Chapter 20 Hell
His eyes widened as the cellar trembled. Dust sifted from the ceiling, and small fragments of stone broke free from the walls. I took one more step toward him.
“What is going on?” Liv caught hold of my shoulders while Ezra instinctively moved between the blacksmith and us, shadows already gathering around his hands.
“Get out.” My tone was sharp, leaving no room for argument.
“Hell…” Concern laced her features.
“I said get out. Now. This is between him and me.” She let go of my shoulders, took Ezra’s hand, and with one last look, closed the door behind them.
I drew a slow breath, willing my power to settle.
I said nothing. I walked to the door, slid the bolt into place, and listened as the lock clicked shut.
Then I circled his chair like a predator sizing up wounded prey.
His throat bobbed with a hard swallow. Neither of us disturbed the fragile silence that settled after the cellar stopped trembling.
I could not look away from him. I scarcely blinked. Every movement, every breath, each flicker of expression came under painful scrutiny. I saw him differently now than I had a moment ago... differently than I ever had in Forsgeth. Every breath he drew felt like a betrayal.
“Say something...” There it was. That whisper.
The quiet, strained voice that had brought me comfort in my dreams.
How had I not recognized it before? “Please...”
I could not say anything; I turned from him, fixing my eyes on the far wall.
“Hell…” My name sounded more foreign on his lips than ever before, and I hated it.
“How dare you speak my name as though you know me. As though…”
My voice broke. “You knew. You knew who I was all along?”
He did not answer me. Great. More of the silence he so loved to hide behind.
When I finally looked back, he would not meet my gaze.
His eyes were no longer warm. They held only guilt and something else I could not place.
“Go.” I crossed the room, yanked my blade free from the wood where it landed, and sliced through the ropes that bound his hands.
“I will convince them to let you leave. But I think it is best you leave Forsgeth altogether. I do not ever want to see you again.”
He stood from the chair, rubbing the raw circles that the rope had carved into his wrists.
I made a mental note to commend Ezra on his knotting skills.
He did not move. Perhaps he had not gotten the point.
So I waved him toward the door. “Go on.”
He stood still as a tree. Unyielding. I reached for the lock, unlatched the door, and threw it open.
Ezra and Liv scrambled away from it, feigning nonchalance as though they had not been listening.
I did not care; that was not my focus. He had to leave.
I held the door open and waved him through it.
He finally moved, crossing the cellar to me.
Something in his expression fractured, and for one shameful heartbeat I nearly felt sorry for him.
Nearly told him to stay. Then he took hold of the door and shut it gently, allowing the lock to click back into place.
“No.”
“No?” I placed my hands on my hips, backing away from him. “It was not a question. Now leave.”
He stepped closer. “We need to talk about this.” Another step.
“I do not wish to even look at you, much less talk to you. This is your last warning. Go.” I let some of my power slip free. The ground rumbled, and the wood beams overhead creaked. He kept coming, each step painfully slow.
“You won't hurt me.” There was no hesitation in his voice. “I know you.”
“You do not know me.” I scoffed. He was impossibly close now, close enough that I caught his scent.
Warm pine and smoke. The memory flashed again.
His hands on me. His lips against my neck.
My stomach lurched. “Do you have any idea...”
I backed into the wall as the cellar shook more violently than before.
Fury unlike anything I had ever known tore through me.
I swung. He seized my wrist before my hand could connect.
I swung with the other. He caught that one too.
“Stop! Just let me explain, please.” He begged as I struggled against him, desperate to make him feel even a fraction of the pain tearing through me.
“You betrayed me!” I screamed. He wasn't rough.
Even his grip was impossibly gentle. “You asked me if I trusted you while you were actively betraying that trust.”
His grip loosened, and I tore free. “You invaded the only place where I ever felt safe! You tarnished the one sanctuary that belonged entirely to me!”
I pounded my fists against his chest, every word another physical blow.
“You entered my mind without asking me! You never even told me who you were!”
He never defended himself. Did not try to stop me.
He simply stood there and took every hit.
It made me hate him even more. “Say something!” My voice cracked.
His shoulders sagged. “I know.” His voice was barely above a whisper. “I'm sorry.”
I stopped.
“What?” My arms fell limp at my sides, exhausted.
“I never wanted this. You have to believe me.”
A bitter laugh escaped me. Believe him. Right.
“I... I cannot control it.”
“Moments ago you offered to invade a madman's dreams and pull secrets of war from his mind. If that is not control, I do not know what is.”
He shut his eyes. “I mean... I cannot control it when it comes to you.”
Silence settled between us. “The first time it happened, I did not even know where I was.”
He braced both hands against the back of the chair.
“And then you showed up at my stall, and I could scarcely believe that you were standing before me.”
He sighed. “Then it kept happening. I tried to stay away. I tried to give you your privacy.”
I slid down the wall, no longer certain what I believed.
“I wanted to tell you, but I could not. I did not want you to hate me, to think me some kind of predator. There was nothing I could do.” His head fell. “I tried everything. Droughts to stop myself from dreaming. Avoiding sleep altogether...”
He crossed the room and lowered himself beside me against the wall. Only then did I truly see him. The weariness in his eyes. The dark circles beneath them that nearly swallowed the laugh lines. He was exhausted.
“You have to believe me...” he whispered.
I buried my face in my hands. For a long while, neither of us spoke. Then I felt his hands gently close around my wrists. He eased them away from my face and cupped my cheeks, guiding my gaze to his.
“Please...”
I searched his face, trying desperately to find the man who had made me feel so safe.
I couldn't. Not until he pulled me against him and rested my head over his heart.
It thundered beneath my ear. There it was.
The comfort. The peace I had found in my dreams.
The feeling of home. It hadn’t been the forest; it had always been him.
I stayed there for a long while, listening to him breathe, trying to reconcile the impossible truth that he was real.
He let me. His fingers drifted slowly through my hair, just as they had in the dream.
“I do not think I can trust you...” I whispered without lifting my head. “But I will not make you leave.”