24. Lavinia
TWENTY-FOUR
LAVINIA
Halloween is my second favorite holiday after Christmas. And yes, I’m aware of the haters who say Halloween isn’t a holiday because you still have to work and go to school. It doesn’t matter. Halloween is a holiday and I love to celebrate it.
As Halloween enthusiasts, Jules and I go to Salem whenever we have the chance. As fate would have it, we’re both in Boston and that means it's time to head to Salem.
Jules and I spent a lot of time as kids wishing for our powers to manifest. It was right after a school trip to Salem where we learned all about witches and the witch trials.
It’s incredibly fucked how scared men are of women in power and it’s even more fucked how easy it is for men to manipulate people against women.
Fuck the patriarchy. A man must have figured out that the only way to achieve world peace is to have women be in charge and that’s why they can’t let us be in power.
“If our powers manifested now, what would they be?” Jules asks from the driver’s side.
We’re stuck on the highway, so the normal thirty minute drive is taking upwards of an hour. The GPS showed there was an accident earlier, but we haven’t even hit that section of the highway yet.
I chew on my straw, thinking about it. “I’d love the power to stop time, or erase people’s memories, or maybe control one of the elements.”
“I’d want to be invisible, or have the power to freeze things, or have the power to set things on fire,” Jules says.
“I love that you’re on the opposite ends with your powers.”
“Well, if it’s not the ice age, it’s the apocalypse. You know what power I don’t want?”
“Mind reading,” we say at the same time.
“I don’t know how Edward Cullen did it,” Jules says, shaking her head.
“Clearly the man never had to sit in Boston traffic or be surrounded by hockey fans.”
“Exactly. Given all the insane shit people are willing to say without a second thought, I hesitate to think what it is that they’re not saying. I don’t need a direct line to that.”
My phone chimes with an incoming text and I shuffle around in my purse for it, hoping it’s Roman. We haven’t had a proper conversation in four days, which is coincidentally how long we’ve been married. Pulling it out, I see a voice note from Drew. My heart plummets.
“It’s Drew,” I tell Jules. She wrinkles her nose in distaste and it makes me laugh. It’s interesting how much they despise each other for two people who are literally going to be in my life forever. I play his message.
“I listened to the latest episode of your podcast. Since when do you say ya’ll?” He sounds like he’s cringing hard.
I press the record button. “Ya’ll is okay.”
“Tell him we don’t need his criticism,” Jules adds.
“Jules says we don’t need your criticism,” I record and send.
Drew replies right away. “Good thing I’m not criticizing Jules.”
“That’s because you’re scared of her.”
“Nice try. I know she’s with you so I’m not going to say anything.”
Jules holds out her donut for me and I take a bite, licking off the icing from my lips. I can’t remember why or when I stopped eating donuts. I eat healthy most of the time, but I prefer donuts over cookies when I’m going to indulge myself.
I’ve always been a big believer of eating what you want as long as you eat healthy and within your goals and limits.
Even when I was playing and training every day, I never gave up dessert.
Food is so important for your physical and mental health, for your soul.
I’ve always hated the negativity tied to it and whenever interviewers asked me about my diet, I was very honest with my opinion.
As a millennial woman, I grew up believing size zero was the norm and nothing can be farther from the truth. Food is another thing that men have ruined for us.
As women, our bodies are not one size fits all and no one ever talks about the weight you gain during puberty, pregnancy, the bloating every fucking month because we’re literally bleeding.
“We should stop by that one bakery and pick up some cupcakes,” I say.
“The one that looks like a haunted Victorian house?” Jules asks.
“Yes! Are they still open? They had some of the best baked goods I’ve had in my life.”
My phone chimes again with another message from Drew. “What’re you two up to?”
“We’re going to see the witch.”
His reply is instant. “Lavinia.”
Jules and I burst into giggles because he sounds exactly as disappointed and appalled as we expect him to.
“He sounds like a Dad whose teenage daughter told him she’s into punk rock .” Jules makes the devil horns with her hand and I can’t control my laughter.
Lavinia
I had a witch cleanse my aura today.
Roman
I hope you didn’t pay her.
Lavinia
She also told me you’ve been touched by the devil.
Roman
Interesting. Somehow, I thought the devil would be above non-consensual touching.
I grin up at my phone. I’m in bed, all tuckered out after Jules and my trip to see Selene, the witch, and then my parents’ house to pass out candy to kids. It’s been a tradition of ours since we were in college. Every Halloween, we drive to Salem.
Jules and I ate too much candy and too much pizza at my parents’ house. I’m going to be in a carb coma for weeks.
Lavinia
I ate a lot of pizza tonight. And a slice of lasagna. And candy.
Roman
Alright, no need to rub it in. We all know athletes have strict diets.
I think I only told him so he can pass some test he doesn’t know he’s taking. Because if I ate anything close to a carb, Josh would’ve lost his mind. I didn’t realize it at the time because he was so good at masking his words and making them sound like concern. Now, I wonder if I’m that stupid.
Roman
What are you wearing?
Lavinia
Why do men always want to know that?
Roman
It helps with the fantasies.
Lavinia
What am I wearing in your fantasies?
Roman
A pink, sheer nightgown thing that hides nothing.
I’m a pin-up in his fantasies? The funny thing is, I have a nightgown like what he described. It’s not entirely sheer, but thin enough to be provocative. No surprise, it was a gift from Aunt Constance at my bridal shower.
Lavinia
That’s scarily accurate.
Roman
Seriously?
Lavinia
No. Sorry to disappoint.
Roman
Then what are you wearing?
I look at the gilded mirror across from my bed. It’s been there since before Jules and I moved in and since this is her parents' apartment, we’re under strict orders not to change anything. I actually like the mirror and want one like it when we move.
My hair’s tied up into a big bun and my cheeks are flushed.
I can tell him what I’m wearing. Or… I reach up, removing the tie from my hair and running my fingers through it until it’s fluffed up and messy.
Throwing off the blanket, I kneel up in bed and take a photo.
Before I can think better of it, I send it to Roman.
Roman
My soul left my body, baby. Gotta warn a guy before you try to kill him.
I giggle, glancing at the mirror again. I’m wearing cheeky pink panties and a white tee that pulls tight across my chest.
Lavinia
Where are you?
Roman
Just got to my room as you sent that photo. Don’t know what I would have done if someone else saw you, but it would definitely play into that ridiculous nickname they’ve given me.
The Brutalizer. As far as I know, Roman hasn’t gotten into a fight off the ice since we were teenagers. But the thought of another man seeing me would have been enough to change that. I don’t know why, but the thought warms my blood. Maybe I’m not as good as everyone thinks I am.
Roman
Why do you ask?
Lavinia
No reason.
Roman
Is the good girl being bad?
Lavinia
Only in your fantasies, sweetie.
Roman
You don’t have to lie, Blossom. I know you can’t resist me.
A photo follows his words and it’s him, shirtless, his jeans unbuttoned to reveal the waistband of his boxers.
Maybe Selene is right, and he really is touched by the devil.
I’ve been around athletes my whole life; I shouldn’t be swayed by a physically attractive body.
But when it comes with Roman’s face and personality? Yeah, I’m done for.
Lavinia
Sweetie, that might impress other girls, but I’ve been around athletes my whole life.
Instead of a reply, my phone rings, Roman’s name displayed on the screen. I quickly reach for my wireless earphones and pop them in before answering the call.
“Hello?” I whisper.
“Why are you whispering?”
“Jules is a light sleeper. Why are you calling?”
“I wanted to hear your voice.”
I melt into my mattress, pulling the blanket up under my chin.
“Thought you were upset because I’m not impressed by your abs.”
“Nah, I don’t believe your lies. I know you better than that.” His voice is smooth, like aged whisky that you savor because it’s too delicious to drink in one go.
“Aunt Constance was telling me about Ben today,” I say. “Apparently, he asked about me.”
Roman hums quietly, the sound causing shivers to chase down my back. “I thought I told you to not say his name.”
I bite my lip at the roughness in his voice, squeezing my thighs together as my pulse pounds between my legs. “So possessive. I can’t talk to other men. I can’t wear Kai’s jersey. You do realize I’m going to do anything I want, right?”
“I’m not going to stop you from doing anything you want, as long as you remember that you’re mine now.”
His words make me aware of the weight on my ring finger. I thumb my ring, raising my hand to look at it. It’s a simple gold band, but one that marks me as his. It’s stupid and patriarchal and it makes the ache between my thighs worse.
I know it’s wrong, and I know I shouldn’t do it, but I can’t stop myself as I slip a hand under my panties, brushing my middle finger over my clit in a light touch. I inhale sharply as my belly contracts.
“Lavinia,” Roman’s voice is rough, causing my nipples to tighten, “what are you doing?”
“Nothing,” I whisper. “Keep talking. I’m listening.”
“Baby, do you have your fingers in that sweet pussy right now? Are you using me to get off?”
My pussy is soaking wet when I slide two fingers inside, pressing the heel of my palm over my clit. My hips tilt up at the sensation as I clench around my fingers.
“It’s not as bad as it sounds.”
“I don’t think it sounds bad at all.” I hear a clinking sound on his end and Roman’s groan fills the line. My pussy pulses.
“Roman,” I whimper.
“That’s it, baby. Say my name when you’re fucking that delicious pussy. I can’t wait to taste it. Make you come on my tongue over and over again until you’re exhausted. Would you like that?” He moans. “Of course, you’re so fucking horny for it. Isn’t that why you’re fucking yourself right now?”
My room fills with the obscene sound of wetness, but I can’t help it as I fuck myself with my fingers. I want to come, pressure building in my lower belly as I grind the heel of my palm on my clit.
His groan reverberates down the line and I can hear sticky noises as he works himself over for me. What does he look like when he’s got his cock in his hand? I clench around my fingers, imagining it’s him thrusting into me.
“I wish I could see you, taste you,” I moan. “I want to feel you inside me.”
“Don’t worry, baby. You will. I bet your pussy is as perfect as the rest of you. Are you going to strangle my cock, Blossom? And those tits. My mouth is watering thinking about sucking on those perfect tits.”
My lower body twists and I squeeze my hand between my legs as I circle two fingers over my clit. My body clenches, aching for something harder than my fingers. With my other hand, I grip my breasts, twisting my nipples.
“Roman,” I sob.
“Ssshh, baby. You’ll have my cock soon. I promise.” The edge to his voice tells me he means to keep that promise. A part of me knows we’re in dangerous territory, and yet, I can’t stop myself from wanting him.
I’m not sure I want to stop. The way Roman wants me is something I’ve never experienced before and it’s a feeling that leaves me lightheaded. It might look different in the light of day, but under the shadow of night, I can pretend it's right.
“I’m close.”
“Me too, baby. Come with me.”
His harsh breathing fills the line, and I close my eyes, picturing him with his hand wrapped around his cock.
Is he rough and fast? Or does he like it slow and teasing, edging himself to madness?
The images are all I need, and I come with a soft cry, my vision darkening and my body pulling taut as my pussy pulses with my orgasm.
“Fuck, Lavinia,” Roman groans loudly and I know he’s coming, painting his hand with his release.
Our breathing fills the line for long minutes and then I hear the sound of running water. I suddenly feel shy, my cheeks heating as I pull the blanket over my head.
Roman makes me feel like a different person, not in a way like he wants to change me. More like who I am is enough, so I don’t need to pretend to be perfect. I can explore with him, and he’ll never judge me.
“I’ll be back in two days.”
“Is that a threat or a promise?”
Roman chuckles. “It’s an I can’t believe there’s still two more days before I see you again.”
I put him on hold to go clean up and change my panties. When I get back in bed, I put him on speaker and put my phone next to my pillow. I fall asleep listening to Roman’s replay of their game, my body sated.