Chapter 33
ADAM
It wasn’t unusual. Sometimes, this was just the hour that I started my day.
But today, I didn’t have the mind to get to work. I didn’t need to anyway. Knox was signed and at this particular moment, my clients were happy, all of them scattered between Florida and Arizona, set to start their first games of Spring Training this week.
So instead of checking my emails or going on my computer, I went out to the deck, stretching out on the chaise by the pool, and just staring out at the stillness of the water.
I’d only missed AJ for about ten minutes before I heard the sound of the sliding door pushing open, followed shortly after by her footsteps.
I smiled as she simply assumed her rightful place on me, climbing on top of me and resting her head on my chest. She was wearing one of my hoodies and literally nothing else underneath, which easily had my dick stirring again, but as soon as her head hit my chest, she was back asleep, breathing softly and making me wonder what the fuck my life was like before she came into it.
It wasn’t that long ago, but it was a different world.
Hell, just three weeks ago was a different world.
Three weeks ago, I never touched her like this. Never felt her this close. And now that I had, I knew there was no going back.
Thank God for that weekend in Palm Beach.
It was one of the last thoughts that drifted into my mind before I dozed off myself, waking what I guessed was two hours later, because the sky was no longer black but gold streaked with a fiery, almost neon orange.
We didn’t move, and there were no words spoken to announce that we were awake. We just knew. And when she said, “Tell me about her,” I knew who she meant.
My mom.
My actual mom. The one I loved.
“She met my dad when she was nineteen. But she lied and said she was twenty-three because he was twenty-five and single and he was just in LA for the weekend to visit friends. They were a one-time thing and they were from ‘different worlds’ is what my mom said.”
“Different worlds,” she repeated. “How so?”
“He was from a good family,” I said, repeating the version of Dad I was given from my mom.
“Educated even beyond college. He was just a guy enjoying his weekend before he went back to his real world, which was living in Jersey. Working finance in Manhattan. Saving up to buy a house so his dog could have a bigger backyard.” I managed a laugh when I pictured my dad at this age.
Still pretty much the same guy, but with so many fewer concerns in life that it made my chest kind of twist a little.
“He was just a nice stranger she got the chance to meet. And the fact that she got pregnant didn’t change that. That’s at least what she felt.”
“So she never told your dad?”
“Not for awhile. I was her son, her responsibility, so she fought to keep me fed and happy and pretty impressively clueless to the fact that we didn’t have a permanent home, and living the way we did wasn’t actually a fun adventure.”
I heard AJ’s lips part a little as the next realization hit. That I hadn’t always lived that stereotypically charmed life with the big house, the pool. Captain of the basketball team who drove a Range Rover to school.
I had the good life you saw on TV, but it wasn’t the one I was born into.
By the time my mom had met my dad, she’d already been struggling with homelessness.
She’d been kicked out of her home as a teen, but she made things work by often crashing with friends, sleeping in her car.
While she had one at least. From what I recalled, she couldn’t afford to keep it once I was born.
“She didn’t want to disrupt my dad’s life, and she’d never planned to tell him.
But then it became a matter of keeping us alive,” I said.
“She was running on fumes every day. Trying to earn and save and show up to all three of her jobs on time while constantly getting sick, having no car, no home. No reliable childcare for her kids.”
AJ stilled and I could practically hear the first thought that popped into her mind. Did I hear right?
When she looked up at me, I could see it was the question flickering in her big, sun-lit eyes. But she simply looked at me, as if she didn’t want to ask.
Swallowing the knot in my throat, I nodded.
“My little brother, Cole,” I said. “He’s three years younger.
He had a different dad. One who was just as down and out as my mom, so…
while I got rescued into this new life and big house…
” I cleared my throat, feeling my vocal cords tighten up as I thought about the things they went through directly after I was shipped off to Jersey.
“He stayed with her when she was struggling. Harder than she ever had.”
I didn’t know the exact details, but I knew there was an incident at a homeless shelter. And I knew right after that, there was a boyfriend. Someone who abused my mom enough that there was law enforcement involved. Restraining orders and arrests.
I wanted to know specifics. But to this day, I couldn’t get them.
“Was there a—” AJ cut herself off abruptly, shaking her head.
“What?”
“Nothing. I… I was going to ask if there was an option for your dad to take Cole too, but I realized…”
I nodded since she had the right thought. “Jeannie didn’t even want me. She wasn’t going to let my dad take Cole,” I said, swallowing again at the knot. But it didn’t go down, because suddenly I was remembering the day I left.
Cole was six and I was nine, and I’d pretty much kicked and screamed till the minute my dad touched down at LAX and called my mom to let her know he was on the way to her friend’s house.
We had been staying in the garage, but to meet my dad, we’d sat and waited in the living room, and since I realized it was really happening, I got my shit together fast and told Cole everything Mom told me to tell him.
While he sat on the couch, I sat on the floor in front of him and told him this would make things easier for Mom for a little.
But I would be back, and in the meantime, he’d get to have all my things.
He’d get my toys, my sleeping bag, my portion of French toast at breakfast. I would call him every day too, to tell him about my adventures on the other side of the country, and to hear all about how his day went.
I still remembered his eyelashes when I told him.
The kid had the most ridiculously long, thick eyelashes that I used to make fun of him for, and I still remembered the almost comically big teardrops clinging to them that day when he nodded, trying to be brave as he accepted that he was the new keeper of my most cherished toys—a red car and a plastic ninja.
It was almost a fond memory, because I was still his big brother that day.
I was still his hero who he adored so much he’d forced himself to overcome his tears and shyness to meet my dad. To say hello, introduce himself and even sit in his nice car for a little, where we had our last good conversation. The last one where we felt like brothers.
And the last one before I met Jeannie.
“That explains… a lot,” AJ murmured. She had my hand in both of hers now, squeezing it hard. “You were just a little boy,” she said softly, her neck still craned to look up at me. “It wasn’t even your choice to go, and she pinned all her blame on you.”
“Yeah.”
It had been a hell of a jump.
After leaving my mom and Cole, I’d spent another day in Cali with my dad. He took me to Disneyland, bought some sort of pass where we skipped all the lines and got me my own churros and beignets and all kinds of food I’d never had before, let alone all to myself.
I was basically sugar-blitzed out of my nine-year-old skull when I got to Jersey. Still so mind-blown by my Disney adventures that I hadn’t processed that I really didn’t have Mom or Cole anymore.
But the realization hit fast when I met my new mom.
From day one, it was bad.
“I felt the tension literally the second I stepped into that house. It was like she possessed this chill,” I said, feeling almost cold at the memory.
It had been like walking into a horror movie.
I still remembered seeing her standing at the kitchen island, her hands wrapped around a mug of tea, silent when she first laid eyes on me.
“She was just so… different than my mom. My mom was free-spirited. She smiled a lot and when she laughed, she laughed with her whole face. But this new mom was quiet and so measured and just… stiff. She looked at me like I was evil. She had a disapproving look for everything I did, every move I made around the house. If I touched something, she’d wrinkle her nose and wipe it clean.
I scratched my head once and she told my dad to get me checked for lice and anything else I caught from the shelters. ”
AJ’s jaw dropped.
“What… a fucking asshole,” she hissed, so floored and completely livid I couldn’t help but laugh a little, which was nice, given the topic.
“Yeah. Meanwhile, I had no idea I’d ever lived in a shelter. Or that that was a bad thing.”
She frowned. “You didn’t know anything in your life was bad until someone told you,” she said, sounding so sad I squeezed her hand back.
She was quiet for a little, still frowning to herself as her mind visibly worked.
“So she never got better. She just had Holland to make up for how much she resented having to take you in.”
“Yeah. Made sure that was her perfect baby. Her ‘real’ baby.”
“She did not actually say that.”
“When I was younger, yeah, but by the time Holland was older, she stopped. The only thing worse than having to take me in were people knowing her son was a homeless kid. We moved to a new town and a bigger house before Holland was born.”
“Did you keep in touch with your mom and Cole?” she asked.
“My mom, yeah,” I said, feeling her wilt a little against my chest.
“But not Cole.”