Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
“My love, is everythin’ alright?” Tori asks the moment I walk through the garage door. She stops washing the dishes to come to me, but I raise my hand to stop her.
“I’m sorry, baby. I smell like shit.” I round the kitchen Island and head towards the bedroom.
“You look like shit. What’s wrong?” She doesn’t stop walking. Her soft wet hand grazes my forehead, checking me for a fever.
“Josiah is dead. I found him this afternoon.” I don’t meet her beautiful chocolate eyes.
Tori gasps, pulling me into her arms. I wrap my arms around her waist and breathe her in. “How?”
“Shot himself in the head,” I say with no empathy.
The letter Cage let me read once he’d placed it in an evidence bag, pops into my head.
I feel nothing. No sadness. No pain. No relief.
Cal’s murderer is dead but in the most cowardly way.
He chose to abandon his wife and unborn child after killing my brother.
I deserve revenge. Maribel, Brenda, and Lisa deserve justice.
“How’s Mary?”
“She doesn’t know. She’s been in labor for a few hours. Cage is goin’ to the hospital to give her the news once we know she’s given birth.” I brush my lips to her forehead and pull her away.
“Oh my God. I can’t believe it.”
“What’s going on?” Maribel steps into the room from… I don’t know where.
“Josiah killed himself,” Tori answers.
“What? Why?”
“In his note,” I sigh. “He confessed to murdering Cal.” I swallow, turning to face Maribel.
“Oh my God.” She whispers, placing her hand over her mouth.
“I’mma take a shower. I need to wash the scent of death off me.” I announce as Tori comforts Maribel. I can’t take anymore of her crying. Not when I’m angry. So, so, angry.
The cool water streams down my body… and I just stand there. My hollow chest suddenly beats, that damned thing thrashing like it’s about to take flight. Josiah’s confession and death only brought more hate, more anger. A reminder of what I’ve lost.
Cal chose me as his brother and I chose him… and now he’s gone.
Tori, the love of my life, and my children, they need me and yet the loss of Cal makes it impossible to come back to myself. To my wife.
I punch the tile, over and over again. Screaming at no one and yet begging to be heard.
Tori runs in, panic in her beautiful wide eyes. I drop to the floor as she yanks her jeans down her legs and tugs her shirt off before jumping into the shower just to hold me… and I still have no tears.
“What are you feeling?” she asks after several minutes. Tori presses a soft kiss to my temple as her nails scratch my scalp.
“I’m angry.” I drag my head up from her soft breasts.
“Okay. You’re grieving. It’s okay to be angry.
” She palms my face before she stands and offers her hands to help me up.
“Your best friend and brother were taken from you. He was in his prime. He still had a whole life ahead of him. He was young and someone killed him because of what he knew. I’m just as angry as you. ”
She grabs the body wash and squeezes it onto the loofa. There is an instant relief the moment I feel her scrub my chest. She knows how to take care of me. “I knew the dangers of this life. The costs of living with sins and guilt… but-”
“But it hits hard when it’s Cal. The person you’re closest to.”
“Yes,” I sigh. Meeting her gaze. “I just assumed it wouldn’t happen to us.”
“You thought you two were invincible.”
“Yes.” And there it is. The truth. Tori’s words cut through me, impaling me against the consequences of our actions.
I’m angry because we were supposed to be untouchable.
Invincible. Cal and Stacy, Tori and I were supposed to grow old and watch our kids grow together.
But the moment Stacy decided to have an affair, it changed that future.
From the moment I watched Cal beat the shit out of Kane to torture Stacy until I pulled the trigger and killed her… we signed our own death warrants.
Tori and I remain silent as she scrubs my body and I hers. My hands tracing every inch of her, even if I know by pure memory. Pure heart. She’s my solace. The goddess I worship, the relic I hold, and the temple I enter to bring me back from the many hells I’ve been.
Something about what she said pricks the back of my mind. Does she truly think she’s not the most important person in my life?
“I love you.” I lightly kiss her lips. “From the moment I fell in love with you… you became the most important person in my life. You know that right?” My hands rest on her hips, holding her against me.
“You and our kids are the most important people in my life. Always have been. There is no life for me if anything ever happened to you. You are my air, my blood, my life… you’re my heart. ”
I see the tears well in her eyes. The corner of her lips quiver as she tries to stop herself from smiling…
or frowning. “I love you so much. This last week… I’ve felt so guilty for thanking God it wasn’t you,” she sobs.
Immediately my arms wrap around her, pulling her into my chest and kissing the top of her head.
“I’ve barely been holding myself together to take care of you and Maribel… but-”
“Shh. I know.” I comfort her. I’ve been so consumed by my grief that I haven’t considered how much harder it’s been for her to comfort me when I should be comforting her.
“It could’ve been you… and I’m so thankful it wasn’t… and I’m so sorry.” Her nails dig into my back as she lets out her own emotions and I simply listen until she has nothing more to say and the water washes it away.
My lips find hers, craving her taste; My soul pines for her, craving intimacy. Our need for one another overpowers us, healing us from despair. From our loneliness, not physically but spiritually.
The hollowness in my chest disappears completely, filled with hope, desire, and everything. And it grows and grows as my expert fingers travel down Tori’s magnificent valley, reaching their favorite mound. Tori moans into my mouth as my digits circle her swelling clit.
“Fuck, I missed you.” She whispers between kisses.
“I missed you more. I need you more,” I groan into her open mouth. My eyes watching her face, her parting lips and darkening eyes as I make her come.
I step back, my hand tugging her away from the tiled wall and sit on the built-in shower bench. She yanks her hand away, holding up her index finger and steps out of the shower. Quickly, she grabs two towels from the cabinet and brings them with her, placing them on either side of me.
She climbs onto my lap. Straddling me, she slides down my erection and sets her pace. Those luscious lips crash onto mine, as she grinds her hips.
This is love. Always finding each other when the world around us doesn’t make sense. Doesn’t feel fair. We need our time. We take our time. Connecting again, deeper than before. There’s no urgency. There’s just us.