Chapter 16 #3
‘But it came to collect. I happened to be home visiting when it came. I quickly realized that my mother had been tricked. Her children had been protected in the short term, yes, but what would happen to my brothers and sisters when they were forced to grow up with no support? I wasn’t my mother.
I could only take care of so many myself.
How was I supposed to choose? And how would I live with the guilt of those I hadn’t taken with me? ’
‘So you offered yourself in her place,’ I murmured.
He nodded solemnly. ‘I did. It didn’t even give me a moment to second-guess or change my mind.
The previous devil had done something wrong, something they wanted him to stand trial for, but without another lined up, the Fringe would fall apart.
I was his replacement. My soul has been in stasis since then, and I’ve been here.
’ A quiet exhale of breath. ‘I thought when I offered myself, it would be to a lifetime of servitude. Not an eternity of responsibility.’
I don’t think he was meant to be the Devil.
I realized what Agatha meant now. As hardened as he tried to be, there was something about him that was incompatible with this life.
Even without a soul, he cared. Sadness overwhelmed me as I found myself feeling sorry for a young Damien, who was just trying to do right by his family.
I could only imagine the loss of control he must have felt.
‘The rose bushes are for her. Your mother.’
He nodded once, and it felt like an admission of guilt, a weakness he didn’t care to acknowledge.
‘What you did… was incredibly selfless. Brave, even.’
Damien scoffed. ‘It wasn’t bravery. It was selfishness, when it came down to it, just wrapped up in a pretty package.
If she died, I would’ve had a lot of dependents I wouldn’t have known what to do with and a lot of guilt for those I couldn’t save.
’ Damien pushed the mirror back in my direction.
‘I used this mirror often when I first came. Until it hurt less. Until one day, I looked, and she wasn’t there.
It will help the transition, but you have to trust me. ’
I thought I did. Trust him, I meant. I should’ve been weirded out by what was happening, scared even, but there was no way I could’ve been when far stranger things had happened. I took a breath, took the mirror back from him, and let my thoughts drift to Grace.
The cloudiness in the mirror disappeared, leaving Grace staring back at me once more, golden hair shining like silk.
She laughed. She smiled. She turned, getting something off a shelf, her blue dress – the one that made her eyes look like a robin’s egg – spun out prettily behind her.
She looked happy. Healthy, even. She looked alive.
‘It’s real,’ Damien murmured, answering my unspoken question. ‘She’s real, I mean. The mirror, it’s enchanted to show you between the realms. She’s at school.’
‘School?’ I whispered. I couldn’t stop watching Grace as she twirled and opened books and smiled at someone out of sight. ‘That’s not possible. She had to drop out when she got sick. There’s no money left. She should be working.’
Something in my heart lifted, imagining Grace at school. A sweet dream.
‘I pulled some strings. She was able to start a spring session. As for money, Grace’s lawyer happened to find an additional sum of money your parents left behind. She can do whatever she wants.’
Except I knew there was no money left.
I met his gaze, wide-eyed. ‘Why?’
Damien reached out, touching my wrist, an ache growing where his skin pressed against mine. ‘I told you she’d be taken care of, Stella. I told you that you didn’t need to worry.’
He wasn’t supposed to be the Devil. He’d offered me a piece of himself today, a sliver of the person I doubted many had ever gotten to see.
His brief moment of vulnerability twisted my heart in ways I didn’t want to think too hard about.
Damien was nothing like I ever imagined.
Nothing. Yet, it felt like I’d known him all along.
I couldn’t remember the last time someone had looked out for me.
And he did it as if it were as effortless as breathing.
And so even though I knew I shouldn’t, I grabbed his hand. He watched me, a sea of uncertainty and unspoken words spiraling in his dark gaze.
‘Stella,’ he whispered. A warning.
A summoning.
‘Kiss me.’ My voice cracked, my insecurities pressing down on the words.
He faltered. ‘I… I can’t.’
My heart sank to the pit of my stomach. ‘You’ll protect me. You’ll care for me. You’ll do things for me no one would ever do in a lifetime of asking. But you won’t kiss me.’
‘If I kiss you…’ His voice faded until his eyes darkened and he gripped my wrist. ‘If I kiss you, I’ll never be able to go back.’
I waited, ignoring the way my heart demanded to escape and the way my brain pleaded with me to run away. I waited because something told me Damien was just as tormented as I was.
‘If I kiss you, Stella, I won’t be able to stop. I won’t be able to go back. That’s all there will ever be for me. You are my temptation. My personal Hell. But I won’t let us both burn.’ His eyes blazed with passion and fury and something darker. Toxic. ‘I won’t do that to you.’
Words abandoned me, leaving me in silence. I wasn’t surprised as he turned to leave the room, leaving me with the mirror in my hands and my heart in my stomach. He met my gaze in the mirror, blank once more, a barrier from the emotions threatening to spill out of both of us.
‘You can use the mirror whenever you want. Be careful, though. It’s easy to lose yourself in a dream.’
And with the whisper of his warning tattooing itself into my mind, next to the place where the memory of his hands on my body lay, he left me wondering if I knew anything at all.