Chapter 9
9
Toorin
“Toft wants to do what?” By the expression on Bodie’s face, he thought my near drowning when I’d dived in after Toft had addled my brain and made me more gullible than the outliers down at the pier who hadn’t seen any form of civilization for years.
“You’ve got to be bloody joking,” Darwin said, his smile falling when I shook my head.
The five of us had packed ourselves into a galley better made to hold four, and the combined heat from our bodies and the oil lanterns made sweat start running down my back.
One of the lanterns burned bright from a hook in the middle of the ceiling. After a lifetime of living with them, I’d almost become immune to the wet wool smell.
Bodie sat on my right, and Juniper sat across from us, wedged between Lyric and Darwin. I did not envy her.
“It’s a ploy,” Juniper said. “No man would give up a perfectly good heart without a blade at his throat.”
“Except it’s my heart.”
“Juniper’s right,” Bodie said. “Toft can’t be trusted.”
She smiled up at Bodie, sitting straighter.
“You have no choice but to trust me.”
All heads turned to the open galley door where Toft stood—or rather slumped—against the bulkhead.
Darwin harrumphed. Juniper eyed Toft with her usual suspicion, and for some inexplicable reason, I jumped up and kicked the three-legged stool we kept under the galley table across the floor. It knocked into the cabinet beneath the sink, and I took hold of Toft’s arm and helped him sit on it before he fell.
I told myself it was because I wanted to protect my heart—since I did want it back—and had nothing to do with wanting to touch him again. With wondering if that spark, when our hands clasped and our eyes met, had been real or imagined.
I’d touched many men in primal, arousing, erotic ways and never had a charge run through me that made my heart race—even if it was mechanical.
Toft settled on the stool and leaned against the cabinets for support. He started coughing so hard that Lyric grabbed a bucket and shoved it between his feet in case he vomited. No one wanted vomit on a galley floor.
When Toft finally caught his breath, sweat dripped down his face. I poured bay water from a jug used for cleaning onto a rag, knelt in front of him, and mopped his brow. His eyes drifted closed. Sweat-dampened hair lay plastered against his forehead, and I brushed it away. “All right?”
He struggled to open his eyes. I knew he had to be exhausted, but I needed my crew to see that I hadn’t been dipping into the moonshine. That what I’d told them was the truth.
“I’m good. Thanks.” His eyes focused and locked on mine. The intimate, appreciative smile that came to his lips made my heart whir.
Bodie cleared his throat, and I looked over my shoulder to find four pairs of eyes staring at me as if they’d never seen compassion before. I handed Toft the cool rag and stood. I leaned back against the cabinet beside Toft. It wasn’t lost on me that Toft and I were on one side of the galley like we were already a team while everyone else sat on the other, their skepticism growing faster than barnacles on a hull in the full heat of summer.
“How do we know he’s not saying that until he finds a way to escape?” Bodie asked while everyone else looked on, content to let Bodie speak for all of them.
I glanced down at Toft. His jaw sawed back and forth as if he had a lot to say. Fine. Let them hear the words from his mouth. Let them hear his voracity. Then I wanted to hear them try to deny that he meant every word he’d said.
“Because I never wanted this. Because I left the safety and comfort of Toonu to venture out into the fringe, knowing that if people recognized me, I could be as good as dead. My sire is not well-liked. And many would stop at nothing to destroy him or his. Which includes me.”
The four of them exchanged glances. Juniper nodded as if she were starting to believe. Bodie’s lips remained flat, and his eyes narrowed. He needed more convincing.
“Tell them the other part,” I told Toft.
He had another coughing fit. When he’d caught his breath, he said, “And because I was looking for him. I don’t know how to make this right. But I want— need —to find a way.”
Darwin chuckled, shaking his head. “You sure you’re the chancellor’s spawn? You sound nothing like that old cow.”
Toft’s laugh sent him into another coughing fit. I chanced a worried glance at Bodie. Should he still be coughing like that? Bodie put his palms up. He had no clue, either.
“That’s enough for tonight.” Calling on my most captain-y tone, I added. “We all need the rest. Anything else that needs to be said can be said in the morning.”
I wrapped a hand around Toft’s bicep and hauled him to his feet. Bodie grumbled something under his breath, but I’d learned it was best to ignore him when he got that way. At least it was if I wanted to avoid an argument.
“Is it all bollocks?” Juniper asked the others as I led Toft away. I didn’t wait to hear their response. I was their captain, and in the end, I knew that whatever I decided was the best plan of action, they’d all follow begrudgingly.
I handed Toft into his bunk, kicking his wet clothes to the side. He caught my arm when I went to leave. “Thank you,” he said with an earnestness you didn’t often hear on the fringe.
“For what?”
“For saving my life. Twice .”
The lanterns had burned out, and I saw little of him except in the moonlight that streamed through his open cabin door, the highlights catching in the whites of his eyes.
I didn’t know how to respond to that. I didn’t feel like I had earned anyone’s gratitude. After all, the first time I’d saved his life, my heart had been stolen from me, and the second, I’d only been thinking of myself. If I hadn’t saved him, I would surely die, too.
It wasn’t noble, valiant, or worth any manner of praise.
“Sleep well, Toft.”
“Marcelis.”
“What?”
“My name,” he said. “My name is Marcelis.”
I retreated to the door before turning back. “Sleep well, Marc.”
“It’s Marcelis .”
I waved as I left. The annoyance in his voice put a much-needed bounce in my step until I turned the corner into my cabin to find a lantern burning and Bodie leaning against the bulkhead with his arms crossed over his chest.
I held up my hand to shut him up. I needed sleep. We all did. “Whatever you have to say, it can wait.”
I flopped down on my bed. “Douse the lantern when you leave.”
A dismissal. By Bodie’s grunt, he knew it, too. He doused the lantern but didn’t leave. Instead, he shuffled around and dropped to the deck. Moonlight shined through the porthole. More light than Bodie needed as he stretched out and folded his arms behind his head.
“What are you doing?”
“We’ve all agreed. You’re not to be alone until you get your heart back.”
I liked my space. And my privacy. “I’m not a fresh spawn.”
Bodie leaned up on an elbow. “No. But you’re as petulant as one.”
Before I could tell him to bugger off, he added, “Someone needs to be here in case your heart stops.”
He was right. Grumbling, I turned my back to him, which only made him chuckle. As I lay in my bunk, the sticky tendrils of sleep overcame me, and I knew I was a lucky man despite what happened to my heart. I had people around me who cared, and that was more than most people could claim in this fragile, brutal world.
Despite that, I couldn’t understand the tightness in my chest. Yes, I wanted my heart back. I wanted my life back.
Then, I thought about Marc.
He’d left everything he’d ever known to try to right an egregious wrong. Did he have anyone who cared about him? Anyone who wanted him for something beyond what he could do for them as the heir to the province?
For the first time since the reapers had stolen my heart, I thought about what it would mean for Marc and what it would cost him to give it back.
And I felt bad for wanting that.
Marcelis
The coughing woke me, and I spent the first few minutes fighting for oxygen. Deep down in my lungs, I felt the scratchiness and hoped it would eventually clear.
I glanced at the door, expecting to see Toorin there for some reason, and finding myself weirdly disappointed that he wasn’t.
I stumbled out of the cabin, relieved myself over the side of the boat, and went looking for everyone else. Voices came from the galley, and I headed in that direction.
“Marc’s here,” Juniper said from the far bench seat at the table where she had Toorin penned in between her and the wall. He had an irritating grin on his face. He knew perfectly well I preferred Marcelis to Marc, and he was enjoying my aggravation. I smiled at Juniper like it didn’t matter to irk Toorin.
Looked like we were off to a brilliant start for the day.
Lyric stood at the hob, cooking what smelled like fresh fish. The fish sizzled in the hot pan, and I started salivating. It had only been hours since I’d left the settlement, and I was hungrier than ever. That didn’t bode well for my new life on the fringe.
Toorin removed his foot from the bench across from him. “Sit.”
I scooted in. “Where’s everyone?”
Juniper pulled her thick blade off her hip and stabbed it into the tabletop. “Gutting fish.”
Wait. I kind of thought she was on my side. I turned toward Toorin. “Is she okay?”
Toorin yanked the blade out of the wood and handed it back to her. “Knock it off.”
Under her breath, she said something that sounded like fine and slipped out of the booth, disappearing somewhere on deck. Lyric placed a plate in front of me with two strips of fish and more of the hardtack I’d been served the night before. Then he poured me a cup of coffee that looked thick as tar and would probably kill every taste bud I owned and rot me from the inside out, but that didn’t stop me from taking my first sip.
I grimaced but swallowed down the bitter concoction. Of all the things I’d heard the world had lost after the Fifth World War, I was eternally grateful that coffee wasn’t one of them. It soaked into my system faster than Zypan on an empty stomach, and I felt the jolt as it hit my bloodstream.
Or maybe that jolt was from Toorin’s leg brushing against mine.
He jerked it away and wouldn’t meet my eyes. Finally, he cleared his throat and looked at me again. “How are we going to do this?”
I’d thought a lot about this the night before, all those times I’d wake with a rib-wracking cough and struggle to get back to sleep, despite my exhaustion.
I tucked a bite of fish into my cheek to answer when he waved me off. “Eat first. I want everyone around to help plan.”
I swallowed before taking another bite. It gave both of us time to think. Toorin stared out the porthole, and I pretended to look out at the bay, but my eyes kept drifting back to a man I couldn’t quite understand.
The man who’d confronted me in that rat-rattle shack, saying I had something that belonged to him, and the man sitting across from me did not appear to be the same. The man before me didn’t have the same quiet rage or the tethered violence that made me fear for my life.
Don’t get me wrong, when this was all over, I had no illusion that I’d survive.
But that was a worry for a later day. I never would have left the relative safety of Toonu if I’d been afraid of dying.
Bodie and Darwin entered the galley, each with a basket of cleaned fish. Their bodies—or more specifically, Darwin’s body—filled the small space. They handed the catch to Lyric. Bodie took one look at my empty plate and jerked his head toward the deck. “We need to talk, and there’s not enough room in here for everyone.”
We’d all fit the night before. Not everyone had a seat, but I wouldn’t argue with him. I scooted out, taking my cup of coffee with me. If I had to stare Bodie down all morning, I needed fortification.
I headed out to the deck, and the rest of them followed. In the middle open area of the boat, I found Juniper sitting on an upturned barrel, sharpening her blade on a flat stone.
I leaned against the center mast. Darwin picked up a loose length of rope and started winding it. Toorin and Bodie leaned against the side of the boat, presenting a united front.
But after the exchange Toorin and I had shared the night before, I wondered how united they were. I had the feeling Bodie would toss me over the side if I wouldn’t take his captain’s heart with me.
Lyric brought up the rear, wearing a bright green, flowy dress that hit him mid-shin. He dropped down beside Juniper and put his back against the barrel.
Bodie crossed his massive arms over his equally impressive chest. He looked like he could rip a bull sturgeon from gill to fin with his bare hands. “Anyone have a brilliant plan to get Toorin’s heart back where it belongs?”
Everyone turned to me. I didn’t have much of a plan though I knew what had to happen. “Reparion is farming my replacement heart. It should be ready by now. We need to get back into the settlement and convince the surgeon to operate. I get my new heart, and Toorin gets his old one back.”
Bodie didn’t look the least bit impressed or appeased. “Why does that sound too simple?”
“And why were you being chased out of the settlement?” Juniper’s blade stilled on the rock long enough for her to test the sharpness by shaving a swath of hair off her arm.
Bodie and Toorin exchanged glances, their silent conversation not something I was privy to. The way Bodie’s glower deepened didn’t build confidence in my anemic plan.
I considered my answer before addressing Juniper’s question. I felt so naive and embarrassed that I’d been unaware the guard had standing orders forbidding me from leaving the settlement before Thyle had told me. Though it shouldn’t have come as a surprise, knowing my sire the way I did. “I was forbidden to leave the settlement.”
Lyric chuckled. “Like a princess caged in her castle, is it? Sing for me, sweet princess.”
“ Lyric .” Toorin’s tone didn’t come out as angry, exactly. More disappointed, as if he’d expected better from one of his men.
Lyric dropped his gaze to the deck. “Sorry.”
I didn’t hold it against him. Compared to everyone else, my life hadn’t been hard. Even with my bad heart. I didn’t have to catch my meals. I had clothes on my back. Servants who catered to me and the chancellor guard to protect me.
That didn’t mean life had been easy.
“I’ve been sick since I was a wee spawn. I didn’t know until recently that my leaving the settlement was forbidden. I may be the chancellor’s spawn, but defiance of the chancellor’s orders could be a death sentence.”
“Moon and mars and the stars.” Bodie stomped off a few steps. If the Lark had been powered by steam instead of sails, Bodie might have been able to power us across the IP and all the way to the ocean. “The chancellor sent reapers out to harvest a heart to save you, but now that you’ve left the settlement, he’s willing to kill you for it?”
“I never said my sire was moral. Or loyal.”
“Or rational,” Lyric said.
“Or human,” Darwin added under his breath. It earned them both the side-eye from Toorin, but he let the comments slide. I’d grown up used to the sting of a sharp tongue. Darwin and Lyric’s words didn’t nick the surface of my thick skin.
Besides, they weren’t wrong.
“If we want to return to Toonu,” I said. “We’ll have to sneak in.”
Toorin nodded. Bodie stopped pacing, looking like he could have stomped across the decks for hours. He didn’t like the plan. His concern was for Toorin and the rest of their crew, and I respected that.
Darwin tossed the coiled rope to the deck as if he were going to board the dinghy right then. “Let’s stop wasting bloody time, then.”
Toorin waved him off, and Darwin chewed on whatever else he’d intended to say.
I couldn’t see how we could get everyone into the settlement without drawing attention to ourselves. “No offense, but nothing about the five of you screams stealth.”
“Oi,” Lyric sat up straight. “I can be quiet as a mouse, me can.”
Darwin laughed.
“What?” Lyric’s indignation brought a smile to Toorin’s lips. “We caught him , didn’t we?”
And by him , he’d meant me.
Juniper thumped Lyric on the shoulder with the broadside of her blade. “He ran into us, mate. We didn’t bloody well catch anybody.”
“We just didn’t let him go,” Darwin added.
Toorin glanced at his crew, one by one.
“Don’t say it,” Bodie said as if expecting Toorin to say whatever he wanted despite Bodie’s protests.
Toorin shifted his gaze to Bodie, and Bodie cursed under his breath, his hands on his hips when his head dropped between his shoulders. He knew he wouldn’t win.
“Marc and I will go alone,” Toorin said. “Two will be easier to avoid detection than six.”
Juniper hitched a thumb over her shoulder in my direction. “Not with that hair.”
“Last time, I tied a rag around my head to hide my hair.” I didn’t mention that the guard snatched it off.
“Cut it,” Bodie ordered. I think he liked the idea of shearing my head. “And dye it.”
I stepped over to Juniper with my hand outstretched for her blade. “Give it here. I’ll do it now.”
She was reluctant to part with her blade. Her eyes held mine, and as brutal as the fringe could be, it had forged her into steel. She didn’t trust easily. Then her head tilted, and her eyes softened. “You’re going through with this. You’re giving his heart back.”
I squatted so we were at eye level. “On my honor. I give you my word.”
She held my gaze longer than anyone ever had. It didn’t make my heart race. Not because she was little more than a child but because I’d meant every word. I hoped she’d see my sincerity if she looked deep enough.
Instead of parting with her blade, she stood. “Sit. I’ll do it. You’ll likely bugger it up.”