Chapter Thirty-One
I sit on the edge of the pool with my feet dangling in the water for at least twenty minutes after Kristina leaves.
My toes are probably prunes at this point, but I don’t trust myself to stand when I feel so shaky.
I know she’s doing this to punish me, but I’ve looked at it from every angle and I don’t see any other option besides agreeing to her demands.
I’m not sure if my full-body weakness is shock or low blood sugar, but I decide to finally make my way to the bar and look for something to help me find composure.
“Whatcha drinking?” the friendly-looking bartender says to me. Of course, even he is handsome and perfectly fits the role of approachable barkeep. He probably came straight from central casting.
“Hi. Do you have any smoothies?” I ask.
“We have pina coladas, strawberry daiquiris, or frozen margaritas,” he answers cheerily.
“Oh. Uh, what about plain juice?”
He shakes his head. “Sorry, everything is premixed. Except Poppy Lite. We have a ton of that.”
I wince. “Uh, no thanks. Do you have anything else that’s non-alcoholic?”
“Light beer?” he says shrugging. “It’s basically water.”
“Okay, sure. Thanks.” He hands me a can, and I walk back to the chaise lounge. As I sip on my beer-flavored water, I contemplate all the life choices that have led me to this shitty moment.
One side effect of feeling like an outcast growing up is that the friendships I do have are invaluable to me.
Although Cassie, Alec, and Eliza are what Cassie would call my “ride-or-dies,” I do feel attached to Madison and Ciara.
I’ve never had friends like them before—people who aren’t nerdy scientists or who know me only because we have a career in common.
Getting to know them has changed my opinion about beautiful, put-together women.
And hell, even the color pink. Madison and Ciara are nothing like what I expected.
They’re kind, smart, funny, and . . . loyal.
I take a sip of my beer and start to tear up thinking about the ways they’ve helped me this week, the lessons they’ve taught me, and all the support they’ve shown me.
I wouldn’t have survived this experience without them.
And while I don’t doubt that our friendship was accelerated by being sequestered together for a week, I really do feel like they have my best interests at heart.
And then there’s Javier. He’s such a sweet guy, one who actually respects women and isn’t afraid to embrace his goofy side.
I sigh heavily. Hurting Javi feels like hurting a golden retriever puppy.
He doesn’t deserve the emotional minefield Kristina is setting up.
It feels despicable using him and toying with his feelings to try to stay on the show.
Especially because he and Ciara would be a great couple outside of this reality TV bubble.
And then my thoughts wander to where they’ve been hanging out lately: Andrew.
I take a large sip of my beer and exhale.
Andrew. I’ve never had this sort of connection before.
It’s like someone took the initial physical attraction I felt toward Scott plus the friendship and ease I feel with Javier and put them in the Large Hadron Collider.
I never realized that the best of both worlds could exist in one person—one person who challenges me, makes me laugh, and shares my values about wanting to change the world.
Cassie would definitely call him a “keeper.”
And there’s the problem. I won’t be able to keep him if I do Kristina’s bidding.
Despite how understanding Andrew seems, he’s also admitted to getting jealous.
I can’t imagine he’d be cool with me kissing Javier hours after he got fired for me.
I shake my head at the cruel irony of it all.
The one time I find a guy I like, someone who actually likes me back, we’re destined to fail.
The bartender drops off another light beer, takes one look at me, and hustles off. I call “thank you,” then go back to debating what my course of action should be. Should I flip a coin? Heads, I play Kristina’s twisted games? Tails, I just give up and quit the show?
“Why are you drinking alone?”
I’m startled when I look up to see Blue standing over me with a concerned look. “And why does it look like you’ve been crying?”
I touch my face. It feels damp. Huh, maybe that’s why the bartender ran away so quickly.
“Seriously, what’s going on?” Blue asks as he sits down next to me. I shake my head. I don’t trust my voice to not be shaky. “Does it have to do with your date with Andrew?” he guesses.
I shake no and mumble, “It wasn’t a date.”
He gives me a yeah, right look and says, “I saw you talking to Kristina. What’d she do now?”
“I’m not allowed to tell.”
“So it was her! That evil puppeteering wench! Do you want me to say something to her?”
I sit up quickly. “No! If you do, I’ll get kicked off the show. And she’ll probably fire you too. I’ll be fine. I just need to figure out what I’m going to do. Do you have a coin I can flip by any chance?”
He sighs and looks at me. “I wish I could help you, sweets.” He scooches me over so we’re lying side by side, barely fitting on the same lounge chair.
“I’ve seen my fair share of contestants get upset on reality shows in my day.
It’s hard to stay true to yourself when you’re cut off from your normal life and plied with booze.
If I could give you one piece of advice, though, I’d say, keep in mind why you came on the show in the first place. Let that guide you.”
As I finish my second beer, I let his words sink in.
We sit there in companionable silence as I take his advice and focus on the reasons why I came on the show.
I didn’t go on Love Shack to fall for handsome lawyers or make friends.
I did it because I had to. I did it to protect my life’s work and save my lab.
But most importantly, I did it because it’s up to me to ensure the future of an entire species.
When I put it into perspective like that, the choice becomes clear. I look over at Blue and nod. “Thanks, Blue. And thanks for all your help this week. I hope we can be friends when this is over.”
“Hell yes, we will! Your mom already invited me over for monthly family dinners.”
I laugh and hug him. “Oh boy, you don’t know what you just got yourself into. I hope you like a theme.”
Well, at least if Blue hates me when this is all over, it’ll be because of my crazy mom and not for what I’m about to do.
“Now dry your eyes and get your ass dressed,” he chides. “Everyone is getting back from their dates soon, and we have a beach meeting in an hour.”
I give him another quick hug, then head to the shack to change. If I’m going to play the villain, I should at least dress the part.
I pull the most scandalous dress I brought out of my suitcase. It’s the skin-tight, fire engine red one I tried on with my mom, the one I told her I would never wear. Shocker, she didn’t listen and bought it for me anyway.
I squeeze myself into the too-small spandex and do my hair and makeup like some combination of what I’ve seen Ciara and Madison do. It takes me half as long as it takes them, so I’m probably skipping some important steps. But when I look in my tiny compact mirror, I don’t hate what I see.
When I put my makeup case back in my suitcase, I see a flash of something brown and yellow underneath one of my shoes.
I lean down and pick up a small yellow-legged frog pin, smiling when I recognize it.
I commissioned a local artist to make it for Cassie when I was at a conservation conference in New Mexico.
I know Cassie probably put it in here for moral support, but right now it’s also reminding me of what’s at stake.
I rub its little frog belly for luck before stashing it in my purse.
Then I put on my fake glasses, say a prayer to the mother of environmentalism and my own personal hero, Rachel Carson, and head down to the beach.
Madison squeals when she sees me coming and rushes over to me. Ciara isn’t far behind her.
“You look hot!” Madison exclaims as she hugs me.
“You did this yourself?” Ciara gapes.
“How were your dates?” I ask, before they can continue to compliment me and make me feel more like the filamentous algae pond scum I am for my impending betrayal.
“It was so romantic, Grace! We went on a helicopter ride up the coast!” Madison gushes.
“And Javi and I took a catamaran to this snorkeling spot,” Ciara says. “We saw dolphins. It was really—” Then she suddenly seems to remember the last time she saw me. “Oh shit, I totally forgot. They made you go on a freakin’ hot-air balloon ride.”
Madison gasps. “We’re such assholes. Thank God you’re okay! How was it?”
I laugh it off, while trying to figure out what I can and can’t tell them. “It’s okay. I freaked out at first, but I lived to tell the tale.”
“Good for you,” Ciara adds, then looks around before adding, “America will love you for being real and losing your shit.”
“What happened with Andrew?” Madison asks, looping her arm in mine. “Did he really get fired for going with you?”
I nod, then choose my words carefully. “I feel really bad he got in trouble. But I think he was trying to do the right thing because he knew Kristina was messing with me on purpose.”
“I knew he liked you,” Madison whispers as we walk toward the giant outdoor sectional where the other contestants are waiting.
And here’s where my deception begins. I have an overwhelming desire to tell her and Ciara every detail about my unexpected date with Andrew and how much I like him. I’d give anything to hear Madison squeal with excitement and get their advice.
But I can’t let them know I like Andrew and still go through with Kristina’s evil plan. No one would ever believe I want to rekindle things with Javier. Not to mention, I’m about to betray them on national TV so I don’t deserve their advice. Or their friendship.
I’m debating how to respond when I’m thankfully saved by Shantae’s arrival.
I give them a what can you do? shrug, and we quickly sit down before the cameras begin rolling.
Shantae hits her mark, gives us a dazzling smile, and asks us how our one-on-ones went.
The other contestants take turns talking about their dates—the helicopter ride, the catamaran—and the new arrivals, whose names I’ve already forgotten, seem to have had a good time on their ATV date.
Not Hot Scott and Beth Anne stole candy from children or something, I don’t know, I wasn’t really listening to them.
It’s harder to ignore Beth Anne’s fake looks of pity, though, when Shantae asks about my sad one-on-none date. Kristina clearly told everyone to play along with the story that I was alone despite them seeing Andrew jump into the balloon with me because they’re all looking at me sympathetically.
I’m about to answer Shantae when I catch Kristina’s eye. She’s lurking behind the camera operator and making a “boo-hoo” crying motion. I roll my eyes but do what I’m told.
“It was really hard being alone. Especially while doing something as scary as being on a hot-air balloon,” I say as pathetically as possible.
“Oh, that’s right,” Shantae says with delight. “You have a crippling fear of heights.”
I give my most depressing nod and continue. “It made me wish I had someone there to comfort me.”
“For a biologist, you’re sure having trouble finding a mate,” Shantae laughs with a flick of her long, silky hair. Madison squeezes my hand as I once again question who’s writing this garbage.
Shantae just shrugs and brushes past my dismal dating record. “Before we write down who would go out with their date again, I have a fun announcement.” She pauses for dramatic effect. “We have another theme party tonight! And this time it’s . . . a toga party!” Shoot me.
Everyone else cheers, and I can’t help but think that, if I have to wear a sheet, I’m at least going to bring it back to use in my shack afterwards.
Shantae claps her hands to get our attention before asking all the happy couples if they’d go on another date with their partner.
They all say yes and are awarded five points each.
“And how about you, Grace?” Shantae asks with a grin.
“Would you go out with yourself again?” Beth Anne laughs as Madison and Ciara give me worried glances. I respond with an it’s okay look.
I wish I could say dating myself is exponentially better than dating Scott or Bill, but instead I give Kristina the sound bite she wants. “I don’t know, it was pretty lonely,” I lie.
“Awww,” Shantae coos. “Well, we better do something about that then.”
My heart slows down like a hedgehog in hibernation. Ciara gives me a hopeful eyebrow raise that only makes me feel shittier for what is about to happen.
All eyes are on Shantae when she says, “Since you didn’t have an actual date today and you showed real bravery in overcoming your fear of heights, we have a surprise for you. We’re sending you on a romantic date with the guy of your choice.”
Even though I was expecting this, the shocked look on my face is 100 percent real.
“Like one of these guys?” Beth Anne asks, as she scooches closer to Scott. Don’t worry, honey, you can have him.
“Yep,” Shantae says, loving the drama. “So, who’s it going to be, Grace?”
I look around, pretending to weigh my options, including the new guy, until I finally land on Javier.
I give Ciara a look of apology, and she just shrugs like it’s fine.
Because she thinks we’re friends. Because she believes in hoes before bros.
Because loyalty is the most important quality to her. Shit.
“Javier, would you like to go on this date with me?” I ask quietly.
Javier looks surprised but recovers quickly. “Sure.”
“Great,” Shantae says, clapping her hands together. “They’re waiting for you two up at the mansion. The rest of you have some downtime before the toga party.”
I stand and with my back to the camera, I mouth, I’m sorry, to Ciara.
As I walk off the beach with Javi, I wish Malibu were built on erosive limestone and a sinkhole would swallow me up. The only silver lining is that at least Andrew went home after our balloon ride, so I won’t have to run into him while I stab him in the back.
There’s a limo waiting for Javier and me when we get back to the mansion and standing next to it, grinning like the Cheshire Cat, is Evil Producer Overlord Kristina.
“Have a nice time on your date, you two! It’s very romantic,” she singsongs. To the untrained ear, it sounds innocent enough, but I see the threat in her eyes: It better be very romantic. Or else.
I give her a small nod. Message received. Then I swallow my pride, push down my nerves, and climb into the limo.