Chapter 32 - Kaia #2
How was he supposed to know any of this? She seemed convinced all their problems originated with Bash, so he wouldn’t try to change her mind. He hugged her, tucking her head underneath his chin. “What’s the point, babe?”
“For better or worse, that peace agreement was signed. I thought life would be good again.” She started to cry.
“Then that volleyball game happened. I shouldn’t have gone.
I wasn’t going to, but Jana convinced me she needed my support.
If I wouldn’t have gone, Heidi never would’ve told me about you and Fia. My heart wouldn’t have been broken.”
He could apologize for the next fifty years and it wouldn’t ease her pain.
“If Diesel hadn’t moved Jana in, I wouldn’t have gone shopping with her and…and…”
Kaia tightened his hold on her. “Hey, babe, you survived.”
“But I couldn’t sleep last night,” she reminded him. “Every time I tried to, I saw water and me and them and…I’m scared.”
“They can’t hurt you ever again.” No one gave him the scoop, but if he knew anything about Diesel, he knew those motherfuckers who hurt Rebel were dead. “You’re here with your dad and your brothers. Me. Bishop. We’d all die to protect you.”
“Okay,” she said in a watery voice that broke Kaia’s heart. “I used to love swimming. Enjoying myself in the natatorium and listening to music. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do that again.”
“You will,” Kaia swore. “Give yourself a chance to heal, Rebel.” He tipped her chin back and smiled at her. “You’re in such a fucking rush for everything.”
“If I don’t rush, I’ll miss out.”
“No—”
“I’ve never been to an amusement park without my family, whether it’s my parents and brothers or Lolly, Momma, my aunts, and my girl cousins. It’s never been me and a boy I like or me and my friends.”
“Do you have friends outside of the club?”
“Not really. I mean kind of. Once, I had a couple of girls on the cheer team, then I pretended I was going to spend time with one of them and met with Diesel. That ended that.”
“That motherfucker allowed you to sneak to see him?” Kaia asked, outraged. If Kaia was grown, Diesel was grown-grown and he was playing teenaged games. “Fuckhead.”
“He didn’t know. I didn’t tell him until we were on the way home. He wasn’t happy with me.”
“Where did you go?”
“I told him I needed a ride home, then convinced him to take me to Tee’s. Another place I’ve only been with my family. The mall. Ice cream. A roller rink. Yet, I feel old, as if my time is almost up and I’m past wanting all those juvenile things.”
Kaia laughed and kissed the top of her head. “Like you’re so fucking old. Forty or fifty.”
Raising her head, she grinned and playfully thumped his shoulder. “My dad’s fifty and he isn’t old, so be quiet.”
“True,” Kaia agreed. “I suppose it’s the mindset.”
“Probably.”
“You have your entire life ahead of you. You’ll get to do all those things that teenagers do. I’ll take you to every place you named. Hopefully with you as my Chi and me as your Huahua. Your drone. My moon goddess. But I’ll do it as Kaia, too. Your friend.”
This time, she hugged him. “I-I’ll put your earrings back on.”
Kaia smiled, almost roaring in triumph and beating his chest in victory. He’d won, finally beating Diesel. “Does that mean you’ll give me another chance?”
She leaned back and looked at him. “I-I still don’t want to have sex.”
Wondering if she’d say that to fuckhead, Kaia shoved aside his returning jealousy. “With me or anyone?” he asked mildly, instead of the depressing thought that he’d just never be enough for her.
“With anyone,” she mumbled, lowering her lashes and biting her lip.
She was fucking lying to him. He couldn’t fucking believe she had the audacity to ream him out over his hiding fucking Fia when she was doing the same thing. He hated Diesel as much as she hated Fia, so they were fucking even.
Diesel also had more access to her. He passed himself off as her brother when he was little more than a perverted predator.
“I understand, babe.”
“Okay,” she whispered, then met his gaze. “Just please promise me, promise me, you’ll break up with me if you need sex before I’m ready.”
“As long as it isn’t Fia, right?” he asked lightly, hurt and confused.
“I hate her,” Rebel said, “but I care about you. As much as I’d want her dead, I wouldn’t want you hurt that way.”
He brushed his lips against hers. “That’s sweet, babe.”
“It’s the truth. I don’t want Diesel to die because of me. I would never get over that guilt. Life is short,” she repeated. “I want you happy. I wouldn’t want Fia’s death on your conscience. You live with enough pain over your cousin.”
“Thank you.”
“As long as you’re honest with me,” she repeated.
“Of course, sweetheart.”
She studied his face, then bowed her head.
After a moment, she grabbed his hands and lifted her eyes.
“I know you think it’s because of Diesel that I don’t want to have sex with you.
And, maybe, that’s true,” she said, surprising him.
He didn’t expect her to admit to wanting to cheat.
“But this is more about you and me. I’m precious.
My virginity even more so. I want to know that you deserve it. ”
“You think Diesel does?”
“Diesel isn’t a good man, Kaia. Not like you.
Don’t turn into something you aren’t because you think you’re not good enough for me.
You’re perfect. It’s just that I’ve dreamed of marrying Diesel since I was ten years old.
He’s a liar and a manipulator. A killer.
He has a lot of issues and is the last fucking person on earth who deserves my most precious gift and something I’ll never get back. He’s a motherfucker to the core.”
“Then why is he here? Why do Outlaw and Meggie allow him around you? Why haven’t they kicked him the fuck out?”
“It’s black or white with Daddy, Kaia. If he steps out of line with me, Daddy says he’ll kill him.
There’s a lot more to unpack there and I don’t intend to talk about it with you.
This is still about you and me. You made me happy.
Honestly. And I was moving past my, uh, feelings…
I-I mean my crush on Diesel. I was over it and him.
You aren’t bad like him, but you still took a move from his playbook and cheated.
You still didn’t fucking respect my decision to tell you ‘no’ and either say you couldn’t be with me anymore or just leave the fucking party.
You want me, I have to trust that you deserve me. Sex is a big fucking step, jackass.”
Yet, Kaia was almost certain she’d do it with Diesel if that motherfucker lost the last little bit of decency he had in him.
Kaia had some sense. He saw how that motherfucker looked at her.
Diesel’s issue had nothing to do with not wanting Rebel.
He suspected he was playing the long game, waiting until she was closer to sixteen or already sixteen.
That fuckhead’s lust and possessiveness would break him long before her eighteenth birthday.
He wouldn’t point that out or the fact that nothing she said explained her mother’s logic.
“You know what, Kaia?” Rebel’s voice broke into his thoughts.
“Forget it. We can’t reach a meeting of the minds.
You don’t trust me and I don’t trust you.
Well earned on both our parts,” she said sadly.
“But this won’t work. When Momma stopped trusting Daddy, their entire marriage almost imploded.
Diesel is always around and he plays mind games.
I can tell you I want us to have a chance.
We both know he will do everything humanly possible to undermine our relationship.
If you look at Fia too long, he’ll make sure that I know.
If I say something to him that seems a certain way, he’ll rub it in your face.
” She lumbered to her feet. “I’m sorry—”
Kaia jumped up and hugged her, remembering to take care so he wouldn’t hurt her.
He wanted him and Rebel to work out with everything in him, but he wanted to best Diesel more.
If he hadn’t been looming in the background, Kaia probably would’ve done the sensible thing and friend-zoned Rebel for the time being.
They needed to rebuild their trust in each other.
Being in a ‘relationship’ would complicate matters. But fuck Diesel.
“Hey, babe, thank you for your honesty,” he said sincerely. “And you’re right. You’re precious. Your body is precious. Your virginity—”
“Whoever gets it has to be worthy.” That certainly wasn’t motherfucking Diesel.
She knew it, too. “I will prove to you that I am. I don’t want any other girl but you.
Now and forever. You never lied to me about Diesel.
If you give me a fair shot, I will trust you.
” It was that motherfucker he’d never trust. “And I won’t fall for his tactics.
Just promise me, you’ll give me the same benefit of the doubt. ”
An eternity passed before she nodded. “I will, Huahua.”
He smiled. “That’s all I ask, Chi.”
Falling silent, she gathered her presents, somehow fitting them into two gift bags. She paused long enough to kiss his cheek, then limped away, leaving Kaia with one thought.
Fuck Diesel.