Chapter 22
Gwen
My feet hit the sidewalk in large strides.
Finally kicking into my runner’s high, I jog along the banks of the Mississippi River and think about everything that changed in my life in just a few months.
It’s something I never expected. Not just the move to New Orleans to finish up a project with the hopes of a promotion - but the man I never thought I would ever let close again.
Pounding the pavement harder, I try to release the stress and tension that nothing has been able to ease all day. Not just from Rex, but the job, too. The cool breeze blows in from the river, and I try to will my mind to go blank. But it’s no use.
Rex is arrogant, cocky, smart-mouthed, and sexy as fuck.
And hell, he totally knows it. His “sure of himself” demeanor is one of the things that instantly attracted me to him all those years ago.
His dirty mouth and the way he knows how to use it are a bonus.
When he thinks no one is looking, the sweet way he lets me know I’m his is ultimately the one thing that leaves me always coming back for more.
But all that isn’t enough to make a go of things again. Or is it?
Better yet, what about when I tell him my secret?
The baby I never got a chance to tell him about before the stress of losing my sister forced my body to have a miscarriage.
I still remember sitting on the floor of the bathtub, willing my body to stop bleeding.
The pain of losing my sister and a baby I was growing attached to was too much to bear.
So, I called my aunt in Texas and left to spend the summer with her.
When I got back, Rex was gone. My parents were separated, and the sister I once had was only a stone I walked to and sat with for hours a couple days a week.
I cried endlessly at her grave, and poured my heart out to her ghostly memory.
I still remember asking God why. Why did he take her and then steal the joy of motherhood from me?
Why did he start to heal my sister only to have a car crash steal her away from us?
Why did he let me know the life that grew inside me if he was only going to steal it away from me just like her?
And why did I let myself fall for a man that could never give me what I wanted and always left me when I needed him most?
My feet hit the ground hard and fast as everything comes rushing back to me.
The hospital the night my sister died. The ambulance ride to the ER a few days later when I couldn’t stop the bleeding and told my parents the news that I was pregnant.
The fear that Rex would find out and hate me for losing our child because the stress of it all was too much.
I know I ran away. I know I didn’t face him. But I couldn’t.
One question remains. Am I woman enough to face him now? God, I sure hope so.
I round the corner, headed back to my apartment, and start running down a side street.
My head is not paying attention to my feet on the sidewalk, and I almost trip over a dip.
Slowing down briefly, I speed up again as the song “Love Me Anyway” by P!
nk and Chris Stapleton blasts through my headphones.
I take another corner and slow a little when I feel my head get dizzy.
That’s funny. Maybe I didn’t drink enough water today?
Pushing through, I tell myself I’m only two blocks from the apartment, and I won’t stop now.
I need this release like the air I breathe.
The air that is not coming quickly enough as I run the last block, and the dizziness sets in again.
Slowing slightly, I jog the last few steps and see Eva standing at the foot of my building.
A smile spreads across her face as she sees me approach.
Taking the earbuds out of my ears, I come to a stop in front of her.
“Hey,” I greet her, entirely out of breath. “What brings you here?”
“Wanted to see if you were down to have a little girl’s night? Noah and Rex are out doing ‘boy’ things, and I don’t want to sit all alone.”
The dizziness returns, and I brace myself on the stair’s railing at my side. “Yeah, totally. Just let me go upstairs and shower.”
“You ok?” Eva asks, concerned. “You look a little pale.”
“I’m good. I didn’t drink enough water today. Come on up. I will jump in a quick shower, and we can decide what to do.”
She follows me up the steps, and I unlock the apartment.
The cool air conditioning blows past me as I walk into the room, slightly righting my head that still doesn’t feel like it should.
I go into the kitchen and pour myself a cup of water.
Even with the air on, the room still feels hot and stuffy.
Eva follows me, her eyes are glued to her phone.
“So, where can we go tonight? What kind of trouble can one married woman and one ‘I’m not admitting I’m taken’ girl get into on a Thursday in NOLA?”
“Very funny,” I say, stepping away from the counter and feeling my head throb. “What sounds good to you?”
Vomit rises in my throat as my head continues to spin. The room becomes a haze, but still, I push through it. I need to sit down. Where is the couch?
“I was thinking we could… Hey, Gwen. Are you sure you’re alright?” Eva asks, grabbing my arm as I try to reach the living room.
“Yeah,... I just… need to drink a little more water, and….”
Before I can speak another word, blackness consumes me. My body feels light as a feather as I hit the floor. The last thought that runs through my mind is one of Belle, of Rex, and all the things left unspoken.
* * *
Seven Years Old
“Ring around the roses, pocket full of posies, ashes, ashes. We all fall down.”
My sister falls on the grass beside me, and we giggle as the wet earth beneath us dampens our sun dresses. Momma and Daddy said we could stay outside until it got dark. The lamps in the street are not on yet, so we promised we’d play another game before going in.
“Hey, Gwen,” Belle asks. “Do you think you’ll get married and have babies one day?”
I wiggle my nose and think about it. I don’t know if I will ever get married. The only boy I like in the second grade is Matt Morris, and I saw him pick his boogers the other day. Gross. I shrug, lying on the ground next to her.
“I dunno, do you?”
“I hope so,” she sighs, all romantic-like. “Momma says one day, when you meet the right boy, you just know. Isn’t that amazing? I want to meet that boy, Gwen. Do you think you’ll know when you do?”
I think about it a minute before I respond. I don’t know how you can just meet someone and already know you are going to marry them. That seems a little silly if you ask me. But she seems to like the idea, and I did hear Momma talking about it the other day, so maybe it is true.
“I guess. I don’t really know. I never really thought about it.”
“Well, one day, when we are older, I want to get married and have one boy and one girl. I’m going to name the girl Sophia and the boy Colton.
I’m going to marry a man who loves me and brings me flowers, and you’re going to be my maid of honor.
We’re going to get married in the country, in a field, and he’s going to love me forever and ever. ”
I laugh at my sister. “You know, you have to find the guy first, and then you have to plan this together. That is what I’m always hearing daddy tell mommy. That she has to talk to him and they have to decide as a team. Mommy lies and doesn’t tell Daddy everything in order to get her way.”
“Oh, phooey.” She sticks her tongue out at me, and I roll my eyes.
“I think, when you fall in love, that you’d both do anything for each other.
Even if it’s not what you thought you’d say or do because you love each other.
Besides, Daddy doesn’t tell her everything, either.
That’s not lying. It’s just waiting until the moment is right. ”
“And what if the moment is never right?”
I look over at her, and she shrugs, her brow furrows. “Then, if you have to, you just wait a little while longer, I guess.”
Glancing back up at the night sky, I think maybe she’s right.
Maybe that is why I always hear mommy and daddy fighting all the time.
Mommy likes to have it her way, and Daddy doesn’t want to let her.
I think about it for a minute and decide I think I do want to meet someone like Belle said she’d meet one day, too.
Maybe you do know when you meet the one you’re supposed to be with.
Maybe mommy and daddy didn’t know, and that is why they are always fighting.
“I want to meet someone like that,” I whisper as I lay on the ground next to my sister.
“If you find him, never let him go. Pinky swear,” she says, sticking her finger out at me.
I take it with my pinky and curl my finger around hers. “I promise.”
“Want to play another game,” she says with a smile, even though the street lamps overhead just started to glow.
I smile back at her. “Race you to the park across the street.”
Jumping up, I run as fast as I can. My sister’s yell fills the night sky as she chases me down the sidewalk to the swing set.
* * *
“Gwen, Gwen,” I hear Eva say. “Gwen, can you hear me?”
“She looks like she’s coming out of it now,” a male voice says.
“Gwen!” Eva demands.
I open my eyes and see a bright light. Oh dear God, don’t let me be dead.
“Oh my God, Gwen,” Eva sighs as my eyes focus on her.
Where am I? What happened? Why am I lying on a cold bed? I look to my right and see a doctor. Oh shit. The last thing I remember is hitting the floor. How did I get here?
I try to sit up, but the man stops me. “Take it easy, Ms. Coppola. Get dressed, and we can review a few things before I discharge you.”
I look around and see that we are in the ER. Worried, Eva grabs my hand.
“Discharge? Am I okay?” I ask the man.
“You’re fine,” he responds, scribbling something on his pad of paper and never looking up my way. “Just low on fluids. I’ll just go and process your paperwork. I won’t be long.”
He steps around the curtain, and I sit up slowly.
Flinging my legs over the side of the bed, I notice an IV in my arm just as a nurse comes in to remove it.
She takes off the tape, and removes the needle, which earns her a gasp from the slight pain of it slipping out of my vein.
She discards the trash and turns to leave, never saying a word and never even looking up at me.
That’s odd.
I grab my shirt and shimmy out of the hospital gown.
Throwing it over my head, I grimace slightly.
The arm the IV was just in hurts a little.
Glancing down, I notice that luckily they didn’t undress me entirely.
Once I get my shoes, we are out of here, and I can actually try to process how and why this happened.
Maybe the doctor can shed some light on it for me when he comes back.
“Oh my God, Gwen,” Eva says, reminding me she’s here.
“You had me so scared. I mean, you just like hit the floor, like, whoosh! I thought about calling the boys, but figured they would be God only knows where. So I called an ambulance. I didn’t know what to do.
You were out cold. I couldn’t wake you.”
I nod, trying to take it all in just as the doctor comes back through the curtain. I think he’s about to hand me some papers to sign and walk out, so it surprises me when he pulls up a chair.
“Ok, Ms. Coppola, a few things,” I glance up at Eva, who looks perplexed as we wait for him to continue. “Your iron is a little low, and you need to make sure you are drinking plenty of fluids. This time of year can cause a lot of people to get dehydrated, but you want to be especially careful.”
I look at him a little funny, wondering what that is supposed to mean. “Ok, and why is that?”
He laughs at me and then continues. “Here is some information on dehydration, fainting, and heat poisoning. We checked you out and ran some blood work. I’m sure there is nothing to worry about.
But you will need to rest, put your feet up, stay in cool air, and don’t over-exert yourself exercising.
I wrote down the name of a few prenatal vitamins that I suggest you start taking, and here is the name of an ob-gyn if you haven’t already found one. ”
My head spins. What in the actual hell is this man talking about? I look up at Eva, and she looks just as shocked as me as we stare back at the man with wide eyes.
“Excuse me?” I ask. “You must have the wrong paperwork,” I laugh, pointing at the papers in his hands. “Gwendolyn Coppola,” I question him. When he doesn’t respond, I laugh, “I’m not pregnant.”
He looks at the paperwork and shakes his head.
“It says right here, Gwendolyn Coppola. And from the levels in your blood, I would say you’re a few months at least. You should get hooked up with an OB immediately since this is obviously news to you.
” He stands and hands me the paperwork. “Just sign right here. The test results are on the second page if you still don’t believe me.
” I sign the paperwork with shaky hands.
He takes the top copy and hands me the rest. “You ladies have a good night,” he says with raised eyebrows as he turns and exits the way he came.
I look over at Eva. She’s staring at me with wide eyes.
“Oh my God, Gwen! Whose is it? Don’t tell me. Rex? Holy shit! Oh my God, you’re going to have a baby! I’m going to be an auntie!”
Her excitement kinda pisses me off as I still try to wrap my head around what I was just told. Pregnant? Again? By Rex Roberts? The good Lord sure does have a sense of humor. But the doctor said I was a few months at least. That would mean, oh my God… the hotel room.
It can’t be. Well, it has to be because I haven’t been with anyone for months before that and no one since. I look down at the paper in my hand and flip the pages.
Sure as shit. There it is. Positive.
Oh my God, I’m going to be a mother.
A few months is more than enough time to be past the scary stage where it all ended before, right?
But God, I haven’t even begun to tell Rex about the first time.
How in the actual fuck am I going to explain this one?
Eva starts to cry tears of joy. I look up at her, giving her a “shut it down now” glare.
I rise from my bed and stick my feet in my shoes.
“Aren’t you happy?” Eva asks me.
I wait a moment and think. Am I? Hell yes, I am, but there is still so much that I need to say. So much that we need to talk about before I can lay something like this on him. I place my hands on my stomach and start to smile. Yeah, I’m happy, but will he be?