19. Shibari Shadows
Shibari Shadows
Seth
Idrag a hand over my face and sigh as my knee bounces again.
When I woke up and Ryn was missing, my mind immediately went to the worst-case scenario—especially considering when I disappeared the other night, I came home on probation.
Maybe she just went to work and expected me to leave when I woke up?
But then, why wouldn't she have messaged me back by now? I mean, it's been hours. At this point I’m too wired to leave without knowing she’s okay.
I try to check in on her through the necklace again, but it’s no use…
she must have taken it off. My hands bunch up into fists, and my chest buzzes with anxiety.
Wisps of shadow swirl around my legs, whipping in the air to match my agitation.
I jump to my feet and start pacing, refreshing my notifications to make sure I didn’t miss a call or message.
Just as I hover my finger over the call button, I hear a key in the lock and spin around on my heels.
Ryn walks through the door and gives me one of those little forced smiles you give strangers on the street when you don’t actually want to talk to them, and I narrow my eyes.
I’ve been trying really fucking hard to stay calm and not make assumptions, because it would be inconceivable to think she went to the Unseelie Court alone after finding out about the shadow dust and all its connotations.
After lecturing me about not doing anything stupid and needlessly putting myself in jeopardy, she wouldn’t.
Except her mannerisms are screaming that she absolutely fucking did.
“Don’t look at me like that!” Ryn snaps and huffs as she busies herself in the kitchen, opening cabinets and slamming them until she finds her favorite mug.
I roll my neck and take a deep breath, “Like what, Ryn?” There, that sounded non-accusatory. Mostly.
“Like you’re pissed that I didn’t get your permission to leave the house after curfew.” Her eyes narrow as she loads a pod into her coffee maker and presses brew. “I’m fine.”
Hurt lances through my chest, but I keep my face blank. “That’s not fair, and I think you know it. People could be after you, baby. You disappeared without a word or any way to check in.”
She snorts. “So you’re pissed I took off your stalker necklace and didn’t text you? You disappeared with no word recently, too, if you’ve somehow already forgotten!”
My brow ridges furrow, and I choke down an affronted growl of frustration.
I can only use the necklace if her magic allows the connection, and she knows it.
I would never violate her the way she's insinuating.
I can understand being upset, but the cheap shots sting a little. “I was worried about you!”
“Don’t be. I’m not some fragile thing—I’m not your responsibility!” Her voice is firm, and I’m taken aback at the vehemence in it. What the fuck does that mean?
I hesitate, not really sure I want to voice this next part in case she suddenly refutes it, but needing to anyway. “You’re my girlfriend.” I fucking hate how vulnerable and whiny I sound.
Ryn carefully takes her cup of coffee and leans against the counter. She doesn’t look at me, and I feel my heart crack a little.
“Yes, I am.” Her voice is low and firm, but her words are like a balm. “And I won’t have you sneaking around behind my back, planning harebrained schemes with your friends that will get you thrown in fucking jail, all for some chivalrous notion that isn’t even necessary.”
I can feel the magic under my skin gather and swirl on my cheeks indicative of a blush, and I glare at the floor in front of me. “So you put yourself in danger instead and leave me here to feel fucking useless?”
Her mug clinks against the counter, and she eats up the distance between us in a few quick strides. Her fingers bunch up the fabric of my shirt in her hand as she tugs me toward her, “You want to be useful?”
I meet her eyes and raise a brow ridge, “Is that a trick question?”
Emotions flash across her face too fast to read before she hardens her gaze and closes the small bit of distance between us, claiming my lips with hers. I blink and open my mouth to ask her what the hell is happening, but she shoves her tongue inside before I can form a word.
Her hands slide down my chest toward my pants, and I tense, because something is very clearly not okay.
I pull back as far as she’ll allow and grab her hands, pulling them away from my pants, which are now undone and hanging off my hips.
Ryn glances at me briefly, then leans in to kiss my neck, and I huff.
“Ryn, what’s going on? Are you alright?”
Her shoulders shake, and I rub my hands tentatively up and down the outside of her arms, trying to comfort her.
She lets out a snort, and I frown—she’s not crying…
she’s laughing? Ryn takes a step back and finally looks at me, but her eyes are hard and cold, devoid of all their usual warmth. My gut clenches nervously, and I wait.
“What’s going on? You want to know what’s going on?
Let’s see, shall we? I have a fucking insane sister who is hell-bent on burning the world to the ground, and I’m being manipulated by the gods-damn Unseelie prince.
Someone in his already treacherous court has turned coat and aligned with my crazy sister—and now we have to worry there’s someone out there worse than Saskia and Darro.
” Her chest is rising and falling rapidly as she plows on, “And if that’s not enough, you came in here and fucked me all up! ”
I blink, trying to process that last part, but failing to comprehend. “I…what?”
“YOU! You’ve ruined me! It’s bad enough that it’s the best sex I’ve ever had, but you had to go further than that and make me need you!
I don’t want to need anyone. Especially not a psychopomp with too much loyalty and not enough brains!
Did you even think about how it would feel to watch you get arrested and taken away from me? Do you take anything seriously?”
My orbs spin with the weight of my emotions, and I try to take in a slow breath around the ache in my chest. I step back reflexively and swallow, trying to give myself some space to respond without making anything worse.
Ryn’s eyes are glassy, and her nose is bright red, betraying the emotion she’s trying to hold back.
“I’m sorry, Ryn. I don’t—I don't have a lot of experience with relationships. And I’ve never felt like this before, ever.
I promise—if there’s one thing you believe, let it be that I am deathly serious about you.
” My arms involuntarily wrap around my midsection to keep from reaching out for her, and I choke back a groan as tears escape the pools of her eyes.
I don’t know what else to say, and I’m fucking cut open and anxious about the direction this conversation is going.
Ryn doesn’t say anything—just stares and blinks away tears.
She shifts on her feet and rubs a hand against her chest, as if soothing her own aching heart.
“I-I realized—” She shakes her head and tries again, “Something Darro said set me off, and I was going to run from this. Self-sabotage and run. So that’s what this is. That’s what’s wrong.”
I don’t really know what my face was doing before, but I feel it fall.
Devastation blankets every cell of my body, and I can’t hold back a strangled whine.
My fingers dig into my stomach, and I rock on my heels, “Oh. So…” I can feel my orbs waver with the weight of un-spilled ethereal tears, and I tilt my head up to avoid shedding them.
Small, hesitant hands slide in between my arms on either side of my stomach as Ryn leans into me. Instantly, I pull her against my chest and bury my face in her hair, filling my lungs with her warm vanilla chai scent.
“I can’t.” Her voice cracks with guilt, and I shudder, nodding into her hair.
I don’t want to pressure her, but this fucking sucks. I’m pretty sure my heart just shriveled up and died.
Her fingertips skate down my stomach again, and she pauses for only a moment before dipping them under the band of my briefs.
My stomach swoops, and I inhale quickly, tensing as she wraps a hand around my quickly hardening length.
I have no idea how my dick can get hard while my head and heart are barely fucking holding on.
Ryn strokes me, squeezing my knot swells just the way I like, and I groan against the conflicting feelings of bliss and heartache.
“Ryn, I don’t think—” Her free hand shoots up and clamps down over my mouth, cutting me off. My orbs flare as I look at her searchingly, halting when I notice the desperation shining in her watery eyes.
Godsdamnit. This is going to hurt like a bitch later.
She was right—I am a loyal idiot with not enough brains, because I know logically I should show some crumb of self-preservation and shut this down, but I can’t.
Not when she’s looking at me like I’m the air she needs to breathe. Not when this could be the last—fuck!
My heart rate spikes with anxiety, and I decide to take my usual course of action and embrace recklessness.
Future Seth can deal with the repercussions of current Seth’s delusion.
I grab Ryn by the back of her neck and pull her to me, crushing my lips to hers and swallowing her moan.
The brine of her tears mingles with the tingle of magic on my tongue, and I realize belatedly that I must be crying too.
I pull back quickly and let out a guttural sound at the sight of Ryn—eye makeup smeared down her tear-stained cheeks and lips swollen with kisses.
Sweet death, she looks fucking beautiful.
I force myself to concentrate long enough to lift a hand up to my face, intent on wiping away my tears, but Ryn catches my fingers in hers.
“Leave it.” She’s breathless, and I blink at her in confusion, because surely if she knows what they can do, she’d want me to—