Chapter 32 Josie
JOSIE
I barely got out of there with my sanity. If I had stuck around for one more second, I would have spent the whole night in his bed. It was pretty damn clear to me now that I could not under any circumstances spend the night at his house.
Because I wouldn’t be on his couch. I would be in his bed with his cock buried deep inside me.
And as swell as that all sounded, JR was not the commitment kind of man.
I hardly knew a thing about him, and he didn’t exactly offer up any information about who he was or what he had done before he arrived in this town.
“Get out of here, Josie,” I muttered as I forced my feet to move away from his house and toward my car.
I didn’t really have to go back to work, but I needed a damn good excuse to get out of there.
If I stuck around, I knew exactly how it would go.
I’d end up in his bed for the rest of the night, and every night after.
But there would be no deep, meaningful conversations.
He wouldn’t ask more about me or spill the beans on his life.
No, I would end up attached to a man who couldn’t give himself to me.
And I’d be devastated.
If I wanted to have sex with him, I had to keep it casual.
And I desperately wanted to have sex with this man.
I couldn’t remember ever feeling so fulfilled by a man in such a short amount of time.
Both times, it had been quick and to the point, but I walked away feeling like I’d just gone ten rounds.
Legs shaking, heart pounding, and a smile that couldn’t be wiped from my face.
Fuck, that was really dangerous.
I drove around for a good ten minutes, just trying to wipe the memory of his big cock filling me from my mind. When I finally pulled up to the shop, I was determined to find something to fill my time so I didn’t have to go home.
I had lied about spending the night with Cuddlebug.
I had no plans to be anywhere near that house tonight.
Once inside, I looked around the shop and tried to find something I could do to pass the time.
There was always inventory and catching up on the books.
Or I could do something crazy and rearrange the shop.
Sometimes customers said that they would like more samples out.
I could do that. I tossed my coat aside and got to work.
Hours passed with me performing everything from the most menial tasks to completely rearranging the shop.
I was a sweaty, tired mess by the time the sun rose, and I was completely worn out, but I had made it through the night without giving in and crawling back to JR for seconds.
God, I was so tired, and no amount of tea could fix this. I needed sleep in the worst way, but more than that, I needed food. I couldn’t even remember the last time I ate.
Gathering my things, I was just about to walk out when a knock sounded at my door. To my surprise, Alyssa stood on the other side, smiling and waving at me.
“Hey!” Though I was less than thrilled to still be awake, I couldn’t deny it was nice to see a friendly face at this hour. “What are you doing here?”
“Out for a walk. I couldn’t stay cooped up in that house anymore, so I thought I would roam the town, and I saw your lights on!”
“Yeah, I was just…doing a few things around here.”
“All night?” The disbelief in her voice was evident. Quirking her eyebrow at me, she waited for me to fess up.
“Alright, I may have been avoiding going home.”
“Because of the brother and his mistress or because of my brother?”
I flushed bright red and scurried out of the shop to avoid answering her question. The last thing I wanted to discuss with Alyssa was her brother or why I had to avoid him.
“Did you get breakfast?”
“Not yet,” she sighed. “I am hungry, but I was too busy staring at the mountains and the rising sun. It’s really beautiful around here.”
“It is, if you can handle the weather.”
I pointed us in the direction of the diner, walking at a cool pace to match hers.
“I take it my brother can’t handle the weather.”
“Well, he wasn’t exactly thrilled the first time it snowed when he was here,” I laughed. “Did you both grow up in Tennessee?”
“Yep. I was actually born in Kentucky, but I don’t remember much from there. I went to live with my step-dad when I was three, and then I was put in foster care at five.”
“Wow, so young. What happened?”
She shrugged. “He wasn’t a very good father. CPS took me from him, and then I just kind of bounced around from house to house.”
It sounded horrible, and even though I knew what it was like to have a messed-up childhood, at least my parents loved me. Yes, Mom had been sick on and off for years before she was diagnosed with cancer, but they always did everything they could for us.
“So, are you thinking of sticking around now?”
“Maybe. It could be fun. The town seems really nice, and everyone has been great so far. Not that I’ve really met a whole lot of people, but come on! Look at the street lights and the cute garbage cans on the sidewalks! How could anyone not fall in love with this place?”
“Well, I love it. Cold weather and all.”
The lights of the diner shone bright, but only a few customers were in at this hour. Come summer, the place would be bustling at five in the morning. Tugging my coat off, I found an open booth and slid in, immediately wrapping my hands around the coffee mug, even though I refused to drink coffee.
But I needed something to warm me up, and this diner had the best hot chocolate.
“What’s good here?” Alyssa asked, perusing the menu.
“Pretty much everything. I would recommend the omelette if you’re going for something healthy, and the French toast if you want something mouthwatering.”
“What about the donuts?”
“They’re okay.”
“The cinnamon rolls?”
“To die for.”
“And my brother?”
Thrown from her question, I didn’t immediately answer. She peeked up at me, grinning as she set down her menu.
“Oh, come on. You have to tell me everything!”
“Um…” Flustered, my eyes darted back to the menu. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Do you really think I don’t know what’s going on with you two? I mean, it’s so obvious.”
“What is?”
“Uh…the fact that the two of you are dating, but not dating. Sleeping together, but refusing to talk about it. I mean, I’ve never seen my brother sleep with someone and then be pissed when she left.
That’s a new one for him. Not that I’ve been there for every romantic encounter, but he’s not exactly the type to stick around. ”
“Yeah,” I laughed sarcastically. “I already figured that out.”
“But don’t let that get to you. I know he could be really good for you.”
“How do you figure?”
“Well…he doesn’t normally stay in one place, but he’s still here,” she ticked off on her fingers. “He never makes friends with anyone, but he spends more time with you than anyone in his life besides me, and he actually let the dog in the house last night.”
I gasped in shock. “No.”
She nodded with a grin. “He said it was too cold outside.”
That was a lot to take in. Like…so very much to sort through. I didn’t even know exactly how I felt about JR. How the hell was I supposed to talk about this with her when I couldn’t decipher it myself?
“I think you have your brother confused with someone else. He isn’t friends with me. In fact, most of the time, he scowls at me.”
“Scowls because he’s in love,” she said, her voice pitching playfully.
“Really?” I deadpanned.
“Well, maybe not in love, but he definitely has something for you.”
“Yes, it’s called a desire to get laid.”
“Oh, please. He could get that anywhere. I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”
Temptation to find out what she was talking about nipped at my lips, but I bit back the question. I didn’t want to seem like one of those desperate women who had slept with a man and now had to know if he was going to call or ever look at me again.
“Aren’t you going to ask me?”
Flagging down Cora, I shook my head distractedly. “Not sure what you’re talking about.”
Scoffing, she snatched the menu out of my hand, waving it in my face. “You know exactly what I’m talking about. You like him, too. Why are you guys being so stubborn?”
“It’s not stubborn. I’m just not looking for anything more right now.”
“In other words, you won’t put yourself out there for a man who doesn’t seem interested in anything more than sex.”
“Can you honestly tell me that you think he would actually want to date a woman?” I asked before I could think better of it.
“The right woman? Absolutely. I mean, he’s a little screwed up, but who isn’t?”
“I’m not interested in being a test run for him,” I admitted. “Look, he’s great. I really do like him, but the way he looks at me, as you put it, is only desire.”
“See?” she squealed. “That’s perfect!”
“Only desire,” I corrected. “There’s got to be more than that.”
She deflated at my words, but honestly, what had she been expecting? That I would chase after a man and hope to fix him?
“He really is a good guy,” she sighed.
“I know he is. He lets me sleep on his couch. Granted, I did push in the first time and sort of demand it, but he’s come a long way since that first night. And I’m eternally grateful, but—”
“You don’t want to be his guinea pig,” she answered for me.
“Look, everyone thinks they can fix a man. That if he just met the right woman, he would give up his manwhore ways for her and become the man he was always meant to be. I’m not that naive, and I don’t have any interest in fixing a man.”
“But you kept talking to him,” she said hopefully. “He told me that you bugged him until he finally just gave up and started talking to you.”
“Well, I’m friendly. There’s a difference. And, in all fairness, Milo had fallen in love with him. I couldn’t let the poor dog starve.”
Sighing, she slumped back in her seat. “So, that’s it?”
“There’s nothing else left.”
Yes, it felt horrible to admit that I liked JR but knew I would get nothing in return, but reality was a bitch like that, and there was no point in hiding from her.