Chapter 8
Chapter Eight
GHOST
She was holding my hand, gripping it for dear life, as I guided her up the steps, following her, and leading her to the ladder.
Her grip tightened as we moved, and then she was on the ladder, and I was hovering behind her, wishing I could help more, but she wanted to do this, and I wanted to fucking make that happen for her.
Give her the space to do it, to prove she could do it.
When she reached the top, I quickly followed her up the ladder, stopping as soon as my feet touched the floor, watching her as she eyed the view from up here. It wasn’t some great distance up, but when you’re in a field in the middle of nowhere, a little height can make a big difference.
“It’s so pretty here. I don’t think I realised that before.”
I stepped closer to her, doing my best not to crowd her, while everything in me wanted to get closer, to touch her again, not in a predatory way, but just because that one innocent touch, holding her hand to help her, had felt so fucking right.
“There will be windows this time for the living quarters, which are all up on this level. It’ll be nice to see out, wake up with the sun, that kind of thing.”
She nodded, taking a deep breath in through her nose.
“The air’s fresh here, and you can hear the birds singing. It’s…” she glanced at me, “it’s been the place in my nightmares for so long, but it’s unrecognisable now. It doesn’t feel unsafe anymore.”
I swallowed hard, lowering my hand by my side, sucking in a breath as the backs of my fingers brushed against hers.
She didn’t flinch or panic, just glanced down at our hands, so close together they could be wrapped around each other.
Her eyes met mine next, and then she was looking outward again, not taking my hand, but not pulling away either.
“Some of it’s you,” she said next, biting her lip as she kept eyeing the trees around us.
“Me?”
“You make me feel safe. It’s like the fear has fallen away, and what remains is the good memories. Our dates. The way we laughed together. The sweet things you did to look after me. Us being on your motorbike together. I was happy.”
Fuck me, so was I. I was so fucking happy. Could we get there again one day? I was too afraid to ask, too afraid to dislodge this moment, to interrupt the way she was feeling.
“We both were,” I said softly, glancing down at our hands as her fingers suddenly threaded through mine. She was touching me again, willingly touching me, and it made me feel like I’d just won the fucking lottery. I gently squeezed her fingers and she shot me a warm smile.
“I feel like I could do anything right now. I feel on top of the world.”
Her buoyant energy was starting to rub off on me, because I could fucking feel that too.
This compound had been a place of horrors, but it had slowly been redeeming itself, if that was something a place could even do.
And now? Now it felt like where I was meant to be.
Now it felt like the home I’d been seeking, and not because of the new building, or the changes we’d made, or at least not just because of those.
It was because of her. Her feeling of safety, her courage, the way she smiled with a sense of pure serenity.
She was the one rising from the ashes, and she was lifting me up with her.
“Would you let me take you on a real date sometime?” I asked, knowing I was pushing things, but this moment was giving me courage too.
Her fingers twitched in my hand, but she nodded.
“I’d like that. I get to choose where though. I need certain assurances and boundaries in my life, at least for now.” I had no fucking problem with that.
“Anything you want.”
She turned to me then, a determined look on her face.
“Kiss me.”
Wait, what? I tilted my head at her, wondering if I even heard her right.
“I mean it.”
“Elizabeth?”
Her determination sizzled into anger, and her gaze turned sharp.
“Didn’t you just say anything I want? I want a kiss.”
I hesitated again, glancing around us.
“From me?”
She rolled her eyes. “No, from that guy over there.” She pointed and I followed the gesture, seeing Stag climbing off his ride down below, and I practically snarled as I caught her finger and moved it away from him.
“Fuck no. Not him. He’s an asshole.”
She stepped closer, her courage coming in leaps and fucking bounds right now.
“Definitely not him. You. Only you.”
Panic was rising in me, because she was pushing herself too far. Jumping ahead. Did I want to kiss her? Fucking right I did, but did I think I could handle it if she ran from me again? My heart sure as hell couldn’t.
“Here? Now?”
She grabbed my cut in both hands and tugged me closer. “Seriously?”
She rose up on her tiptoes and pressed her lips against mine, and fuck me, every ounce of stress and panic drained out of me as our lips moved together, and I wrapped my arms around her.
The last year disappeared from our minds, as we remembered each other.
Remembered how it feels to be together, just us, just our mouths, our tongues.
Just what was growing between us before all of this happened.
Fuck. Speaking of growing, I started trying to lean my lower body away from her, so she couldn’t feel my dick, which was really enjoying this fucking kiss too.
She giggled as she pulled back.
“I did it! I…” she trailed off, her fingers tracing over her lips as she stared at mine.
“Are you okay?” I turned away, trying to discreetly adjust myself before I turned back, and she didn’t miss a damn thing, her eyes darting down before her gaze returned to mine.
“I liked it. It’s you, Ghost. Of course I liked it.”
I know we weren’t that high up, and a fall wouldn’t kill me, but I felt like I was suddenly teetering right on the fucking edge, and that fall would kill me, because it’d destroy me inside and out once and for all.
If she liked kissing me, did that mean she wanted me around her again?
Did she want to date me again? Would she want more?
Elizabeth lowered her fingers, her eyes still intent on mine.
“I’d like to get down from here now.”
Just like that, I felt like I dropped more than a floor. She’d just clarified things, hadn’t she? It was just a kiss. Another step in her journey to recovery. Another little thing that was about her, and not me.
ELIZABETH
I wasn’t panicking. I wasn’t running. I just needed a chance to breathe, to ask myself why this wasn’t scaring me.
To ask myself what the hell I was doing.
I’d literally come to the same place that I’d been raped in, and it was so different now that I felt secure here.
Safe. I felt like it was where I was meant to be.
With Ghost by my side, it felt right, and that should be scaring me, but it wasn’t.
“Sure. Let’s uh… I’m gonna go down first, and I’ll be there to catch you.
You can get on the ladder okay?” I nodded, because heights didn’t bother me, so a ladder wasn’t a scary thing either.
The things I was feeling should be the scary part, but they weren’t.
I didn’t feel afraid, or overwhelmed, or like I needed to escape.
I felt empowered. I felt like I was taking my life back.
Taking my damn body back. Everything suddenly felt possible, but my therapist had warned me about these things.
That I could be falsely convincing myself I’m ready.
That I could go into something with a man, assuming I could do it, and I’d freeze at some vital point, and panic.
“There you go. Back on solid ground,” he said as he released my hand once more, and I immediately missed the warmth of his touch. How did I ever tar this man with the same brush as them? Why did I let myself see him as a monster too?
“Thanks for coming by, and for the coffee and snack. It was really sweet of you.”
“Can I come back?” I asked, desperate to hang onto this feeling that being around him caused. Feeling strong and capable, safe, protected, feeling human again.
“Sure. I’m here pretty much 24/7, since I’m working onsite and live here. Maybe I could take you out on my ride sometime, you loved that, right?”
I nodded, eyeing the motorcycles that were parked alongside my car. I didn’t even know which one was his, but it didn’t matter. It felt possible, and I liked that feeling. Possibility.
“Tonight,” I blurted, and he raised his eyebrows.
“You want to come back tonight? When it’s dark?”
I knew what he was getting at, but I nodded. I had to do it.
“We don’t have to ride. We could just talk again? I could bring something with me.”
He shook his head, and my pride took a hit, as much as my rising happiness dipped, because it felt like rejection.
“Will you let me? I’ll order something for us to eat. We could sit up on the roof and watch the sun go down?”
“Yes!” I blurted, suddenly wanting exactly that.
And that’s why I was back before dusk, parking up and getting out of the car as he strode in my direction.
He was beautiful, that was the best word for it.
Reddish hair, blue eyes, that wide smile as he saw me.
Since the fear had been dissipating so rapidly from both of us, what I saw now was a relaxed man, someone whose own fears had been fading as we spent time together.
And sure, this was fast. This was a few meetings, and it already felt like it was right, but we’d been on our way there a year ago.
This was our second chance. This was us taking back what should have been ours back then.
He pointed to the roof. “Already got it all set up. Will you join me?” He held out his hand, and I took it instantly, his smile widening again with relief.
“You look so pretty again, Elizabeth. You always look so pretty.”
I’d tried hard to look pretty, for him, but most importantly for me.
My long hair was carefully curled, I wore minimal makeup, and I wore soft grey jeans and boots with a bright blue shirt, layered with a grey leather jacket.
I felt pretty. I felt like a normal woman getting ready for a date.
My heart was racing, but with excitement rather than fear.
As he led me up onto the roof again, I saw how he’d worked hard to make it special. Several thick fleecy blankets were layered up, and a few pillows were at the corners, and there was a tray with beers and a small bottle of wine, a single serve bottle. Several steaming containers sat beside that.
“I uh… I wasn’t sure what you wanted. I remembered you liked Italian food, so we have some options to choose from.”
“It’s perfect.”
It was. It really was.