Chapter Eighteen #2
After Ciara storms out of the confessional, I find her in the bathroom and try to talk her down from quitting. “Kristina is doing it on purpose to get this reaction out of you,” I begin. “If you quit, she wins.”
“She’s going to use that footage and make me look like the exact stereotype I’ve been trying to avoid my whole life.”
I take Ciara’s hand and say sincerely, “I know, and that’s really shitty and you have every reason to be furious and want to quit.
But I won’t let her do this to you. I can’t tell you specifics because I don’t want to get anyone in trouble, but try to trust me—I don’t think that footage is going to end up being used. ”
“Really?” she asks. I nod and she gives me a confused look. “Why are you helping me? We’re technically competition.”
I smile at her and parrot what Madison said to me yesterday.
“Because a wise swimsuit model once told me, ‘Life is so difficult as it is, we should be lifting each other up,’ and, ‘There’s a special place in hell for mean girls.’” Ciara laughs as I continue.
“But also because this show is so insane, we have to stick together if we’re going to survive it. ”
Ciara nods in agreement, then gives me a hug. “You have my back, I have yours. Though this is now the second time you’ve saved me, so can you hurry up and almost die or something so I can return the favor?”
“I’ll try,” I tell her. “Now come on, let’s go eat. I’m starving.”
We eat dinner on the back patio with Javier, Madison, and TC, and it’s actually fun.
I’m starting to feel like a part of the group.
Almost like we’re all friends and not just four extremely attractive reality TV contestants and one scientist. Bill and Beth Anne are still mad about losing the first one-on-one date points, so they’re eating down at the beach with Hot Scott, who I still can’t talk to without blushing.
But hey, four out of seven is way higher than my usual friend conversion rate, so I’ll take it.
It’s especially hot out today, so I decide to test out the infinity pool after we eat.
Madison lets me borrow one of the twenty bathing suits she’s brought.
It doesn’t take me long to realize that while my microphone necklace is waterproof, this bikini is definitely not meant for swimming laps at the Y.
I take two strokes before I feel it falling off.
I duck underwater to rearrange myself. When I resurface, I see Ciara and Madison standing above me.
“Guess what I just heard?” Madison says as she jumps into the shallow end next to me.
“How do you get your bathing suit to stay on?” I ask, impressed.
“Years of experience?” Madison shrugs. Ciara walks down the pool steps and joins us in the water as Madison says, “One of the PAs told me the girls get to pick who we take on our next one-on-one date!”
“Very Sadie Hawkins,” I say as I scoop a honeybee out of the pool and set it gently outside the water. Ciara gives me and the bee a puzzled look, so I explain: “Don’t get me started on the effects pesticides have had on the honeybee population.”
Madison laughs and says to Ciara, “You’ll get used to it. Grace is very passionate about saving animals.”
Ciara nods. “That’s cool. I got my cat from a shelter.”
I give her an approving nod as Madison says, “Okay, okay, back to business. Which guy are you going to pick?”
I turn to look at the guys who are working out in the outside gym area and my eyes immediately find Hot Scott.
It’s hard not to. Then I look over at Javier, who says something to make TC laugh, and I’m reminded of how sweet and fun he is.
And then I laugh at the absurdity that I, of all people, have to decide between two men.
Madison raises an eyebrow at my laughter. I compose myself. “Sorry, I’ve just never been in a position where I’ve had options before.”
I decide I should make the mature, non-libido-driven decision and pick Javier when Ciara plays with her microphone necklace nervously and asks, “Grace, would you be upset if I picked Javi? I heard you guys kissed yesterday.”
“Oh, uh . . .”
Madison also looks surprised by this. “I thought you were ‘what I want, I get’?” she teases Ciara.
“The producers made me say that. Apparently that’s my role on the show—‘the bad girl who comes in to shake things up.’” Ciara shrugs.
“But I’m strictly hoes before bros all the way and would never want to step on my girls’ toes.
I know he’s into you, Grace, but I couldn’t tell if you’re into him,” Ciara says, waiting for my response.
I exhale as I try to make sense of what I’m feeling. Finally, I say, “I think the truth is, I want to be into Javier. He’s funny and charming and sweet and I enjoy hanging out with him . . . but I don’t get tongue-tied the way I do around Scott.”
“I knew you had a crush on Scott!” Madison gushes. I shush her, and we all look over at him lifting weights, his sculpted chest glistening in the sun. He must sense our admiration because he looks at us and smiles.
“Yeah, that man is gorgeous,” Ciara says, fanning herself.
“He’s so handsome, it hurts to look at him,” Madison agrees as she playfully splashes water on me to cool me off.
“He’s definitely not what I would’ve thought was my type. He actually reminds me of all the guys who were too hot and cool to talk to me in school,” I say as I adjust the bikini.
“Ooh, you need a revenge hookup!” Ciara says.
“OMG yes!” Madison claps excitedly.
“Yeah, I don’t know what that is,” I admit while peeking at Scott to make sure he can’t hear us.
“It’s like when a Jewish guy won’t date you because you’re not Jewish, so then you go and hook up with ten other Jewish guys to feel better about it,” Ciara says matter-of-factly.
I sputter out a laugh. “Let me get this straight—so because, historically, hot cool guys wouldn’t give me the time of day, I’m supposed to hook up with a hot cool guy as payback?”
“Exactly,” Ciara and Madison say, nodding.
I’m not getting this. “But the hot cool guys from high school won’t know about it.”
“Doesn’t matter,” Ciara explains. “This is about flipping the script and reclaiming your pride. You’re the one in control now.”
Madison smiles sunnily as she adds, “Sometimes a mental ‘fuck you’ is just as strong as an in-person one. Probably has the same dopamine response in the brain. I’ll ask my professors.”
We look over at Scott, who is now toweling the sweat off his shining pecs. Ciara whistles. “That boy is a revenge fantasy if I’ve ever seen one.”
I laugh again as I consider it. I’m still not sure about the logic behind it, but I have to admit, between their enthusiasm and Scott’s pecs, it’s a persuasive argument.
And then I notice Ciara sneaking furtive looks at Javier. I can’t help but smile as I tell her, “I think you and Javier would be great together.”
Ciara looks at me hopefully. “Does that mean I have your blessing?”
Not only would I never want to stand in the way of her potential happiness—especially when I’m not even sure if I think of Javier as more than a friend—but I’m actually rooting for them. I nod. “Poor guy won’t know what hit him.”
Madison squeals with delight. “I like this pairing!”
“Me too,” I agree. “And now I’m really invested in you guys finding love. Ugh, this is how the producers get you.”
They laugh and Ciara says, rubbing her hands together, “Well now I’m excited for the Angels and Devils party!”
I groan as I remember that tonight is our first theme party. Which, from what I understand, involves dressing up in costumes, getting drunk, and grinding on each other. It’s like every school dance I’ve ever skipped.
Madison looks at me. “Ooh, can I do your hair and makeup again?”
“Nope, it’s my turn,” says Ciara. “Tonight we’re pulling out all the stops,” she says, grinning.