Chapter 13
STELLA
My blood burned as I stormed down the hallway, away from the library.
Away from Damien. Away from all of it. The rollercoaster of emotions I’d been on since I’d gotten here didn’t seem to be letting up at all.
Fear turned into anger, that became desire, whether I wanted to admit it or not.
Desire became denial, and anger once more.
I was spinning, spiraling, and eventually, I was bound to fall down.
Nearly halfway to my room, I realized I was still holding A Streetcar Named Desire in my hands. I glared down at the cheerful cover, the text that always brought me joy no matter what was going on, and huffed out a breath.
Who cared if Damien liked the same books I did? Who cared if his instinct was to protect me?
Not me. Even the way he’d told me I deserved someone to look out for me for a change. It was all just a bloody game to him.
That was fine. I could accept it. I wasn’t one to back down from a challenge, and if Grace was truly safe, I could make peace with my life here.
It had never been about me anyway. Not since my parents died. It had always been about her. And she was safe, so I could live with that.
I didn’t even bother looking over at the shadows in the corners outside my room. If the Nihil wanted me that badly, they could have me. But the shadows stayed silent as I slammed my bedroom door shut behind me. Pressing my back into the door, I slid to the floor with a groan.
If I was so certain I could live like this, I didn’t know why I felt like such a mess. I didn’t want to look too closely at the fact that my instincts were telling me to run back to Damien.
Archie meowed, and my eyes widened as I found him curled up next to Luna.
On my bed. ‘Absolutely not,’ I said to the Hellhound, who was currently making herself comfortable on my pillows.
I pointed to the door. ‘Go find Damien. Actually, on second thought, go find Agatha. Damien’s in a miserable mood. ’
With a baleful glare, Luna got to her long legs and stalked toward the door, but not before butting her head into my hand.
I grabbed Archie and clutched him to my chest. ‘Hey, buddy,’ I whispered, running my hands through his perfect white fur.
‘I’m a bit of a mess, aren’t I? Ridiculous, really.
You’d think I’d be a bit more concerned about being trapped in the Fringe, but I’m more annoyed that Damien didn’t even bother to look at my dress. ’
Archie stared up at me with petulant eyes, confirming my worst fears.
‘I know. I know. We’ll get through this, won’t we?
Besides, according to Clarissa, it’s not forever.
’ I stroked his head as he purred, settling in my lap.
‘Either Damien gets away with not taking my soul, and I live a perfectly normal-length life, or Clarissa finds out and that’s the end of me. Cheerful, right?’
Archie opened a singular eye, pinning me with an annoyed glare, and offered a meow.
‘Sorry. I’m not exactly in an optimistic mood tonight.’ I yawned, resting my head against the door. ‘I think I just need to sleep. I’ll feel better in the morning, when the sun is shining. Or the moon. Whatever it is here. What do you think Grace is doing right now? Do you think she misses us?’
The knowledge that Grace wouldn’t miss me hit me like a bullet to the chest. She wouldn’t miss me, because she couldn’t. The first tear slipped out before I could stop it, and once they started, I couldn’t stop them.
Before long, I was sobbing, curled up at the foot of my door with Archie in my lap. I cried for the life I didn’t even know I wanted, the life I didn’t know I was capable of losing.
* * *
I must’ve cried myself to sleep, because the next thing I knew, there was a knock inches away from my head. I jolted upright, Archie glaring at me and rushing back to his perch on the bed. Sunlight streamed in through the soft open curtains.
‘Sorry,’ I murmured, rubbing my back as I took inventory. My eyes felt swollen, and my back was stiff in multiple places. Obviously, I was not young enough to be crashing on the floor any more.
Pulling myself to my feet, I stretched, doing my best to work out the knots already settling into place.
Agatha was probably waiting on the other side of the door for me, and I didn’t want to scare her off with my current state.
I was still dressed in my clothes from the night before, but I wasn’t about to make her wait while I changed.
With one last scrub of my hands over my face, I pulled open the door.
The hallway was empty. I stuck my head out the door, looking either way, but neither Agatha nor Damien was in sight. Shit. Probably something else that wanted to kill me.
I stepped back to close the door, and a gleam of silver caught my eye. On the floor just outside my room sat a small, silver speaker, an outdated MP3 player sitting on top.
On top of them sat a note.
I’m sorry.
Damien. With one last look down the hallway, I snatched my prize and hurried back into my room with a smile on my face.
He wasn’t great at apologizing, to be sure, but how many times did the Devil really have to apologize to a human? The fact that he’d heard me, remembered what I said, and had the thought to even give me this was… a lot to process.
My heart felt like it was swelling, beating a bit too fast, and I felt helpless to stop it. I barely knew him, and yet sometimes, it felt like I’d known him forever.
Archie eyed me carefully from the bed while I set up my speaker, scrolling through the music.
It wasn’t quite my taste, but the options were a lot better than they could be.
Somehow, I couldn’t imagine these being Damien’s choice in music, either.
Agatha must have had a hand in this, and the image of Damien skulking back to the kitchen to ask for help after he was such a dick brought me almost as much joy as the speaker did.
I settled on a rock song, letting the music slowly fill the room, absorbing the heavy silence I’d been sitting in since I arrived.
Immediately, my soul felt a little lighter.
I dug through the wardrobe until I found some casual clothes, pulling them on while the song shifted to the next.
Grabbing the book I’d inadvertently stolen from the library, I flopped back on the bed, oddly content.
For the first time in years, I didn’t have responsibilities.
The morning passed peacefully while I read, Archie on my lap, and the speaker filling in the gaps.
I found myself lost in the fictional world in front of me, so much so, I only realized Damien was in the room when he called my name.
With wide eyes, I stuffed the book beneath my pillow, not wanting to get caught with his book of all things.
Archie, upon noticing the open door, rushed out, presumably to find his new best friend.
‘Shit!’
Smirking, Damien watched the cat run off.
I debated if it was worth running after my cat or not. Luna seemed to be as gentle as I’d been told, and Archie was fairly adept at finding his way back to me. Deciding it was a lost cause, I looked up at Damien. ‘What’s up?’
‘Can you turn down this… what do you even call this? I can’t hear myself think.’ He grimaced, waving toward the speaker.
‘Music. I thought you knew what it was.’ I smirked and turned the volume down, trying to ignore just how good he looked leaning in my doorway. Exhausted and utterly beat, absolutely. But still one of the most striking things I’d ever laid my eyes on.
Too bad he was such a jerk.
‘I’m glad you found your gift.’ He shook his head. ‘But this is… not music.’
‘Truth be told, I’m more of an Arctic Monkeys fan myself, but this is what was on the music player and beggars can’t be choosers.’
My gift. So Damien had purposefully given me a gift. I felt slightly bad about thinking he was a jerk. But only slightly.
Damien blinked. ‘Arctic… monkeys? Monkeys don’t live in the Arctic. At least they didn’t last time I checked.’
I rolled my eyes. ‘It’s a band. Thank you for the speaker, though.’
He nodded, although I didn’t miss the way his dark eyes lit up briefly. ‘I…’
I waited, but nothing followed.
Damien ran a hand through his hair. ‘Fuck. I don’t know why I’m so bad at this. I’m sorry. For being so hot and cold.’
‘It’s okay. I doubt you have to be nice to too many people.’ I pulled my knees up to my chest.
‘I don’t. But I want to be nice to you.’ He rested his head against the doorway, staring at me with so much intensity, I wanted to look away. ‘What you said last night got to me. I… I’d like to be your friend. If you’d let me. I probably won’t be very good at it, but I want to try.’
My friend.
I smiled up at him, the knot in my chest loosening the tiniest bit. ‘Luckily for you, perfection isn’t a requirement of friendship.’
‘Thank fuck for that.’ His lips quirked up into an almost smile, and I found myself wanting to kiss the corners of it. Would it make it spread? Would he kiss me back?
‘I still hate you, though. You know. Just for the principle. You did kidnap me, after all.’
‘Fair. Although it’s been a while. Can you be friends with someone if you hate them?’
I nodded, keeping my expression serious. ‘Of course. That’s the most esteemed kind of friendship there is. The frenemy. Where you hate each other, but act like you don’t.’
‘I don’t hate you, though.’ His voice was quiet and raw, and I finally had to look away.
We were quiet for a moment, and I couldn’t bring myself to look back at him, despite the fact I could feel his gaze on me, searing right through me.
Finally, Damien rapped his knuckles on the doorway. ‘Well, I have things to do so I’ll leave you to it. Enjoy your… music.’
I jumped to my feet. ‘Wait. I’ll come with you. I wanted to find Agatha anyway.’
‘Very well.’
As we passed the corner where the Nihil spoke to me, I gave a quick look in their direction.
‘They don’t tend to come out during the day,’ Damien said. ‘Neither do the Remnants.’
‘I wasn’t worried.’ Only kind of concerned.
Damien gave me a look over his shoulder that told me exactly how much he believed me. ‘Is that why you wanted to walk with me? So I could protect you from the Nihil?’
‘No.’ Yes. ‘I thought we were friends. Can’t friends walk together?’
‘You’d know better than me how this frenemy thing works.’
I rolled my eyes. ‘The frenemy thing only works if you both hate each other, and apparently, you only bestow an eternity of damnation on those you care for.’
We’d stopped in the hall just outside his office. Archie came barreling down the hallway, Luna hot on his heels. They whipped around the corner toward the kitchen.
His dark brows nearly hit his hairline. ‘If you want to get technical, the Fringe isn’t damnation, and if I have my say, you won’t experience it for an eternity.’
My heart froze. The joking manner we’d had was gone. When I spoke, my voice was quiet. ‘If it’s not damnation, what is this to you then?’
I could’ve sworn a smile ghosted across his lips, so quick, I might’ve missed it.
‘A chance, Bambi.’
‘I do have a name, you know.’
‘I know. I use it. Bambi just suits you so well.’ Damien smirked.
I rolled my eyes. ‘I think I do just fine for myself, thank you. But I’ll leave you to your jokes now. I’m going to find Agatha.’
‘You won’t miss her in that damn hat she likes so much.’
‘I’ll see you later, Damien.’ I smiled to myself, thinking about Agatha’s hat, a pop of color amongst the doom and gloom. Damien was just missing the big picture.
Before I could barely get a step away, Damien grabbed my arm and yanked me backward. His silver rings pressed into my skin.
‘Do you even look where you’re going? Fuck!’
I glared at him, wrenching my arm out of his grasp. ‘As far as I was aware, I was headed to the garden. Until you so rudely pulled me back.’
Damien scoffed, pointing in front of us. ‘See that?’
Staring at where he pointed, I could see nothing. ‘No. There’s nothing there, Damien.’
‘Look closer.’ He grabbed my jaw, gently pulling me to look in the direction he wanted. ‘Look closely at the air.’
I wanted to look closer. I really did. But all I could think about was Damien’s warm hands on my face, and how nice it would feel to just lean into his touch. Just a little bit. Then I saw it. The flickering of the air, like a television struggling for signal.
‘Oh,’ I whispered. ‘What is that?’
‘It’s an anomaly. We don’t have a word for it, really. A disruption in whatever magic keeps the Fringe in existence.’
‘What would happen if I touched it?’ I couldn’t deny I wanted to touch it, if only out of curiosity. It seemed like the more dangerous things were, the more I was compelled to get closer – Damien included.
‘You’d end up somewhere else. Hopefully.
’ Damien let go of my face, and I missed his touch, however brief.
‘I’ve ended up in the dungeons before, had to get Agatha to release me.
But I’m also part of the Fringe. Connected.
Those who are less so… well. You might end up on Earth.
Maybe in Hell. Maybe somewhere else altogether, where I’d have no hope of finding you and getting you back. ’
‘That… sounds pleasant.’ With a grimace, I pictured getting stuck somewhere even worse than the Fringe, alone. ‘So I’m just supposed to avoid them?’
‘Do your best. You’ve seen one, so any new ones should be easier to see now.
’ Damien’s expression grew dark and serious.
‘Please. Try and not get yourself into any trouble from here to the garden. I’m already behind on paperwork.
I don’t need to go traipsing into Hell today.
Clarissa would only be all too thrilled to see you. ’
I sniffed, giving the weird wavy air a wide berth as I walked away. ‘You can provide me with a list of everything that might hurt me at dinner.’
‘I’ll be sure to do that. Color coordinated and everything.’
I ignored the jab. All the same, I kept a closer eye out on anything strange while I found my way out to the garden. It wasn’t until I was halfway through the door that Damien’s words came back to me. The part about having no hope of finding me and getting me back.
He had to just mean in terms of making his life difficult. Because there was no way those words could mean the same thing to him as they did to mean. That would require Damien to be worried about my wellbeing. To care about me.
And there was no way that was even a possibility.