Ducane #2
My eyes drifted to the upstairs window before I could stop them.
“I’m terrified to walk through that door and meet a little girl who looks just like me. A little girl you hid.” I brought my eyes back to her. “But don’t put this on me like I’m the one who might leave. It’s me, Skye. I would’ve been here. From day one. Fuck what you thought.”
“She just. She’s been mine to protect. This is a lot and you won’t—”
“Won’t what? Let you off the hook? Reassure you?” I held her gaze. “You made a grown woman’s choice. Stand on that shit. For once.”
“For once? What does that mean?”
“Nothing, take me to Cadence.”
“Fine,” she said and took off inside.
I massaged my temples and stood there a second, working through what I still didn’t have an answer for.
I didn’t know what the next week would look like, or the next month, or how you build a relationship with a child you’ve never met, or how you do that while also working through what her mother did and didn’t do.
I didn’t have a plan, and I always had a plan.
The absence of one was having its way with me.
But I knew one thing.
Whatever I was carrying, Cadence didn’t put it there. She deserved to meet the version of me that was here out of pure love for her entire existence. She didn’t deserve the version standing on this porch working through his feelings.
The silent treatment, the cold shoulder, all of it had made sense on that plane. It had made sense on the drive over. It stopped making sense the second I looked up at that purple curtain.
Skye and I had things to say to each other that needed to be said. But not tonight. Tonight belonged to Cadence. I headed inside. Airalynn met me at the door. She looked at me for a long second.
“Hey, Ducane.”
“Sup, Airalynn.”
I embraced her before she stepped back and let me in.
Little feet on hardwood. Hairbows clacking, fast and rhythmic, announcing her arrival and making my stomach flutter in the process.
She came around the corner in cloud pajamas with her curls everywhere and her little glasses slightly crooked. She stopped when she saw me, eyes went wide, mouth open. She was the perfect mix of her mother and me.
I crouched down.
She took three steps toward me and stopped.
“Daddy, it’s really you.”
The word brought tears to my eyes.
“Yeah, baby. It’s me.”
She closed the distance at a full run and hit me in the chest, wrapping both arms around my neck. I caught her, stood up, and held on. She smelled like baby lotion, hair grease, and fabric softener. She was so small against my six-five frame. I pressed my face into her hair and held her tighter.
Behind me, I heard Skye exhale.
I didn’t turn around. I just stood there in the doorway of a life I hadn’t known I was missing and held my daughter for the first time.
Cadence pulled back, looked at my face with those wide eyes, before reaching up to touch my beard with both hands.
I fixed her glasses and smiled.
“You’re a giant,” she said, arms wide.
“Nah, I think you’re just small, little one,” I said.
She giggled and buried her face back in my neck.
“I have to show you all my toys. I love stuffies, but mom says I have wayyy too many, but how can you have too many friends?”
I smiled at her rambling. She sounded just like Skye, word running into word with no space left for anybody to get one in edgewise. Whatever worry I’d been carrying let go of me right there with her in my arms.
Yeah. I wanted my family, and I would have it. I just needed some time.
Cadence went down around nine after making me read the same book three times and negotiating a fourth before Skye put her foot down and turned the light off. I sat on the edge of her bed until her breathing evened out, then stood there for another minute, just looking at her sleep.
I had missed six years of this little person’s life, and she greeted me like no time had passed at all, like I had simply been somewhere else for a while and now I was back, and that was that.
Children had a grace about them that adults spent their whole lives trying to regain. She got that from her mama.
Man, what you got going on up there? I asked God, still watching her chest rise and fall, in awe of what I’d helped create.
If the dizzy spells and the monitor were building toward this, a kid asleep down the hall who already loved me before she knew me, then I’d take that scare again and not complain once.
Maybe this was what I was supposed to be paying attention to the whole time.
I stepped out into the hallway and pulled out my phone.
Lola picked up on the first ring. She’d gone back to her hotel while I spent time with my family.
My family.
“I need some things delivered by morning,” I said, keeping my voice low. “She’s six. She lost a tooth last night. I need the full fairy setup. Whatever that looks like. Coins, sparkly shit, a note. Can you get her a Chanel bag by morning?”
“Ducane, be serious. But she’s so cute, so I’ll see what I can do,” Lola laughed with a sigh.
“I know, man, but can you make it happen?”
“I can call Icy Co Events. Coco can do it.”
“I don’t care about the cost. Also, she likes purple, cloud things, and she wears glasses. Look into getting her a diamond chain for them. And stuffed animals, she loves them.”
“I’ll have it there by seven.”
“Six thirty.”
“I want double pay. Six thirty. I hate to bring her up but Devon is working on containing the mess with Bianca. She’s insufferable, you know. Always has been.”
“I know, Lo. Look, I’ll be busy the rest of the night. Let’s meet tomorrow to debrief.”
“See ya tomorrow. And congratulations, boss.”
I hung up and turned around. Skye was leaning against the wall at the end of the hallway with her arms crossed and a smirk on her face.
“Lola is earning her check tonight,” I said.
“You are already doing too much. Did you see her room? She has no room for more stuffies.”
“Yeah, well, the princess ain’t got nothing from me yet, so I gotta do my big one. She’s excited about that tooth.”
“A hug and your face was all she needed.” Skye’s voice softened. “But she’s going to love it. Sugar loves surprises and gifts. Sugar just loves. She’s so perfect, Ducane.”
“She is Skye.”
“Uh, well, meet me in the kitchen whenever you get finished. I made some tea.”
She turned and headed downstairs.
I followed her down to the kitchen table. We sat without saying anything for a while. Although tea wasn’t my thing, I needed something to do with my hands. I had too much energy and had nowhere to put it.
I was a father.
I shook my head and looked at Skye. The love of my entire life. My forever. I had dreamed about being back in her space but never imagined it would look like this.
She had her hands wrapped around her mug, staring into it like it was a magic eight ball with the answers at the bottom.
I waited.
She looked up.
“I found out I was pregnant two days before Christmas. I hadn’t told anyone.
I was still figuring out what I was feeling about it myself.
” She looked at me without cowering. “And then I stood there pregnant with your child while your father called me nothing and said I had no business carrying your name. Whether he said it to my face or not, I heard it loud and clear.”
I didn’t say anything.
“I made a decision that night. I decided the safest thing for her was to take her and disappear. Away from your father. Away from all of it. Where he couldn’t touch her, and you’d never have to choose between her and everything he held over you.
” She looked up. “That’s the short version.
You’ll get the rest. But not tonight. I don’t want to do anything to ruin such a beautiful night. ”
I looked at her for a second. She had been carrying the idea that I might not choose her. She had looked at everything we were to each other and still believed there was a version of events where I picked my father over her.
That had me seeing red. Not at her. At him. At myself.
It was all sitting right there, ready to come out.
That she’d been wrong about me. That I’d have chosen her every time.
That I hated what he’d put in her head. But she was right, it was too much for one night, and I was too raw to get it right.
So, I swallowed it, believing there would be a better time.
“Are you staying? I don’t care if you do, but I don’t want to confuse her. She’s up by seven thirty every morning. The only man she’s been around is Carter.”
“I’m not going anywhere, Skye.” I kissed her temple. “I’ll be on the couch.”