Chapter 28
Gwen
Ten Years Ago
Rex pulls me close and kisses the top of my head. I look up at him and smile. He smiles back, and I swear I melt. I remember my sister asking me when we were kids if you knew when you met the “one.” I can honestly say now that Rex Roberts is my one.
He jumps off the tailgate and makes his way toward the snack shack of the drive-in.
“Diet Coke, right Gwen?” I nod and smile, knowing he remembers. “And, Belle, what do you want?”
“Maybe just water. Thanks, Rex,” my sister smiles as he walks away.
At a loss for words, we sit on the tailgate and watch the movie on the big screen in front of us.
Belle had wanted to get out, and I had already made plans with Rex.
When I told him Belle hadn’t been doing well all week, but today she felt a little better, he agreed to drop our plans and got this crazy idea to go to the drive-in the next town over.
It’s a place I haven’t been since we were kids.
Belle laughed at the idea at first, but agreed to join us.
Now that we’re here, I have to say it was a perfect idea from a close-to-perfect man. Anymore close, and he would be unreal.
“He treats you well?” Belle asks, pulling me from my gaze across the way at Rex who’s ordering drinks and food at the little stand in the middle of the drive-in. “He makes you happy?”
I look at my sister. Her face is a little paler. Her eyes are sunken in from all the weight she has lost these last three months from fighting so hard. I smile at her and wrap one of my arms around her, pulling her to my side. “He treats me good, Belle. I couldn’t ask for better.”
When he thinks no one is looking, I silently say to myself.
“So, why do you sometimes act like there is nothing between you two?”
I look out at the movie playing in the distance and try to come up with some sort of answer.
But I have none. I don’t know why. If I’m honest with myself, the way I feel for him scares me, but what scares me more is telling him and scaring him off.
I guess I fear if I lose myself completely to him, I won’t be able to find myself again if he ever decides to leave.
“That isn’t completely true,” I say, as fear rises inside my heart.
“I dunno, what if one day he leaves, and never comes back?” I whisper.
“What if I’m not enough? I see the way he flirts with other girls.
I mean, come on, Belle, you know his reputation.
” I hate myself for throwing Rex under the bus.
I know he’s better than that. But for some reason, I feel the need to put up walls, even with Belle.
“I mean, God, you said so yourself. In fact, you keep saying so. Do you honestly think he wouldn’t tire of me one day?
A man like him, who always acts like he’s playing the field, they don’t settle down. Even if I wanted him to.”
I let go of her and instinctively hold on to my lower stomach. The realization of the positive test I took a week ago weighs on my heart. I notice my sister’s eyes dart to my hands, so I release them and jump off the tailgate.
Leaning against it for comfort, I wait for her to speak.
I glance to my right and see Rex trying to load his arms full of too much food.
Juggling three drinks and two trays, my heart stops when I see a pretty girl come close and offer to help.
Jealous rage fills me, and I have to look away.
When I look back, I see him give her the cold shoulder.
His eyes trained on me, he smiles as he begins to make his way towards us.
“That man can’t see anything else in the world when you are around.
You gotta see that, Gwen,” my sister whispers, breaking the silence.
“When you meet the right boy, you just know. Remember, Gwen? You’d do anything for each other because you love each other.
” My heart stills when she says the four-letter word I still have yet to hear from the man now quickly approaching.
“Would you do anything for him? Because I see how he looks at you, and I know he’d do anything for you.
When you find someone like that, never let them go,” Belle says. “Pinky swear.”
I look up at her and she smiles. Looking down at her extended pinky, small and frail, I link mine through it and promise. “Pinky swear.”
“Good,” she exclaims. “That man right there loves you, Gwen. Even if he has a hard time saying it. Trust me, I can tell by the way he looks at you. Don’t let that go. Ever.”
* * *
My phone rings on my desk. I look at the clock and realize it is 5:45.
I meant to quit at 4:30 when my thoughts got caught up in the past, but I must have let my mind wander more than I thought.
The club is supposed to open in a little over two hours, and I have yet to go home, get ready, or even wrap my head around having to face Rex tonight.
It’s a thought that has been plaguing me all week and one that I’m not ready to deal with in between all the bullshit this week has also brought me.
Our entertainment was cancelled last minute, and even though I was assured by Aaliyah she had it under control, doubt kept getting the better of me because I knew my boss would be there tonight and would let me know her decision about the promotion I have had my eye on.
A promotion that seems so small now in comparison to everything else that is going on in life.
Picking up my cell, I see it’s Eva calling.
“To what do I owe the pleasure of this call?” I smile, answering the line. “Aren’t you supposed to be relaxing with your hubby while I’m busy running my ass off, making sure everything is ready for tonight?”
“Are you running your ass off?” she laughs.
I grin and look around me. “Nope, not exactly.”
The silence in my office is actually deafening. Everyone has gone home; the only light on is the one on my desk beside me.
“Well, then quit complaining.” I roll my eyes, even though I know she can’t see me. “I just wanted to call and tell you I might be a little late tonight. But I will find you when I get there. Noah said he’d pick you up without me.”
I frown because I can’t imagine what or who she knows in the city that could take her away from me tonight, having only been here once before.
“Ummm, ok,” I snap back without thinking. “What’s really going on?”
“What makes you think something is going on? Noah bought me a spa package, and it runs past seven.”
Not entirely believing her, I figure my brain is too messed up right now to try to figure out if she’s really lying, so I go with it. “Fine, but I’m not waiting for you at the door. Check-in with the bouncer. I’ll leave them your name.”
“Will do.” I go to hang up, but she stops me. “Hey, Gwen, have you talked to Rex lately?”
“Why?” I snap.
“Woah, prego. Just wondering.”
“Please tell me Noah didn’t just hear you? If you’re trying to find out if Rex knows, he knows, and I haven’t heard from him since.”
The line goes silent. My heart breaks as I take in the words I just spoke. The ones that kill me every time I think them. I told him everything, even about the baby, and he still has yet to reach out.
My hand goes to my stomach. My heart breaks for the child inside me who might never know the love of both their mother and father.
I asked him to take a stand. I asked him to say it, to finally tell me how he feels.
That is all I have ever wanted, and he let me walk away. Just like every time before.
“I’m sorry,” Eva whispers.
“C’est La vie, right? Je vois la vie en rose.” I mumble as I try to act like it doesn’t bother me.
Eva’s laugh fills the line.
“Whatever that means.”
“I see life through rose-colored glasses,” I explain.
“Ok, I think this New Orleans voodoo is getting to you more than you care to admit. I’ll see you at the club.
And hey, everyone always looks at love like it’s all sunshine and rainbows.
They never tell you about the days in between.
Real love encompasses it all. The bad moods, the fights, the stress, the sleepless nights as you build a life together.
The compromises and putting the other person first. Sure, you get your sunshine and rainbows, but not after a little rain.
Just remember all of that when you’re looking through your rose-colored glasses. ”
She hangs up the line, and I turn in my chair to look out the window, pondering what she’s just said.
My whole life, it will always be Rex. There could never be anyone else.
But you can’t love a man who won’t love you back. I know he cares for me. There is no denying that. But I need more. We need more. My guard is finally down. All my walls have been broken, and so far, I don’t see Rex anywhere.