12. Paris
Paris
I groan, pressing myself deeper into the soft, warmth surrounding me, the smell of something indescribable filling my nostrils. I haven’t slept this good in a long time. I sink deeper into the warmth, letting it comfort me and bring me peace, I haven’t felt in months.
“You need to stop moving.”
His deep voice, like warm honey, blankets my entire body, and I fall still. Every nerve ending in my body tingles. His lips, warm and teasing, brush the back of my neck, sending a shiver down my spine.
“Logan?”
“Yeah.”
“What are you doing?”
“Trying to sleep,” he mumbles, his warm, wet breath skims my skin. “But you keep talking and moving.”
He doesn’t remove his arm from around my waist. He doesn’t remove his lips from against the back of my neck, and he doesn’t remove his dick from the crack of my ass. He seems content being wrapped around my body and my body seems just as content to have him draped around me.
Why doesn’t he repulse me like most men?
Lately when it comes to Logan, I’m confused about a lot of things. Right now, I don’t understand why he’s in bed with me. I’m not complaining, which in itself doesn’t make much sense either.
“I mean, what are you doing in the bed with me?” I ask. “Did… did we sleep together?”
Oh god, did we have sex!
“Obviously we slept together, Paris,” he says with a hint of laughter carrying in his voice. “You have your ass pressed against my hard dick.”
He emphasizes his words by pressing his erection firmly against my ass again.
“Logan,” I groan, embarrassment filling me as my face heats up.
He chuckles. “You mean did we fuck?”
I roll my eyes even though he can’t see me. “Yes, Logan. Did we sleep together?”
“You can say it,” he says, his deep chuckle reverberating against my back as it gets louder. “You’re a grown ass woman, Paris. Say it.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really. Ask me did I fuck your pussy?”
Dear Lord!
“ Did we have sex?” I ask as my entire face heats up.
“That’s not what I asked you to say, Paris. Repeat after me. Did you fuck my pussy, Logan?”
“Oh my God, Logan! Can you just answer the damn question?”
After a few seconds when he doesn’t answer, I know I won’t get the answer I need if I don’t ask it in the way he wants me to.
“Did you fuck my pussy?” I ask, and the groan he releases settles right between my legs.
“Unfortunately, no,” he mutters.
“Unfortunately?”
“I’m not going to lie to you, Paris. Of course, I want to fuck you. I want to slide my dick inside the warmth of your wet cunt. I can only imagine how tight and slick you are. Just thinking about it is making me harder than I already am.”
I cleared my throat. “Ex… excuse me?” I look over my shoulder. “Are you serious?”
I’ve had men tell me how much they want to fuck me before, but coming from Logan, it hits me a little different. I’m not shy, but his directness makes my cheeks burn like a schoolgirl with a crush.
“But this wasn’t about sex,” he continues, ignoring my question with his eyes still closed.
“Then what is this about if not sex?”
“So, you don’t remember last night?”
“Last night is a little groggy. Too many glasses of wine.”
He chuckles. “I tried to warn you. Anyway, you wanted me to sleep with you because of your nightmares, not because you want to fuck me, and not because I want to fuck you. I just fell asleep too.”
I relax, trying to ignore his erection perfectly laying against the crack of my ass while resisting the urge to move against him.
“I want to sleep with you, huh?” I ask, my voice is a little huskier than intended. “You think highly of yourself, don’t you?”
“Of course you want to fuck me, Paris. I see the way you look at me when you think I’m not looking.”
“That’s not true.”
He laughs. “It is true. I also see the way you pull that plump lip between your teeth when your thoughts move to me being inside you. But trust me sweetheart, if I had fucked you last night, you would definitely remember. That tight cunt of yours would be sore this morning. And you would be begging me to kiss and lick my cum from your swollen folds, just to make it feel all better.”
Jesus Christ.
“Do you talk like this all the time?” I ask, wiggling my hips against his
hardened length. It’s hard to be still with butterflies erupting inside my stomach at his words.
“What do you mean? Do I tell the truth all the time?”
“Yes. Are you always so frank?”
“I have no reason to lie to you or sugarcoat shit for anyone. And I don’t want any misunderstandings between us. I would love to have fucked you last night, and that’s the truth.”
His fingers flex against my hips like he’s forcing them not to move against my skin. But I don’t want him to stop. I haven’t felt genuine desire in so long. I just want to not feel so numb anymore. I want everything that Nikita has done to me wiped away.
“Stop wiggling.”
“Logan…”
“Before you even ask…we can’t,” he says before I can get anymore words out of my mouth.
It’s not shocking he already knew what I was going to say before I even said it.
“Why? Is it because of her?”
“She’s something I’m not going to discuss with you or with anyone.” His voice, tight with agitation, trembles slightly as he speaks. “So, drop it.”
“I’m not trying to pry into your life, Logan. I’m just trying to understand what the problem is. I can tell you want me.”
“I haven’t denied that.”
“Okay. And I want you, too.”
“I know.”
“Jerk,” I mumble causing him to laugh. “Then what’s the problem?”
“You’ve been through a lot, Paris.”
“I have, but I’m not looking for a relationship, okay? I want to feel again. I want to take back a part of me that he stole. And I trust you. You’re the only person I trust to give that part back to me.”
“You shouldn’t trust me.” He sighs. “I’m not the knight in shining armor, Paris. I’m not some fucking prince charming who’s here to make you my princess. It’s better off that you realize that now.”
I keep my back to him. I don’t need him to see how weak I really am.
I don’t need him to see how much Nikita took from me.
I want to feel like myself again. I want to feel what it’s like to be desired and not to be fucked because the need to control everything.
Or have my body be taken against my will. I want to take my control back.
“I know,” I whisper.
I do know I shouldn’t trust someone like Logan.
Although I don’t know him at all really, I know the men who run in the same circles as Nikita can’t be any good.
Yet it’s not going to change the decision I’ve made.
There’s just something about Logan that draws me to him.
He makes me feel comfortable and wanted.
And most of all he makes me feel safe. I need to experience this moment with him and nobody else.
“I want this piece of myself back and I think you can give it to me.”
He stays silent and my hope continues to fade the longer he doesn’t speak.
Maybe I got the signs wrong. Regardless of what he said, maybe he doesn’t really want me.
Maybe he thinks I’m not good enough because of what I let Nikita do to me even though it was out of survival and not because I wanted to.
Continuing to fight off his unwanted attention was just too dangerous for me to endure.
It would have led to my death. And for some reason, despite what Nikita put me through, I wanted to live or die fighting.
Shame fills me. It’s something I can’t change even though I want to. It’s who I am now.
My heart sinks to my feet.
He’s disgusted with me.
“It’s fine,” I say after he says nothing for a long time. “I understand if you don’t want me because of what I had to do with Nikita. I wouldn’t want someone like me either.”
“Paris, look at me.”
I don’t. I try to remove myself from his embrace, but he holds on tighter. I sigh. “Logan… I said it’s fine. I get it.”
“Look. At. Me.”
Even though the command goes straight to my core, huffing, I push down the attraction and turn over to face him. He brushes the hair away from my face, then grabs my hand, and places it on his cock. I gasp. I know he’s hard but isn’t every man when they wake up? Or is this all for me?
“This is what you do to me, Paris.” He moves my hand back and forth over his bulge. “I’ve been fucking jacking off to the image of you since the first night you slept in my house.”
“Logan.”
He feels so good in my hands. I want to pull his dick from his shorts. Feel the weight of it in my hands, the softness of it against my skin. I want to see his reaction to the touch of my hands. The sounds he’ll make when he’s inside my mouth.
I want it all.
I couldn’t stand when Nikita touched me, and I hated it even more when he wanted me to touch him or when he forced me to whisper words of love and gratitude, as he invaded my body. Nothing was ever real.
This can be real.
“So don’t ever fucking say I don’t want you.” He’s pissed. I don’t believe that he can ever want me. “I’ve been trying to control myself around you every fucking day. I’m trying to be the good guy. Save you from yourself. Save you from me.”
I squeeze his cock, and a groan slips from between his lips, his eyes fluttering shut. His mouth is so sexy, like sin. I want to lick his lips just to get a small taste.
Leaning closer, the warmth of his skin against mine sends a tremble through my entire body. I run my tongue slowly over his lips. His body tenses, muscles coiling like springs, before slowly loosening.
“I don’t need you to be the good guy, Logan.
” My lips brush against his again as I speak.
It feels like I’m begging now, but I’m not ashamed.
“Not right now. I don’t need you to save me.
Not right now. What I do need is for you to make me come.
Exchange the terrible memories for some good ones.
I don’t feel like I’m disgusting when I’m with you. I feel sexy. I feel normal.”
He opens his eyes and the raw intensity when he looks at me almost causes my heart to stop beating. It’s an intense storm of emotions swirling in the depths of his gaze. It’s like he’s staring into my soul. I hope he can see that not only am I’m ready for this, but I also need this from him.
“You don’t need me so you can feel like you’re all those things because you already are.”
“But I don’t feel that way, Logan. Nikita took all that from me.”
Even though he says the words, I haven’t felt sexy or normal until Logan. That’s why I believe he can help me get rid of the memories of Nikita’s touch. If just for a little while. At least until I have to deal with the consequences of trying to kill him.
He sighs. “If we do this, we start slow, Paris.”
I’m nodding before he can even finish his sentence. I’m so excited. I just want to feel like myself again. Like a woman desired, not a woman forced to experience hell.
“No dick this time.”
And it’s like another gut punch. “I’m clean if that’s what you’re worried about. He made me get tested and I’m on the shot.”
“I’m clean, too. But I’m not worried about that. You need to go into this slowly.”
I groan, and start to protest, but my words are lost when his lips touch mine. I expect something totally different. Logan isn’t a gentle man. I can tell by the way he carries himself. He’s rough, gruff, and the villain of any story. But what he’s giving me is the complete opposite.
I like it. I like it a lot.
When he pulls away, his lust-filled eyes are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. They’ve darkened from their intense, blue and are now as black as night.
“You have to be okay with that or this ends now.”
“Is this for my benefit or yours?”
No matter how much I want to protest there’s no way I’ll let this end. This is my chance to be with a man I actually want. One who desires me and doesn’t want to control me.
“Both.”
His honesty is refreshing. Whoever the lady is that broke his heart did a number on him. It’s none of my business what they shared, but hopefully in time he’ll be able to move on from that relationship so he doesn’t miss out on his future with someone he loves.
“I’m okay with that.”
At this point, I’ll agree with his condition if I can feel normal again.
“Lay on your back.”
I don’t waste any time doing what he says. My dark nipples poke through the thin white fabric of my tank top, and my panties are already soaked from being cuddled against him.
When he settles between my open legs, I gaze at the man who’s getting ready to give me back my freedom in ways he cannot even imagine.
I don’t know where my life will end up, but at this moment, I’m glad I’m here with him. While he might be the villain to someone else, he’s the hero to me. This one moment is going to change my life forever. I can feel it.