Chapter Four
I thought you’d never ask. Like literally never,” Matt says with an annoying grin as he stands in front of his Hermosa Beach bachelor pad the next morning.
When Cassie giggles, I realize my brother’s not wearing a shirt.
I’m so used to his partial nudity that I don’t even register his abs anymore, but apparently Cassie isn’t as immune.
“Can you put on a shirt? You’re distracting Cassie,” I say as I push into his apartment, which could double as a showroom for frat-house chic.
“Hey, Cassie,” Matt says flirtatiously as he runs his hand through his wavy brown hair. I almost throw up in my mouth.
“Hi, Matt,” Cassie says with a shy wave as she follows me inside.
“Don’t be gross,” I whisper to her.
“I thought reality shows ‘weren’t for serious people’?” he asks, trying to provoke me. “And I believe you once told me that social media was all ‘egomaniacs, stalkers, and conspiracy theorists.’”
I take a deep breath. This is already harder than I thought it’d be. And not just because his apartment smells like Axe body wash. “Are you going to make me grovel? Because I’m so desperate that I will.”
Matt shrugs. “It wouldn’t hurt.”
Oh, but it would. I force a smile. “Fine.” I clasp my hands and beg, “Darling brother, whose social media prowess knows no bounds, please gift me with your knowledge of how to get people on the internet to like you.”
“I would love to,” he says, far too smugly for my liking. But then, just like that, he gets to work. He opens the notes app on his phone and says, “Okay, what do you want your brand to be?”
I sink into his black leather couch and say, “My brand? Like Ann Taylor Loft or something?”
Matt laughs and pats my head as if I were a child. “No. How do you want to present yourself to the world? So far, it’s been ‘nerdy and uptight,’ but I think it’s time for a rebrand.”
I am about to respond with an awesome retort, but Cassie senses it coming and plops down next to me, squeezing my arm. “I think a rebrand is a great idea, Matt,” she says. “It’s important to Grace that her passion for animals is front and center.”
“Okay, I can work with that,” Matt says as he paces his living room, taking notes on his phone. “I’m thinking classic Tiger Beat content. Like One Direction posing with puppies.”
“The only word I understood was ‘puppies.’” I scowl at him. “Unless ‘puppies’ is a euphemism.”
He sighs as if I’m the aggravating one. “I mean, you can pose holding your turtles or whatever.”
“They’re frogs,” Cassie and I say at the same time.
“Sure,” Matt says, indifferent to the vast distinctions between reptiles and amphibians. “I also think some pics wearing your lab coat and goggles would be good too.”
Now I’m the one laughing. “I don’t wear a lab coat and goggles. I’m not a chemist.”
“Whatever, regular people don’t know the difference.” When he sees I’m not budging, he sighs. “Fine, we’ll get you a pair of fake glasses so you look smart.”
“I am smart! I’ve been published in more scientific journals than any other biologist my age!”
Matt turns to Cassie. “See? Nerdy and uptight.” Then he scratches his chin and says, “How would you feel about doing a few TikTok dances?”
“I would feel like you’ve obviously hit your head too many times skiing if you think I’ll ever dance for strangers.”
“You have to get over your insecurities if you’re going to be on TV.”
“I’m not being insecure. It’s about having standards. Something you clearly don’t understand.”
“I’m telling you what gets followers. Do you want my help or not?”
“Not. This was obviously a mistake.”
“Obviously.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.”
“Children!” Cassie shouts over our bickering and claps her hands loudly in such a departure from her normal soft-spoken demeanor that I’m jarred into silence.
“Let’s take it down a notch. We aren’t going to do any TikTok dances, but she’ll wear the glasses in a few pics and pose with animals.
Cool?” She looks at both of us. I shrug and Matt gives a semi-committal grunt.
As Matt starts doing something on his phone, I whisper to Cassie, “Are you only agreeing with him because you think he’s hot?”
“We need him, Grace. We don’t have much time.” Then she considers it. “I’d say it’s twenty-eight percent abs and seventy-two percent desperation.”
I sigh, knowing she’s right. But I’m also very concerned about her taste in men.
Just then my phone dings with an incoming email to my personal address from someone named Andrew whose email I don’t recognize. When I click on it, I quickly realize it’s the reality TV lawyer I hung up on.
Dear Ms. Lambert,
Kristina told me you’re confirmed for season three.
I assume this means you resolved your “blindsided” issue.
I’ve attached the liability paperwork and NDA for your signature.
I didn’t have a chance to go over it with you because you hung up on me, so if you have any questions, let me know.
I also noticed your affinity for swearing.
Please note that profanity will not be allowed on camera.
Respectfully,
Andrew Benson, Attorney at Law
“Seriously?” I scoff, and Cassie turns to see why. “I just got an email from the Love Shack lawyer, and he’s scolding me for swearing. The show hasn’t even started yet, and I’m already in trouble. Well, I’ll just have to respectfully write back.”
“Grace . . .” Cassie warns, but I’m too busy scanning the attached paperwork with a scowl.
“Jesus. I signed fewer liability forms when I worked with radioactive isotopes.” I shake my head and email the uptight lawyer.
Dear Mr. Benson,
My apologies for swearing and hanging up on you; I didn’t realize lawyers are so easily offended.
And yes, I do have some questions about the attached paperwork.
I see that there are numerous clauses to protect the show but no language to protect the contestants.
What if I get blinded by someone’s bleached teeth?
Or contract a communicable disease in the hot tub?
Respectfully,
Grace Lambert, PhD
I smile smugly as I hit send. A second later, Matt nonchalantly holds up his phone and says, “Okay, you’re all set up on Insta, TikTok, X, and Snapchat.”
“What? Already?” I say, trying to hide that I’m impressed.
“Yep. Your password is MattsBitch, all one word, capital M, capital B.” He grins.
“Classy.”
“I’m going live in thirty minutes, but I can do a photo shoot and make some reels for you later.”
“It’s okay, you’ve already done enough.”
Matt stares at me. “I’m sorry, if you just wanted a Facebook page for Grandma’s friends to comment on, you could’ve done that yourself. I thought you wanted an online presence.”
I exhale, refusing to admit he may be right. “Cassie can take some pictures.”
Matt turns to Cassie. “How many pixels does your phone have?”
Cassie shrugs. “Five?” Even I know that can’t be right.
Matt shakes his head and asks her, “What filter is best in outdoor lighting?” Cassie looks like a deer in headlights. Then he turns to me. “Which side is your good side?”
“Um, my left?”
Matt laughs. “Good thing I’m free today. You’ll also need to get some new clothes before then. Something cooler and less ‘Midwestern working mom’ vibe.”
My hand involuntarily goes to pinch him, but Cassie swats it away and gives me a warning look. I take a deep breath and say, “Cassie and I will go shopping, I guess.”
“Great.” Then he gives Cassie and me a once-over and winces at our conservative clothing.
I glare back at him. “We came from work.”
“I know the perfect person to help you,” Matt says, already texting someone.
I immediately reach for his phone. “You better not be inviting one of your vapid girlfriends!”
He pulls away from my reach. “I don’t have a girlfriend,” he says, raising his eyebrows suggestively at Cassie.
“Don’t hit on my friend!”
“I seem to remember it working out for me in high school.”
Before we can dissolve back into our sibling antics, Cassie pulls me toward the door. “I think it’s time to go. See you later, Matt.”
“Bye, Cassie. Can’t wait to see you soon,” Matt says in what he must think is his sexy voice. I scowl at him as Cassie blushes then shoves me outside.
“Forty-six percent abs, fifty-four percent desperation,” Cassie admits as we walk to my car.