Chapter 19
DAMIEN
The blood dripped off my hands, a ceaseless and grim reminder of who I was and who I’d chosen to be.
The same blood dripped from the man strung up to the ceiling of my dining room. When I threw my fist into his side once more, he let out a low keen of pain.
‘I’m surprised at how weak you really are. I expected more of a big tough man, no?’ Another punch, this one directly to his kidneys.
I didn’t normally get my hands messy like this.
My role was fairly straightforward. Weigh the souls.
Collect the souls. Deliver the souls to Hell.
Keep track of the delivery. Listen to Clarissa complain about the Balance.
Of course, nothing was really ever as seamless as that.
Sometimes, there was a delay, and the person in question ended up in my custody for longer than anticipated.
Usually, when this happened, I let them suffer in my dungeon.
Enough things lived down there that it didn’t take long for their sanity to slip.
In fact, it was disturbing how little pressure was truly required to fracture one’s mind.
Other times, I’d feed them to the Nihil. The numbers still added up that way, and they were out of my hair.
But Jack had gotten on the wrong side of me, on the wrong day, leading him here, to my dining room at the mercy of my fear and self-loathing.
‘I swear—’ Jack choked, spitting out a mouthful of blood. ‘I swear I didn’t do whatever it is you think I did. I was set up.’
Fuck, he was annoying. Did he need to run his mouth this much?
‘Set up. I’m sure,’ I purred, thinking back to my tidy ledger, where Jack’s sins were neatly laid out in black ink, weighed up against another. As much as we tried, none of us could outrun the truth in the end.
I swung my arm back, ready to throw my fist right in the middle of his even, white teeth, but I paused.
This was exactly why I was no good for Stella. The fact she thought she wanted me…
Didn’t she see everything was just an act? A poor excuse of decoration to cover up my rotting husk of a self? She didn’t want me. And she’d realize that all too quickly, but by then, it would be too late. I knew myself well enough to know that.
One taste of her lips and she’d be mine.
I growled, angry at myself for even letting it get this far. What had I been thinking?
And after Clarissa’s dinner, there was no way she would trust me again.
‘You disgust me,’ I snarled, letting my fist collide with Jack again.
I couldn’t be certain who I was talking to.
I froze when the door creaked open behind me, clenching my hands. I thought I’d locked it behind me.
‘Yes?’
‘Damien? I, ah— oh.’ Stella’s voice caught.
I knew how the scene in front of her would play out. I knew how it looked. Blood dripping down my hands, a man strung up by his wrists in front of me. A shiver raced down my spine. I didn’t know if I even wanted to look at her.
But I knew I needed to.
Slowly, I spun, curling my hands deeper into themselves as I threw my shoulders back. Fear and shame would get me nowhere with Stella.
She was striking. Easily the most effortlessly beautiful creature I’d ever seen. Her dark hair spilled around her face, loose for once. But it was her expression I was most interested in, for Stella’s gaze hid nothing.
And now, her wide, brown eyes were practically transparent. They held every emotion I expected, calling me out for exactly who I was: monster.
‘What… what are you doing?’
I pretended I couldn’t hear the way her voice trembled.
‘Help me!’ Jack cried out behind me.
I narrowed my eyes. So fucking annoying. ‘Stella, you should leave. I’m busy.’ And very much over Jack’s whining.
‘Busy doing what exactly?’ Stella glared at me, demanding answers we both knew I couldn’t give her.
‘I’m busy. Go find Agatha. Go to your room. I don’t care where you go, just go somewhere. I’ll find you after.’ Please. Leave before you witness this side of me for a moment longer. I’ve done my best to shield you from the realities of who I am.
She huffed. ‘Seriously? You have a man strung up from your ceiling and you’re sending me to bed like a child?’
I sighed, knowing there was no good way this could possibly end.
Another drop of blood trickled down my wrist, warm and sticky.
Part of me wondered what she would say if I stepped away right now, leaving Jack hung up, but left him there for her.
Chose her over this. Over them. Would she still be bothered by what she saw?
I honestly didn’t know the answer to that.
She was angry now, but Stella was unpredictable at best.
‘Stella.’ Jack groaned behind me, but I kept my eyes on the creature in front of me, practically trembling with righteous indignation. As she should.
‘Leave.’
‘I’m not going to leave and let you senselessly torture a man!’ she cried, frustration lacing every syllable. Stella was angrier than I expected her to be about this, and it lit a quiet flame in my stomach, something I’d rather ignore.
But I wasn’t one to back down from a fight, either.
‘Well, the door is right there, Stella,’ I gritted out, my nails biting into the soft flesh of my palm.
She scoffed. ‘You can’t seriously think I’m just going to leave because you said so.’
Jack was annoying, but I wished for some way to make Stella stop talking. ‘I’m the Devil, Stella. This is my job. And again, if you don’t like it, the door is right there. Feel free to use it.’
‘And… what? You expect me to just be okay with this? To sit next to you at dinner tonight and smile, knowing you beat the shit out of this man?’
I leveled her with a heavy glare. I’d wanted to save her. To protect her from the truth. I’d done a terrible job of it so far. ‘This man drugged and assaulted four women in the last six months. So you tell me. Should I just let him go?’
Her mouth closed. Her eyes grew distant.
If I knew anything about her at all, which I hoped I did, she was thinking back to a time we’d both hoped to forget, a memory of me I’d wiped clean from her brain, leaving a quiet unease behind to make sure she didn’t end up in danger again. Not that it helped in the end.
Stella opened her mouth to speak. Closed it. Opened it again. ‘You can’t ask me to make a decision like that.’
Fucking Stella and her bleeding heart. I’d carry the pain of a thousand sins for her, protect her from it all, if she’d just leave me alone to do it.
‘I’m not asking you, Stella. I’m telling you.
Leave.’ I bit out the last word with a growl, a commanding tone I’d never wanted to use with her.
But the longer she lingered, the more hurt I caused her.
From her expression, it hit the wrong mark. Her gaze shuttered softly, tears pooling in those bright brown eyes. No, no, love. Don’t cry for this.
Before I apologize for my tone, or what she’d seen, Stella shook her head and fled from the room, the door slamming shut with a finality behind her. Shit.
Closing my eyes, I turned around to Jack with anger and desperation flooding every cell in my body. I’d scared her off, and there was no way she was coming back now. I couldn’t even blame it on Jack like I so badly wanted to. This was my fault and my fault alone. Jack was just an easy target.
He could tell, too, when he opened his eyes, widening them in fear. ‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry! I’m sorry, fuck, man, you have to listen to me, I swear, I’m sorry!’
I wanted nothing more than to shut him up permanently. I took another step closer, watching him twist against his bindings, trying to swing away from me. He was afraid of me, just like Stella was. Just like everyone was.
As everyone should be.
Close enough now to easily end his life, I watched him squirm. He was pathetic, really. He was a disgusting excuse for a human being, and he deserved to suffer. But he’d done nothing to Stella. I was taking out old hurts.
I couldn’t change who I was. But I could give her a peace offering. If she’d even want to listen to me. I snapped my fingers, the bindings that held Jack to the ceiling falling free, leaving him bound at only his wrists and ankles now.
‘What… what the fuck?’ he squawked.
Inching my face until I was close enough to feel his terrified breath, I couldn’t deny the way I enjoyed him doing his best to roll away from me.
‘Listen to me, you piece of shit. You deserve to suffer. And you will suffer. But I have more important things to do than to listen to you whine. Someone from Hell will be here soon to transport you there.’
‘To… Hell?’
I smiled, injecting it with every ounce of venom I possessed. ‘I hope you have a wonderful afterlife.’ And with a swift kick to the side of his head, Jack blissfully fell unconscious.
* * *
Unfortunately, I couldn’t leave Jack alone in the dining room.
If he woke up before someone from Hell came and started wandering the estate, it could be disastrous.
So I’d transported him to the dungeon, locking him safely away.
By the time I’d dealt with Jack and washed the blood off my skin, the sky outside was dark.
I sighed, stuffing my hands into my pockets as I made my way to Stella’s room.
I had a feeling a simple apology wasn’t going to fix it. Yesterday, she’d wanted to kiss me. Today, I doubted she’d even look at me again.
Agatha’s gray hair caught my eye in the hall. She was already moving dinner toward the dining room, carrying silver domes through the candlelit hall. She saw me before I could speak. ‘D. Is Stella with you? Her room was empty when I went to call her for dinner.’
A slithery tendril of fear started to wind its way around my heart. ‘No… Are you sure she wasn’t there?’
‘Positive. No one but Archie was in there.’
The damn cat. ‘And she wasn’t in the kitchen with you?’
‘No.’ Agatha frowned. ‘Did you do something?’
I narrowed my eyes. ‘Why would you assume something like that?’
‘Because you’re you. But if you’ve hurt her, D…’ She let the words trail off, not needing to finish the sentence. I knew exactly what she’d think of me if I told her what happened.
‘I’ll find her.’
‘You better.’
My office was empty. The garden held no trace of her.
The library was silent. There weren’t that many places she liked to go, and if she wasn’t in her room…
I cast a glance out the window to the rapidly darkening skies, and the dark forest that rimmed the Fringe.
She had to be in her room. Agatha was wrong, and she’d been taking a bath or something.
I stalked toward her room, knowing I only had myself to blame.
She’d run, and it was my fault. It was always going to be me.
I was the monster under the bed. I was the one who’d ripped her from her life.
I fooled myself to think we’d even be friends, let alone something more.
That moment in the library meant nothing.
She’d been confused, excited to see her sister again, and I’d been close by.
She didn’t want me. Today had shown that all too clearly.
Now the house was empty, no sign of Stella. Her absence thrummed through my chest, building fear I wanted to go away. I wasn’t afraid of anything.
Except, apparently, of Stella getting hurt. I shook it off. She had to be in her room. Angry, but safe.
When I swung her door open, her room sat empty with the exception of Archie, glaring at me with a baleful look. Fuck.
‘Yeah, I know. I’m the worst.’ I poked my head into the bathroom, with no luck there either.
I wouldn’t panic. I couldn’t panic. She was fine. Hiding somewhere. I was overthinking it. I turned to leave her room, but stopped myself, giving Archie one last look. ‘I hope you know I care about her. It might not look like it, but I do. I’m doing my best to take care of her.’
He meowed in response, and I didn’t know if that was an acceptance of me or not, but I decided to take it that way. He might have been a beast from Hell in disguise, but he was Stella’s, and for that, I had to try. He darted out the door, sprinting down the hall and I rolled my eyes.
I slammed her door shut behind me, my eyes catching the pulsing shadows in the corner. The Nihil. She’d been curious about them before, but if they’d taken advantage of her… I meant it when I’d said I’d make their life miserable.
‘What did you do to her?’ I yelled, storming closer to the corner.
We did nothing. They shook, trying to sway away from me like Jack had done on his rope.
‘Did she come this way? Did you touch her?’
Who?
‘You know who. Did you lay your shadows on her? Did you touch her?’ They would pay for this. For their disobedience. For hurting Stella. For something.
We’d never disobey you… master.
Their tone left room for debate, but there was also no trace of her in the air. For now, they were telling the truth. As for whatever they were hiding, I’d find out. But at the moment, Stella was missing. I shot another glance out to the forest, and hoped my instinct was wrong.
Somehow, I knew it wasn’t.