10. Keondra Daily #3
“Leaving her was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life, and medical school kicked my ass.
But I knew . . . I knew who her father was.
I knew the family she’d been born into would take great care of her.
I thought that maybe, just maybe, y’all would be able to fill the void of her missing me if she did.
“I left and never felt fulfilled. Even after graduating from medical school, there was an emptiness in me that, deep down, I knew only she could fill. I went to therapy to help me navigate through it all. Coming here wasn’t easy for me, but it’s the first step to me being a mother.
It’s the first step to me getting close to my daughter.
I understand y’all are apprehensive. Y’all have the right to be, but I promise, I’m not the broken girl who left all those years ago. ”
Maybe I was too hard.
Maybe I was too unforgiving.
Whatever it was had me feeling absolutely nothing after Demetria’s speech.
She used the back of her hands to clean her face while giving me a hopeful gaze.
I looked around at my family to gauge their reactions.
My mom’s and aunt’s faces softened while my father’s remained stoic.
The situation at hand wasn’t easy on any of us.
Barely above a whisper, Demetria pleaded, “Keondra, please. Believe me when I say I’m sorry for leaving her.
I’m sorry for leaving you to handle it all on your own.
It wasn’t fair to either of you. My decision was beyond selfish, and it’s something I’ve had to live with.
It’s something I’ve had to drown in. I want to be in her life.
I want to be her mother. Aren’t second chances deserved? ”
“This is too much, Demetria. As badly as I want to snap on you, it’s not going to do any good, especially with Kehlani here.
” I pushed my glasses up and placed my hands on top of my head.
For the first time in a long time, I was unsure of what to do.
The biggest thing I had to realize was that it wasn’t ultimately about me or how I felt. It was about Kehlani.
My baby girl deserved to have her mother. That was something I couldn’t deny, but the way Demetria handled things made me apprehensive. We’d formed a bond and routine that worked for us. Having her mother come back and disrupt it all didn’t sit well with me.
Still, it wasn’t about me.
I didn’t realize I was crying until my father stood in front of me with his hands on my shoulders. His eyes were misty, but he kept it together.
“You don’t have to decide now, Son. The ball is in your court.
Take the time you need to process and figure things out.
Demetria has no choice but to respect it, but you can’t allow too much time to pass.
Pray about it. Sit in it and listen to what God tells you to do, and we will do the same.
At the end of the day, we all only want what’s best for Kehlani,” Dad explained and embraced me.
My mom and aunt came over to dry my face. If I was sure of anything, it was that I wasn’t in it alone.
Straightening my posture, I stepped over to Demetria. “I need time to think on this,” was all I offered. If I said anything else, I would’ve gone off.
Her shoulders dropped as she nodded. “I understand. Can you take my number and reach out when you’re ready to talk?”
Without a word, I reached into my pocket and handed her my phone. She punched her number in and handed it back to me, as well as the gift. I looked from the bag to her and hesitantly took it. Demetria gave everyone one last glance before turning and walking to her car.
I didn’t even let the door shut before I headed back to be with the two people who could calm me.
When I made it to the room, the sight before me caused the tears to resurface.
Kehlani had fallen asleep on Colony’s lap, with a toy in one hand and Rabbie in the other.
Colony didn’t realize I was standing there because her eyes were closed.
I quickly snapped a picture of them and went to sit by Colony.
“Oh, shit,” she whispered. “You scared me.”
“My bad. She’s out, huh?”
“Yeah. I knew she was sleepy when she started pacing back and forth. She does it at the center when it’s nap time, so I told her to come snuggle with me. She was out within seconds.”
“I believe it. She’s been on go since her eyes opened. Sleep is about to hit differently for her tonight.”
“It surely is.” Colony snickered and kissed Kehlani’s forehead before turning to look at me. She gently cupped my face. “Are you okay?”
“No, but I will be.”
“Anything I can do to help you?”
Taking her hand, I kissed her palm and placed it back on my face. “Just be here.”
“There’s no place I’d rather be.”
And I believed her.
I laid my head on Colony’s shoulder and closed my eyes.
Life had just become far more complicated than I ever thought it would be.
All I could do was pray about it and hope God would give me guidance, because if I followed my own path, nothing would end well.
I had too much to lose, so I’d take it a day at a time.
Demetria would hear from me whenever I received confirmation on what to do. Until then, she could continue the self-work she said she’d been doing, because she damn sure needed it.