Chapter 25
Chapter Twenty-Five
Alice
Three days after the wedding, I finally understood what people meant by "new parents' breakdown."
I had finally managed to soothe Ethan to sleep, but the moment I lowered him into the cradle, as if he sensed what I was trying to do, he immediately woke up and burst into tears.
Cedric rushed over the instant he heard the sound, flustered as he tried to take the baby from my arms.
"What's wrong? Is he hungry? Or did he wet himself?" His voice was filled with panic. The king who had been invincible on the battlefield was now completely at a loss because of a tiny baby.
"You just fed him," I reminded him, my own voice weak with exhaustion. "And I just changed his diaper."
"Then why is he still crying?" Cedric held Ethan as carefully as if he were carrying a fragile porcelain doll. "Is he uncomfortable somewhere? Should we call a healer?"
I couldn't help but laugh. My tone was filled with helplessness, but also with the sweetness of being a mother.
"He might just want to be held." I reached out and gently patted Ethan's back. "That's just how babies are. Sometimes there's no reason at all. They just want someone to stay with them."
Sure enough, with our soothing, Ethan gradually quieted down. He smacked his little lips a few times before drifting back to sleep, clearly exhausted.
"He's asleep." Cedric let out a sigh of relief, but he still didn't dare move, remaining frozen in that stiff position.
"You can put him back in the cradle now."
"But... what if he cries again?"
"Then we'll soothe him again." I laughed softly. "Cedric, why are you so nervous?"
"I..." He bit his lip. "I'm just afraid I'll do something wrong... He's so small, so fragile..."
My heart suddenly melted. I walked over, rose onto my tiptoes, and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips.
"You're doing very well," I said softly. "Really."
That night, I woke up wanting some water, only to find that Cedric was no longer beside me.
I slipped on a coat and pushed open the bedroom door. That was when I noticed the faint glow of candlelight coming from the study. I walked in and found him sitting at the desk, holding a thick book in his hands, his brows furrowed in concentration.
"Still not asleep?" I walked over to him.
He jumped at the sight of me and hurriedly closed the book, but I had already caught a glimpse of the cover. It was titled A Complete Guide to Newborn Care.
I froze for a moment, then glanced at the other books piled on the desk.
The Guide to Becoming the Perfect Father.
The Baby Development Handbook.
How to Be a Good Dad.
The Complete Parenting Encyclopedia.
There were at least a dozen of them.
"You..." I couldn't help laughing. "When did you buy all these?"
"A few days ago." He looked embarrassed, even the tips of his ears turning red. "I... I just wanted to learn. I don't want to make any mistakes..."
"Cedric."
I walked behind him and sat down on his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck and resting my chin on his shoulder.
"You're already a wonderful father."
"I'm always worried that I won't take good care of Ethan.
I don't want him to grow up like I did, always being left in the care of servants.
I want Ethan to grow up surrounded by our protection and love.
" He sighed softly. "But I don't know why he cries, or how to feed him without him choking.
I'm even afraid that I'll make him uncomfortable when I burp him... "
"That's because you've only been a father for three days."
I whispered beside his ear, my voice full of reassurance.
"Take it slowly. You'll get better. Besides..." I smiled. "Seeing how seriously you're studying all of this makes me incredibly happy."
"Happy?"
He lowered his head to look at me, his eyes shining.
"Of course." I nodded firmly. "Because I know you truly care about Ethan, and you truly care about our family. These books... are proof of how much you love us."
Cedric's expression softened.
"Of course I love you both. You are my everything."
He leaned down and kissed me gently, filled with tenderness and devotion.
"But..." He rested his forehead against mine. "I still need to finish reading all of these. I want to become the best father I can be."
"Fool."
I smiled.
"You already are."
Over the next few months, I watched Cedric transform from a flustered first-time father into a skilled and confident dad. He learned how to change Ethan's diapers, prepare his formula, and soothe him to sleep... and eventually, he was even better at it than I was.
"Look," he said proudly one day, showing off to me, "I can change a diaper in thirty seconds now!"
"That's impressive." I smiled and praised him.
"Of course." He kissed Ethan's little head. "I'm a man who has read twelve parenting books."
Time passed quickly, and before we knew it, Ethan was already two years old.
He had learned how to walk and was becoming more and more mischievous by the day.
"Ethan! No!" I chased my son, who could now run around quite steadily, all over the room. "Put that vase down!"
Ethan giggled as he toddled away with the vase in his arms, completely ignoring my warnings.
"Got you!"
I finally caught him and took the vase away.
"Mommy's bad!" His little mouth immediately turned down, and tears began to well up in his eyes.
"Oh, no, no, don't cry." I hurried to comfort him. "How about Mommy gets you another toy instead?"
"Okay!"
He instantly broke into a smile.
I sighed. This little one was getting smarter and smarter. He was just like Cedric.
Ever since Ethan learned how to walk, almost all of my energy had gone into taking care of him. Every day, I followed him around, worrying that he would trip, hurt himself, break something, or get into trouble...
So much so that I almost forgot I had a husband.
I realized it one evening during dinner.
"Ethan pulled out all the flowers in the garden again today," I told Cedric, my voice full of helplessness. "I've told him so many times, but he just won't listen..."
"Right," Cedric responded absentmindedly.
"And when Connor came to visit him, he actually poured water over Connor's head..."
"He did?"
"Cedric?" I finally noticed something was wrong. "Are you listening?"
"Yeah."
He was still wearing the same expression.
I looked at him carefully. He was poking at the steak on his plate with his fork, stabbing it with such force that it looked as if the poor piece of meat had personally offended him.
"What's wrong?" I asked gently. "Are you upset?"
"No." He said it, but his tone clearly said otherwise.
I blinked, then suddenly realized. "Are you angry?"
"I'm not." He continued stabbing his steak.
"You obviously are." I couldn't help laughing. "Cedric, are you jealous?"
"I'm not!" He finally looked up, but the tips of his ears had turned red. "I'm just... I'm just..."
"Just what?"
"It's just that you haven't really paid much attention to me lately..."
He spoke in a sulky voice, like a large dog that had been neglected.
"You spend all day running after Ethan. At meals, you talk about Ethan. Before bed, you talk about Ethan. But you never ask how I'm doing anymore."
He looked up at me, his golden eyes filled with hurt.
"How long has it been since we actually spent a whole day alone together?"
Hearing the sadness in his voice, I froze.
Now that I thought about it carefully, he was right...
During this time, I had devoted all my attention to our mischievous little Ethan and had unintentionally neglected Cedric.
"I'm sorry..." I said, feeling guilty.
"I'm not asking you to apologize." He sighed. "I know taking care of a child is exhausting. I just..."
He didn't finish his sentence, but I understood what he meant.
He missed me.
He missed the time when it was just the two of us.
"Tonight," I said, leaning in to kiss his cheek. "Once Ethan's asleep, can we really talk?"
His eyes lit up instantly. "Okay."
It took a full hour to get Ethan down.
The little guy was bursting with energy, tossing and turning, refusing to sleep no matter what. Cedric and I took turns telling stories, singing lullabies, and gently patting his back—we tried just about everything.
When Ethan finally drifted off, we both let out a sigh of relief and quietly slipped out of the nursery. The moment the door clicked shut, Cedric pulled me into his arms.
"This whole hour," he whispered hoarsely against my ear, "do you have any idea how badly I was suffering?"
"Ethan was such a handful, but he's finally asleep. Tonight, I'm all yours, okay?" I murmured back, each word soft and full of affection.
He didn't reply with words. He just captured my lips in a deep kiss. "You promised."
I kissed him back. His kiss was urgent, hungry with months of pent-up longing. His tongue swept into my mouth, claiming me fiercely, as if he could pour all his longing into this single kiss.
"Cedric..." I gasped, pushing lightly against him. "Slow down."
"I can't." In one swift motion, he scooped me up and carried me back to our room. "I've been holding back for three whole months."
He kicked the door open, his hands already working frantically at the buttons of my clothes. A trail of hot, urgent kisses rained down on my neck and collarbone, sending waves of heat through me.
"Cedric, I was thinking... maybe we could give Ethan a little sister," I whispered breathlessly.
His movements froze. "What?"
"I mean..." I kept kissing him. "I'd love to have a sweet little girl. Don't you want that too?"
"No." He cut me off, cupping my face in both hands, his expression dead serious. "Alice, I don't want you going through another pregnancy."
"Why?" I asked, confused.
"Because when you had Ethan, you were in so much pain the whole time—the pregnancy, the delivery... I was terrified. I almost lost my mind. I can't watch you go through that again."
"Cedric..." My heart swelled with emotion. I hadn't realized he still remembered it so clearly.
"Alice." He pressed a tender kiss to my forehead. "One child is enough. I don't need more. I just need you—healthy and by my side."
My eyes grew misty. "You idiot..."