loud and disturbing, and when I do finally start to drift off, they start over again!
“I’m making mistakes at work. I was supposed to give Mrs. Abernathy chamomile for her inflammation, but I was so tired that I gave her ginseng instead! Do you realize how bad that is?”
I spun around, not giving him a chance to answer.
“And yesterday, I put diesel in my tank! It was only thanks to Wyatt that I put the smallest amount in before he saw what I was doing and stopped me. Of course, he called me an idiot before he left, but that’s beside the point.”
I gripped my hair, feeling my sanity slipping away by the second. I couldn’t take this anymore. “I’m losing my mind, and if you don’t let me stay here, I might actually die of sleep deprivation, and then that will be on your head.”
Tears pricked my eyes as I rushed forward and gripped his muscular forearms. “I’m sorry.
I didn’t mean that. This isn’t your fault.
I’m just so tired. Please, take pity on me and let me sleep on your couch.
I’ll pay you anything you want. I’ll give you Delilah.
I’ll make you breakfast every morning and dinner every night.
I’ll wash all your windows! If you want, I’ll even—”
His hand slapped over my mouth, cutting off what I was dangerously close to bargaining with him. And he seemed to know it.
“Be careful what you say.”
“Right,” I scoffed out a laugh. “Because of her.”
“What?”
“The woman!” I said, my finger pointing toward the hall. “She’s here and I’m interrupting. And I get it, okay? You’re hooking up or in a relationship. Whatever! I really don’t care. I just need someplace to crash for the night so I don’t completely fall apart and have a nervous breakdown!”
“Josie, you—”
“Please! Don’t make me beg!” I cried out, letting my knees buckle so I slid to the floor.
“Get off the floor,” he barked out.
“No! I’m not leaving! You can’t make me!” I cried out in desperation.
He started to haul me off the floor, which only furthered my hysteria.
“Okay, you can make me. This is your house, and I get that,” I rambled. “You could kick me out at any time, just like you do with Milo. And I probably deserve it. I’m a horrible person and I don’t deserve your kindness, but please!”
Suddenly, I was up against the wall, his body pressed firmly against mine.
This close, I could feel his heart hammering in his chest, and mine, equally pounding in measure with his.
Heat burned from his fingertips as he held them to my arms, but slowly, they trailed to my elbows, and then dropped to my waist.
It felt like all the air was sucked from the room as his knee nudged my leg slightly open.
“Josie,” he murmured, “You really shouldn’t fucking be here.”
“Because of her,” I whispered.
He nodded slightly. “And other reasons.”
Tears slipped down my cheeks at his words. Because he didn’t want me. Because I wasn’t good enough. Because I was the insane neighbor who banged on his door in the middle of the night to sleep on his couch.
And he was tired of me.
But there was also a darkness swirling in his eyes that I’d never seen before. Those gray eyes were like storm clouds with a dangerous presence looming in the distance. I didn’t understand where this was coming from. He’d always been distant, but this…
For the first time since I’d rammed my way in here with my sleep-addled brain, I realized there was way more going on than an affair. Something he was trying to keep me away from.
“What is it?”
I barely choked the words out, but the moment I did, his hand tightened on my waist painfully.
“You shouldn’t be here with me. Not now.”
It was worse than I thought. Way worse, and I hadn’t seen it. I mean, I should have seen it, but the way he acted… “She’s your wife.”
“Not my wife,” he murmured, his body shifting closer. “Not even close.”
“But she means something to you.”
He nodded again, this time, his hand trailing up my waist, brushing against my breast as he slid his fingers into my hair, gripping a tight handful.
“If you really knew me, you would never have come over here,” he murmured.
“Tell me,” I asked breathlessly as he leaned in closer.
His mouth was just a hair’s breadth from mine, so close I could almost feel the warmth of his lips.
“If you stay…”
My eyes flicked up to his, those gray eyes burning into my own. Where was this coming from? What was happening?
Suddenly, his lips were crashing into mine—his hand twisted in my hair, guiding me where he wanted me. But all too soon, he tore himself away from me, breathing hard as he stared at the ground.
“JR—”
He held up his hand, stopping me as I started toward him.
“I’m no good for you, Josie. This…whatever this is,” he snapped, slashing his fingers through his unruly hair. “Christ, Josie. Can’t you see it?”
“See what?”
“You shouldn’t have come,” he snapped.
“I just want to use your couch. If you’re with her—”
“I’m not fucking with her!” he shouted, turning to face me. “Did that kiss feel like I was with anyone else?”
Speechless, I shook my head, but I still didn’t understand any of it. He was hot and cold, angry and…angrier.
“If this is about last week…”
He scoffed at that, his hand running over the scruff on his jaw. “Last week was so much simpler.”
“Because you weren’t with her,” I said hesitantly.
“Because…” His eyes met mine again, and this time, something like regret swam in them. “Because things could have been different last week.”
“Last week,” I said slowly. “I slept on your couch. Nothing else happened.”
Or was I so sleep-deprived that I didn’t even realize something had happened? Had I somehow blocked out an entire day?
“Look, I can’t give you anything. I have nothing—”
The earnestness, the fierceness in his voice, somehow angered me. I hadn’t asked for anything, but he was acting like I came over here begging for more than he could give.
Snatching my blanket, I spun around. “I was asking for your couch. Nothing more.”
But before I even got the door an inch open, his palm landed on it, slamming it shut. I squeaked as the thud reverberated through my wrist, but I wasn’t scared. How could I be when his body was pressed against mine? The heat pouring through his clothes, smothering me with his scent.
God, it made me want things. Things that he wasn’t ready to give, and I wasn’t sure I wanted. Yet, like this…
“You can stay.”
“But…”
His lips skimmed my ear, his hot breath sending shivers down my spine. “God, you have no idea how bad this is.”
My eyes fluttered closed as his lips caressed my neck, but before I could get lost in any fantasies, he was gone. Sucking in a deep breath, I slowly turned around to find the room empty.
On shaky legs, I stumbled over to the couch and curled up on it, wrapping myself in a burrito made out of my blanket. Yet none of that felt even half as good as his body pressed against mine.
And I had a feeling it never would.
Still wrapped in my cocoon, it took me a moment to realize I wasn’t alone in the living room. It smelled like him in here, but there was something different about the presence in front of me.
It had legs. Long, silky smooth legs with painted toenails. That was my first clue that JR wasn’t with me. Then again, I had never actually seen his legs. Maybe it was him, and the reason he couldn’t be with me was because he was secretly living a double life as a woman.
I really hoped not.
Blinking blearily, I raised my eyes, praying the whole time it wasn’t him and I wasn’t losing my mind. Thankfully, when my eyes landed on the gorgeous woman in front of me, I was put out of my misery.