Chapter 44 Hell
“Here.” I set a piece of parchment before each person.
“I will need a list of each and every person you spoke to of the plans for the last few missions we have undertaken.”
I placed a quill, piece of charcoal, or paints before each of them to write with.
“I know that it was not explicitly stated that we were not to speak of it. No one is in trouble, we just need to be certain we can trust everyone here in the sanctuary.”
They each took a writing tool and began to jot names.
“I do not know how to write…” Christine said quietly.
“That is alright, just tell me who you spoke to of the missions and I will write down their names.” I offered her a small smile and sat beside her, poised to write.
“Alright… Well there was Eliza. Oh, and there was Mary.”
She held up her fingers as she named names.
“I spoke of it to Jaelessa, and to Alice.”
When Christine was done she had named nearly every one of the younger girls in the sanctuary.
They had also likely told their friends of it, and their parents.
Then everyone else handed me their list.
I shuffled through the pieces of parchment and realized that it would be easier to name the few in the sanctuary who did not know of the plans.
I suppose we had not been as careful as we thought.
These lists, this very investigation, all of it was useless.
This was not betrayal. Not necessarily. It was merely gossip and excitement.
Of course the girls would giggle excitedly and brag about the mission they were chosen for.
It made sense that they would tell their families, the people of Verith loved gossip.
All it took was one person overhearing a whispered conversation and soon enough they were all discussing the rebellion they had become part of.
We had never told them not to speak of it, because until now, it had never occurred to us that we needed to.
“Thank you all! We will discuss more later.”
I nodded my head in dismissal and everyone shuffled out.
The girls went to the training ring to spar, Christine took Eliza by the hand, and they ran to the trees, eager to jump into the fallen leaves.
I slumped down into a chair and let out a groan.
Margaret set a cup of tea before me and patted my hand.
“I know that you expected your investigation to go differently. Oftentimes things do not turn out how we planned.” She sipped on her own cup of tea. “That however, does not mean we stop.”
“What do you mean?” I did not sit up or uncross my arms, I did not have it in me at the moment to pretend that I was not exhausted.
“What I mean is not the question. The question here is whether the cost outweighs the risk.”
I raised my brow at her. “My dear, does giving up make anything safer?”
I thought on it for a moment. “Let me help you, no, it does not. If you give up, Verith and that nasty Stanhope will still pursue you, and Liv and the girls you saved. Then what will all of this be for?”
“You are right.” I sighed. “Though I do not know where to go from here.”
“Yes you do.” She smiled at me. “The girls that remain in Verith still need someone to save them, they still need a place to call home. I know you are feeling defeated right now, but that does not change the simple fact that if we do not save them, no one will.”
“What if Stanhope finds us though? What if someone gets hurt, and it is a direct result of us angering him?” I rubbed at my temples.
“Helena Grace! In the time I have known you, you have become like a daughter to me, and no daughter of mine gives up.”
Her voice was sterner now. “We can sit here and talk about what-ifs until the winter melts and the blooms return, but what if you do nothing? Any hypothetical consequence can be dealt with if it comes to fruition. For now, we do good with what we have,
and doing good means saving those girls who have no one else.”
I could not meet her eye. She was right, I had given up.
It somehow seemed easier than admitting I did not know what I was doing.
I was never meant to help lead a rebellion, to fight a war that was started long before I was born.
I was here nonetheless, and if not me, if not us, then who?
“Helena, dear.” Margaret stood and pulled me to my feet.
She wrapped her arms around me and a calming warmth washed over me.
She did not have any magic, but she carried immense love for everyone she cared about.
Sometimes I could feel that more than any power that anyone was blessed with.
“We don't stop doing what is right because we're afraid of what it might cost us,” she whispered as she embraced me.
“No matter the cost, we continue. We accept our losses, and we ensure that we leave this world having made it a better one for those who walk it after us.”
I do not know when the tears had gathered in my eyes, but I felt them as they rolled down my cheeks and I squeezed Margaret a little tighter.
My own mother had passed, and for all my strength, a girl still needed her mother.
This rebellion had become the family that I no longer had, and it would be that for the girls who remained trapped in Verith too.
I called everyone back to the kitchen. I explained to them the risk, and smiled at Margaret proudly as I told them it would be worth it.
We pulled the maps out one last time, and plotted one final extraction.
There were still ten girls in Verith. Ten people who were counting on us to make their world better. And so we would.