Chapter 12 Hell
The earth felt cool beneath my bare feet, and mist swirled around my ankles.
How many times had I wandered this forest beneath the same bright moon and the same scattering of stars?
But this time it felt… different. Each time I had visited before, it felt as though I was wandering through a place I did not belong, watched by someone who did not want me here.
This time, though, it felt as though I were coming home.
Returning to someone who had been waiting for me.
I scanned the trees, the brush, every shadow the moonlight failed to reach.
I could feel him watching me. The feeling should have unsettled me.
Instead, I found myself searching for him too.
But no matter where I looked, I found only empty forest.
I did not run this time; there was no panic.
I wandered the path, wildflowers unfolding with every step, glowing like fallen stars.
Fireflies twinkled, hovering in the air.
It was warm, and a slight breeze fluttered through my nightgown.
For one foolish moment, I longed to stay here forever.
I felt at peace, almost forgetting the world waiting for me beyond sleep.
I felt a presence settle behind me. Leaves and dirt crunched softly beneath unseen boots, but when I turned, there was nothing.
“I am not afraid of you!” It was the truth.
It had never felt as though he wanted to frighten or harm me.
Only to watch. The words disappeared into the trees.
Once, I would have laughed at myself for speaking to an empty forest.
Instead, I found myself waiting for an answer.
For a long moment, there was only the whisper of leaves.
Then, from somewhere behind me... “I know.” Little more than a whisper. Yet unmistakably real. My heart stuttered, and I froze. Until this moment, I had wondered whether the forest itself was haunting me. Now I understood. It had never been the forest. There was someone here with me.
“Who are you?” Silence. I turned toward the sound of his voice. The trees stood motionless, the forest entirely empty. “You can speak to me.” I hesitated. “I know that now.” The silence stretched until frustration finally won. I turned, intending to continue deeper into the forest.
“I shouldn’t…” Regret lingered beneath the whisper. The words carried no threat. Only reluctance. As though he wanted to answer more than I wanted him to but couldn’t.
“Why do you hide from me?” I stepped toward the trees, desperate for anything.
A flash of eyes. A strand of hair. The silhouette of broad shoulders between the trunks.
Anything that might tell me who shared this place with me.
I was met again with silence. For one terrible moment, I no longer felt his gaze. I thought he had gone.
Then the fabric of my sleeve shifted as though someone had stepped close enough for it to stir.
Warm fingers brushed mine. So lightly I almost believed I had imagined it.
The moment the warmth left, I wanted it back.
A breath drifted against the nape of my neck, sending gooseflesh blooming across my skin.
I closed my eyes and sank into the feeling.
Strong arms settled gently around my waist with the smallest tremble, and I relaxed against a broad chest.
“Is this okay?” The words, strained and quiet, rumbled against my back.
A chill skittered up my spine. I swallowed hard and gave the slightest nod.
I felt him relax; the tremble in his hands calmed.
Neither of us exchanged another word. We simply stood beneath the stars in borrowed peace and listened to the wind move through the trees.
His head dropped to the crook of my neck, and my eyes fell closed as he took in a deep breath.
It was as if he were trying to memorize the scent of me.
When soft lips pressed against the skin of my shoulder, my eyes shot open in surprise.
I caught the quickest glimpse of dark brown hair before he pulled back slightly.
My hand settled on his jaw, strong and covered in stubble. A low chuckle vibrated in his chest.
“Sorry...” His voice was almost sheepish. He let out a quiet laugh. “I couldn’t help it. You just smell so...” His sentence dissolved into another inhale and then a sigh.
“It's alright...” I swallowed. “...You could... do it again. If you wanted.”
I felt heat creep into my cheeks and was suddenly overcome with a foreign sense of self-consciousness.
His hesitation only deepened it. Then his lips found my neck again, lingering for the briefest moment before drifting lower.
Warmth unfurled through me until every thought dissolved beneath the quiet rhythm of his breathing.
Neither of us moved. For one impossible heartbeat, it felt as though the entire forest had stopped breathing with us.
My hand drifted from his jaw to the back of his head, and my fingers tangled in his hair.
I felt his throat bob against my neck as he swallowed hard.
I let out a frustrated sigh, then mustered the courage and stepped to turn around.
As though he could sense the thought before the movement, his arms dropped from my waist.
I moved before he could disappear, whipping around just as a strand of dark brown hair with streaks of blue caught the moonlight.
A hand closed around my arm. I froze. It wasn't him.
The touch lacked the warmth I had already begun to recognize. Then… “Hell!”
“No!” The shout echoed through the forest as his presence slipped away, and the dream began to crumble around me.
“Hell! Wake up!” No, no, no. I fought to cling to the dream, to the peace…
to him. I was so close. I needed to know who my mind had conjured.
But reality’s grip was too strong. With one more shake of my shoulders, I was torn from my sleep, and my eyes shot open.
I bolted upright, my fists tightening in the sheets.
“Not yet!” I shouted. Liv and Margaret stood before me, eyes wide.
“Not yet?” Liv’s face twisted in confusion.
My chest heaved, and my skin was slick with sweat.
Gods. I had been so close. He was awfully evasive for someone whom my own mind had invented.
“We have to go Hell. Ezra and the girls will be at the border soon. I know that you like your sleep, but we cannot delay.”
Right, the girls. She turned and left the room, likely expecting me to follow on my own.
I did not leave the bed. I sat in silence for a few moments and stared out the window ahead.
I knew it wasn't real. It couldn't have been.
I was definitely dreaming. But I could still feel his touch on my skin.
I could still smell him, metal and smoke with a hint of pine.
I reached up without thinking. My fingers drifted to my shoulder of their own accord, my fingertips brushing the place where his lips had lingered. Nothing.
I shook the thought from my head and slung my legs over the edge of the bed. We had more important things to worry about now.