Chapter 3 Hell
“I…” Liv’s lips trembled, and Margaret’s eyes grew misty. I felt as though I were intruding on a moment that did not belong to me. Before I could make an excuse to walk away and leave them with their privacy, Liv unfurled the letter and began to read aloud.
‘My beautiful little girl,
If you are reading this, I am not there for you when you need me most.
I suppose you are not so little anymore.
I want to apologize for all that I have kept from you, and I hope that you understand that everything that I did was done to keep you safe.
I did not make a single decision without you or your mother in mind.
You are both my entire world. I hope that you never have to find this letter, that you never have to make use of this home, and that by the time I am gone, you have found love and security.
But if not, this house is here to serve as a haven.
Without a male heir, your mother and I are not able to retain anything if I pass.
I did not want you to have no place of respite.
Hopefully, you read this many years in the future, and you are old enough now to know that the world is not as beautiful as I wish it could be for you.
There are cruel men in this world, and the society we live in was constructed with little regard for women such as you.
Though I know you will not falter. You are so strong already.
As I write this, you are chasing butterflies around the garden with your mother, your smile as wide as the river that runs through the forest.
Do not ever forget the butterflies; never lose the joyous spark that you bring into every space you enter. I leave you with one final request,’
Liv choked on the words. My own throat burned with held-back tears. I grabbed her hand and patted it gently. In truth, I did not know what she needed or how to comfort someone in such a state. So I remained silent as she took a deep inhale and forced herself to continue.
‘I leave you with one final request: please care for your mother.
She may not let on that she is hurting or that her entire world is crumbling around her.
She is stubborn that way, a trait I am glad that you gained from her.
She will need your comfort. I so wish I could have been there to see you married, to see you find love.
Have you found love? I pray to the gods that he sees the treasure that you are.
Remember me to him, tell my grandchildren stories of me.
Do not forget me, and do not ever forget yourself.
You are brave and strong and loved, and the world is a brighter place for your presence.
With love forevermore,
Your father.’
By the time she finished, she had sunk to her knees.
She clutched the letter in one hand and her stomach in the other as though she would be sick.
I knelt behind her as the silent sobs wracked her body and rubbed circles over her back.
Margaret stood painfully still, staring at the unopened letter in her own hand with wide, misty eyes.
She shook as though she feared what the letter held, as though the truth it contained might shatter her entirely.
I helped Liv to her feet and guided her to one of the chairs next to the table.
Once she was settled, curled in on herself like she could shield herself from the pain if she just shrank away small enough, I took Margaret’s hand.
I led her to the chair beside Liv, helped her to sit, and did not let go of her hand as I took the letter from her and gave her a small nod.
She nodded slightly in return. Silent permission.
And then I opened the letter and began to read it to her.
I cleared my throat awkwardly.
‘The love of my life,
This is not how it was supposed to be. In a perfect world, we would have had many more years together.
I would have given away our daughter, our only child, at her wedding.
I would have taught our grandchildren about the wonder in the world and watched as they gave their mother grief just as she gave to us.
I would have nursed you in your later years, and we would have gone peacefully together.
But we do not live in a perfect world. You know as well as I about the horrors our daughter could face, the loneliness that you could be forced to endure.
That is why I kept this property secret.
It pained me to have to prepare for a reality I could not begin to fathom, but I would not be a good husband, a good father, a good man, had I not.’
The sob that broke free from Margaret was bone-chilling. Echoed by the sniffling coming from Liv. Gods give me strength. The silent prayer did nothing against the painful tightening of my throat, but I wanted this moment, this grief, to be over with. So, I continued.
‘That was all I ever wanted. To be a good man.
There are very few good men left in the society we live in.
It feels off, wrong. I cannot fathom that the gods would construct a world in which women, the ones who care for, feed, and nurse the men, would be left with so little autonomy.
Without women, life would be for naught.
I hope that things change. I pray that the world I left is not the one you currently survive in.
But if it is, I left you with this. A home they cannot take from you, a place where you, Liv, and any woman who needs security or safety can live at peace.
I know it is smaller than our home, but there should be plenty of space for comfort.
It is not much, but there is a small sum, and some banknotes left in the desk in the study, so that you can make a start for yourselves.
You are the strongest woman I have ever met, matched only by our daughter, but you should not have to be.
Do not let my absence be a stain on your life.
Keep your charm, your timeless wisdom, and your caring soul.
Liv will need it; others may too. By now, I am sure that you have seen the corruption of society.
Though it is not your job, I do not doubt that if there is anything to be done about it, you and Liv will be the ones to do it.
Know that I am smiling down on you both.
Forever proud of the strength the gods allowed me to revel in.
Forever grateful for your love that I could never deserve.
Stay together and never forget that my heart and my soul are with you.
Forever your loving husband.’
The only thing that remained was silence. It fell heavily over us. I shifted on my feet, waiting, listening. “He sounds like he was a wonderful man; I regret not having a chance to meet him.” It came out in a whisper, but I know they heard me.
The sound of Christine skipping down the stairs shattered the silence.
I let out a breath of relief. “I found my room! It is big and beautiful, and the sheets are pink!”
The giggle she let out did not belong tangled with the grief that lingered thick in the air.
Liv inhaled sharply and slipped on a smile like a mask.
“That is wonderful, Christine! Show me.”
She took Christine’s hand and allowed her to pull her up the stairs.
Margaret finally looked up at me in their absence.
“He truly was a good man. You would have adored him, and he would have loved you as his own.”
Longing flashed through her eyes as I am sure his memory bombarded her.
But she finally smiled softly as she rose to her feet and said: “Now, I am sure you are all hungry; let us see if I can find some food to cook for you.”
My stomach rumbled on cue, and she took my hand and led me to the kitchen.