Chapter 18 Hell
This time, I did not linger in the forest.
I did not wait for the familiar feeling of being watched.
Instead, I made straight for the clearing where I had found him before.
It was my dream, after all. If my mind had conjured him once, surely it would do so again.
But the clearing stood empty. A strange disappointment settled low in my stomach.
After the last few days, the awkward encounters with the blacksmith, the news from Verith...
I had not realized how desperately I wanted to be near him again.
I found myself craving the quiet comfort of his company, the peace that seemed to exist only when he was near.
I let out a quiet laugh, shaking my head at myself.
This was ridiculous. He wasn't real. He was nothing more than a figment of an exhausted mind searching for somewhere safe to rest.
And yet... here I was, looking forward to sleep with an eagerness I had never reserved for waking life, chasing each night's dream like a woman possessed.
My breath caught as warm air ghosted across the back of my neck.
I startled, more from surprise than fear.
Strong hands settled gently on my hips, and I found myself relaxing into the body they belonged to.
“I was beginning to believe my mind had forgotten how to dream you up.”
Though this space was our own, I still found myself whispering, as though someone might overhear us.
It felt private, even though it did not need to be.
Not here. I was met only with the quiet rhythm of his breathing and the faint echo of our heartbeats as they slowly fell into sync.
Perhaps my mind simply could not conjure a face.
Or a voice. Perhaps that was why I could never truly see him.
“Do you not have a face?” I asked softly.
“Or a voice of your own? Is that why you speak only in whispers and silence? Because my mind has not yet learned how to create those things?”
His chest vibrated with a silent chuckle.
But still he did not answer. Perhaps if I concentrated hard enough, my mind would finally fill in the rest.
I squeezed my eyes shut, so tightly I was practically seeing stars.
The only feature I could envision was eyes.
Cerulean and warm, surrounded by laugh lines.
Ugh! I stomped my foot against the ground.
The arms around my waist loosened just enough for one hand to rise and tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear.
His breath brushed my ear as he leaned in and pressed a feather-light kiss to the curve of my neck.
A shiver raced down my spine, carrying nothing of the cool mist that curled around our feet.
Soft music drifted through the clearing, as though the forest itself had begun to hum.
Then one of his hands appeared from behind me, holding out a strip of black silk.
I reached for it without thinking. His fingers closed around it before I could take it.
“Do you trust me?” I almost laughed. The notion was absurd. My own mind was asking me whether I trusted it.
“What is it for?” I knew the answer before I asked; I only wanted confirmation.
“So I can show you more.” His voice was barely a whisper.
“But only if you cannot see me.” He held the silk higher, and against every ounce of my better judgment, I nodded.
He lifted the silk over my eyes and tied it gently behind my head.
Darkness swallowed the forest. For a single heartbeat, I stood perfectly still, listening.
Then the air before me shifted. He took my hand, lifting it carefully until his lips brushed across my knuckles.
He did not let go of my hand as his other arm settled around my waist, drawing me close.
The music drifting through the forest swelled around us.
Then I was spinning. Or rather... attempting to.
He led me through something that vaguely resembled a waltz.
He was wonderfully terrible at it. Every turn came a heartbeat too late.
Every step was just slightly uncertain. It was less a waltz than a determined attempt at one.
“My subconscious could have imagined someone with a little more rhythm.”
It was going as smoothly as it could, until I said that.
I regretted it immediately. He faltered and stepped on my foot, hard, and we both went careening toward the forest floor.
He hit the ground with a solid thud, his arms tightening instinctively around me to shield me from the fall.
My head came to rest against his chest. Neither of us moved.
I melted into him, listening to the frantic rhythm of his heartbeat beneath my ear.
I did not know imagined men could have racing hearts.
The music had long since faded, leaving behind only the whisper of wind through the trees and the quiet chorus of the forest around us.
My head rose and fell steadily with his breathing as his fingers drifted lazily through my hair, careful not to disturb the blindfold. I pushed myself up onto my elbows.
“If you do not want me to see you...” I reached up, brushing my fingertips against the silk. “Then you must have a face.” I smiled despite myself. “So why...” He cut me off by rising to his feet, gently pulling me up with him.
“I cannot.” He did not explain.
“Please, just once. I must know what you look like. Who my mind has dreamt as a companion for me.”
I paused, turning over the words, “Wait, this is my mind. You are a figment of my imagination. I command you to let me see you.”
I reached for the blindfold. He caught my hand before I could tear it away.
“No!” He sounded desperate. His hand held tight to my wrist, despite the slight tremor that had started.
“Why?” My voice cracked, even as he pulled me back into his chest.
“Because,” He whispered. “If you see me, everything changes.” It was not a threat. It was a certainty. And he sounded terrified of it.
I let my hands wander over the shape of his chest before following the line of his neck until my fingertips found his jaw, rough with stubble. He drew a trembling breath, as though every touch was testing the limits of his restraint.
“If I cannot be allowed to see you, then give me one thing at least.” My voice cracked.
“Anything…” The response came out strained and too quick.
“Kiss me.”
Nothing. He said nothing. The only sound was his slow, measured breathing.
Even the forest seemed to be holding its breath.
He placed his hands over mine where they rested on his jaw.
I felt the moment his body began to move.
Felt his breath brush warm against my lips as he leaned in. And then he vanished.
There was nothing between my hands any longer. No warmth anywhere near me. Only cold. I tore the blindfold away from my eyes. He was truly gone. I turned in a slow circle, searching the clearing. Was this some cruel game? Then I felt a hand on my arm. Not his. Gods, not now.
“Hell!” Please no, not now. I had been so close; we had been so close.
“Helena! Wake up! It is important!” I fought to cling to the dream, desperately trying to ignore the urgency in her voice. No, not yet.
“There has been an intruder! Get up!”
My eyes shot open. The dream was gone. And so was he.