Chapter Ten
Now that I’ve met the actual contestants, it makes sense that Andrew Benson isn’t one.
While, annoyingly, he’s tall enough and handsome enough to be on the show, the dead giveaway is that he’s in a suit and tie and we’re all clad in toddler-sized swimwear.
Which reminds me—I’m currently wearing an arts-and-crafts project.
I stand and wrap a towel around myself as he strides toward me.
“I didn’t get to introduce myself properly earlier,” he says. “I’m Andrew Benson, the studio lawyer. Not a contestant.” He says “contestant” like it’s contagious.
“I’m glad we cleared that up. That must’ve been embarrassing for you.
” Before he can respond, I continue. “Now that I know you’re the uptight lawyer from the emails and not a failed dating show contestant, I have some concerns I’d like to bring up.
” At this, he raises his eyebrows and looks around, as if someone is going to come rescue him from this conversation.
I plow on. “Despite what you may think, I did read the contract you sent. And nowhere does it state that I’d have to ‘hook up’ with someone. ”
He’s staring at me as if he’s never heard anyone speak English before. “Physical intimacy isn’t required. No one is forcing you to do anything,” Andrew says, as if that should be a given.
“You mean, other than wearing a more revealing bathing suit?” Ha. One point for me.
His eyes flick down to my towel, but he doesn’t admit that I’m right.
He just crosses his arms and looks back up at me.
I narrow my eyes at him. I’ve seen Law and Order—he’s not going to lawyer me.
So I keep going. “Shantae told me that you get points by doing sexy challenges where I’m assuming physical contact will be required.
I was also told that if I don’t get points, I’ll end up in the murder shack—”
“There’s zero evidence that murders have occurred in the shack.”
He says it so automatically that I assume it’s a company line, but his brown eyes now have a hint of mischief. Wait, is he messing with me?
“I’m glad you find unsafe living conditions so amusing.” I cross my arms to match him.
He shakes his head and opens his mouth to argue, as if he would take issue with the word “unsafe,” but then appears to rein himself in.
He stands up a little straighter, arms still crossed.
“Sadly, this is all moot seeing as how you’ve signed a legally binding contract.
Maybe instead of sending snarky emails, you should’ve asked more questions. ”
The nerve of this guy! Before I can react emotionally and insult his perfect suit, I calmly say, “I would’ve thought that, as a lawyer, you’d have been clear with me about what kind of show you’re representing. Respectfully.”
His arms drop as if I’ve struck a nerve, the twinkle in his eyes gone. “And I would’ve thought that, as a scientist, you’d have researched what kind of show this is before agreeing to be on it. Respectfully.”
I flush. He’s got me there. Normally, I never would’ve signed up for something without researching the hell out of it first, but I wasn’t really given the chance, was I?
We’re staring each other down, both of us seething, when the beautiful blond swimsuit model, Madison, walks over, calling my name. When she sees us, she stops. “Oh, sorry. I hope I’m not interrupting.”
Andrew says to her kindly, without taking his eyes off of me, “No, it’s fine. We’re done here.” Then he has the audacity to give me a polite smile, which just annoys me more.
“For now,” I say with an even politer smile.
Something that looks like challenge flares in his eyes.
But as if he remembers he’s at work, he takes a breath and composes himself.
“Unfortunately, Ms. Lambert, I know you have my email address. So, if you have any further concerns, please put them in writing.” Then he dismisses me, turning to Madison.
“Good to see you, Madison. Have a nice day.” Without looking back at me, he walks off.
I clench my fists and want to scream. How has this lawyer gotten under my skin so quickly?
“Everything okay?” Madison asks gently.
“No.” I unclench my fists and sit back down at the bistro table. “I find those kind of guys insufferable. And that one is especially infuriating.”
“What kind of guys?” Madison asks as she sits down across from me. “Tall, handsome lawyers?”
“Men who think they know everything and have to prove it by constantly trying to one-up you.” As I say this, I look across the patio to where Andrew is standing with Kristina.
“And then they’re so smug about it.” He glances over at me and catches me looking at him.
I give him a dirty look that only seems to make him smugger. Ugh!
Madison cocks her head. “I haven’t gotten that impression of him, but I’ve also never seen him lose his cool like that before. He seems so professional around everyone else.”
“Oh great. It’s just me who pisses him off.” I shoot him another glare, and Madison quickly changes the subject in an attempt to prevent me from murdering Andrew with my eyes.
“I know they’re fake,” Madison says, “but you look great in those glasses. They look super-cute with your bangs.”
“Oh. Thanks,” I say, caught off guard by her sincere-sounding compliment. “I like that your bathing suit hasn’t been chopped up.”
“Thanks, I try.” Then she gives me a dazzlingly bright smile. And it doesn’t blind me. Instead, it helps some of my tension float away.
I look back at the bar area. “So this is it then? My mom made it seem like there’d be more people.”
“Your mom?”
I nod, lowering my voice. “She signed me up without my knowledge. I’ve never even seen the show.”
Madison gasps, but quickly recovers so as to not offend me.
“Well, I’m glad you’re here. And she’s right.
There will be more people soon. They randomly introduce new contestants to change up the dynamics.
Once couples form connections, the producers will bring in a new contender who will tempt them the most.”
“They have even hotter people waiting in the wings?”
Madison laughs. “Yep, it’s pretty savage.”
I picture Kristina and her cronies moving pictures of us around like pieces on a chessboard, making couples and then breaking them up for maximum drama.
“Speak of the devil . . .” I mutter as I see Kristina striding toward our group. She motions for the cameras to stop rolling.
“We’ve got the introductions,” Kristina announces without fanfare.
“We’re moving on to Shantae’s opening. Get yourselves settled in the cabana and make sure you cheer for her when she makes her entrance.
I want to see a lot of excitement and engagement.
” Kristina makes eye contact with each of us in a silent threat that if we don’t do what she says, there will be consequences. Damn, she really is intimidating.
Everyone else must agree, because we all hustle over to where Kristina ordered. The cameras start rolling when we sit on the white lounge furniture underneath the blue-and-white-striped cabana that I’m sure was focus-grouped to ensure maximum viewership.
When Shantae struts in, looking every bit the part of Wannabe Model Turned Reality TV Host with her glossy red lips and perfect shiny hair, I half expect her to somehow acknowledge that we already met in the hair and makeup trailer.
But nope. Her eyes sweep blankly over all of us until she turns on the charm for the cameras.
“Hello, everyone, and welcome to Love Shack!” We all dutifully clap and cheer. “Look at all of these beautiful people!” Shantae fans herself. “Damn, you’re showing more skin than a dermatologist’s office.”
I raise my eyebrows at Madison and whisper, “They hired a comedian for that?” She snickers but quickly covers to make it seem like she’s laughing at Shantae’s lame joke. I try to follow suit, but pity laughing is not a special skill on my résumé.
Next, Shantae explains the rules to the viewers—and me, I assume, because everyone else already seems to know what they signed up for.
“The goal of the show is to form meaningful love connections. We’ll help you along by organizing sexy challenges to get you up close and personal, as well as romantic one-on-one dates.
You’ll earn points for the challenges you complete and the successful matches you make on your dates.
Those who are putting themselves out there the most and are on the top of the leaderboard get to stay in the luxurious mansion.
But those of you who find yourself at the bottom .
. . sorry, it’s the Love Shack for you!”
All the other contestants groan fittingly. Oops, I missed the cue for that one. I also notice they’re all sitting in sexy poses while I’m still not sure what to do with my arms. Crossed? Draped on my legs? Certainly not above my head. Was there some sort of sitting training I missed?
I look over to see Beth Anne mugging for the cameras. I’m about to roll my eyes but then remember that I might be on camera too. It’s disturbing to know you’re constantly being watched. What if I have food stuck in my teeth? Oh God, I hope there aren’t cameras in the bathrooms.
I’m roused from my worrying when I hear Shantae say, “And don’t forget, if you’re not in a couple or showing adequate effort to make a love connection, you’ll be voted off the show.”
A wave of panic washes over me, bringing with it an even bigger worry.
While I may not want to be here, I have to be.
Did my coworkers know I could get voted off for not making an immediate love connection?
Something I’ve never accomplished in my life!
I feel like I’m being set up to fail. On national TV.
And the stakes are my life’s work. I take deep breaths to calm my anxiety-nausea and try to focus on the task at hand.
Shantae interrupts my spiraling by announcing, “And now let’s break the ice a little with a round of Suck and Blow.”