Chapter Twenty-Three
Kinsley
My thoughts are with Rebel as I hold Colton’s hand and stare at the blue and white pattern on his hospital gown.
I should have brought him clothes too, some pajamas at least, but Rebel told me he’d barely got me access to the annex.
The church is off-limits. That has more to do with the priests than the cops.
Guilt ripples through me at how much time I’ve spent thinking about myself when Colt is lying here fighting and Marisol is gone. My head says it was my fight-or-flight reaction. Finding out Rebel was shot instead of me furthered that reaction.
Now he’s gone to deal with the culprits, the guilt is engulfing everything else. Not even the realization I’ve let Rebel into my heart stops me spiraling.
Marisol has a family, two teenage sons she loved beyond anything else and a husband she adored. Given how she welcomed me and took care of Colt and the church, she will leave a huge hole.
Nero and the club doing what they can to make things a little less difficult to bear for her family is a kind gesture, but from experience, losing a family member that way is difficult to get over. I’ve never let go of how it felt finding out my dad was dead.
Mom leaving made it worse, but everyone had me convinced I was better off. How is it possible to hate and love someone equally?
Colt’s hand twitches in mine and I jerk in the seat, staring at our combined fingers. Was it an involuntary spasm? Another twitch has me standing and leaning over the bed.
“Colt?” I whisper. “Can you hear me?” I squeeze his fingers, waiting for another response, but nothing happens.
People always say you should talk when someone is like this, and all I’ve done is sit here and wallow in my misery. Raven has stayed with him, which I’m grateful for. She didn’t have to do that, but I appreciate it. She’s a talker and probably kept up a steady flow of one-sided conversation.
A groan makes me stand this time, his eyes flicker and a gurgling comes from his chest. I hit the emergency call button for the nurse. I’m not sure if he is waking or getting worse.
My heart palpitates so fast I get light-headed as a nurse comes in. She takes one look at me, hears the sounds Colt is making, then comes over to the bed.
“What is that sound? What’s wrong with him?”
“It’s the endotracheal tube, perfectly normal. Colton, can you hear me?” she asks. “You’re in the hospital and your cousin is here. If you can hear me, I want you to squeeze my fingers.”
I watch until his fingers twitch again. The nurse continues asking questions, and his eyelids flutter as if he’s trying to open them.
“Colt, it’s Kinsley, wake up. Can you open your eyes?”
When he blinks and lifts his lids, his eyes roll as he tries to come to. They ask me to step outside when a doctor comes in with another nurse. They close the door while they do their checks, reassuring me this is a good sign.
Taylor is coming back from getting us coffees, her shadow following. I was introduced to Ronin when Rebel left me, he whispered in my ear Ronin is not much of a talker, but he is the one man Nero trusts with Taylor’s life, which means that extends to me.
The other guy, Atom, has been a little more talkative, but he’s still watchful. I’m not sure what they’re protecting us from when the two men responsible for what happened have been caught. Taylor seems nonplussed by their presence, so I follow her lead.
I fill Taylor in on Colt waking, and she explains to me what they’ll be doing. She’s a nurse, and although she specializes in diabetic care and hasn’t worked in a hospital setting since her placement years, she’s fully trained in all aspects of care. It helps to hear it from her.
Doctors come and go over the next couple of hours. I’m allowed in and out each time and watch Colt like a hawk, talking to him, encouraging him to come back. The last time they let me go in, the tubes are gone from his throat, the machines silent.
He still looks like death has only just let go of the hold on him, but he’s alive, he’s breathing, and it’s hard to stop crying.
This isn’t the person I’m supposed to be, but this man has stood by me through every disaster and triumph in my life. Losing him would have broken me in ways I’ll never be able to describe.
Not being able to call Uncle Joe to be there for him is heartbreaking.
His nurse told me there would be some agitation, confusion, and physical discomfort, all signs which are very common when someone is waking up after sedation with a breathing tube. They will monitor him, but are pleased with his progress.
Taylor has allowed me time to process, but now that Colt is settled in the bed and the doctors have left, she comes in and asks if it’s okay to join me.
“Of course, thank you,” I say, taking the water she hands me.
Rebel did a good job of making sure I ate, slept and drank, but it’s fallen by the wayside again.
“It might not seem like it right now, but he’s making progress.”
“I want him to open his eyes and tell me I’m being dramatic.”
Taylor smiles. “That’ll come, I’m sure. He’ll suffer confusion for a while and still has a way to go to recover, but this is all good.”
She gives me a reassuring smile and doesn’t comment on my sniffling. That is one thing I learned from being around her. Raven too. They each offer silent support and don’t probe like other people would.
“So, you and Rebel.”
“Don’t talk about him in front of Colt. Or Raven.”
Taylor grins. “If you think Raven doesn’t know, then you’re in for a rude awakening.”
“I know,” I slap a hand over my eyes, but Taylor chuckles in response. “Don’t worry about it. I’m pretty sure she’s good with it.”
“Really?” We’ve talked, but I wasn’t sure she was happy about it.
“She likes you. Raven is a beautiful person and helped me when I first got involved with Noah, but she is also fiercely protective of the club. She doesn’t let just anyone into the inner circle. And she is very picky about who gets close to her brother.”
“I’m sure he appreciates that,” I say with an eye roll.
“They’re all the same. They’ll never admit they’re not as tough as they make out. Noah is a different person at home. Keep that one under your hat.”
“That is hard to imagine.”
“He has to be different, he’s the President. He takes that role seriously, even though he has good people around him, he takes on sole responsibility for the welfare of everyone in that MC. It used to scare me to be honest.”
“It did?”
“They’re not exactly… on the right side of the law,” she whispers, making me smile.
“From what I’ve seen, their hearts are in the right place.
Do I agree with a lot of what they do, not at all.
Am I happy that he keeps a lot of things close to that leather vest, definitely not.
He does it to protect me. He struggled a lot with his feelings for me, but in the end, he couldn’t stop it. ”
She watches me as her words sink in. I’m not like Taylor. It’s clear she still finds it hard to cope with what they do. Not me. I was all for going along to watch what they did to the men who shot Colton.
“I mean, we’re the same in that I don’t like the idea of him keeping things from me. But I do get it.”
“It’s for our own safety,” she nods, then looks at Colt. “Noah speaks highly of him, he likes him a lot, and he’s taken it badly knowing he is responsible for what happened.”
“The men who did it are responsible.”
We sit with our thoughts, me watching Colton as he shifts about, his eyes opening and his hand clutching mine now and then, Taylor texting on her phone.
She talks about Oscar and how she’s fallen madly in love with the little boy, just as much as his father. She doesn’t elaborate on where his mom is, and I don’t ask.
Ronin checks in on us, and Taylor waves him off when he says he needs to step out to make some calls, telling us Atom is here.
My legs and back are aching from sitting so long, not to mention the ache between my thighs, though I will not complain about that.
A blush rises up my chest, and I can’t bring myself to look at Colt while thinking about how Rebel and I spent the morning.
A knock at the door startles me. There are two priests here again. Someone must have called to tell them Colt is coming out of sedation.
Being in the same room as them makes me angry, so I agree to give them some time.
I recognize the younger one, he’s been here a lot and explained he went through seminary with Colt. The other guy is new, older, and more weathered-looking. He watches Taylor as she gets up, gathering her stuff.
Something about the way he stares makes me think of all the terrible things you hear about bad priests.
His eyes find mine, and I recoil slightly. He smiles, offers his hand, and tells me he is sorry for what we’ve been through, and how it’s God’s work that Colt is finally waking. That in itself makes me want to leave the room, but I hesitate.
Father Mackie smiles as the new guy releases me and stands at the foot of the bed. All the talk of what the MC gets up to has my head sitting in the wrong place.
These priests, in their own way, care about my cousin. Colt will appreciate them being here, and who knows, maybe all that praying will be what helps bring him around.
Atom greets us with a chin lift, and Taylor goes off to take a call. I remember she is close friends with Dana when I hear her say her name.
I’m left with my thoughts and the occasional small talk from Atom for a while. Listening to him talk about Grimm, a TV show he loves, isn’t what I’d call riveting, but it’s better than listening to the drone of prayers coming from behind me.
Father Mackie comes out to talk to me, and Taylor wanders back. Behind him, I notice the other priest lowering his phone, as if he’d been holding it up to get a signal. Who does that shit anymore?
He sees me looking and offers me a smile before going back to whatever he was doing. A shiver snakes down my spine. I don’t know what it is about him, but he is creepy as hell. Having him near my cousin is setting off a weird prickling sensation.
It’s all forgotten when a nurse comes out of the room and says Colt is asking for me. I thank Father Mackie for coming but ignore the other guy as I go inside to see Colt looking over at me. His eyes are groggy, but he gives me a slow smile.
“Colt,” I hurry over and take his hand. “How are you feeling?”
He coughs and makes a face. The nurse said he is good to have sips of water, so I help him with that until he stops.
“Do you remember anything?”
He shakes his head. “Not really,” he croaks.
“That’s okay, you only need to focus on getting better, and I’ll be here. You’ll be sick of me by the time they let you out.”
“Never,” he murmurs. He does not know how good it is to hear him say that. “Are you okay?” he squeezes my hand.
It’s just like him to worry about me. It’s only a matter of time before he asks about Marisol and Patrick. I want to leave telling him that as long as possible, even if I have to lie to him.
Fuck the two priests watching on from the doorway. Sometimes little white lies are necessary, I won’t be asking for forgiveness for protecting Colt from that pain.
The strange sensation of being watched makes me turn. That priest is smiling at me again, there is nothing in it, his eyes are dead and it’s so forced I want to recoil.
I’m glad when they finally leave and Taylor comes back, Raven with her.
Rebel’s sister looks refreshed, and she has food. Her eyes go to Colt, and she lets out a long sigh of relief before offering him a smile. My cousin smiles back and thanks her for being with me.
I’ll never be able to thank her enough. While she chats to him and Taylor hovers with a watchful nurse’s eye, I glance about the room and hallway. Everyone here with Colt is connected to the Blackhawk Disciples.
They’re here for Colt, and for me, and they’ve come without being asked. Well, the women, the two guys are doing a job, but they’ve been sent here by people who care about our safety.
Ronin has come back and is chatting quietly with Atom. His posture is stiff and his gaze meets mine briefly.
Was he talking to Rebel? Is it done, and he was letting him know?
I hope so, and I really hope they made it hurt.