Chapter 15 #2
I shook my head and realized that I was trembling.
I couldn’t stop trembling. “Tralcon offered me a deal: David’s life for my soul.
I took it, but I wrote the contract. I was an idiot, but I thought I was so clever.
I didn’t want to live without David. No, I couldn’t live without him, even though I knew what I was giving up.
I was lost in love with him, as blinding as it was absolute.
David was miraculously restored to health, and for a month everything was so perfect. ”
I grabbed his hand, squeezing it too tight while he stared back at me, eyes full of sorrow.
“Tralcon didn’t want my soul for a lifetime.
He was playing a much longer game. He planned everything so carefully, me coming home to find David in bed with someone else, then when I ran, he sent the vampire to corner me, take me into the cellar, and kill me, then raise me, with my broken heart aching the entire time.
It never stopped hurting, not until years later when it finally went numb. ”
I leaned my head against his chest. I couldn’t do this with my eyes open, looking at him.
“Tralcon had my soul, but the deal was that I'd get it back when David died. He didn’t want to waste his energy keeping a human alive, so the loophole in the contract was that if David died by my hand, I'd belong to the demon forever. As a freshly risen vampire, my heart still hurt, betrayed by the one I’d given my soul to save.
And the bloodlust ate at every other part of me.
“They threw him in with me where I was trapped in that cellar, the love of my life smelling of another female. I wanted to rip him apart. I wanted him to suffer and hurt and die, but I also wanted him to be happy, to find a good life with someone else now that I was lost forever. I loved him, even in death. I loved him so completely. I left him alive. I suppose it’s a good thing I was so stupid about love, because otherwise, Tralcon would have had my soul forever. ”
I blinked tears out of my eyes, tears that vampires weren’t supposed to have. I’d never talked about this with anyone before. It was killing me. But I could die again, to save an angel who didn’t understand how destructive love could be.
I sat up and crossed my arms to hide the trembling, and hoping my tears were a hallucination.
“You love like an angel,” he said softly, carefully, like he could see how close I was to breaking.
But I’d already been broken a long time ago.
I smiled at him sadly. “And that’s why I won’t ever love again.
I drank your feelings, so I know that you’re growing in attachment to me, most likely because of the blood bindings.
You can’t love me, or it will ruin you. Be smarter than I was.
David never loved me, not truly, and I can’t ever love you. ”
He sneered at me. “You’re comparing yourself to a selfish, weak, cruel betrayer of your trust?”
I blinked at him, confused by his anger. “I’m telling you that I won’t ever love again. You need to protect your heart.”
“Loving him was the only thing that saved you.”
“After it destroyed me! You don’t understand what it’s like to have your soul devoured by a demon every day for a hundred years. He couldn’t touch me, but he forced me to drink from him, to feed on his emotions and evil. I’m stronger, faster, more clever, and so well-trained. To kill people.”
“And that’s why you didn’t kill a single one of your attackers.”
I scowled at him. “That was the deal.”
“And you always keep your bargains. Not because you’re a demon, but because you’re honest, and reliable, and loyal, and kind, and—”
I stopped the words the only way I could, pressing my mouth to his in a kiss that started hard, but then turned into a sweltering fire that burned my insides and made my blood sing in my veins.
His blood. My blood. Our blood. Our life.
Forever. It felt like a vow, that kiss, the kind that ended in a century of misery or an eternity of happiness.
I broke the kiss, sliding out of the bed, realizing that the blood wasn’t on my skin. He’d washed the blood from my hands, but he couldn’t wash it from my soul.
“You need to stop,” I whispered, hands clenched into fists, body and soul battling for who could be the most anguished.
He stood up, ran a hand through his hair, and then nodded. “All right. I’ve stopped.”
I stared at him. “You’ve stopped loving me?”
He nodded. “I promise that you'll be free. No one's ever going to chain your soul again, not by love, not by anything. I swear it."
I felt his softly spoken words like a dagger to my heart. My poor, stupid, freshly stabbed heart. I did not need more wounds that took too long to heal.
“I don’t believe you.” Or did I? Men could stop loving you so easily. They said that angels loved forever, but…
He walked close and gently took my shoulders in his strong hands. “My feelings are my business, not yours. We’re here on a mission. We’re going to find the ones who attacked you, and trace them to the demon.”
He was still holding my shoulders. I stepped back and bumped into the bed. “The cupid asked me if I could take half a dozen mercenaries. It seems strange that I was attacked by exactly twice that the next day.”
His jaw hardened. “I’m going to kill him.”
I cocked my head and then shook it, passing him towards the small fridge. “No, you’re going to redeem him. That’s what angels do.”
“So, you’re going to kill him?”
“Only if your life is at risk.”
He grunted. “If your life’s at risk.”
“I have no life. Just a ferret and…” I pulled out the box and turned towards him. I’d told him he couldn’t love me, so how could I give him the cake? “For our cover,” I said slowly.
His eyes glimmered as he took two steps and was right there, within reach.
“Of course. We can take it downstairs and you can give it to me in front of everyone. I can tell you that you’re too precious and should have forgotten about the cake and saved your life instead.
Then everyone can agree with me, and we can all eat the cake. ”
“Oh. You want to give the cake I made to everyone?”
“I want,” he murmured, moving close enough in spite of the cake between us his nose brushed mine.
“To find a demon and destroy him forever. And I want you with me when we do it. No one knows how to destroy a demon like you.” He gave me a slight smile, tugged the cake out of my hands and opened the box.
We both looked in at the golden, fluffy cake that had been so difficult to make, but something was wrong.
“What happened to it?” I asked, peering inside the box at the flat, lopsided thing.
“What kind of cake is it?” he asked, frowning down at it with me.
“Angel food cake.”
“Ah. It looks perfect.”
I scowled at him and went to pull the box out of his hands. All of that effort to protect it, but it had still gotten ruined. It must have collapsed when I swung around to keep it out of their reach. Kesti had warned me about that.
He turned, blocking me with his shoulder, and then picked out a huge chunk with his fingers and ate it.
I froze while he ate, feeling so strange, all raw nerves and bated breath as he chewed the cake I’d made with my own two hands.
He swallowed and then nodded. “This is the best angel food cake I’ve ever had.” He then took another chunk with his fingers and ate it without chewing.
“It’s terrible,” I said, frowning at him.
He took another chunk. “Terribly perfect.” He ate it and gave me a closed-mouth smile that made my elbows tingle. Then he took a chunk and placed it against my lips.
I smelled his skin and opened my mouth automatically, before I realized what he was doing. The taste of sugar and angel melted on my tongue in a dazzling swirl of delightful pleasure that had me stumbling away from him.
“I don’t eat cake,” I said, as cold as I could while my throat felt choked and my mouth wanted more of him.
He cocked his head as he studied me. “Then what can I make you for your birthday?”
“I don’t have a birthday.”
“Then I’ll pick a date at random to celebrate your existence.”
I made a face at him and edged towards the door. “You said that you’d stopped.”
“For the cover. Your apparent devotion must be at least matched by mine. We wouldn’t want a soulless undead monster to be more demonstrably constant and caring, loyal and giving than the angel.”
I rolled my eyes and started for the door, but he was right.
I stopped and turned to say, “Actually, after I get glasses, you can get me books. Then you’ll have gotten me books and the ability to read them.
That’s far better than a sugary treat without any substance. Never fear. The angel will always win.”