Chapter 21
DAMIEN
‘Damien,’ she breathed. ‘How… how are you here? I don’t understand.’
I shook my head, checking her over in the darkness to make sure she was unharmed, attempting to reassure my racing heart that she was intact. ‘The Fringe is mine, Stella. Did you really think I wouldn’t be able to find you?’
‘I didn’t think you’d come.’ Stella’s voice was quiet and sad, shaking from the cold. ‘I couldn’t even blame you if you didn’t. I’m sorry.’
‘You’re sorry?’ I spluttered. ‘I’m sorry you had to see that. I’m sorry I didn’t figure out where you were sooner.’
She shook her head, trying to get to her feet, but her arms were stiff.
‘You’re freezing. Let’s get you home. Come on.’ I shrugged off my coat, wrapping it around her trembling frame. The cold was deep within her bones, and pulling her to her feet was impossible. ‘Fuck. New plan. Wrap your arms around my neck.’
Stella did as I asked, and I swung her up into my arms. I pulled her as close to my chest as I could, telling myself she wasn’t pressing herself into me deeper for any reason other than being cold. The rough wool of my coat scratched against my neck.
‘I didn’t realize I had gone so far. I tried to make my way back and—’
‘Shush. Save your energy. It’s no one’s fault other than mine.
I should’ve known where you were. I shouldn’t have scared you off in the first place.
’ I squeezed her tighter. I’m sorry. ‘The forest is enchanted. Like most other things here. You wouldn’t have been able to get out on your own once you entered.
You’re lucky you weren’t deeper when it grew dark. ’
‘What was that thing?’ she whispered.
‘What thing?’ I looked around the forest, seeing nothing.
‘It was a big stag. Made of bone. Covered in moss and ivy.’ Her voice was soft against my neck. ‘Didn’t you see it?’
I frowned. ‘A Fallow. I haven’t seen one in a long time.’
My blood froze, imagining not getting to her in time. The Fallow were one of the oldest creatures in the Fringe. I didn’t bother them, and they didn’t bother me. Usually. If I’d been even a few minutes later… I couldn’t think about it.
‘Thank you,’ she whispered.
She must’ve fallen asleep in my arms, because she said nothing else. I’ll protect you. I’ll always protect you. Whether you want me to or not.
I moved to carry her inside, but before I could enter the doors, she stopped me with a soft touch on my arm. ‘Don’t take me inside. I don’t want to go in yet.’
‘Stella, you’re freezing. Where do you think I’m going to take you?’ I huffed, holding her tighter to my body.
‘So warm me up. You’re the Devil, after all.’ She squeezed herself closer into my chest, and it cracked something open inside me. ‘Take me to the rose garden. Please.’
I found myself unable to say no to her. So I carried her to the rose garden and sat her on the grass, wrapped up in my coat.
Pulling some of the stones together into a makeshift firepit, I snapped my fingers, bringing the fire alive.
I kept my distance; I was afraid of what I would do if I were any closer.
My restraint had been waning by the minute since I’d brought her here.
She admired the roses, half-asleep, leaning closer to the fire.
When she shivered, I snapped my fingers, sending more warmth in her direction, and she sighed contentedly.
‘What else can you do?’
It took me a moment to realize she was speaking to me. ‘Hm?’
‘You light all the candles on the estate. Smoke appears when you’re angry. What else am I missing?’
I smiled, realizing she’d been keeping track. ‘I can control a lot of things with the smoke you see. Watch.’
I sent a trail of smoke toward her, letting it wrap around Stella’s shoulders like a blanket. She sighed and leaned into it. ‘It smells like you.’
My heart pounded. There was that annoying feeling again. Hope.
‘They’re beautiful, you know? Your roses,’ she whispered.
I nodded, looking at them like I was seeing them for the first time, like I was seeing them through her eyes, in the dim light, beneath the glow of the sun and moon. I looked back at Stella, pale and delicate. ‘They are.’
‘Why don’t they have thorns?’
‘You have a lot of questions for someone who should be resting. But when I planted them, I used my power over the Fringe to make them thornless. My mother loved roses, but always wished they didn’t have thorns.
’ Remembering my mother, bringing a bloom from her beloved roses inside, distracted me enough that the blanket I’d made for Stella disappeared.
She shivered and I frowned. ‘You’re cold. I should take you inside.’
‘I don’t want to go inside.’ Stella struggled to sit up. ‘I’m okay. You don’t need to do all this.’ She looked like she wanted to say something else, but no other words came.
‘Stop. It’s the least I can do. I’m the one that scared you off.
Stay there and let me warm you up.’ Already coatless, I shrugged off my sweater, closing the distance between us to wrap it around her shoulders with my jacket.
It left me in just a shirt, but it’d been ages since I felt the cold. Besides, she needed it more than me.
‘Damien.’ Stella stopped me with a hand on my arm. ‘Damien, this isn’t your fault.’
‘You’re cold and your brain isn’t working properly.
’ I tucked the sweater around her shoulders, pulling it down over her sides doing my best to ignore my instinct to wrap my body around her instead.
‘And you insisted I bring you out here to the garden instead of to your bed where you belong. You should be inside. In the warmth. I can get Agatha to bring you tea, maybe some soup.’
Stella shook her head.
Giving myself one last glance at her face, I peeled myself away from the ground, getting to my feet.
‘Don’t leave.’
‘I wasn’t planning on leaving you out here alone in the dark.’ I looked over her entire body with a shrewd gaze. ‘Are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere?’ My brain ran a million miles a minute, trying to think if I’d missed an injury when I examined her.
Stella shook her head. ‘Will you come sit with me?’
‘I…’ I hesitated. She might be suffering from hypothermia. I should’ve taken her inside, but I struggled to deny her anything. ‘I could run you a bath.’
‘No.’ She patted the grass next to her. ‘Come lay down. Please.’
I gently placed myself on the grass next to her, resting against the fence.
It went against both of my conflicting instincts, but I couldn’t find it in me to say no to her.
I could feel every inch of space between us, reminding me of everything I couldn’t have.
The trellises arched above us, the roses reaching for light, no matter the source.
‘You know, when I had first planted these, I wasn’t sure they’d bloom. Artificial light, different soil. There was a whole bunch of things wrong. I thought for sure they’d wither away. And yet, here they are.’
I shook my head, looking up at the soft blooms, nearly glowing in the dual light.
We fell into a comfortable silence until she turned to face me, curling deeper into my sweater and jacket. Her face flickered in the glow of the fire.
‘Do you like it?’
I looked down at her, pretty brown eyes framed by thick lashes, her freckles more prominent than normal from the evening. ‘Do I like what?’ I liked a lot of things. A lot of things I shouldn’t.
‘Hurting people. The ones who deserve it, I mean.’
Her gaze was so clear and vulnerable. ‘No. I don’t. But sometimes, its… unavoidable.’
‘Why do you do it then?’ she asked.
I sighed. ‘I don’t always have a choice, Stella. It’s expected of me. Violence kind of comes with the title.’
‘But you chose this?’
I closed my eyes quickly, unable to look at her when I answered. ‘Yes. Technically. When you think about it. I could’ve let them take my mother. Stayed mortal. Lived my life, died. At least this way, I had power. Endless power. And time. Immortality offers you a lot of time.’
She was quiet for a moment, and I thought for certain she would call me out on my lie.
Although, I’d said it enough to myself it didn’t feel like a lie on my tongue any longer.
Apparently, if you lie to yourself enough, it eventually becomes the truth.
‘If you let them take my soul, I’d be immortal, too. ’
I opened my eyes, glaring at her. She already knew where this conversation was going to go. ‘Stella.’
‘Why did you sacrifice yourself for your mother?’
I shuffled down on the cool ground so I could prop myself up on my arm. ‘Let me take you inside. I can tuck you into bed. Get you some extra blankets.’
‘Don’t avoid the question.’ She rolled her eyes. Color was already blooming back in her cheeks. She needed sleep, food, and her bed. If I could get her to fall asleep, maybe I could get her back into her bed without protest, and then procure the rest.
She was so beautiful. Too beautiful for me, or the Fringe. I couldn’t give her half of the things she deserved in this life, but I could give her the truth. ‘Because there wasn’t another option.’
Stella lay quietly next to me, so silently, I thought she’d fallen asleep. But when I looked down at her again, she was watching me intently.
‘What’s on your mind?’ I asked.
‘Did you ever think about what you’ll leave behind when the world is nothing but ash and dust?
Do you think you’ll still be standing, roaming the world, alive but alone?
At some point, you’re going to outlive everything worthwhile.
On the other hand, if the universe outlives you, don’t you want to leave something more than your bones behind? ’
I hesitated, her words sinking in deeper than merely flesh. ‘I guess I never considered it from that point of view. I merely accepted forever.’