Ducane #2
“I’ve been holding it together since that beach.
For you. For her. Walking around like I got it handled because that’s what I do, I handle shit.
But I don’t have this handled. I don’t know if I should hate you, forgive you, or love you through this.
I’m sitting in the back of a car shaking.
I don’t even know if it’s from being tired or wanting to kill my own pops. ”
Kareem’s eyes flicked to me in the mirror, then away.
“I’m not okay, Skye,” I finally said, quietly. “You asked. So there it is. I’m not.”
She was quiet for a second.
“Then come home.” Her voice was steady and low.
“Come to us. Let me cancel ballet, or don’t, bring your tired self and watch your daughter trip over her own feet for an hour.
I’m telling you, Ducane, that little girl is the best medicine there is.
You can fall apart at my kitchen table if you need to.
You don’t have to do it alone in the back of a car. ”
My throat closed up.
“And listen to me, because I need you to hear this part.” Her voice caught.
“You’re not going to kill your father, because you already beat him.
That man is dead inside, always has been.
That’s the whole why of it. He couldn’t stand the light in you.
And then you went and helped make the brightest light there is.
” She let out a shaky breath. “You already won, Ducane. You won the day she was born. All that’s left now is to take your lap.
Me and Cadence will be right there cheering you on, in your corner every step, if that’s what you want. ”
Kareem turned the car around and headed back to Skye’s house without me even mentioning it.
“I’ll see you in a few minutes.”
The nap had helped a little, but my mind kept circling back to the same place. I was going to ruin my father. Skye was right. Killing him would be too easy. He was going to live the rest of his life watching me love my family in a way he never could.
Cadence stirred when I came in. Skye told me it was her nap time, so the two of us cuddled up on the couch and fell asleep with the TV going low. Skye was right about that too. Cadence was healing me every time she flashed that toothless smile.
“Sugar. Time to get up, baby. Ballet.” Skye crouched by the couch. “And be careful with your stockings this time.”
Cadence groaned into my chest, then peeled herself off me and went stomping up the stairs to get dressed, fussing the whole way about how ballet was “too much standing.”
Skye watched her go, then looked at me, softly.
“Six going on sixty-six,” she said first. “You don’t have to come. It’s an hour of clumsy, distracted little girls falling down to piano music. Nobody’d blame you for sitting this one out after the day you had.”
“I’m coming.” I was already on my feet. “Kareem’s pulling up front. Let’s get our girl to ballet.”
Cadence made it downstairs and grabbed my hand, leading us out the door.
Kareem stepped out of the truck and bent down to her level.
“Sugar, this is Daddy’s friend Kareem. He’s gonna give you rides and take good care of you. Right, Kareem?”
“Right. Just like I did for your mom.” He smiled at her. “You ready for ballet?”
She dropped my hand and twirled in answer. Then she reached into her bag and pulled out a fairy wand. Skye stepped in quickly.
“Cady. I told you, you can’t bring the wand anymore. You were bopping girls on the head too hard.”
“No fun.” Cadence handed it over with a deep sigh and climbed into the truck.
“How about we keep it for now, and you get it back after class?” I offered.
“Deal,” Cadence said, extending her hand.
I loved this little girl so damn much already, it was ridiculous. I leaned over to Skye.
“I’ll buy her a damn ballet studio so she can bop who she wants.”
Skye stifled a laugh with an eye roll that made me laugh too.
Cadence settled between us, legs swinging, and we took off to Spin Girl Spin on Main.
The place hadn’t changed a bit, and the nostalgia made me smile.
The Diner was just two blocks away, and I couldn’t wait to share this moment with them.
All the moments, in fact. I texted Lola and told her to pull some properties for me to look at.
Kareem dropped us at the curb, and Cadence skipped toward the front door before either of us could catch up.
The studio was a small storefront, mirrors on every wall, a row of folding chairs along the back for the parents.
Mostly mothers, a couple of grandmas, and one other dad on his phone.
Every single one of them clocked me when I walked in.
It was probably the fact that they’d been watching Skye bring Cadence here alone, and now here I was.
I didn’t care. I took the chair next to Skye and watched my daughter line up at the barre in a purple leotard, glasses still on, completely out of step like every other kid in the room and not the least bit bothered by it.
“She’s not very good,” Skye whispered, grinning. “Like, not even a little.”
“She’s the best one in here.”
“Ducane, she’s facing the wrong way.”
“Best one in here, like I said.”
Skye laughed quietly and bumped her shoulder into mine.
“I think our girl’s gonna be an intellectual, but I have to expose her to it all. I want her to know—”
“Sky’s the limit,” I said, cutting her off.
“Yeah. Exactly.”
“Thank you,” I said.
She turned toward me.
“For what?”
I watched Cadence stumble through another plié before I answered.
“For choosing her. You were twenty-two. Pregnant. Alone. You carried the weight of every decision by yourself.” I swallowed. “Nobody would’ve blamed you for making a different one.”
Skye’s eyes filled. She didn’t wipe them.
“I’d make the same choice a hundred times over,” she said. “She’s my everything, Ducane.”
“I know. That’s what I’m thanking you for.” I finally looked at her. “I’m still mad. We still have a long way to go, you and me. But before any of that, you need to hear me say it. Thank you for not letting them take her. Thank you for her whole life.”
She nodded, slowly, and looked back at our girl.
We sat quietly for a while, watching Cadence murder a plié.
“You should know some things about her,” Skye said eventually. Softer now. “Since you’re here for good.”
“Tell me.”
“Her birthday’s August fifteenth.” She smiled a little. “That’s the house code too. Backwards. For whenever you need it.”
August fifteenth. I locked it in.
I’d spend the rest of my life making up for every birthday I missed.
“She’s left and right-handed both.” Skye watched her as she talked, handing her to me one piece at a time. “She’ll color with one hand and snack with the other and not even know she’s doing it.”
“And she hates peas.”
Skye glanced at me, caught off guard.
“With her whole soul, I bet,” I said. “You told me that the first day I ever met you.”
“Yeah, like you told me your blood type.”
“I was just letting you know I could save you. If it came to that.”
“Whew. That was loaded.” She giggled, and I gave my attention back to Cadence.
She was spinning when she was supposed to be still, waving at me through the mirror instead of watching the teacher, losing a slipper, and dancing on one foot anyway.
I smiled.
I’d let too many people shape my life. My father. Bianca. Even Skye. Everybody had decided what was best for me, and somewhere along the way, I’d stopped making those decisions for myself.
That shit was over.
Nobody was ever going to separate me from my wife or my daughter again. Nobody was going to run me off. Nobody was going to make me question where I belong.
I wanted more mornings on the couch. More ballet recitals. More milkshakes. More ordinary Tuesdays that nobody else got to interrupt.
This time, I was keeping all of it.
When the teacher finally let them go, Cadence ran straight at me, no hesitation, no shyness.
“Did you see me, Daddy? Did you see my spin?”
“I saw every second of it.” I scooped her up, tickling her. “You were the best one out there.”
“I know.” She fixed her glasses, dead serious. “Can we get milkshakes now?”
I looked at Skye over the top of our daughter’s head. She was already looking at me.
“Yeah, baby,” I said. “We can get milkshakes.”