Chapter 9 – Diesel #3
“We were friends, Diesel. I enjoyed Kaia’s company.
For the record, I told him I’m not his Chi a-a-anym-m-more,” she said around a little sob.
“He’s n-n-not my Huahua. He wants to be.
He asked me to give him another chance, but I don’t want to have sex with him right now and he wants sex.
He wanted it the night of your birthday party. ”
He also wanted to be cockless. New fury poured into Diesel, fueled by jealousy, unwanted though it was. Any motherfucker who thought about making love to Rebel courted a gruesome death at Diesel’s hands.
She groaned again. “I wish I would’ve had a gun,” she grumbled. “They would’ve been dead before they left me with broken ribs and bruised insides.”
Alarm raced through Diesel. They’d left her face mainly untouched. She made a series of movements, then lowered her blanket while simultaneously raising her gown to just below her breasts. He opened his mouth to blast her for showing any part of herself to him.
“See?” she said around a sniffle, turning to her side and pushing her gown further up. He pretended he couldn’t see her white panties, silk, lace, and temptation. “My back hurt, too.”
Her back and belly were canvases of bruises and abrasions. No wonder she was in so much pain. He pulled the gown down, his knuckles brushing her hip, his brain demanding he ignore the satiny feel of her. He yanked the blanket up, his pulse pounding, his hot, hard places disturbing him.
“You have internal bleeding?” he asked, reminding himself she’d shown him her injuries because she thought he was made of stone.
“Minor.” Ignoring Diesel’s curse, she laid on her back and lifted the hand with her IV. “It should be taken care of with medication, but I have to stay still.”
“And you’re moving in every fucking direction?” Diesel growled.
“To show you where it hurts and to hug you. I love you. I try not to because you’re so cruel A true psycho,” she whispered.
“Kaia’s safe. I don’t want him to take my virginity, though.
Or anyone else except you. I’ve almost died twice in a matter of weeks.
I probably won’t make it to my eighteenth birthday.
You want to dictate my life? Align with Daddy and CJ to keep every guy my age away?
I want to be yours in every way. You really don’t care about my age, so I want you to find an apartment for us to sneak to.
And I want you to break your engagement. ”
He was so fucking tired of fighting his inner demons over Rebel. He was tired of denying her and himself. But she was right. He was a cruel psychopath and no good for her. He’d wanted Jana with him at any cost and left Rebel and the rest of the family vulnerable to her bullshit.
Rebel deserved so much better than him. She deserved someone closer in age to her, so they’d grow up together, experience life and love with each other. He was a killer, so fucking damaged and jaded, unworthy to be near her.
“You can’t be with anyone else either,” she said.
“Relationships aren’t about a list of demands.”
“They literally are! Everyone has expectations, conditions, and boundaries in their relationships.”
“According to who?” he asked, reeling from her words. Without trying, she kept him off-balance. If he didn’t seize control, she’d steal it from him and run him ragged. “You?”
“Of course, me, doofus. I’m not basing my relationship on other people’s expectations. I’m telling you what I want because it’s best for me.”
“You’re telling me you want me to fuck you, sneak around, leave Jana, and practice monogamy. Grown ass women don’t order me the fuck around like you think you can.”
“Like I know I can. I call, you come,” she said simply.
His anger and awareness had just begun to cool. She wasn’t in any condition for a screaming match. If he lost his temper, she’d lose hers.
“You want me and I want you, Diesel.”
“Shut the fuck up, Rebel. This isn’t a fucking game.”
“Did I lie?”
His nostrils flaring, he scrubbed a hand over his face, refusing to respond truthfully. “Fuck, but you’re a little bitch.”
“That’s a no.” Of course, she’d run with it.
“You claim to want me alive, but Uncle Christopher will fucking kill me if I touch you. Why can’t you get that through your fucking head? He said he’ll give me a chance to prove myself worthy of you. When you’re eighteen.”
“He’ll never kill you. He wouldn’t break my heart and take you away from me. Even if he considered it, Momma wouldn’t let him.”
“Now, you’re underestimating your mother. She’d have my cock gnawed off by a fucking chihuahua.”
“No,” Rebel said around tears. “She wouldn’t. I’m going to die before I turn eighteen. I know I will. I want to be with you until I do. Momma and Daddy won’t hurt you.”
Diesel begged to differ. A few days ago, he probably would’ve given in because she’d been hellbent on hating him.
He could only be thankful that she hadn’t demanded he make love to her to earn her forgiveness.
Today, though? With guilt eating him alive because she wouldn’t be here if he’d kept Jana away or gotten her into rehab?
With his life hanging in the balance because he’d killed Tabitha without Uncle Christopher’s input? He couldn’t agree to Rebel’s demands.
“I’m not the man for you, Rebel.” Those words were harder than they should’ve been. “Not now. Or ever. You’re right, sweetheart. I am everything you described me as. You’re so fucking gorgeous. Young. Vibrant. Kind. When you care about someone, you defend them without reserve.”
She started to cry. “Diesel—”
“You’re here because of me, baby. Me. Not Jana or Tabitha. If I would’ve done what I was supposed to, you wouldn’t have gotten hurt.”
“I don’t even know what that means,” she sobbed, grabbing his wrist and dragging his hand to her face. She leaned her delicate cheek against his rough palm. “Please, don’t do this. Please. I love you.”
He turned her head toward him and took her face between his hands. “I want you happy, sweetheart. I’m too broken to ever be the man you deserve. Fucking you when you’re older would be so fucking easy, but you’d demand my soul, when mine left me years ago. I love you too much to saddle you with me.”
“You love me?” she whispered.
“I do,” he confirmed. “As my little sister.” He’d have to rectify what he’d blurted to CJ.
He’d gone temporarily insane. “I’m so sorry, Rebel.
I’d prefer to rip out my own heart than break yours.
” It would be so much fucking easier, especially seeing the desolation dulling her eyes.
“You’ll thank me later.” He tipped her head back and kissed her forehead, released her, and backed away.
“Diesel—”
“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he said, forcing himself to ignore her tears and walk out of her room.