Chapter 5
Gwen
Looking in the mirror, I brace my hands on the counter in front of me and take a few deep breaths. Glancing up at my reflection, I shake my head a few times and wonder what the hell I got myself into by caving and going against my willpower last week.
Why did I let myself break?
I’ve always been able to hold my own around Rex and not give in to my constant and very uncontrollable feelings for him, even though they’ve always raged inside me, and begged to be set free.
I’m starting to realize that feelings this strong are impossible to forget, no matter how much time has passed.
So why now? Why did I let my guard down?
Lord knows what he’s been thinking since that night, but I can’t shake the feeling that I gave away my heart once again when I had finally, after so many years, managed to almost get over him. Over us, and the secret I’ve been carrying around for far too long.
For some reason, though, the world always pulls us back together.
It’s a torturous fate we both cling to that leaves me wondering about the past, present, and future I had one day hoped I would have with him.
A future I want to have with him, even though I’ve always tried to plead with my heart to feel different.
“Girl, I’m telling you, that man will not let Eric anywhere near you,” Aaliyah says as she exits the bathroom stall and stands beside me.
She proceeds to wash her hands, and I turn my back to the counter and lean against it.
“I could tell by the look in his eyes. Possession like I have never seen before, and you’re the object of all of his desires. ”
I release a heavy sigh and think about the mess I have gotten myself into.
Sure, I knew Eric was married and had two children.
Who didn’t with his face plastered all over the gossip magazines regularly?
But I also knew they were separated, and from the last magazine I picked up in the grocery store, it looks like his wife will soon be his “ex-wife” after filing for divorce.
“What makes you so sure?” I ask Aaliyah, even though I secretly hope she’s right.
After Rex’s comment, the tension at the table hit an all-time high.
If looks could kill, Eric’s almost did. After the waitress returned with our drinks, Aaliyah and I excused ourselves to the ladies’ room, where we have been trying to wait out the trouble brewing at our table for almost ten minutes now.
“Honey, anybody can see the way that man looks at you. I noticed it earlier in the office, too. Tonight, he’s got the look of a man on a mission. A mission to make you his and not let you leave with the other man you walked in with. Seems serious. What’s the history there?”
I look up at the ceiling and roll my eyes.
Our history is too complicated to explain on a girl’s trip to the restroom.
Diving into our past would take hours, days, as I explain layer after layer of what brought us to where we are today.
A situationship which is totally way too problematic to ever solve itself.
“It’s complicated,” I shrug.
“Most great love stories are.”
“Who said anything about love?” I snap, attempting to lie to Aaliyah and myself.
“Maybe not love, but Gwen, if you harbor feelings for someone for all those years, is there really any other term to describe it?” When her comment renders me speechless and I don’t answer, she says, “How did it end?”
I instantly feel sick, as if considering bringing it all up after all these years makes me need to throw up in the stall I just walked out of a few minutes ago.
I shake my head and close my eyes, taking a few deep breaths to hopefully steady my rapid heartbeat, I whisper, “No one knows that story, not even my best friend Eva,” Tears threaten to fall as I open my eyes.
“Hell, Rex only knows half of it. Sorry, but some things are better left in the past, where they can’t hurt you anymore. ”
“You sure about that?” she questions with a raised eyebrow and a hand on her hip. “From the looks of it, whatever caused all this,” she says, gesturing towards me and swirling her hand in a circle. “Looks like it’s still hurting you right now.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I hiss sharply. Pushing off the counter, I walk towards the door of the restroom. “Some things never change. Some people never change. I doubt it would make the littlest bit of difference after all these years.”
And that right there is the hurt that keeps me running.
The pain that keeps me pushing him away.
I know what we had together will never be found in anyone else.
And yet, I can’t bring myself to trust him again, to believe that he’ll stay with me, even after I tell him all I have to say.
I can’t bring myself to believe that he will love me the way I want to be loved, deserve to be loved, and not just throw me aside like he often did when shit got too real.
I need him. Heaven help me, I know I do. I always have. But not if he puts me through what he did in the past. Not if he uses me when he feels like it and leaves when our connection gets too intense.
“Gwen,” Aaliyah says, I turn to look at her with my hand on the doorknob.
Her concerned look softens as she takes a caring step forward.
“Sometimes you lose people for a little while before finding them again. The second time around can make more sense than the first. Timing is everything, Honey. Maybe y’all weren’t ready for each other back then, but that doesn’t mean you should throw away what you have right now. ”
I roll my eyes but smile back at her before opening the door.
I know she means well, but she is picking at a scab that has been closed for a long time.
Even though it never healed, I’m not sure I ever want to reopen it and try to attempt to make it better, even if that might help me move on from all the bullshit I feel constantly pulling me back into the past.
I step out into the hallway and wait for Aaliyah to join me.
Once she’s at my side, we walk back towards the patio just as Aaliyah’s phone starts ringing in her purse.
Answering it, she gestures for me to go on ahead while she hangs back to take the call.
Reluctantly, I begin to walk back alone.
Even though I’m a strong woman, I still don’t like the idea of facing the impending disaster that may or may not be back at our table.
“What the hell is your problem, man?” Eric says just as I’m about to round the corner. Stopping, I lean against the brick wall and wait to hear who he’s talking to.
“You don’t get it,” Rex hisses. “There is more shit between me and her than you could even try to understand. I fucked shit up once. I’m not going to do that again. And that includes you and your damn hands on her when your divorce isn’t even final yet.”
I hold my breath. My heart rate quickens. A tiny sliver of hope fills me, but I quickly shut it down.
“Seems to me if she wanted to be here with you, Roberts, she would be. But she’s not. Gwen’s with me.”
“Not if I can help it.”
I smile and stifle a laugh. Men can really be so ridiculous, but hell if it isn’t the best thing in the world to know two fine-ass males are fighting over you right around the corner. I wait to hear what comes next just as a waiter walks past me with drinks he’s bringing to the patio.
“Screw you, Roberts. I knew getting into business with you and Michael was a bad idea. Too bad I already signed those damn contracts. You couldn’t even be opening this club if it wasn’t for me. Maybe you should show some more damn respect.”
“We don’t need your money, asshole,” Rex quickly interjects. “And I sure as hell don’t need you stalking a girl I’ve known three times as long as you’ve known your soon-to-be ex-wife. There is history there, Eric. Shit I’d thank you not to mess with.”
His words pierce like daggers through my heart. A heart I’ve hardened over the years so I wouldn’t have to feel again the way Rex Roberts easily makes me feel. He’s right. Some shit you don’t mess with. The history we have, the feelings, the pull, the spark we give one another is irreplaceable.
“We’ll see about that,” Eric says. “She’s able to make her own choices, and it looks like she didn’t choose you.”
I hear a loud thud followed by a grunt and a gasp as I pull myself back tighter against the wall.
Did Rex just hit him?
“Asshole,” Eric’s muffled voice grits out a second later.
“You’re right,” Rex hisses. “Gwen can make her own choice, and it will be me. You can bet your two-timing ass on that, Maxwell.”
I hear footsteps and straighten myself up as I walk a few steps down the hallway and into the courtyard. Eric comes around the corner holding his nose. Blood stains his hand. His face is etched with hatred as he looks up and catches my eye.
His face never softens as he comes closer, and I grow nervous, not knowing what I should say. Should I act shocked to see his face? Should I let him know I overheard everything? How do I make sure he knows where I stand? Or rather, where do I want to stand? With him? With Rex?
“What happened?” I say, taking the first option and acting shocked to see his condition.
Eric rolls his eyes and takes my hand as he wipes a little blood from his nose. “I think I’m going to call it a night, Gwen. Is it okay if I call you tomorrow?”
I nod once. Then stand silent, unsure what I am supposed to say, or how I am supposed to act. It’s then that I realize, I have no feelings for Eric. Not after what I just heard.
“Are you okay to get home?” It’s probably a stupid question. He’s a grown man, and I don’t know my way too well around New Orleans, even if he did say yes.
He shrugs. “I’ll be fine. Are you going to be staying?” he asks. I know what he really means is, am I going to be staying here with Rex?