Chapter 9 #2
‘We age differently in the Fringe – and in Hell, for that matter – because our souls are held in stasis. It’s the tradeoff we make.
Immortality for our souls. The souls we collect in turn power our magic.
’ Clarissa turned her awful smile onto me.
‘Damien was supposed to take your soul upon your arrival. It’s held in Hell until you choose to pass from the Fringe to the other side.
Collateral, if you will. It makes sure that you don’t use your immortality for nefarious reasons.
And to maintain our delicate Balance. Those souls in stasis are what keep us on our feet.
They power Hell. Nothing functions if we lose the Balance.
If we start letting people live here freely, well…
’ She laughed, as if she hadn’t just shattered a woman’s soul onto my office floor.
Clarissa had always been far too concerned about the Balance. We had enough souls for a lifetime. Had for decades, at least. But she was insistent we had to abide by the old rules. One body in, one soul out.
Stella stood frozen next to me. ‘I… I don’t understand. I assumed the soul thing was metaphorical. That Damien owned my soul. Not that it would be taken.’
‘I was going to tell you, once you’d settled in. It’s not the kind of thing you spring on someone.’ My words fell into the void as Stella refused to meet my gaze. Any small progress I’d made with her felt like it was falling away, grains of sand between my fingers.
Clarissa waved her hand. ‘No matter. I’m glad all of this is cleared up.
We have places to be, but Stella, it was positively divine to meet you.
Damien, do take care of that soul thing, will you?
Let’s have dinner. I’ll reach out with a time.
And if her soul isn’t in Hell by our little dinner, well.
I’d hate to think of what would happen, wouldn’t you?
’ Dinner. She knew. She had to know. Or at least suspected.
Because she wouldn’t dare accuse me without proof in case she was wrong.
This couldn’t possibly get any worse. I gritted my teeth.
The only thing keeping me from ripping Clarissa limb from limb was imagining how Stella would react to such violence a few feet in front of her.
‘Thank you for your visit, Clarissa. I will deal with the loose ends I’ve left. ’
‘Wonderful.’ She clapped her hands together. ‘Well, we must be off. Until next time!’
With that, the three demons turned on their heels, their footsteps getting fainter until I couldn’t hear them any longer.
And the entire time, Stella didn’t move. I took a breath, and another, making sure my anger was well and truly under control before I turned to face her.
‘I’m sorry. The Council is a group of thirteen demons that oversee what I do.
Clarissa is their speaker. She still has this backward belief that one soul slipping through the cracks will be our downfall.
I truly was going to tell you, and explain everything to you.
’ I explained quickly, as if speed could undo the damage Clarissa had just caused.
Stella stared off into the distance, so lost in her thoughts, I found myself needing to know exactly what was going through her head. I never saw mind-reading as an enviable power until I met her.
‘Stella. Say something.’
‘Are you?’ she whispered, whipping her head around.
A fire blazed in her eyes, filled with anger and disappointment.
‘Are you truly sorry? Because I don’t believe you when you say you were going to tell me.
Everything since we met in the park has been given to me on a need-to-know basis.
I didn’t even know what I was agreeing to that day!
I thought you were just trying to make me feel better.
Even if I did, when you said my soul, I didn’t think you meant you’d physically take it.
I assumed the whole selling your soul thing was a metaphor. But you actually want to take it!’
‘Would it make a difference?’
Her fury was palpable, and I found myself captivated by it, wanting to step closer to the fire until I burned. Maybe I’d feel something for the first time in a century. ‘What?’
‘Would it make a difference, if you knew what you know now?’ That twist in my gut pulled harder. I wanted her to want to be here.
With me. That made me a greedy man. A selfish man. I didn’t care.
Her eyes shuttered, and her breath stopped. ‘I don’t know.’
‘Would you have made a different choice?’ My quiet words strung between us, a different lifetime. I knew her answer already, because it’d been mine once upon a time.
‘No.’
I found myself reaching for her, wanting to pull her to my chest, but snatched my hand back before she opened her eyes.
‘No,’ she repeated. ‘It wouldn’t make a difference. I’d give up anything for Grace to have a chance.’
Selfless. She was absolutely selfless, a golden embodiment of what it meant to be human, to love and to feel – really feel.
She isn’t yours. She never will be. With that thought, I tightly packed my emotions away, storing them until they could safely be exposed when I was alone, and Stella wasn’t at risk.
Once I was under control, I gave her the last bit of good I had to offer. ‘I didn’t tell you about needing to take your soul, because I wasn’t ever going to take it.’
Stella blinked up at me, those sweet, brown eyes looking for the goodness that no longer existed within me. ‘What do you mean?’
I stuffed my hands in my pockets to hide the trembling and sighed. ‘I broke the rules bringing you here. But in doing so, I saved your soul. I don’t want to keep it, Stella. I want to protect it.’
Even if it dooms me in the process.