4. Lavinia
FOUR
LAVINIA
The drive back to the resort is less panic and more peace. Strangely enough, Roman turned out to be the perfect person for me to run away with. I didn’t expect today to come with a pep talk from Roman Maddox of all people.
Roman’s body pressed against mine is solid and safe. He maneuvers the bike confidently, always conscious of the traffic, and it lessens my fear significantly. I don’t feel like I’m going to die.
It occurs to me that we’re probably never going to see each other again. He’s going back to Philadelphia and I’m going back to Boston to do…I have no idea what.
I started sharing my journey on social media when I won my second medal in hockey.
I’ve gained millions of followers, though lately my social media accounts have been stagnant.
I haven’t been posting consistently since I tore my ACL a couple of years ago and chose to retire after recovery instead of going back to play.
Roman pulls the bike to a stop in front of the resort but doesn’t pull into the parking lot. Once we’re standing on solid ground, I remove the helmet and hand it to him.
“Why are you being so nice to me?”
He frowns, taking the helmet out of my hand. “I’m always nice.”
I laugh. “You’re never nice. I’ve seen your interviews and watched you play. Have you ever wondered if that’s one of the reasons you get traded a lot?”
“Nah. I get traded a lot because the coaches don’t know what to do with someone as talented as me.” The smile he flashes me is blinding. I wouldn’t put it past him to be that conceited. Although, in his case, he’s not lying about his talent.
I start to walk away when something occurs to me, and I turn back. Everything he said to me is right, except for one thing.
“I’m not Lavinia Callahan anymore.”
Roman raises his eyebrows. “Did you change your name, Blossom?”
“No, I mean, the way you say my name, it’s like I’m a concept. That Lavinia Callahan doesn’t exist anymore.”
Hockey is the only thing I’m good at, and without it, I’m not sure who I am.
My entire plan since the moment my dad handed my brother and I our first skates was to be a hockey player.
I worked hard and achieved that goal. But the downside of being a professional athlete is your body goes through hell and you’re prone to injuries which can lead to hanging up your skates.
“So, can I have your medals?”
I won those Olympic medals through blood, sweat, and tears. “Ha! In your dreams, Maddox.”
“When did you become this sad version of yourself, Blossom?”
That’s a good question, one I’m not sure even I know the answer to. It’s hard to be positive when life throws you a curveball and you have to adapt or fail. “I’m not allowed to feel sorry for myself?”
Roman sets the helmet down on the bike and walks over to me. Putting his hands on my shoulders, he turns me so I’m facing him directly. I’m ensnared by his eyes, and I can’t look away.
How does he do it, I wonder?
“Do you know what happens to the people who feel sorry for themselves?”
I shake my head.
“Nothing, Blossom. Because they spend their whole lives feeling sorry for themselves and all the shit that didn’t go their way. They never try to change anything, so they are stuck. Is that who you want to be?”
I analyze him carefully and I’m startled to realize that when I look back on this day years from now, I’m only going to remember Roman, and nothing else.
“I never pegged you as someone who gives good pep talks.”
He sighs dramatically. “Like I said, I have many talents. They haven’t been properly utilized.”
“Of course, it’s everyone else’s fault.”
He grins, his mouth stretching wide and oh, wow. My breath snatches in my chest as my eyes drop down to his lips. They look soft, and I can’t help wondering what they’ll feel like against mine. How does Roman kiss? Is he soft and gentle or determined to leave his mark behind?
All those feelings I suppressed as a teenager are coming back up again, and today is the worst day for them to resurface. I clear my throat, taking a step back. His hands fall from my shoulders.
“I should go in,” I say, even as my feet stay rooted.
The smile drops from Roman’s face, and he frowns, his eyes shifting to the ground.
“You know what I’m thinking?”
My heart pounds against my ribcage and I have a feeling I really don’t want to know what’s going on in his mind. I don’t move, though, which is all the indication he needs to continue talking.
Finally, he looks up at me, meeting my eyes.
“I think it’s sad that you’re not going to be kissed on your wedding day.”
We’re still close enough that I can feel the heat from his body. I can agree with him and shrug it off, walk back to my family and pretend he never suggested what I think he’s suggesting. But that will be the easy thing to do.
“You want me to kiss you?” I ask, to be sure.
Putting a finger under my chin, he tilts my head back until our eyes meet.
“For the sake of both our sanities, let’s not delve into all the things I want from you, Blossom.” He leans forward until our lips almost brush together. “Consider it a payment for helping you run away.”
I tilt my head curiously. “Do you…like me?”
Roman scoffs. “I don’t like people.”
“You remembered my ice cream order from when we were ten,” I point out.
“I have a good memory.” He shrugs like it means nothing, his eyes flickering away from me for a moment.
“I was going to marry another man a couple of hours ago,” I say, like it makes any difference at this point. I keep waiting for the pain, but all I feel is nothing. I was going to marry Josh, where is the love? Where is the anger and sadness?
Roman nods. “You mean the same man who told you hours before your wedding that he couldn’t go through with it and left you to deal with the mess?”
By that logic, I left Jules to deal with my mess. Technically, she offered and rushed me out of there before I could think twice.
I narrow my eyes at Roman. “One kiss.”
Those whiskey colored eyes drop down to my mouth as his thumb brushes against my bottom lip in a touch soft as feathers.
“Do you have your phone?”
I pull it out, but it’s dead. Charging my phone hasn’t been a top priority.
Roman grabs his phone from the inside of his jacket. “Something to remember the moment by,” he says, as he turns on the camera.
“Your memory isn’t good enough?”
Roman raises his arm, the camera facing us, before his eyes drop to mine.
“My memory is excellent. I’m doing this for you. When you’re done feeling sad and start feeling angry, feel free to send these to Josh to piss him off.”
His mouth descends, meeting mine in a soft brush which turns more demanding.
I part my lips, letting him in, letting him taste me as I taste him.
I memorize the feel of his lips, the way he wraps one hand around my neck and tilts my head to give him more access.
Roman Maddox isn’t soft and gentle. He kisses like he’s trying to imprint himself on my soul.
I grip his shirt between both hands, pushing myself closer to him as liquid heat pools in my belly. I bite his lip, and he groans into my mouth, the sound reverberating through my body. His hold on my neck tightens. I want to be closer to him. Why did we wait until now to do this?
We pull apart when breathing becomes difficult, our heads together as we try to catch our breaths. Roman lowers his arm, and I catch a brief glimpse of us kissing on his phone before he turns it off.
“I’m not forgetting that any time soon. Unless I fall off my bike and get into a terrible accident which causes me to loose my memory.”
I groan, pushing him away from me. “Way to ruin the moment.”
Roman laughs, and I see some emotion flicker in his eyes that’s gone before I can figure it out. “Tell me honestly, was that the best kiss of your life? The only acceptable answers are yes, and fuck yes.”
Now I’m laughing, pushing my hair behind my ears. It was quite possibly the best kiss of my life, but I’m not going to let him have that win.
“The answer is that kiss didn’t even make it into top ten.”
He clutches at his chest dramatically. “Straight through the heart. I really do need to join the fragile ego men’s club.”
I shrug lightheartedly. “You can call it the men’s club. Adding ‘fragile ego’ makes it redundant.”
Roman laughs loudly, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “Now there’s the Lavinia I know.”
His face clears of humor and my smile drops. We can’t stay out here all night, and I realize that a part of me is stalling going inside and facing my family. Being with Roman is safe and easy. There’s no drama and no questions.
“Are you going to be okay?”
I’m not sure what the answer to that is, but I still say, “Yeah, I’ll be fine.”
Roman nods, his tongue poking out to lick his bottom lip. I track the movement with my eyes, my belly tightening. Wrapping my arms around myself, I try to stop a shiver. The sun is shifting, and shadows are lengthening, causing a chill in the air.
“Be careful.” I nod towards his bike.
He huffs a laugh as he gets on it, pulling the helmet on.
“I’ll see you around, Blossom.”
Before I can say anything, he starts the bike and roars away, leaving me standing on the side of the road. I take a shaky breath, his taste still on my tongue. As I turn and walk up the driveway of the resort, there’s only one thought in my mind.
I’m going to miss Roman Maddox.