Chapter 6
DAMIEN
I think I found myself obsessed with her the first time I watched her heart break.
Have you ever watched someone fall to pieces? You should. Just once.
They shatter like a pane of glass. At first, it’s a spiderweb of cracks, barely visible. Small enough you might be able to hold it together.
But it doesn’t stop there. It expands, breaking into so many bits, there’s no way you’d be able to hold it all together. Eventually, they’ll give up, all the tiny shards of their soul falling to the ground like worthless diamonds.
I’ve seen it a thousand times. A million, even. I’ve watched them crack, shatter, scream, sob, beg, throw things like it will fix the giant hole in their heart.
Stella didn’t do that. In fact, she never did what I expected. She broke. She stopped. She collected as much of the shrapnel as she could, putting herself back together with duct tape and hope.
For the first time, I found myself collecting some of those ‘worthless’ diamonds she left behind. I found myself captivated, curious to see what she would do next. She wasn’t like the rest of them. I couldn’t pin her next move, her emotions, her reactions.
It wasn’t enough for me to stand back and watch from afar. I’d crept closer, telling myself it was research. Research for what, I couldn’t tell you, because there was no way this woman was going to end up in the clutches of Hell.
Not just because of how good she was, but because if I had a say in it, I’d never allow her to fall so deep. I’d pull out every favor in the book to protect her from Hell.
The closer I got, and the more I watched, the more I found myself… compelled. Obsessive, you might say. I preferred protective myself.
I would always protect her. Or so I thought.
I pressed against the wall outside of her room and leaned my head against it, bravado finally failing. For some reason, I found it more difficult to maintain my mask around Stella.
I had told myself I would protect her. And now she was here. Desperate to know why, and what was I supposed to tell her?
Ah, yes, I brought you to my home because I couldn’t bear to see the person you’d become if your sister died, so I offered you an out and you took it, so you really only have yourself to blame.
Sex slave. She’d asked me if I brought her here to be my sex slave. If it wasn’t so heartbreaking, I’d laugh at the ridiculousness of it. I clenched my fist, watching small tendrils of smoke whisper out. From down the hall, Luna slunk toward me, curling up at my feet with an annoyed huff.
As maddening as my feelings were for Stella, and as much as every bone and cell in my body screamed out to touch her, to claim her, to make her mine in every aspect that mattered, that could never be.
Because to save her soul, I had to put what was left of my own in jeopardy. She was a liability for me. A weakness. One my enemies would exploit all too quickly given half a chance.
So I’d save her from a lifetime in Hell. I’d keep her with me, safe. And I’d torture myself for eternity knowing just how close she was without ever being able to be as close as I truly wanted.
I groaned, slamming my head against the wall as quietly as I could. The last thing I needed was to disturb Stella, have her come running out of her room only to find me stood five feet away from where I left her. That would only add to the impression she had of me, I was sure.
No. I needed to keep my mask in place. I would keep her at arm’s length, where we would both be safer. Even if it chipped off another tiny piece of my soul each time I tore my hands away from her. The smoke fizzled out as I turned my emotions off.
I’d have to ask Agatha to check on her tomorrow.
I didn’t trust Stella when she said she was fine.
When I’d picked her up off the floor, she’d felt so much more fragile than she looked at first sight.
I could only imagine what the last few years had done to her, both physically and mentally.
Throwing myself into the puzzle would only make things worse.
Stella was off limits. I’d done my job and she was safe. Nothing would touch her so long as she was within the walls of my home – not even me.
As much as she seemed to believe me when I said I wouldn’t hurt her, I was far more dangerous for reasons she couldn’t even fathom. I’d keep her safe, and I’d stay away, even if it killed me to do so.
Stella’s safety was my number-one priority. I meant nothing. But Stella? She had a chance.
I sat down against the wall and told myself I’d just stay outside her room until she fell asleep, but the light pooling out beneath her bedroom door had long since turned off. I encouraged the fire in her room to burn brighter, warmer, to keep her content all night long.
Five more minutes, I told myself.
Five more minutes.
Five more minutes.
* * *
Eventually, the full dark of the night sky began to lighten, giving way to the gray fog of early morning, and I couldn’t feel my legs.
At some point, Luna left, presumably to chase the rabbits that frequented the gardens.
I rose to my feet, once more tucking my heart away behind the glass cage it had sat in for years and years, and left Stella’s room behind me.
I knew I was doing the right thing.
Another part of me screamed it was anything but.
I grimaced, stretching my legs out the best I could as I staggered down the hall toward the kitchen. After spending all night in front of Stella’s door, I needed tea, and I needed tea now.
It was ironic how I’d once been impressed by my decaying estate.
The rich wood paneling meeting the detailed wallpaper, lined with dramatic portraits seemed like something far finer than I deserved, no matter the circumstance.
But eventually, I realized how hollow it all was.
Window dressing. At some point, I’d taken down the paintings, hung up my own I’d found amongst my trips to the human realm.
Beaches. Sunsets. Forests. Things without boundaries, wild and free.
Unsurprisingly, the kitchen wasn’t empty. Agatha was already up, tidying up the already spotless kitchen, the kettle whistling from the stovetop. She always seemed to know when I needed tea, even without magic.
She turned to face me when the door swung open, dishrag in hand, one gray eyebrow stretched toward the sky.
The yellow walls shone in the dawn light, the brightest room in the house by far, except for maybe Stella’s.
Agatha demanded complete control of the kitchen, and I gave it, all too happy to hand over the reins.
‘Don’t,’ I warned.
‘Don’t what?’ Agatha snapped the tea towel over her shoulder, setting a mug down next to the quieting kettle.
‘Whatever you’re going to say, just don’t say it.’ I pinched the bridge of my nose, tossing a teabag into the waiting mug and filling it with the steaming water.
‘I wasn’t going to say anything.’
I cut my eyes to the older woman with a glare, both of us knowing how big of a lie that was.
My tea could not steep fast enough. If I didn’t want to be completely in control of myself today, I would’ve already thrown a healthy dose of whiskey into the mug, but I didn’t want to be even mildly out of control if Stella came looking for me.
‘All I was going to say is that you got home rather late last night.’
I closed my eyes, desperately pressing my fingertips into my eyes. Here we go. ‘And?’
‘And you had me light the fire in the guest bedroom.’
‘Your point?’
‘You brought her here, didn’t you?’
I opened my eyes to stare at Agatha, leaning against the countertop like she didn’t have a care in the world.
Despite the early hour, she was already dressed for the day in casual trousers and a loose white shirt, her gray hair piled high on her head.
I gulped at my tea despite the heat, needing something to draw out the moment before I stuck my foot in my mouth.
Finally, I sighed. ‘And if I did?’
Agatha watched me, unblinking. Whatever mother I’d had as a child I’d long forgotten, dredged deep in my human memories, but I often thought Agatha was probably the closest thing I’d get to another.
Not that I’d ever confess such a thing to her.
I’d never live down a comment implying she was older than me.
It was with this mother-like attitude that she finally spoke. ‘Does she understand why she’s here?’
‘More or less.’ I took another deep sip of my tea, begging the caffeine to kick in. ‘I didn’t go into that much detail, but she understands the gist of it, I think.’
‘Oh, so you told her that you’ve been watching her for years, and brought her here because you’re obsessive to a fault? How bold of you, D.’ Agatha’s eyes flashed, and she crossed her arms in front of her chest.
I glared back. ‘You’ll remember your place in this household if it’s good for you.’
Agatha wasn’t frightened, which didn’t surprise me in the slightest. ‘If you wanted a quiet housekeeper, you would’ve found one. Instead, you found me. And if she’s here permanently, you need to tell her the truth. If the Council finds out and comes looking, they’re not going to keep your secrets.’
I hated how right she was. ‘Do you not think I haven’t considered the Council? Do you not think they haven’t been on my mind since the moment I made that deal with Stella?’
I knew what I had done with Stella was risky. But I saw an opportunity and I took it, and I refused to apologize for that.
Even if it meant she now slept in my house, curled up beneath my sheets. Maybe she’d even fallen asleep thinking about me.
I could only be so lucky.
Agatha just stared at me until I cursed under my breath. ‘I will tell her. I swear. Can you stop looking at me like I have more heads than Cerberus now?’
‘You know I care about you, Damien.’ She sighed, taking my mug and turning back to the sink. ‘I just hope you know what you’re doing.’
The honest truth was I hoped I did, too.