30. Dylan
If Lara notices the mood shift after our five-course meal, she says nothing.
This is good because if she asks, I won”t be able to keep it together. For sure, I”d have ruined it by allowing my emotions to get the better of me and confronting her about why she wants to play around.
Why can”t she just be mine?
The more I think about it in hopes of connecting the dots, the more upset I am.
Though I didn”t expect anything from this getaway, I figured we might get on the same page. But we”re not on the same page from what she expects versus what I expect. We aren”t even in the same book.
I hate it.
I hate everything about this whole fucking situation.
I don”t know what to do for the first time in my life.
Whenever I think I”ve won Lara over, she doesn”t take two steps back but completely falls off the board.
To think I foolishly planned everything to have it thrown back at me like it means nothing hurts.
My jaw ticks. Lara has someone willing to give her everything she”s ever wanted, who”s ready to take her on vacations and to the fanciest restaurants money can buy because she deserves it.
She doesn”t need to go to a seedy bar or a Dairy Queen with Audrey, Auburn, or whatever that fuckface is called.
He doesn”t know how to care for Lara in the way she deserves.
He doesn”t know how to make her laugh and take away her troubles.
There”s no way he or anyone will be able to give her mind-shattering orgasms like I can.
I can”t even stomach the thought of her in bed with anyone else now.
The pain in my heart is bad enough without the image of the love of my life with another guy that my stomach churns, and bile builds at the back of my throat as I try to erase the thoughts.
Staring at her as she leads the way to our room, my fists clench, and I bite my tongue hard enough so that it and the throwing-up sensation are the only things keeping me focused.
It”s our last night here. How can I keep up this fa?ade when I can”t feel anything but pain?
Yeah. I don”t own her.
But there”s a dark part of me that wants to lock her up and keep her, and it scares me to think I can have these unchecked thoughts.
While she”s playing around, I want forever with her.
To think there”ll come a day when I”d hopelessly chase after someone who can”t make commitments makes me sick. But here I am, begging for scraps that Lara is willing to throw at me.
For a moment, I recall a scorned remark from one of my one-night stands in the past. She was a girl older than me by a few years and was into astrology and black magic.
I should”ve listened to her warnings but figured no harm was done.
As it turns out, I should”ve taken that girl”s warning because after we had sex, she asked for more—because it was written in the stars—or whatever bullshit she was pulling out of her ass.
Who would”ve thought she”d been secretly pining for me since I was in freshman year?
When I told her that I didn”t want a relationship, she went crazy.
I remember what she said.
”I hope you never fall in love. But if that day comes, I curse that you”ll be forever heartbroken and hated by love! When you find someone you truly love, I hope you”ll work yourself to the bone without tasting true happiness.”
She said that.
I don”t know why that suddenly pops up, but I want to throw up more now.
To think I”m tasting the medicine of what the girl was going through now—to think the day has finally come—is so ironic that it”s laughable.
Staring at the back of Lara”s head, I want to shake her until she sees the bigger picture.
Why can”t it be me?
What exactly can your friend with benefits give you that I can”t?
The idea of bringing it up sits on the tip of my tongue, the pile upon pile of questions threatening to choke me. I want to discuss this more, but this is as good as over if I do. It”ll confine and close her off.
I can”t have that.
I can”t have her choosing never to speak or to acknowledge me again.
Shit.
Even the idea of never having her lips on mine again, of never seeing her laugh again, or being able to make love to her again fucking hurts. The idea of never seeing her beautiful smile and happiness directed at me is almost impossible to live with now that I know how she tastes.
But if she”s adding me to her long list of fuck buddies, I can”t do that, either.
When we enter the room, I barely finish flicking on the light when she turns to me with narrowed eyes.
”Okay… what”s wrong?” Lara demands, and I instantly stiffen.
I”ve always known she”s observant and alert to changes, but I didn”t think she”d notice that easily and quickly, much less call me out. My heart races, and I”ll lose if I don”t play my cards right.
”What do you mean?” I say and push a hand into my pocket.
She huffs and crosses her arms, arching a singular brow while leaning her weight onto one hip. I hate that no matter my irritation, my dick seems to find everything she does alluring and sexual.
”Really, Dylan?”
”I don”t know what you”re talking about,” I continue, putting on the best smile I can muster even though, on the inside, I”m moments from popping a blood vessel. ”Wanna go get in the hot tub?”
”Dylan,” she sighs, walking over to grasp my wrist. ”Spill it.”
The crackling of the fireplace hums in the background. It might”ve set the mood for something more sensual on any other occasion. It fills me with bitterness that after tonight, we”ll be returning to how it was before. Before the perfect snow globe.
I look away in defeat. ”What”s the damn point of saying it?”
”So you can stop acting like I just kicked your prized colt or something,” she says.
Ha, if she only knew the half of it.
She lets go of my wrist and cups my cheek. She puts some light pressure on me, so I face her again. Her thumb traces down the side of my stubble, and it takes everything not to lean into her touch like a deprived man.
”Well… you”re not wrong. But instead of kicking my prized colt, you went and slaughtered it,” I spit out harshly.
Her hand stills on my face, her lips pulling into a thin line.
She is going to be my undoing.
”Why can”t I be enough?” I murmur, my hand reaching out to cup on top of hers while my other hand loops around her waist and hauls her closer to me.
”Did you drink too much?”
”Maybe. No.” I take a breath and exhale. I want to keep my pain to myself, but when it comes to Lara, she”ll stubbornly persist until I tell her anyway. ”It”s just… why do you want to see other people? Like Austin?”
”Andrew,” she corrects.
I roll my eyes. ”Whatever. Why, though?”
She tries to pull her hand away, but I tighten my grasp around her. She lets out a huff. ”I mean, why not?”
My eyelid twitches. ”He can”t treat you well.”
”I don”t care about those things,” she says with a light-hearted shrug. ”We”re just having fun. No expectations. I”m not asking him for more. So long as he”s not abusing me or whatever, I don”t really care.”
Jesus, that”s her standard?
”You deserve better,” I whisper.
Her eyes narrow, and I think she knows where this is headed.
”Like who? You?” she asks sharply. ”It”s not like sleeping together means we”re a couple now.”
The silence is loud.
My jaw ticks.
She steps back. In response, I take one forward while swallowing the lump in my throat. ”Lara?—”
”No,” she interjects, shaking her head. ”You and I are just having fun. I said that before.”
I see the guard in her eyes rising for the first time since we arrived at the resort. As I stare at her panicked look, I tell myself I should stop talking and end this conversation by agreeing.
It”s not where I want our conversation to go, and I don”t want to ruin the getaway, but...
I pull away first to put some space between us. ”What if I don”t want just to have fun?”
Her eyes widen, her face pales, and she shakes her head. ”No. I told you I don”t want this.”
She might as well say she doesn”t want me.
I grit my teeth, my hand flying into the air. ”So I”m your fucking fluffer now? Is that it?”
”Excuse me?” she bites out.
”You want me to get you nice and wet for Andrew when you go back to him?” I declare as exasperation settles in. ”You”re going to use your experience to teach your little fuck buddies how they can please you? Is that why you asked me to fuck you deep and hard?”
She lunges at me and slaps me on the chest so hard that I stumble back—which I deserve.
”Shut the fuck up. That”s fucking disgusting. What the fuck is wrong with you?” she hisses, slapping me hard on the chest again before I capture her wrists as she thrashes me. ”Oh, I get it now,” she pants. ”I see what this is about.”
I sneer as she breaks away from my hold. ”Trust me, I really don”t think you do.”
The more we lash at one another, the further we fall into an abyss.
”This,” she says, waving her hands around the suite as she laughs. ”Of course. Of fucking course! You”re doing all this as a way to make me owe you. It makes sense now that I think about it. You”re no different from the others. You”re even worse!”
Is she fucking kidding me?
Shit, I think I might be moments away from accidentally murdering her and then myself.
”What?” Venom drips from my voice, but she doesn”t back down.
She stomps over and jabs me repeatedly with each word she bites out. ”You don”t care about me at all. You aren”t doing this and expect nothing in return. You want to take me out on this extravagant getaway to put me in golden fucking handcuffs.”
I want to put her in handcuffs, all right, but not the ones she”s thinking of.
”Are you crazy?” I whisper.
”Maybe I am,” she snaps, fuming as her face turns redder than the inside of the fireplace. To prove her point, she storms to the closet and throws everything to the floor before doing the same with the pillows on the sofa and anything else she can get her hands on. ”And what of it, Dylan?”
”I didn”t bring you here for that,” I hiss, running over just as she heads to the kitchenette. The last thing I want is for her to throw any glass because of me.
I know she”s trying to shift the attention to something besides my point.
”Is it a pity party then? What, did my dad put you up to this in hopes I”d let you control me now that he can”t?” she snarls like a trapped animal.
I grasp onto her wrists firmly. She wrenches, and I”m terrified she might actually hurt herself.
”I fucking brought you here because I want you to enjoy yourself!”
”Everyone in town thinks I”m out of control and a fucking killer! I know you feel the same! I know it”ll only be a matter of time before even you leave me,” she shrieks, shaking her head over and over. ”You probably hate me, too!”
”I don”t. I can never hate you. Stop fucking fighting me,” I bellow.
”No, no, no, no,” she repeats and kicks me.
My nose flares as I know someone might call the front desk if we keep this up. Having no choice, I scoop her up and throw her over my shoulder.
”Oh my God. Dylan!” She hits and claws my back.
I think she”s made me bleed as she fists the hem of my shirt up enough to dig her sharp nails into me. I groan before I laugh at how crazy we really are.
Everything is falling apart so fast. But it”s ironic as she”s also the same girl driving me up the damn wall in a good way.
I spank her ass hard. ”Not going to work, darlin”.”
She claws my back even harder. ”You did not just fucking spank me.”
”There”s more where that came from if you don”t behave yourself,” I grumble and lay another on her other cheek to prove a point.
”I hate you,” she scowls, but I know she doesn”t mean it.
At least, that”s what I tell myself. I have to so I won”t go insane and do something like lock her up forever with me.
Much to my amazement, Lara does settle down while I stride toward the bedroom.
Huh.
It”s only then that a wicked and very uncharacteristic-of-me plan pops up that I”ve been trying to figure out since last night.
If this is what it takes to make Lara finally understand where her place is, then I don”t see the harm.
I”ll teach her I”ll be the only one to satisfy her.
She can hang around other guys. But she”ll return to me at the end of the day.
What more do I have to lose?
I can”t lie that the entire time we”re trying to tear each other down, my dick has been hard.
With my mind already made up, I open the bedroom door and toss her onto the bed. She falls onto it with a huff. Only, I should”ve known she”d have something up her sleeve.
Not a second later, she jumps up, but I”m faster.
We fumble for a moment, and in the end, I have her between my legs, my hands pinning her wrists over her head. We”re both out of breath as she tries to knee me in the crotch, but thankfully, I maneuver one leg and place it over hers before she can.
”Damn it, Lara! Stop!”
”Make me,” she throws back furiously.
Maybe I”m delusional, but like anyone else making hasty decisions—I capture her lips.