Chapter 10
Gwen
My stomach is full, and my buzz is light from the wine as Rex walks me back to my little apartment.
I smile over at him as we stroll along the cobblestone streets of New Orleans.
My heart beats faster when he returns the smile.
Winking at me, he picks up my hand and holds it in his.
It’s an all too familiar gesture from our past. It feels so natural.
For a brief moment, I let myself accept what's building between us.
The sound of the busy street surrounds us, but its deafening noise is silent compared to the beating of my heart and the knowledge that I’m falling. That I’ve been falling. Hard.
Reminiscing over dinner was a bad idea because all it did was stir up all the feelings from our past. Walking down memory lane held promises of a future as I stared into Rex’s eyes and wondered what our life could have been like given another chance to make it right.
Sure, we were young. Of course, we may have broken apart throughout the years by a million other things that could have potentially pulled us in separate directions anyway.
Perhaps the knowledge of what could have been is the only thing that is making us both wonder now.
Maybe that is all there is between us anymore.
Just the memory of how great we made each other feel when we allowed ourselves the pleasure.
That doesn’t mean that we should take a chance on what we once had now, does it?
I know we can’t repeat the past, but the more the night wears on, and the tighter Rex holds my hand, it makes me want to try.
Coming to a stop at the foot of my apartment building, Rex looks up at the dimly lit windows.
“Well, this is me.” I let the cliché slip from my lips, having nothing better to say. “Thank you for the dinner. You really didn’t need to walk me home.”
“I told you the other night, it is not safe for a beautiful girl like you to walk these streets at night alone, regardless of how badass you think you are, sweetheart,” he teases. I laugh. “Besides, it just meant I have you to myself a little longer.”
I search his eyes to see if he’s playing with me.
He has been pouring it on thick since arriving in New Orleans.
I can’t fall for him again if this is just some sort of sick game to land his old flame and get me out of his system before he moves on to something better.
He always was good with the one-liners. With me, and every other girl.
But, as I hold his eyes, they reflect his heart, our past, and everything he wishes he can say, even though he still holds back.
“You’re not winning yourself an invitation up with that line, Rex,” I tease.
“I wasn’t trying to,” he insists. “I’m being honest. All I want is to be around you, Gwen. To try at this thing between us once again. To show you how much our past meant to me.”
My phone rings, startling both of us. Reluctantly, I pull it from my purse and see it is Eric. Looking back up at Rex, I notice as he also reads the screen and his body stiffens. Dropping my hand, he stuffs his in his pockets and steps back from me.
“You going to take that?” he asks angrily.
I hit ignore and keep my eyes trained on his. His face softens. The knowledge that we don’t want to be anywhere else, with anyone else, is new territory for us, given how we have tried fighting it for ten years. He smiles as the call stops and goes to voicemail.
Holding my stare, he insists, “Kiss me.”
God knows I want to. God knows there is nothing in this world I need more than to feel his lips on mine. But I’m not ready yet to let him back in.
So, instead, I playfully say, “Not today, Roberts.”
He grins and takes a step closer. Removing his hands from his pants pockets, he grabs both sides of my face and slowly leans in.
Right as I think he’s about to kiss me anyway, say to hell with my stubbornness, and take what he wants, he lightly kisses each cheek then backs away.
With a panty-melting wink, he releases me and starts to walk off into the night.
“Can’t blame a guy for trying,” he tosses over his shoulder. “They say the third time's the charm. See you in the morning, sweetheart.”
“What?” I laugh as he continues to saunter off towards his part of town.
Turning around to meet my eyes, he continues walking backward, and says, “Dinner wasn’t the only thing we missed out on. I’ll pick you up early. Be ready, because we’re crossing off that bucket list of ideas you made me promise to that night in the bed of my truck.”
He can’t be serious. What’s more, I can’t believe he remembered.
Rex turns a corner and continues to disappear into the night, all while I fight the urge to call out to him.
To tell him to get his ass back here and take me upstairs.
Forget the morning. We can start right now.
Instead, I let him leave me with the knowledge of our promise as kids and the commitment that he’ll be here tomorrow to finally make good on all we said we’d someday share together.
* * *
Ten Years Ago
Coming home, I hop up the stairs two at a time with a bit of an extra spring in my step.
Earlier this week, I wasn’t so peppy. Rex was avoiding me in the halls at school, and only giving me just enough when no one was looking to keep me strung along.
Something was off. But, like a glutton for punishment, I caved on my better judgment when he called last night and then agreed to meet him at the lookout spot we first met at a few months back.
We sat and watched the sunrise, talked and kissed, and did things I swore I would never do out in the open in the back of a pickup truck.
I smile as I reach the top of the stairs, remembering how the thrill of being out in the open making love to him was one of the most intoxicating experiences of my life.
When the sun started to appear, we’d fallen asleep making a bucket list of sorts for the things we promised to do together before we died.
Things like eating ice cream for breakfast, swimming in Hawaii, or snorkeling in the Caribbean quickly made the list. The few things I whispered as I nodded off, I’m not sure he even heard me say.
I guess the words were left as a secret between us, maybe never to be discovered.
This morning, we crossed one thing off our bucket list. An epic hike through the Auburn hills to the top of a beautiful mountain to watch the sunrise.
Something that may be little compared to what most people would consider epic.
But sharing it with him and walking all those miles alone together was a memory that will last a lifetime.
As he held my hand on the way down, I knew my heart would be lost forever to Rex Roberts.
As hard as I try, I can’t seem to see my life without him in it anymore.
What’s bizarre is, I think even Belle has started to come around to the idea of us as a couple.
As I near my door at the end of the upstairs hallway, ‘Nsync blares from the speakers in Belle’s room and I hear her dancing and singing to one of their top tracks, Gone. It's a sad song, which makes me take a few extra steps and knock on her door. She opens it after a moment with a smile.
“Hey, I didn’t think you’d be back so early,” my sister says, turning around and walking across the room to stop the CD player a moment later. I follow her into her room and take a seat on her bed.
“I’m exhausted,” I say as I plop down and try to stretch out my aching body. “But it was worth it.”
Rex and I have agreed to keep our relationship our little secret, mainly because my parents would never approve. At least, that is what he says, and what I have reluctantly convinced myself of.
My parents would die if they knew I was going out with the boy whose mom has less than a stellar record in town at the local bars. Rex himself also has a tarnished rep from school, something Belle fills them in on daily.
I know the real truth about everything though, but still, I keep it hidden.
Partly because beginning that battle with everything else going on right now would be a fight I’m not ready to commit to. One I am not sure I could win. My parents have enough to deal with concerning my sister.
Still, it hurts to see him flirt with other girls in the hallways at school, even though I tell myself he doesn’t mean it.
It hurts when he doesn’t call for days on end.
Just when I swear we are finally over and I start to move on, he shows back up, and I fall all over again.
I promise myself the next time he pulls that crap, I’ll be stronger and walk away, but I never am.
Trying to ignore the hurt surrounding my heart, I sit up straight and ask my sister, “What’s with the sad song?”
Shrugging, Belle doesn’t respond. Instead, she comes over and sits next to me on the bed.
After a moment of silence, she says, “You know, everyone around the school is talking about how they’ve seen Rex with Christina Thompson.
I don’t want you to get hurt. Are you sure you’re not getting in too deep, Gwen? ”
Belle is the only one that I have told about Rex and me. After we had sex and I knew he was a virgin, I felt safe and knew she could keep a secret. Although, I’d be lying if I said that wasn’t the exact moment he started getting a little more distant. Maybe Belle is right.
“You know better than to believe the Lincoln High gossip, Belle. Between school, football, volunteering at the fire station, and late nights with me, Rex doesn’t have time for anything else.”
But inside, I wonder if she is right. I think of all the missed times together lately and all the brush-offs at school and worry there is more to the gossip than I care to admit.
“I’m glad you’re happy,” Belle whispers, sadly.
“I just know he’s been seen with all sorts of girls, and everyone knows how he has always played the field.
Plus, he’s not exactly waiting for you after class, holding your hand, or walking through the halls like most guys with their girlfriends.
He wants to keep you a secret, and that worries me. How do you know you can trust him?”
Her comment strikes a nerve. I don’t, I want to tell her, but I hold back.
She needs to worry about getting better right now, and from what the doctor has told us recently, this new treatment she is on might be working.
I can’t tell her that I’m just as scared about him leaving me as she is, especially after I gave him something I will never get back.
I’m not a fool. I know he could continue to not show up when he promised and leave me if something better comes along. That something better hopefully isn’t the rumor floating around about Christina Thompson.
I shrug, “I can’t explain it why or how, but I trust him, Belle. I just wish you would, too.”
“Ok,” she sighs. “Just don’t make me have to say, ‘I told you so.’” I roll my eyes at her comment before getting up to leave the room.
“Hey,” Belle calls out at me. “I’ve got to go back in for another round of treatment tomorrow.
The doctors are hopeful, but said we won’t know how well it works for about another month.
This treatment makes me so sick, Gwen,” she says, wincing and closing her eyes.
My heart hurts for her as I try to stay strong.
Opening her eyes, she asks, “Want to get take out, eat ice cream and watch a Buffy marathon? I might not be able to eat for a week like last time, and I’ve been craving a Red Robin burger. ”
I laugh and walk back across the room to sit next to her again on her bed. Her small frame sinks into me.
I was supposed to meet Rex later, but he can wait.
This girl right here is my flesh and blood.
Doctors and treatments be damned, we are about to get our grub on and debate whether Buffy should be with Angel or Spike long into the wee morning hours.
I’ve always been team Spike while Belle loves Angel more.
“That sounds like the perfect night,” I tell her.
She smiles big and jumps off the bed.
“I’ll go call in the order,” she says, running out of the room.
I rise and make my way to the shower. I guess I will go and call Rex. He just better not find something better to do. Something “better” like Christina Thompson.