Chapter 50 – CJ
Mom and Dad called during breakfast and said they were on their way to the cabin. They’d stopped at a roadside store at the base of a mountain pass, which gave them the reception they needed to check in.
Diesel wasn’t at the table and CJ refrained from mentioning their fight or his massive pain. But defending Rebel was worth every ache he suffered. His parents sounded so happy and that helped to ease CJ.
Mattie and Rebel stayed up most of the night. Therefore, he didn’t bother telling Mattie she had to go to school. He left her with Rebel, rounded up his brothers once he dressed, and left.
Neither Skye nor Harley were at school, which was fine by him.
He didn’t want to be bothered with Skye and he’d see Harley later that night.
He could’ve done without the looks, but he ignored those, too.
Easton had been wherever last night, yet he knew what the fuck had happened and asked CJ if there was anything he could do.
Not if he wanted to become a full patch member. Easton took that for what the fuck it was worth and moved on.
The day moved quicker than expected. Once he got home, he discovered Mattie was gone and Rebel was in the laundry room, helping Kaia to fold clothes. Diesel taking the Triplets to a pizza parlor made CJ’s life easier and left him free to prepare for his date with Harley.
CJ never expected he’d get to the point where he’d ever take Harley anywhere other than Turn Creek, which ended in an argument because Harley hadn’t wanted him to go to Homecoming without her.
When he picked her up from Aunt Zoann and Uncle Val’s, everyone had looked at his battered face.
“What happened to you, boy?” Uncle Val asked.
“Diesel’s a fuckhead,” CJ grumbled.
“Okay,” he responded and left it at that.
Now, D. Elliot guided them to the private room CJ requested. His hand at Harley’s back, he helped her into her seat and then took his own.
“How’ve you been?” CJ asked the waiter, whom he hadn’t seen in weeks.
“Adjusting,” D. Elliot responded, no longer the happy-go-lucky guy he’d been when CJ brought Jaleena to the restaurant, the night he’d hooked up with Ember. “What can I get you two to drink?”
CJ looked at Harley.
“Oh, um, I’d like iced tea,” she said, so pretty in her corset mini dress.
“Sweetened or unsweetened?” D. Elliot asked.
“Sweetened.”
The waiter nodded and turned his attention to CJ.
“I want a lemonade,” CJ said.
“Any appetizers?”
CJ thought about Skye and wondered how long his secret would be safe.
It didn’t matter what Easton said, Jaleena and Skye moved differently.
They were also in competition with each other.
The moment Skye told Jaleena, Jaleena would find a way to tell Harley.
“Can you give us a few minutes? I need to talk to Harley.”
“I’ll see to my other tables.” At the door, D. Elliot paused. “I’ll be back in about twenty minutes. That long enough?”
“More than enough,” CJ responded.
“He’s changed so much,” Harley said, the moment D. Elliot closed the door.
“Grief will do that to you.” He thought Torie had run off. “I feel for him.”
“Me, too. Whenever I come in with Mommie, Daddy, and my brothers, and he’s on duty, he always asks about Lolly, Pop, and Grant.”
“He usually asks me about Mom and Dad,” CJ admitted, sighing. Hopefully, time healed D. Elliot.
Shoving her braids behind her ear, Harley smiled at CJ. “What’s up?”
Once, all CJ needed was a smile from Harley to instantly brighten his day. At that moment, he wasn’t sure if anger would replace that look when he told her the truth. Or tears. Harley had weaponized both to maximum effect.
“CJ?”
“I hooked up with Skye Ratcliffe,” he told her.
She blinked, and CJ braced himself for the explosion.
Her shrug almost disappointed him. Until that moment, he hadn’t realized he’d wanted some reaction from her. “I know,” she said, shocking him into silence. “It happened Wednesday evening. Jaleena called me that night.”
“You didn’t say anything? Confront me?” Why the fuck that annoyed him, he wasn’t sure. “It doesn’t matter to you?”
“What do you want me to say? We aren’t a couple.” The sadness in her tone soothed him. “I wish it hadn’t happened, but considering my behavior, I can’t complain about yours.”
“You seem to be on that same soul-searching mission as Ryan.”
“I just want to do better. Karma bit me back in the worst, most humiliating way possible.”
CJ reached across the small table and held out his hand. “You didn’t deserve any of what you got.”
Slowly, she placed her hand in his. “I think I did,” she said softly.
“I didn’t think Jaleena knew,” he said, squeezing her hand and changing the subject. “She hasn’t called me.”
“Is that a good thing?”
“Fuck, yeah. I just wonder who else knows?”
“Rebel and Mattie don’t, so most of the girls on the cheer team don’t either.”
Fuck, that was the last thing he needed. His hook-ups gave Rebel fuel to add to her…whoever fire. “That’s comforting. I don’t want the whole school to know—”
“It’ll just add to your mystique.”
Laughing, he kissed the back of her hand and then released it.
“I guess you wanted to tell me before we ate in case I reacted as usual.”
“It wasn’t ‘as usual’”, bae,” he told her. “The Harley you turned into wasn’t the girl I grew up with and loved.”
Sadness pulled her features down. “It’s still the past tense.”
“I don’t know what it is anymore,” he admitted. “What you put me through…” He wouldn’t harp on it. He’d told her several times already. “I’m afraid to let my guard down.”
“I understand. I suppose I would be afraid too if the roles were reversed.”
CJ didn’t know what to say. He’d wanted to confess.
If he waited until the end and their date went well, he’d ruin the entire evening.
Despite Harley’s acceptance, awkwardness fell between them.
Perhaps, he wanted her to show that what he did mattered to her.
Of course, he hoped it wouldn’t be a full-blown crash out, but he hadn’t expected complacency.
“Uh, how’s school going?” Harley asked. “I’ve been studying a lot when I’m not helping Aunt Zoann.”
“School’s school.”
“The clubhouse is more exciting,” Harley guessed.
“Always.”
“I’m thinking about going to college. I was looking at schools on the East Coast.”
The idea crushed CJ. If she wanted a higher education, there were very good schools nearby. Then, he remembered her mother was there. “Because of Aunt Bailey?”
“Mommie doesn’t want anything to do with me.
” For the first time since their conversation started, her eyes watered.
She pressed her lips together and waited until her emotions were under control.
“No, it’s because I want to major in business and there are very good schools out there.
You should think about applying, too. We can put applications in for the same schools.
Whichever one we’re both accepted to, that’s where we’ll go. ”
It took her words a minute to catch up to him. When they did, relief swamped him. “While I wait for you to graduate high school, I can start prospecting.”
“You can,” she agreed, but something was missing between them.
He’d felt it for days. As they repaired their friendship, a chasm still existed between them. He didn’t know how to bridge it. And, maybe, it wasn’t Harley. He seemed detached from everything.
Harley took one of his hands between hers. “It’s okay, CJ. Truly. Whatever you’re feeling or not feeling. You’ve gone through so much. Molly’s disappearance was traumatic and her return was dramatic. That alone must’ve affected you terribly.”
He pulled his hand away. “And you weren’t there for me,” he told her. “When I needed you so fucking bad. You still can take one look at me and know whatever I’m going through. I hardly ever needed to explain. You just knew.”
“Same with you for me,” she admitted and leaned forward. “I miss you so much.”
They talked and texted every day, yet he knew what she meant.
“What does this mean for us?”
“I don’t know,” Harley admitted, even prettier with light makeup that accentuated her eyes, silver embroidered mini dress and simple jewelry.
Looking at her reminded him of all the dreams he’d once had. Except new ones had formed. Plans that deviated from what they always discussed.
“I don’t intend to go to college,” he announced, overwhelming peace settling into him at the realization. “Even to be close to you.”
“The club’s calling.”
He nodded. “Yeah.”
“I guess it means we have to take it one day at a time, CJ. Our bond broke. No, I broke our bond. That connection we shared that our cousins teased us about.”
If he and Harley didn’t end up together, he doubted he’d ever feel such a strong bond. Harley was all he’d wanted since before he knew what it meant. It wasn’t until last year that he’d stopped seeing her as one of the boys, his best friend, and thought of her as his.
“Dad always says everything happens for a reason,” CJ started.
“We won’t ever reconnect if we don’t look at what happened between us—not to you—differently.
I’ll be seventeen soon and you’ll be sixteen in December.
Maybe you needed to spread your wings and see if I was really who you wanted.
Maybe you should go to college, see another side of life. ”
“Aunt Meggie wanted the same for you.”
“She still does. But the club is in my blood, Harley. I want to patch in more than anything.”
“So, Mattie wants to have a cybersecurity firm that she owns but services the club. She wants Ryan to work with her, too.”
CJ widened his eyes.
“I’m going to run the business side of things. Just like we joined the cheer team because you made the football team, we’re planning our future around your clubhouse.”
“How does Rebel fit in?”
“She doesn’t know and neither do Mattie and me. She gave up on the idea of special enforcer. At one time, she wanted to do that and own a shop where she built custom bikes.”
They forced her to reconsider the special enforcer idea. Because of Mom, but where did that leave Rebel? Focused on Kaia and Diesel. Knee deep in her own trauma, instead of being the happy, spoiled princess she had been.
“I think she started seeing her role as whatever Diesel wanted her to be.” Harley grimaced. “I’m glad she has Kaia. Diesel is so intense.”
“That’s a fucking understatement,” CJ said, laughing.
“Mattie’s afraid of him—”
CJ narrowed his eyes.
“No, he hasn’t done anything to her. He’s just…intense,” she reiterated.
“A crazy motherfucker.”
Harley giggled. “You didn’t hear that from me.”
CJ smiled. “My lips are zipped.”
“I hope she does think of a major. Even if she doesn’t use her degree. It would give her room to find out who she is.”
“Wait, is Rebel thinking about going out of state, too?”
“I don’t think she’s going to college, CJ.”
“Fuck, that’s a relief. How could we vet the motherfuckers she’s interested in?”
Shaking her head, Harley gave him a disapproving look. “Stop crowding her, CJ. Give her space.”
“She wanted to join a dating app. Did I tell you that? If we give her space, she won’t use it properly.”
“Is that for you to decide?”
“Dad, me and Diesel,” CJ confirmed, frowning.
“Do you really think Diesel would approve of anyone for her? Do you think he’ll take his foot off her neck and give her the room she craves to meet new people and be a normal teenager?”
What she wanted the most. She’d said it often enough for CJ to hear it in his sleep. “I’m seriously sick of that fucking term. That’s all Rebel ever spouts about. It’s a fucking disease that you’ve caught.”
“We’re not going to solve this tonight, so why don’t we change the subject? Just know I don’t agree with how you’re smothering Rebel.”
“I’ve noted your argument, Harls,” he told her, reaching for the water glass and realizing it was empty. “Are you ready to order?”
“I am,” she responded with a smile.