Chapter 22
DAMIEN
Five Years Ago
I shouldn’t have come. I knew that. Anyone on the outside looking in could’ve told me that. Agatha, who had long figured out what was going on – if not the who or why or how – was all too quick to tell me what a terrible idea it was.
‘You’re pushing your luck, D.’ She clucked her tongue sympathetically, pouring me another cup of tea.
‘Don’t you think I know that? Don’t you think I’ve weighed up every possible outcome, and none of them are good?’
All she could offer was an empathetic gaze. ‘Is she worth losing it all?’
But how did I explain to her that Stella was all? She was everything. She’d never remember me, I’d made sure of it, and yet here I was.
Watching outside her house like a fucking creep. I. Couldn’t. Stop. I was captivated by her every move.
The way she brought her groceries inside in one trip, as if doing it in multiple loads was a failure. The foods she bought, some unknown and some comforting. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her when she brushed her hair, sitting cross-legged on her bed – a rare moment of calm and peace.
Didn’t she know she deserved that every day? I would give it to her, if I could.
Maybe if I weren’t me, and she wasn’t her. Maybe then I could take care of her how she deserved and not just watch her through a window.
Stella sat on the couch now, legs tucked up underneath her. Grace rested her head on her shoulder, while Stella brushed the golden locks away from her face with the gentlest of touches.
I was a haunted man. A man possessed. Because how was I supposed to go all of eternity knowing what her touch felt like, and the way her eyes looked when she asked me to kiss her, and still expect to be whole?
I’d been a devil for too long, alive for far longer and yet I’d never felt this level of torture before. Could one touch satisfy me for a millennium? Knowing how greedy and selfish I could be when it came to her, it was unlikely.
I stuffed my hands into the pocket of my coat.
Agatha was right. This wasn’t fair. But not to me.
It wasn’t fair to Stella. One day, I was going to snap and demand too much and I wasn’t sure I could live with myself after that.
I could live with keeping her at a distance.
Not like I really lived in the first place.
When I truly thought about it, Stella was the first thing to make me feel alive in decades.
I watched her and Grace for another minute. Stella laughed at something on the television, a cartoon of some sort. Joy lit up her face, making her eyes shine. Had she any idea how truly breathtaking she was?
Fuck. I needed to leave before I never left.
One more minute. I could give myself one more minute, imagining I was in there and not on the outside. Of course, I could drag this moment out into a year. I could. But I wouldn’t.
Stella turned her head away from the television, locking eyes with me for a brief moment. It was like the sun turned its glow directly on me, warming me from the inside out. I turned away as quickly as I could before I did something I regretted.
I turned away from the perfect scene in front of me, intending to head back to the path where I could disappear into the Fringe without being noticed.
A man bumped into my shoulder, too busy yapping into a cell phone to notice where he was going. ‘Hey, watch it!’ he snapped.
I rolled my eyes, ready to snap back, but stopped when I realized it was Stella’s landlord. I knew she didn’t think too highly of him. What had she called him the last time he came to the door? A sleazeball.
Better to leave well enough alone.
‘It’s just those damn girls in 2C.’
I cocked my head. 2C was Stella’s apartment. Wanting to hear more, I did my best to look painfully interested in the newspaper rack at the end of the sidewalk. What was wrong with Stella and Grace? They seemed like good renters, as far as humans went.
‘I know. I know. Rent has skyrocketed here. I could be making way more money if they’d just fucking move out.’
On the other end of the phone, his buddy said something that made him roar with laughter. ‘Now, you know I can’t do anything that obvious. If I want them out, I’ll have to be reasonable about it. They’re the last of the rent-protected tenants. After they’re gone— Vegas, baby!’
Was he seriously suggesting figuring out how to get rid of Stella and Grace for more money? He was human – of course he was.
I didn’t need my ledger to weigh up my decision. Rent in the city had increased. Not that I’d really been paying attention. Stella would never be able to afford an increase in rent without taking on another job, and she’d work herself to collapse.
Protecting someone who’d given up everything? Or let someone else destroy their life for the sake of Vegas, baby?
Easy decision.
Not even Agatha could find fault in my reasoning, I was sure. I turned away from the newspapers, keeping a close eye on the landlord as he walked into town, bragging about ruining two young girls’ lives the entire time. Bragging.
I wasn’t a great person. I wasn’t even good. Yet, I’d never experienced a time when I’d made a decision based solely on money. And I’d never weigh Stella against anything.
Luckily for me, the landlord was slow, stopping on the way to town to light a cigarette. The drizzle didn’t help his lighter, and he tried and failed multiple times before cursing. See? Even fate was helping me along.
I forced myself to plaster the fakest smile on my face. ‘Hey, man, let me help you with that.’ I reached into my pocket, materializing a lighter.
Stella’s landlord spun to face me, a grateful look on his pasty face. ‘You’re a lifesaver, man. These damn things never work when you need them to.’
‘Don’t I know it.’
I held out my hand, he reached for the lighter, and the moment his skin brushed against mine, I snapped my fingers. When I opened my eyes, we were back in my study.
‘What the fuck?’ The landlord spun around, cigarette forgotten, now leaving a mark on my carpet. ‘Where am I? What the fuck did you do?’
‘I’ll give you one guess.’ I smiled, a true one this time. ‘And it’s not Vegas, baby.’
‘Is this some kind of joke? Did Sam put you up to this? I swear to God, I’ll have his fucking ass.
’ He was still spinning, trying to make sense of what had just transpired.
They all did. They were all fucking idiots, and not one, not one single person, could work out where they were before I told them.
‘You’re in Hell,’ I intoned, tired of the spiel already. ‘Your soul will be taken from you now, and held in stasis while you work wherever you are placed for the rest of eternity.’
‘Hell?’
I knew what came next. It always came next. I leaned against my desk, waiting.
‘I don’t belong here, man. I don’t belong in Hell.
I never did anything wrong.’ Tears were bubbling behind his eyes.
Even the toughest ones cried. Funny, that.
‘I swear. Anything I’ve done, everyone else has done, too.
Sure, I’ve stolen. Maybe had too much fun with that girl back in college, but she said yes, I swear she did. ’
I rolled my eyes. Not guilty, but a track record a mile long. He hadn’t even gotten to the reason I’d pulled him here yet.
‘I was just trying to get through life, I swear!’ he begged, full-on sobbing now. ‘Please, don’t do this.’
I sighed. ‘Does the name Stella Whittier mean anything to you?’
‘Stella – oh, that bitch in 2C? Man, if that’s all you want, you can have her. I’ve never touched her. She and her sister are stuck-up brats; they’re all yours. I can get you a set of her keys, whatever, man.’ His eyes widened, and he held his hands out to me in offering.
‘Are you… are you really offering me your tenant, just like that?’ I blinked. Did he really think I would be pleased to hear him handing over Stella like a piece of meat?
‘Isn’t that what you want? I’ve done it before with my other tenants. Made a little extra cash on the side, no one was ever the wiser, and everyone got what they wanted.’
I held up my hand, sick of his babbling. ‘Are you telling me in that entire spiel you gave me of your supposed sins, you didn’t think that selling access to your tenants was something to mention?’
‘I gave them a cut of it!’ he pleaded.
I couldn’t believe this fucker. I took a deep breath, clenching my hands into fists. ‘I brought you here because you were going to raise the rent on Stella and her sister. Good tenants, no? And you offered her to me like she was nothing but a fucking cash transaction to you.’
‘I thought that was what you wanted!’ His voice cracked.
I was over this asshole. I couldn’t believe this.
Reaching for his soul, I held it in my grasp.
He screamed, and I huffed. ‘Let’s get one thing straight here, little man.
I will never pay for access to Stella. She is the best thing on your fucked-up planet, the best thing to ever happen to it, and if she were to grant me even a moment of her time, it would be because she fucking chose to. Not because I paid some jackass.’
He was still pleading, even as I removed his soul from his body with a roar.
Fucking jackass. Stella was better off without him.
I’d go back to the human realm and make sure things were in place for someone to take over the apartment complex who cared.
Someone Stella could be safe with, even when I wasn’t able to watch.
I left his body for the Nihil. Not that they deserved it.
But he did. Dragging my feet, I slumped into a chair in the kitchen.
I couldn’t believe I hadn’t realized how dangerous of a situation I’d left Stella and Grace in.
What if I hadn’t been there today, and he’d sold off her apartment keys to someone else?
I hadn’t even realized that might be a concern.
I needed to reevaluate my safety plan for her.
Step one was a background check on any potential landlords and fellow tenants. I wasn’t taking any chances.
Was this what it felt like to care about someone? To constantly be worried if they’d be okay, so much so, you lost sleep? Humans really had the short end of the stick if that was the case.
‘Fuck,’ I muttered.
A steaming mug slid down the countertop to me, and I looked up to see Agatha’s soft smile. ‘Guess she’s worth it then.’
I nodded to myself, trying to fit all of my feelings into words, and finally settling on, ‘Yeah. Yeah, she’s worth it all.’