Chapter 25 Hell
For a time, silence lingered between the two of us, stretching endlessly through the darkness that existed in this place between sleep and dreams.
Rafael shifted beside me as the awkward waiting became almost unbearable.
Then I heard it. A faint, crystalline chime.
We turned at the same moment. A single glowing flower bloomed from the darkness.
Then another answered it. And another. Until the endless void was swallowed by brilliant blossoms and shimmering light.
It was unlike anything I had ever seen. Without a doubt... this was Liv's mind.
When I looked at Rafael, wonder shone in his eyes.
We followed the winding path that had formed between the blossoms, butterflies crawling free from the flowers as we passed.
They unfurled shimmering wings and took flight, leaving streams of starlight drifting in their wake.
The light lingered overhead before cascading around us like a shower of fallen stars.
“Is this normal?” I turned to Raf, “Does it always look this… magical, when you dream walk?” He chuckled, a low warm sound that was so familiar it pulled at something within me.
“I am beginning to suspect that nothing involving the two of you could ever be considered normal.”
Another chuckle. “Her mind is far more whimsical than any I have ever entered.”
He smiled, clearly delighted by it. “It makes sense, though. Dreamscapes tend to reflect a person's truest nature. Even the parts they never show the waking world.”
We continued down the winding path until lilting laughter drifted through the flowers.
Just ahead, light spilled through a window nestled among the blossoms, and the laughter poured from it like music.
I stepped toward it slowly. Through the window, a little girl darted through a sunlit garden.
Reddish brown hair bounced around high cheeks, and freckles dusted the bridge of her delicate nose. Liv.
I watched through the window as little Liv ran through a garden “Come on, Father!” she called over her shoulder, laughing as he scrambled after her. She chased butterflies that fluttered through the air.
“What is this?” Raf did not seem as enthralled by it as I was.
“The windows are memories, and dreams.” He waved a hand gesturing to the walls of flowers, every few feet there was a different window.
“Is this what it looked like when you were in my dreams? All the windows?”
“No,” His throat bobbed. “Normally, I can only watch from outside the memory, just as you are now. I can influence the dream from beyond the window, but I try not to be seen.”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “With you...”
He swallowed. “I was pulled through the window. I experienced the dream alongside you. We could see each other... touch each other...” He shook his head. “It was not normal.”
I continued along, peering through each window, watching Liv's memories like some strange voyeur.
I saw the first time she met Ezra. Her courtship with Lord Stanhope, the ass.
I lingered on the moment she discovered her magic, the first bloom she brought to life and smiled.
Then, I heard rowdy laughter and lively music drifting from a window just ahead. I knew that sound.
I stopped in front of the window where Liv looked out over a crowd from atop a table.
The tavern. She looked at her feet as she clumsily tried to memorize the steps and I watched as her confidence bloomed when she gained her footing and began to dance furiously.
A loud laugh escaped me as I danced about and mirrored her movements.
Raf laughed as well. It had become difficult to remember little moments like these with everything that had happened.
I had almost forgotten they existed. I hooked my arm in his, and we spun around leaping in circles.
The scene panned from the crowd to the bar top beyond them, then locked in on a woman. Me… or a version of me. I was radiant, practically glowing. My hair was much shorter and cut sharply. My eyes were bright and confident, I looked strong, almost mythic. Almost larger than life.
“These are not always accurate, are they?” I asked Raf.
“Dreams and memories are an interpretation of what the person experiencing them believes. While it may not be accurate in your eyes, this is what Liv truly sees...”
He paused a moment, his eyes roving over me.
The corner of his lips tugged upward, and he opened his mouth as though he wished to say something, then closed it again.
He let out a sigh. “...It is what I see.”
My throat tightened, though I could not have said why.
I looked back through the window before I could meet his eyes.
I found myself studying the woman in the memory again.
When I finally dared to meet Raf's gaze again, I found him looking at me as though I were the woman in the window. Every bit of her.
I broke our gaze and turned away sharply, eager to outrun the warmth blooming within me like the flowers surrounding us. Ahead, another window glowed brilliantly among the blossoms. I made my way toward it, Rafael's footsteps following a quiet beat behind my own.
My heart broke as I looked through the glowing window.
The light wasn't coming from the dream itself.
It was coming from Clarissa. She looked exactly as I remembered.
Small and slight, yet somehow capable of filling every room she entered.
Her light danced around her as she sang to the sunflowers in the cave, wrapping each bloom in warm song.
The memory shifted and the light faded. Now she sat beside me, laughing as she played with little stone soldiers marching across the ground.
She gave each one a ridiculous voice, telling increasingly ridiculous stories, determined to make us laugh no matter how frightened we were. Gods.
I stood frozen before the window as the dream shifted.
Suddenly the three of us were standing before a stone bridge looking into the waters and jagged rocks below.
The scene unfolded exactly as it had in the trial.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw a petal fall from the wall of flowers and flutter to the ground, crumbling to dust beside my foot.
I looked around and the flowers had begun to wilt.
Petals fell all around and crumbled upon impact.
The glow had faded, and the colors became a decayed sort of brown.
The butterflies and starlight had disappeared entirely.
“What is happening?” I looked to Raf and his eyes were wide. Before he could respond I looked back through the window.
Clarissa's eyes were misty as she stood entranced. “Wait…” I knew exactly what was going to happen. “NO!”
“Do not look.” Raf shouted. But I could not look away.
I beat my fists against the window as I watched Clarissa attack me in slow motion.
“Stop! Please!” She continued to grapple with me as Liv shouted for her to stop and stepped forward.
I pounded against the glass until my fists ached.
I screamed until my throat burned. Nothing changed.
The girls in the window could not hear me, the memory could not be changed.
The dream lurched violently and suddenly Clarissa was against the cave wall.
A jagged piece of stone pierced her abdomen.
My mouth fell open. The scream tore itself from my throat, but the rushing in my ears swallowed every sound as I watched the light fade from her eyes.
I fell to my knees, watching as the blood poured slowly from her body onto the cave floor.
The ground beneath me was cool. I beat my fists against it, willing the memory away, silently begging the gods to end the torment.
Rafael knelt beside me, but I could not bring myself to look at him.
Through the blur of my tears, I saw him reach toward me...
then hesitate. His hand faltered before slowly beginning to withdraw.
I caught it. My fingers wrapped around his before he could pull away.
Then I tugged him toward me. I needed his touch.
Any touch. Something to remind me that I was real.
That I was here. That I had survived. I buried my face against his chest.
After only a heartbeat's hesitation, his arms wrapped around me.
Though, I never had to ask. He simply held me while I cried.
Around us, the dreamscape crumbled into darkness once more until there was nothing left but silence.
Darkness gave way to the kitchen ceiling and light flooded my eyes.
My lungs dragged in a ragged breath. Liv leaned over me, inspecting me from her spot knelt beside me as though she were not sure I was truly here.
Ezra stood close by, looming over me with crossed arms and a stern look.
My eyes cleared as I scanned the room and landed on the clock.
Two minutes. We were only in there for two minutes and yet it had felt like days.
“Well it worked.” I sat up beside Liv. “Why did you guys pull us out? How did you even know that it had worked?”
I rubbed the sore spot on the back of my head, fighting against the headache I could feel creeping.
Liv did not answer. She only stared at me with that concerned look, something else beneath it, like understanding.
My eyes shot to Ezra. He too looked concerned, I raised my brow at him.
“You were screaming.” He scowled as he said it. No one spoke. I only blinked back at him. Margaret stepped from behind me and handed me a warm cup of chamomile tea.
“It is calming.” She said before handing me a handkerchief.
I looked between her and the cloth, confused.
She gestured toward my eyes, and then patted her own face below her eyes and along her cheeks.
I reached up with my hand and my fingertips fell on wetness.
I had not realized I had been crying. I drank the tea slowly, hoping my throat would relax and no longer feel so tight.
I looked back toward Liv, but she would not meet my gaze.
“How long?” She did not answer, she simply stared at the floor looking ashamed. “How long have you been having that nightmare?” I spoke more clearly this time, louder. Still no answer. She stared at a spot on the floor biting her lip.
“I thought...” My voice cracked. “I thought I was the only one who couldn't escape it...who saw it every time I closed my eyes.”
I whispered. I lifted my hand to brush the hair from my face.
It refused to move. I frowned. The ribbon still bound my hand to Rafael's.
He met my gaze with a sad smile and gave my fingers a gentle squeeze.
When Liv looked up, her eyes were lined in redness and a welling of tears.
“You are not alone in your grief, you never have been.” She whispered back. “Some days I think I am still standing in that cave. I will miss her forever. And I don't think I'll ever stop regretting that night.”