Chapter 4 #2
His low voice, the strong hand on my shoulder, and the compassion and calm that flowed from him, started to ease the breakdown I was having, but what was left of me was hollow, and in shock.
I felt like it had all just happened. I felt like I’d watched her torment once more.
That I’d watched her being torn apart by those fuckers, and could still hear them laughing, even above her screams. My club. My brothers.
“I… stayed,” I finally choked out, because that was bothering me just as much as what happened to her.
I stayed with the club. I still didn’t understand how or why.
I didn’t see her again after that night, but they seemed to swarm me in the days that followed, like they cared about me, like they felt remorse for their actions. Not that it’d changed anything.
None of them were forgiven, but the club was the only place I had, and with her gone, I just sank into a black hole, letting it swallow me, keeping me there with them, because it was my home, and my only place in this world.
“You had nowhere else to go, brother. Give yourself a break.”
“She didn’t get a break. She lives with this every day.”
Micro patted my shoulder again, backing up as if he realised the moment for any comfort was over, and I wanted him away from me, just like she’d wanted them away from her. Wanted me away from her.
“I saw her again,” I said to him, dragging an arm across my face to try and hide the evidence of my weakness and cowardice, although it was too little too late. My arrogance for thinking I should get to feel this way. I deserved to burn in hell, and the guilt was my burden to carry forever.
“Since the pub?”
I nodded. “Saw her shopping, hung around to try and talk to her, to… to say I don’t know what.
Sorry, I guess? To see how she was doing.
She freaked out, ran from me, fell, ended up in hospital.
Jesus. I’m a cancer, I’m a fucking disease.
Why didn’t I just stay away? Why can’t I stay away from her? ”
He took a deep breath, watching me wallow for a moment, and then he nodded slowly.
“Because maybe that’s not what either of you need.”
ELIZABETH
That address on the form was still flagged on my phone.
Something about it was familiar, but I wasn’t sure why.
I didn’t think there was even anything there, but it wouldn’t stop bugging me, so I grabbed my coat and hopped in my car.
There was only one way to find out, I figured, as I reached out and tapped the button to auto-lock the car.
I set my phone in the cradle on the dash, and selected some music to play, a nineties playlist that’d keep my spirits up, even have me singing along. It was early evening, and there was enough daylight left for me to check this place out, and drive home again.
Melody and Kyla were checking on me every few hours, texting, calling, whatever, just like they worried I’d fall over some cliff if they didn’t.
I was so glad they were such good friends, even though we’d met somewhere where women should never have to gather.
The level of sexual assaults happening was horrific.
Women had to take so many precautions just to survive life, and the perpetrators would still find a way.
The town roads gave way to quieter country lanes, and I smiled at the evidence of Spring along the sides of the road, bluebells dotted around, green leaves on the trees after so many months of bare branches.
Something about Spring always made me feel hopeful, and I was relieved to still feel that way after what happened.
Maybe I could still get back to who I was, and live my life after all.
As I headed down the lane my phone directed me to, there was a tingling in the back of my brain, a suggestion, or maybe even a warning, that I’d seen this place before.
That it was familiar to me, but I couldn’t place it.
Was there a park here, or something? Had I been walking here, or hell, even broken down here or something?
The lane culminated in a set of wide gates, and it was only as I pulled up outside of them and turned off my engine, with suddenly trembling fingers, that I realised where I was.
I hadn’t recognised it in daylight, and the gates were different, lower than before, like farm style gates, but it was definitely the place where I lost everything.
A low rumbling sound from beyond the gates made me tremble, and I watched the gates being pulled open, as a large vehicle exited, some kind of supply truck, and it was followed by several motorcycles, ridden by men in leather. Oh god. OH GOD.
It was really the place where it’d happened.
He’d put that address on my form. Why would he put that address of all addresses on the damn form?
Was it a taunt? A way of reminding me that I’d never escape this place?
Was it to torture me, to throw me back into the horrific memories that threatened to break me?
Why would he do this? Was that what the date was? I didn’t think it through before, but no… it wasn’t that night. It definitely wasn’t, but what was it?
The gates weren’t closing, and the guy leaning on the fencepost was eyeing me, waiting until I looked at him fully before he gestured at the compound as if he thought I wanted in. I shook my head vehemently, and he shrugged, stepping back inside to start tugging on the heavy gates.
I tried to start the engine, to get out, to run from this place, at least faster than I’d been able to that night, but the second I tried to move, it stalled.
I tried again, stalling again, as if my car was panicking as much as I was.
I frantically tried to start it again, and that’s when I realised there was someone striding out of the compound, and straight for my car. It’s him. OH GOD it’s him! Ghost.
No, wait. It was a different man. A large, bulky man, with brown hair and a smile. He was smiling at me? How dare he smile at me?!