Chapter 7 - Rebel
For long moments, Rebel and Kaia stared at each other.
It was as if she saw him for the first time after weeks apart.
He looked different and, yet, the same. Earrings looped through small gauges.
Black hair coming back in after Axel’s revenge.
Deep blue eyes ringed with purple irises and something new.
Something that touched her so deeply, she swore she felt it physically: the saddest expression she’d ever seen.
He offered her a smile that she didn’t return. She couldn’t, not when confusion and misery scrambled her brain.
He rested his hand on the blanket covering her foot. She drew her knees up.
“You asked to see me? I was hoping that meant you’ve forgiven me and want us to be—”
“No, motherfucker. Never. I will n-never be your Chi again.” She swallowed, trying to hold in her tears, hating how much that hurt to say, hating her lack of conviction.
She’d been so very unhappy, yearning for things she couldn’t have, her lost dreams with him.
She just wanted the pain to stop. If she could only believe him…
“I fucking warned you not to fuck over me—”
“I’m sorry.” His eyes glistening, he shoved his hands into his pockets. “I just…Sex…I’m sorry—”
“Keep your apology. You s—”
He flinched. “I don’t deserve your consideration, but I don’t know…if you call me sorry—”
“I wasn’t going to,” she snapped, swiping at her uncooperative tears.
“I was going to tell you that you should’ve asked yourself how important sex was to you.
I told you I wasn’t ready. If you felt the need for it, you shouldn’t have agreed to go steady with me.
You aren’t sorry. You’re a miserable motherfucker.
A cheater. And that’s worse than being fucking sorry. ”
“Rebel—”
“I don’t want to hear it,” she said, sobbing softly, wanting to let it go but unable to.
She’d asked to see him because he was familiar.
Comfortable, and she needed what she knew.
She thought his presence would help her.
It only upset her more. “You hurt me. I don’t take kindly to that.
Add in the humiliation and I wanted to fucking torture you this entire week. ”
“I’m sorry—”
She shook her head, exhausted. “You aren’t. You’re sorry you were found out, so don’t hand me that fucking tired line. Fuck you. Fuck you in every orifice in your fucking body. Fuck you upside down and inside out. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.”
“I thought when you wanted to see me…” he tried again.
Grabbing tissue from the box on the rolling cart, Rebel dabbed her eyes.
“I miss you so much. I miss our friendship. I wanted to see you. Kaia. My friend. That’s why I asked Diesel to get you here.
Not the cheat and the liar, who didn’t have any regard for me, even as a friend, if you slept with Fia a second time. ”
He left the foot of the bed and came to her side, holding out his hand, leaving it up to her to take it.
She turned her head.
He drew in a deep breath. “We can be friends. I swear I’ll win you back, if you just give me a chance.”
“I gave you two fucking chances. Whether you want to count your lies about how we met or your lie about sleeping with Fia the first time is up to you, motherfucker. I’ll be nice and ignore the one you choose not to recognize.”
“Rebel, babe, I don’t recognize me over the past few days. You’re a kid so you probably won’t understand.”
She frowned.
“I-I got my first paycheck and, suddenly, I felt like the king of the world.”
He was using the money Momma gave to him to become a dick. Did he not realize that? “Money changes people,” Rebel told him, refusing to point out the obvious to him. He had a brain. He needed to use it. “You might say it doesn’t, but your statement proves otherwise.”
“At my old job, it would’ve taken me six months to earn what Meggie paid me for two weeks. I paid a grand for the suit I wore to Diesel’s party plus what I spent for the shoes and cashmere sweater.”
“What does that have to do with anything? Nothing,” she snapped. “Stop deflecting. Who cares what you spent? You know you were getting more money.”
“As long as I pursued you.”
Rebel stiffened, wishing she wasn’t so tired and emotional, wishing CJ was there to pound Kaia into the ground or Diesel was there to shoot him. “No, motherfucker, as long as you were honest with me. My mother didn’t pay for your fucking dick on my behalf,” she snarled. “She needed help.”
“But you liked me. That’s why she hired me.”
“Get out, and don’t fucking come back. Fuck you.
She hired you to keep an eye on you, jackass,” Rebel barked, finally figuring it out.
“If Daddy and my brothers orchestrated our meeting that you agreed to for free, probably as a fucking favor to CJ, then she brought you in for the same reason she hired Bishop. To be able to monitor me with both of you. She wasn’t going to block me but she sure the fuck wouldn’t encourage me.
Unlike those jackasses who saw you as the lesser of two evils. Me and you or me and a dating app.”
“Wait. Meggie was trying to play chaperone while helping me out?”
Rebel threw him a dirty look. “Who’s the fucking kid and who’s the fucking adult between us?”
“Don’t make me sound like Diesel. I resent that.”
“Resent it. Choke on it. Suffocate. I don’t fucking care. You’re smart, Kaia. Act like it.”
Without warning, he hugged her. She remained stiff, though she breathed in his fresh, clean cologne.
“Rebel, babe, listen to me. Please. I’m sorry I misread the situation.
I’ve just never been valued for me. For anything.
No one has ever helped me just because of me.
I’m sorry I hurt you so badly. I swear I won’t—”
Determined not to fold into him, Rebel started to cry again.
She almost caved and said she believed him.
“You won’t because I won’t let you. Cheating is a hard no for me.
It’s right up there with hitting. There’s no excuse for either,” she sobbed, thinking of her mother, Lolly, and her aunts, and the respect they demanded from their husbands.
“I trusted you so much, Kaia. I trusted you.”
“I always felt as if I competed against Diesel. Maybe if you hadn’t made me feel that way, I wouldn’t have gone with Fia.”
“Maybe,” Rebel agreed, thumping his shoulder so he’d release her. Thankfully, he did. “Diesel is marrying Jana. He was no competition. He’s my brother. My parents will never accept him as anything else and I wouldn’t give them up for him.”
“You’re saying that because you’ve never laid with him. Your outlook is completely different once you’ve been intimate, especially if you’re compatible.”
Rebel glowered at him. “Like you and Fia?”
“What? No! Where would you get that idea?”
“Your fucking words, Kaia. What are you talking about? Did you fucking hear yourself?”
“I wasn’t talking about me! I was talking about you and Diesel. That motherfucker wants to fuck you, and I hate the fuck out of him. I can’t compete, even if I earned ten fucking thousand dollars every two weeks. He thinks he fucking owns you, that miserable fuckhead.”
“He doesn’t,” she said flatly. “Believe me. Don’t believe me. I don’t care. The man who I belong to will belong to me as well. He won’t marry another woman because he’s a jackass times two. He won’t sleep around. He’ll belong to me, body and soul. Otherwise, I will never share my entire self.”
“Can we start over, Reb? I’m begging you.”
Her exhaustion didn’t help her bewilderment or the fear that her life was destined to end before she had a chance to live. Kaia finally wore her down, his plea eroding her reservations. “We can start over as friends.”
He smiled. “That’s an improvement from a few minutes ago.
I understand why, though. Sometimes I read about signs and from everything you’ve been through, it seems like you’ll die soon.”
“What?” she screeched, bursting into tears when she’d just calmed down.
“That came out wrong,” he said, snatching her into his arms and squeezing her. “Uh, you’ve almost died twice so you probably want to live your life free of anger and hate. That’s all I meant.”
“I’m afraid to die,” she cried, swiping her cheeks and forcing him to pull back.
“I want to…I’m a virgin and…and…and…I want…
” So much. Once, she’d wanted to marry Diesel and have his baby, but she was even more afraid of childbirth now than she had been a few weeks ago.
Death was stalking her, she reminded herself. She didn’t need to help it along.
“I don’t want to die.”
“You’re not going to die, Reb.” Axel’s little voice spoke those words a moment before he barreled into view and climbed into bed next to her, hugging her tightly and sobbing softly. “I was so scared when Uncle Mort came to school and told us.”
“Me, too.” CJ glared at Kaia, who flushed and hightailed it out of there, leaving her alone with her brothers.
Ryder and Ransom stood side-by-side at the foot of her bed, their eyes watery though they held in their tears.
CJ leaned down and kissed her cheek. “I don’t know what I would do without you,” he said, his voice trembling.
Rebel swallowed, her own tears starting again. She refrained from revealing that Kaia agreed she didn’t have long to live.
CJ straightened. Bent and kissed her cheek a second time. Straightened again and shoved his hands in his pockets. Axel snuggled against her. Ryder and Ransom remained silent.
“I can read Little Red Riding Hood to you, Reb,” Axel said.
“I thought you wanted a new fairytale, Ax,” CJ responded, releasing a breath as if relieved for a new topic of conversation. “Because of the video of—”
“Don’t fucking remind a man,” Axel ordered, his little body stiffening. “But remember when Mom and Aunt Zoann went somewhere when I was a kid? When Dad got the book out, Reb pretended she was Little Red and the Grandma, and Rule was the Big Bad Wolf, then he drew a lot of stuffs for me.”
At the mention of her twin, Rebel wilted a little more and her lower lip trembled.
“Don’t cry, Reb!” CJ said, alarmed, hugging her and kissing her cheek yet again.
“I’m sorry!” Axel said around a sob.
Rebel put an arm around his shoulders and laid her cheek on the top of his head. “It’s okay. I’m so happy to have you, CJ, Ryder, and Ransom here. I just wish Rule was nearby.”
“Me, too,” Axel said in a watery voice. “I’ve been thinking about sending him the drawings. At first, I was going to tear them up cuz of what he did to you, but Diesel told me not to. I’m glad I listened. I would’ve been sad because I love Rule again.”
“Then why are you sending the drawings to him?” Ransom asked, confusion knitting his brow.
“So he can give them back to me when he’s ready to come home,” Axel said, his sad, little boy’s voice melting Rebel’s heart and reminding her that she had so many reasons to laugh and to live. To love. Her family. Her life. Her luck.
“I think Rule would love that,” Rebel said, pulling herself together if only for Axel. He was a small kid, who deserved the same safety and security she’d felt at his age. “I’ll even help you write a letter to him and explain why you’re sending it.”
“You tell me the words and I’ll interprertet and write what I want to say.”
“Interpret, and okay,” she said.
“Come with me, you three,” CJ said, backing away from the bed and nodding toward the door.
“I don’t want to leave Reb,” Axel said. “I’m her bodyguard forever.”
Rebel exchanged a smile with CJ. He winked at her.
“Don’t you want to cheer her up?”
“Yeah, C. I do,” Ryder piped in, his serious expression evaporating.
“Good,” CJ said. “Let’s go into the hallway and practice Little Red Riding Hood. We can each play a part, then come in an act it out for her.”
Axel tipped his head back, his green eyes teary and grave. “That’ll make you happy, Reb?”
She wasn’t sure, but it might take her brothers’ minds off what had happened, so she nodded. “Very.”
“Be right back,” Axel said, jumping out of bed. “Come on, men,” he ordered, running toward the door, Ryder and Ransom hot on his heels. “We won’t be long, Reb.”
“What Axel said,” CJ told her once the boys were out of the room.
“CJ?” Rebel called before her brother walked out the door.
He turned to her.
“I love you.”
“I love you, too, bae.”