Forty-Two
CHAPTER
I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m not there. I am not there. I am not there. I—
My heart raced faster than I thought possible, its endless banging against my ribcage making me feel nauseous.
I felt like I was there again. Coiling into myself, I pressed my chest against my knees.
Crumbled into a ball on the floor. My arms around my legs, eyes clenched shut.
Thick, cold, black tendrils surrounded me.
Engulfed by darkness, completely and utterly alone.
I was alone. I was alone. I was alone.
“Aerilyn.” I heard his voice, but it felt so far away.
I felt small. So incredibly small. I couldn’t control my powers, or these ‘episodes’ either. I was losing control again. I knew it, but there was nothing I could do to stop it. I wasn’t in control. I had never been in control. I—
The back tendrils tightened. Darkness surrounded me and it was getting hard to breathe.
I was suffocating myself, and I knew it, too.
“Aerilyn.” I heard the voice again. I couldn’t find it. It was too far away.
Casimir’s words rang in my ears. Every foul, hurtful word that ever left his lips plagued my mind.
Kyrell’s, too. Neil’s, just as much. The memories of what they had done to me consumed me.
In a fit of rage and uncontrollable emotion, my shadow manipulation stretched to the surrounding area, pushing everything back and farther away.
It felt as if someone was fighting against them, yet I felt so disconnected from what was going on around me that I really couldn’t figure out what was happening until it all slowed to a stop.
“Aerilyn!” that voice called out, louder than before. Warm palms grasped my cheeks. “Open your eyes, baby, please. Open your eyes.”
My eyes snapped open, and I came face to face with Zathrian. His eyes were filled with worry, his mouth creased in concern. What is going on?
“I—” I stammered, tears welling in the corners of my eyes.
“Aerilyn, Starshine, you’re okay. You’re okay.
I’m here. I’ve got you. Breathe… breathe, come on,” Zathrian murmured, reaching his muscular arms around me.
He engulfed me in his embrace. His hand gently rested on the back of my curls, pressing my face into his chest. “I’ve got you,” he repeated, attempting to calm me down.
“Tell me five things you see,” he whispered, his other hand still rubbing my back as we sat on the ground that was covered in thick, shadowy tendrils.
“Uhm.” I turned my head to the side. “The fireplace, the, uhm, painting of us on the wall.”
“That’s good, Aerilyn. What else?”
“Uhmm… the tendrils. The sofa and… you.” I breathed. Realizing that I was in the living room, and not there. I wasn’t there like I thought I was.
“And tell me four things you can hear,” Zathrian continued.
I looked away from him and toward the fireplace again with my head tiredly against his chest. “Your heartbeat, the fire crackling, the trees hitting the window, the music in the other room.” The tendrils started to dissipate around me, the room returning to its original state.
Zathrian shifted, pulling me into his lap. He hugged me tightly, his fingers traveling across my skin, attempting to help ground me.
“Three things you can touch?” he asked.
“The floor.” My hand shifted away from him to feel the smooth walnut flooring beneath us. “Your shirt.” My hand drifted to his sleeve. “And you.” My hand went to his curls, settling on playing with them for the time being.
Zathrian smiled, and I did, too.
“Two things you can smell?” he asked.
I took a deep breath in. “The fire in the fireplace and you,” I whispered, leaning down to brush my nose against his affectionately.
“And one thing you can taste?” he asked, resting his chin against my chest.
I should have known that was going to be his next question. It still caught me off guard all the same. “Uhmm…”
“Uhmm?” he repeated, almost playfully as he smiled up at me.
His eyes flickered between mine and my lips. Abruptly, he leaned forward to press his lips against mine in a slow and affectionate kiss. I kissed him back, soft and equally sweet. He slowly parted his lips from mine.
“You,” I whispered.
Zathrian let out a soft chuckle. “It worked.”
I tilted my head.
“My mother did that to calm me down when I was a kid. I used to have explosive outbursts that sent me spiraling. The only thing that could help ground me was doing that,” Zathrian explained.
I pulled myself closer to him. This was the first time he ever brought up his parents to me. “She was a very wise woman, then.”
“She was, yeah.”
Was.
The use of that word genuinely shattered my heart and soul.
I could feel his sorrow and the heavy emotions that the Bond laid out between us, even if he meant to keep them hidden.
I should’ve known that she was with the Gods given I’d never seen her.
I hugged him a bit tighter than before, affectionately nuzzling my cheek against him, peppering his face with kisses.
“You would have loved her.” He nuzzled his head against my chest, hugging me tightly. “Oh, absolutely without a doubt. You know, I thank my lucky stars for her bringing you into Wisteria.”
I nodded. “I—”
“I love you, Aerilyn, I really do.”
“I love you, too.”
“Are you sure you’re okay? We can talk about it. Or not, if you don’t want to,” he said hesitantly, pushing my curls from my face.
My smile faded when he mentioned that. I shook my head.
“You’re going to have to open up sometime, or your own magic is going to eat you up. I am not going to push or pry, just know that I will be here to listen when you’re ready.”
I leaned down to kiss his forehead, choosing not to comment on the matter. Instead, I hugged him closer than I ever had before, seeking comfort in his embrace. I would tell him, someday. Just not today.