Chapter 33 You’re still the one
Thirty-Three. You’re still the one
Tamara
I hear the door open and I’m like Pavlov’s dog, rushing to jump Patrick’s bones.
Except, Kabir stands outside, his path blocked by the man I love.
My stomach twists and I suck in a sharp breath of air as I cover my bump.
It’s been eight months since I’ve seen my ex and the panic he triggers in my chest surprises me.
I stumble back two steps and Patrick’s eyebrows dip as he watches me, concern laced through every inch of his face.
I shake my head and his scowl deepens, until we’re both rudely reminded of why I’m feeling this way.
“Look at you, Tammy. So beautiful. You’re glowing.”
I blink, frowning at the joy on Kabir’s face. Dr. Sunita and I never talked about how he could become a trigger—especially when I’m pregnant—because we never thought he’d resurface.
“What are you doing here?” The words come out scratchy and Patrick’s handsome face twists in frustration. He gets it.
“I wanted to—can you ask your new roommate to let me through, please?”
Patrick scoffs. A roommate he is not. I nod when he meets my eyes and with a heavy sigh, he steps aside to let Kabir in.
My ex looks around the apartment, then starts towards me.
I take another step back, my hands soothing over my belly.
Don’t worry, baby, I won’t let this man hurt you.
Patrick closes the door and sets his things in their usual place.
He keeps an eye on Kabir too, watching his every move and as he gets closer to me, Patrick moves too.
On the hockey pitch, I’m impressed by the fluidity of his movements, especially for someone so large. He demonstrates that right now and I smile. Except Kabir thinks the smile is for him and his face lights up. I roll my lips inward and spread my feet apart to steady myself.
Patrick comes up behind me, the heat of his body pressing against my back. “Whatever you have to say to her, you can do it from there.”
“Bro, who the fuck are you?” There’s that familiar rage and displeasure he used to turn on me when things weren’t going his way.
“What do you want, Kabir?” I ask, exasperated by this demonstration. I love seeing Patrick mark his territory, but it’s also very exhausting.
“Come on, Tammy, don’t be like that.”
Patrick gags behind me and I resist the urge to roll my eyes. If there was a nickname I hated, it was Tammy. He either knew and didn’t care or was oblivious. Like he was about everything else in our relationship.
“Heard about the baby, wanted to come see.”
My head tilts to the side and he smiles again.
It’s not a nice smile and a part of me wonders if I was so in love with him I was totally oblivious to his physical appearance.
Kabir was never unattractive, but it wasn’t the important part of our relationship.
Even if I don’t compare him to Patrick, there’s something missing.
“Why?”
“Were you not going to tell me?”
“Why would I tell you?”
His forehead is wrinkled in confusion, gesturing at my stomach and then himself. “It’s mine, right?”
This time, Patrick isn’t subtle. He barks out a laugh and his sarcastic howl fills the apartment. The baby kicks at the sound of their father and my lips press together to stop from joining him, especially when I see the irritation on Kabir’s face.
“Seriously, who is this, Tammy?”
“None of your business, buddy. Now say your piece and get the fuck out,” Patrick says, all amusement gone from his voice. When his hand lands on my hip, I have to resist the urge to lean into him. “Want something to drink, Lo?”
“Morum vellam1?” He started making it a few weeks ago when he realised I was chugging cartons of juice instead of water to battle the heat. The spiced buttermilk is healthier and tastier too.
He kisses the side of my head, which makes Kabir frown harder, and walks to the kitchen, leaving us alone.
Well, alone isn’t really possible in the open plan apartment, but he’s far enough away to make Kabir relax.
My eyes take in Patrick’s ass in those sweatpants and up to the way his back muscles flex under his T-shirt.
My body hums and pussy throbs in memory of this past weekend, and we want more. Good god, rein it in.
Shaking off the horniness, I turn to Kabir. “How did you find out I’m pregnant?”
“Kenny sent me a link to an article,” Kabir replies as I try and fail to understand what article he’s talking about. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It’s not yours.”
He frowns at my firm tone. “How can you be so sure?”
This man is fucking impossible. “Do you remember the last time we had sex? I do. It was three years ago.”
“That’s not possible. We had break-up sex.”
“You tried to have break-up sex. I kicked you out.”
“You’re telling me in the few months since we were over, you hooked up with someone else?”
I can’t help but laugh at the audacity of this man. I glance at Patrick, who’s watching us with the deepest frown known to mankind. All it’d take is one nod and he’d throw Kabir out the window. But god, the man is so beautiful.
“At least I waited until we were done to sleep with someone else,” I reply calmly.
He scoffs and takes a step forward, his voice dipping into a menacing tone. “This is because I wasn’t here for you after the miscarriage, right?”
A low growl echoes through the apartment and I hate that this is how Patrick finds out.
I force myself to breathe normally as memories of the day in the hospital come back in flashes.
Kabir showed up hours after the D&C and berated me.
What he failed to understand in the eight years of our relationship was I always needed him. He chose when to show up.
I sigh heavily and rub my forehead, hoping I sound steady when I say, “This has nothing to do with you and the fact that you think it does is exactly why we’re not together anymore.”
“We were together for eight years, Tammy. That’s a long fucking time to be with someone and move on so easily.”
It surprises me how genuinely confused he is when all along, he was the one dipping his dick in Vinitha. There might have been more women and I didn’t even know.
“Until the very same partner decides he wants to fuck other people and when he gets caught, complains about the most cliché thing by blaming you for working too much.”
“I…it’s true! You were ignoring me.” He sounds whiney and I roll my eyes as he drags a hand through his well-coiffed hair.
“Jesus, Kabir. Grow the fuck up. I know you think humans are not meant to be monogamous or whatever nonsense you read online. But I believe in monogamy and I wanted my boyfriend to be faithful.”
“Wasn’t my love enough?” He says it so earnestly, if I was anyone else, I’d pacify him.
Frustration rolls off Patrick and I hate everything about this conversation, about this confrontation.
“It’s not love if you’re seeking out other people to fuck the entire time you’re living with someone else.”
“Get over yourself, Tammy. I was so fucking committed, you …took me for granted.”
“Yeah, that’s exactly what I did.” I snort and shake my head. “Now that you’re aware this baby isn’t yours and I don’t want you anywhere near me ever again. You can leave.”
“Fucking slut,” he drawls with a smirk, but I don’t react.
Patrick does. He steps between us, his imposing height a good screen from Kabir. It’s not the first time he’s called me that and in fact, he called me so much worse toward the end of our relationship.
“The fuck did you say?” The words come out so calmly I wouldn’t know Patrick was angry if I didn’t see the tense way he’s holding himself. I slide my hands up his back and down to rest at his waist. He relaxes a little. “Give me an excuse to put you in the ground, asswipe.”
“If she walks like a slut and looks like a slut, she’s a slut.”
Patrick growls and I tug on his shirt to hold him back. “Trick, don’t.”
“Yeah, Trick, listen to the bitch.”
With a heavy sigh, I release him and he grabs the front of Kabir’s shirt and prowls forward until he has my ex up against the wall. I know there won’t be any punches thrown, but I still take a step forward as a precaution.
“You don’t even know how fucking lucky you are she gave you eight years of her life.
Assholes like you don’t deserve even one.
You’ve fooled everyone into thinking you’re a sweet and charming guy, but you’re really scum of the earth.
Men who use women and toss them aside when they stop doing their bidding make the rest of us look bad.
I can’t wait for another woman to chew you up and spit you out, leaving you lost and confused, because it’s going to happen.
“I’d do the women of the world a favour, but here’s what I’m going to do instead,” he says and Kabir’s feet hit the floor.
Patrick glances at me and at my nod he adds, “In honour of the mother of my child and the love of my fucking life, I’m letting you go.
Listen to what she said and leave. You’re not welcome here.
And if you come back or try to contact Tamara in any way, I will find you. And I will fucking destroy you.”
Kabir’s wide eyes meet mine and I shrug. I won’t stop Patrick next time.
“I’ll report you to the police for threatening me.”
Patrick chuckles. “Knock yourself out. And while you’re at it, here’s my agent’s number. You might as well let him know why you’re causing such a fuss.” He hands Kabir a business card and steps back.
My ex takes too long to move, but then he’s out the front door and my knees give out. Before I can fall, Patrick catches me. He carries me to the couch and sits down, dragging me into his lap.
“Let it out, baby.”
And I do. I burst into the loudest sob and curl into him.
His arms tighten around me, hands rubbing up and down my back as I cry.
I don’t know what the tears are for, but despite how much it hurts to cry, I feel a weird sense of relief letting it out.
The closure is good, the way it happened was not part of my plan.
I definitely didn’t intend for Patrick to find out about the miscarriage like that, either.
“I’m sorry,” he says softly. “I didn’t realise what an asshole he was.”
“I didn’t know it for a few years either.”
“I was going to hit him, Lo.”
He’s still vibrating, the anger pumping through his body and I press my lips to his throat in hopes of calming him down.
He breathes out noisily and I stroke the back of his neck.
Patrick’s arms tighten around me and I sigh at how safe I am.
How perfect this position is for us. How perfect he is for me.
“I’m proud of you for not hitting him. The last thing I want is for you to hurt yourself.”
“I don’t care.”
“I know,” I laugh and cup his face as I lean back slightly. “But he’s not worth it. He’s not worth breaking your precious hands or getting called violent by the press.”
“You’re worth it.”
“Aw, sweetheart. I love that you want to defend and protect me, but not from idiots like Kabir. Okay?”
He nods, pressing his forehead to mine. I scratch his beard with my short nails and he quivers beneath me. “Did he talk to you like that when you were together?”
I hesitate too long and Patrick curses him, but I don’t let him pull away.
“For a long time he was fine. Our relationship was good at first, but never great. He was faithful and committed. Then, everything started to fall apart. I sometimes wonder if it was his way of trying to get out of the relationship and I held on.” Too tight, if you ask me.
“After the miscarriage, he checked out. I didn’t know I was pregnant until I lost the baby and instead of helping me through it, he started cheating on me.
Vinitha, from the other night, was one of the women. ”
He swears under his breath and I smile sadly. I hate that he understands now why I was so angry with her flirting. Why I got so possessive. I chew on my lip and watch him process everything. With a hard shake of his head, he meets my eyes.
“I should have been here all this time.”
I laugh softly and kiss the tip of his nose. “So we could break each other’s hearts all over again? No thanks.” He sighs and presses his head against mine. I play with the slightly damp ends of his hair and whisper, “About that other thing you said to him…”
“It’s true. It’s been the case for years.”
In honour of the mother of my child and the love of my fucking life echoes in my head as I stare at him.
He’s clear eyed and my heart races at the knowledge that this man has loved me for so long.
I wonder if he said the words to make a point to Kabir, but I can tell it’s real.
He feels so deeply for me and I want to be deserving of his love in every way.
I don’t ever want to know what life without Patrick is like anymore.
“You don’t have to sa—” I cut him off and pour my love into the kiss.
He purrs, the sound vibrating through our bodies, before his strong hands press me closer.
The kiss deepens and the first swipe of his tongue lights me up.
I gasp against his mouth, fingers push into his hair as I angle our heads and flick my tongue at his.
It’s rough and raw, desperate and hungry.
It’s the perfect way to describe how being with Patrick makes me feel—like an animal.
I’m panting when the kiss breaks, lips tingling and face raw from his beard. But I feel fucking amazing. I blink into focus and stare at Patrick, at the man I love. The one I loved all these years, below the surface of every other relationship I was ever in.
“I love you,” I whisper and his amber eyes widen. “Twenty years later and you’re still the one, Trick.”
He kisses me again, this time slower. Like he wants to savour the feeling of my tongue against his, the press of our mouths and commit it all to memory. I’m breathless when he pulls away again and I lick my lips, watching as he comes back to himself.
“I love you too,” he says.
“I figured.”
We laugh and he nudges my nose with his. The rumble from my stomach echoes between us. His hands slide down to my ass and he squeezes.
“Come on, let me feed you.”