29. Roman #2
I laugh humorlessly. “On that we can agree. I know you don’t trust me, but I hope I can make you believe one day that I’m nothing like my father. Lavinia’s never going to be in the same room as him, so you don’t have to worry about that.”
Mr. C considers my words carefully. “That’s not something you can guarantee.”
“Dad,” Lavinia pleads. This time, I squeeze her hand in reassurance.
“Let me rephrase it. Lavinia will never be in his presence as long as she’s with me because I don’t want to be anywhere near him.”
“I think that’s enough for now. Don’t you?” Dr. C turns to her husband and the look in her eyes clearly says that he’s going to agree with her or he’s going to be in big trouble. “The poor boy doesn’t even have a drink, and you’ve put him through the wringer, on a holiday, no less.”
“It’s time for dinner anyway,” Vin’s other grandmother says. “We’re going to need a lot more alcohol.”
Slowly, they file out of the room until only Jules and Drew are left behind with Lavinia and me.
“Honestly, I didn’t think you had it in you, OfLavinia,” Jules says. “Color me impressed.”
Drew glares at me as he walks out, without saying a word.
“I’m so sorry about that,” Lavinia whispers. There’s a troubled look in her eyes that I hate seeing. I lean down and press my lips to the furrow between her brows.
“Don’t be sorry, baby. Your family hates me because they love you.”
Lavinia rests her cheek on my shoulder. “You’re so hopeful, I almost don’t want to take you to the dining room.”
She has no idea that I’ll put up with worse things for her.
I spent two years watching her with Josh, knowing every second that motherfucker didn’t deserve her.
I used to lie awake at night wondering about all the things I’d risk for her if only she gave me some indication that she wasn’t happy with Josh.
Having dinner with her family, with people who love her and want to protect her, is a walk in the park.
Dinner goes better than I expect. I’m mostly ignored by everyone, except for the odd question here and there. I can easily see where the family’s divided on how they feel about me.
I hoped to feel a twinge of guilt for deceiving them, though sitting next to Lavinia and watching her talk animatedly with Aunt Constance and Jules, I didn't feel deception.
I’ve wanted Lavinia for so long, watched her from afar as she shined like a star and watched her date men who didn’t deserve her. I let myself believe that it’d never be me because I burned that bridge and there was no going back to something that I never even gave a chance to.
Then Lavinia turns around and smiles at me or squeezes my hand or my thigh under the table, picks the peas off my plate because I’m not eating them.
When have I ever faked what I feel for this woman? I want her like a dying man wants one last breath. I want to hope, and I keep stamping it down because hoping never gets anyone anywhere. The only way to get what you want is to do whatever it takes to get it.
After dinner, everyone helps clean up the table before moving to the living room.
I bring the last of the dishes into the kitchen and find myself alone with Dr. Callahan.
Lavinia looks like her mother, except Dr. Callahan’s hair is a darker shade of red and she wears glasses.
She’s at the kitchen sink and looks over her shoulder when I walk in.
“You can put those down here. Aiden will come in later to clean everything up,” she says with a smile.
I set the dishes on the counter next to the sink. “Mr. C does the dishes?”
“Of course. If I cook, he cleans, if he cooks, I clean, which is majority of the time because only one of us is retired.”
I can’t remember a single moment in my life when my father willingly entered the kitchen to do anything.
Asher Maddox is who people talk about when they think of toxic masculinity.
He has a lot of shit to say about my mother’s cooking abilities but wouldn’t know the difference between tarragon and cinnamon.
I don’t want to sit in the living room, so I stay and help Dr. C pack up the leftovers.
“I always thought you were a sweet boy, Roman,” she says, “if a bit of a troublemaker.”
I keep my eyes focused on the mashed potatoes I’m transferring to three different containers. “Thank you, Dr. Callahan.”
“You can call me Melanie. We’re family now.”
I blink down at the food. “I’m not sure I know how to be a part of a family.” The words are honest and raw, and I don’t think before saying them. They leave my mouth and hang in the air between us.
From the corner of my eye, I see Dr. Callahan—Melanie—turn to look at me. She has the same clear, guileless eyes as Lavinia that make me want to spill all my secrets. “Well, this is a family.” She waves her hand towards the living room.
“We love fiercely, and we also get annoyed easily. Some holidays are nice, and some are filled with tension because we’ve remembered something someone said ten years ago, and we’ve decided we’re still holding a grudge.
Then by the time dessert comes out, we’re in a full-blown fight which usually leads to tears, and then we eat dessert.
The next morning, you wake up and the family chat is full of gossip about who said what about whom. ”
I grin, looking up at her. “Sounds nice.”
“Oh, it’s delightful. You haven’t even met the extended family. That’s when the real fun starts.”
“What are we talking about?” Lavinia comes into the kitchen and stands on the other side of the counter, her eyes shifting back and forth between her mother and me.
“Nothing, just stuff,” Melanie says.
“Okay, well.” Lavinia looks like she doesn’t believe us but doesn’t prod further. “I got the Christmas decorations out of the garage.”
“Aiden could have done that.”
They go back and forth about the Christmas decorations as I finish packing up the leftovers. Once all the containers are stacked on the counter, I find the disinfectant and start wiping down everything.
“You don’t have to do that, baby,” Lavinia says. I look up to see her and Melanie watching me with curious little smiles on their faces.
“It’s a force of habit,” I explain. “I’m used to cleaning down everything before bed.”
“Lavinia is the same way,” Melanie says. “She’s probably the only kid who enjoyed doing chores in the kitchen.”
“It’s peaceful.” Lavinia and I say at the same time and grin at each other.
Melanie looks back and forth between us. “Vin, why don’t you show Roman the deck?”
I wash my hands and follow Lavinia out onto the deck.
It’s nice and quiet out here, with a firepit and Adirondack chairs set around it in a circle.
String lights hang over the top, brightening the place.
Lavinia huddles closer to me and I wrap my arms around her to keep her warm.
The small lake in the background hasn’t completely frozen over yet, but it will once the temperatures start to drop more. We used to skate out here as kids.
“Your mom thinks I was a sweet boy,” I say.
Lavinia squeezes me tighter. “I’m so sorry. I wish I’d been there when you found out such horrible news.”
I huff a laugh. I love the way her mind works, so sweet and so sharp at the same time. I want to abandon our little game of skirting around the boundaries and kiss her, right here and now. I won’t, though. I want her to give in, to stop thinking that this is temporary and it’s going to disappear.
“I have something for you,” I whisper.
Pushing away from me slightly, Lavinia looks up. “What is it?”
Reaching into my pocket, I wrap my fingers around the box and slowly pull it out. Lavinia gasps, taking a step back from me, her wide eyes zeroed in on my hand. “Roman, what did you do?”
I don’t answer. Instead, I open the box and let her see the rings inside. Lavinia covers her mouth with her hands. “Oh my god.”
“It’s a sapphire, not a diamond,” I say. I remove the rings from the box and reach for her hand.
“Roman, you didn’t have to do this. It’s a lot.”
Gently, I remove the thin gold band she’s currently wearing and slide the platinum wedding band on, followed by the ring. It looks perfect on her hand. Some possessive part of me thrills at seeing my ring on her finger, and that’s why it was necessary.
She’s my wife, she’ll wear my ring.
Lavinia is still staring down at the ring, bringing up her other hand to touch it. Did I push it too far? I wish she’d look up at me so I can read her eyes.
“If you don’t like it, we can change it.”
“No, it’s beautiful. I can’t stop looking at it,” she whispers. There are pink undertones in the sapphire, the main reason why I picked this ring. It’s her favorite color.
“Are you sure?”
“I’m just…” Finally, she looks up at me, and she’s not upset like I expected. There’s some emotion in her eyes I can’t decipher. “When I asked you to help me leave my wedding venue, I never expected it’d lead us here. I’m trying to wrap my head around it.”
“I’m not the husband you ever expected.” I’ve always known that. I don’t think I deserve Lavinia any more than the men who came before me.
I also know I’ll treat her the way she deserves to be treated. If Lavinia is an idol, I’m her humblest devotee. She’s never going to find anyone who wants her as much as me, and I’ve always been very careful with what’s mine.
A strange look crosses Lavinia’s face and for a second, her eyes shift, looking over my shoulder. “I wouldn’t say that. Come on, I’m freezing. Let’s go in before they eat all the apple pie and we’re left with the lesser cousin, pumpkin.”
Grabbing my hand, she tugs me back towards the house.
I look over my shoulder where her eyes had landed and see the edge of the pool house.
The same pool house Lavinia and I had disappeared to eighteen years ago, when at sixteen, I asked her if she wanted to leave with me.
I never got to hear her reply, though now I’m wondering if the answer would have been yes.