23. Dylan
Ipark my truck in front of Lara”s house, zip my coat, and walk toward the front porch. Then, movement catches my attention from the corner of my eye over at the barn.
”Hey,” I call to Lara as she”s heading inside.
”Didn”t know you”d be stopping by.” She hangs Coco”s bridle up on a hook, grabs a brush from one of the shelves on the wall, and heads to her horse”s stall.
I follow. ”Just nearby and thought I”d check on you.” I lean against the stall door. ”I was picking up feed from town.”
She brushes Coco”s back in soft, swift strokes.
I kick a loose pebble on the ground. I stopped to see Lara. I always want to see her—especially since the last time I saw her, some guy had his tongue down her throat. And she”d been hammered. And, yeah… she looked like she liked what he did to her, too.
”You fucking what”s-his-face now?”
Lara stops brushing and stares me right in the eyes. ”What did you say?”
I raise one of my eyebrows and say nothing because I”m scared of her.
She glares at me and returns to her brushing.
”Don”t remember his name,” I say lightly. I don”t want to remember, either. ”Hey, uh… but isn”t he that guy who used to hang out at parties? Older guy? Hitting on the young girls? Always seemed creepy if you ask me.”
”He”s not that old, Dylan,” Lara snaps. ”You don”t know him.”
”And you do?”
She eyeballs me. ”He”s friends with Parker,” she tells me. ”But what”s it to you? Because, you know… you seem to be keeping an awful close eye on me lately. Don”t have anything going on in your own life?”
I bite my tongue, then lean forward with my arms crossed. ”Just want to make sure you”re okay, is all. You don”t have to get defensive.”
”I”m not. You are.” She draws in a breath and then blows it out. ”Look… Okay. Fine. Let”s just change the subject.” She moves down Coco”s back to her hind legs. ”How”s the ranch?”
”Quiet this time of year. Good.” I shuffle my feet. ”Your dad home?”
Lara shakes her head. ”He left about an hour ago to attend a pre-Thanksgiving party. Some friends of ours. He won”t be home until late.”
”You didn”t go with him?” I ask.
Her face becomes expressionless. ”I wouldn”t want to.”
I want to ask her why, but I already know. Since Amanda”s death, Lara has become increasingly detached from everyone.
Well… except for what”s-his-face from the other night…
Lara”s been reckless the past few months, doing things I never would”ve thought her capable of… drinking. Staying out late. Having no direction in life.
But hey, I can”t talk. My life isn”t exactly a model of perfection at the moment, either, because I”m pining for her. Like always.
”Turn the radio on by the workbench, please?” she asks. ”It”s too quiet in here.”
She doesn”t want to talk to me, huh?
”Anything in particular?” I call out, not letting her get to me.
”Whatever comes in,” she calls back.
I listen through the static until a rock song comes on. ”That okay?”
”Yeah!”
I turn up the volume enough so that she can hear, but it”s still low enough that it doesn”t interfere when I speak. ”You need help?”
Lara looks at me from the other side of her horse. ”When I”m finished with Coco, I was going to clean the barn.”
”I can help.”
Lara sniggers. ”You that bored?”
”Like I said, I”m trying to be helpful.” I can”t tell her the real reason I”m here—which is to be around her and, yep, to find out if she”s dating that guy.
After the breakup with Parker, I figured she and I would get together.
It hasn”t happened.
And Lara is pulling further away. And that moment when I stepped out of the grill and saw her and Andrew together, I remember wanting to punch the guy”s lights out.
”You going to go out with what”s-his-name again?”
I just can”t help myself.
Lara lets out an annoyed sigh. ”You”re not going to drop this, are you?”
I laugh, trying to lighten the mood. ”Nah.”
”Fine.” She rolls her eyes. ”Probably will. And his name is Andrew. He might even come over tonight, actually.”
The idea that she”s waiting for Andrew to show up puts me in a dark mood and sours my stomach. ”Oh, yeah? When”s Prince Charming stopping by?”
”Don”t know,” Lara says. ”And don”t call him that.”
”He did sweep you off your feet. Not every day, some guy buys you a shot of tequila.”
I don”t mean that she”s easy. I don”t mean it like that at all, but it”s how she”s reading me because her face is one of pissed-off feminine energy on full blast.
”What the hell, Dylan?” Lara snaps. ”He”s a nice guy.”
”Sure he is.” Because I can”t stop.
Lara finishes brushing Coco and walks into the aisle. ”He sent me a message last night saying he might stop by.”
”And didn”t give you a time? Sounds like a real winner.”
Lara grabs a broom from against the wall and holds it toward me. ”You said you wanted to help. Sweep the bay. And also… shut up.”
I grab the broom.
”Why are you so worried about him anyway?” she asks.
”Just want to make sure this guy isn”t going to screw you over.” And I don”t want him screwing her, either. ”Cuz I”m not sure you know how to pick ”em.”
Lara glares at me, takes a rag from the workbench, and wipes everything she can find. ”I can take care of myself, Dylan. I”m a big girl.”
We continue our tasks for a few minutes, listening to the music. I want to learn more about her intentions with Andrew, but I need to figure out what to ask without angering her.
Have they slept together?Probably not… I hope not. But the way Lara was straddling his lap the other night?—
”How”s Sloan?” Lara asks out of the blue. ”See her much?”
”That girl puts forth the effort, all right.”
Lara sniffs. ”So, you going to come over and sweep the barn whenever you need to hide from her?” She licks her lips. ”My dad yells at me to keep this place clean, but if you want to take over?—”
I lean the broom against the wall. ”I”ve got my barn to clean. Unless you just want me here.”
”Yeah. I”m dying to see you all the time, Dylan. I love it when you question me about the guys I”m seeing. It”s my favorite part of the day.” She throws the rag on the workbench.
I throw my hands up. ”Hey, I thought we were friends. Just asking about your life and what”s happening… you said this guy was friends with Parker? How does he feel about that?”
Lara frowns. ”He doesn”t know.”
”Have you asked?” I”m overstepping.
She shakes her head. ”I haven”t talked to Parker since he left for school, and I doubt I”ll talk to him again. We broke up. Usually, people who break up don”t call each other to catch up on each other”s lives. I wouldn”t want that. I don”t want anything right now… least of all a relationship.”
A stabbing pain hits my chest at her words… she doesn”t want to be in a relationship with anyone? Even me.
Hearing it out loud hurts. She”s dealing with a lot of grief, and I want to be here for her. But she doesn”t want that… she doesn”t want me.
”This guy—Andrew… you”re not in a relationship with him, then? It”s nothing?”
Lara glances at me. ”I”m just… I”m having fun, okay?” She looks toward the other end of the barn. ”I should get to work on organizing those hay bales?—”
Those hay bales don”t need organizing. They”re stacked just fine.
”I don”t get it.” I step in front of her. ”What happened between us? That was going somewhere.”
I replay those moments in my mind, thinking about her mouth and how she melted into me. I could”ve gone on kissing her forever. I could kiss her forever right now…
We”re alone. Her dad isn”t home, and who knows if that guy will even show up.
”I know it was,” she says in a small voice. ”You”re good, Dylan. There”s no denying that. And I”m sure all the girls you kiss think so, too.”
”I haven”t kissed many girls.” I take a step closer. ”I just don”t see why you have to go out and settle for less when you have?—”
Lara lets out a bark of laughter and pushes past me. ”Wow, you think highly of yourself, don”t you?”
”That”s… that”s not what I meant.”
The sound of a vehicle outside makes us both turn.
”Your dad back?” I ask her. ”Or is that Andrew?”
She shakes her head, walking toward the entrance.
I follow her to the driveway.
There he is. It”s Andrew stepping out of his black, beat-up muscle car with a bottle of wine.
”Hey!” I eye the alcohol. ”You know she”s not old enough to drink, right?”
Andrew looks at me and then at Lara in confusion. ”Who”s this, babe?”
”Dylan,” Lara says. ”He was helping clean the barn.”
”Oh, right. Dylan.” Andrew holds out a hand to me. I shake it reluctantly. ”I think I remember you from high school.”
”Yeah.” I smile tightly. I want to say a million things, but I hold my tongue, or Lara will kick me to the curb.
”How old are you?” I ask him.
”Twenty-two, man,” he tells me. ”Why? You need booze? I just came from the liquor store.”
”I”m good. But thanks for the offer, bud.”
”Anytime, bro.” He grabs my hand and pulls me into a weird half-hug.
I glance at Lara, hoping she isn”t buying this crap. But she”s busy looking at her phone.
”My dad just got to the party,” she tells Andrew. ”Um, Dylan? Weren”t you about to leave?”
No, I wasn”t.
I push my hat back. ”You guys going somewhere?”
She looks at Andrew, then at me. ”We”re having a night in… watch a movie. Make a pizza… that sort of thing.”
I open my mouth and almost say I”m staying, too. But I stop.
Lara grabs Andrew”s hand. ”Bye, Dylan.”
What the hell?
They head for the house.
Okay… she”s going through a lot. She”s having fun with this guy, but I”m ready to throw Andrew back in his souped-up Mustang right now.
I open the driver”s side door to my truck and climb in. It”s just getting dark, and I see lights flick on in the kitchen. But then a light turns on upstairs.
Are they already going upstairs?
I lean my head back.
I shouldn”t be watching.
I head down the driveway, glancing in my rearview mirror to see if the lights upstairs are still on.
They are.
I don”t get it. I really don”t. How”s Lara going to choose that guy over me? The guy who goes to a bar and buys drinks for underage girls? It makes no sense. There”s so much between her and me… why”s she holding back?
I don”t want to go home… because I”ll sit there and think about Lara and what she”s doing the entire time.
But maybe I should go back…
I can”t do that. I”d probably walk in on something I don”t want to see. But now I can”t get that image of the upstairs light turning on out of my mind—and thinking of them together—fuck.
Lara has been drifting away for months. And now… this Andrew. There”s this other guy who doesn”t care about her, and she chooses him over me?
Makes no sense.