Chapter 14
ALESSANDRA
Somehow, despite how awkward and intense things have been between us, it isn’t even a question, isn’t anything that needs any discussion…
Pope helps me from the floor and walks me past the door to my room, straight back to his. He urges me onto his bed and hands off Benjamin before he disappears and returns, rolling Benjamin’s bassinet.
He knows what I need tonight.
That I would never survive sleeping in that bed alone.
He tugs off his shirt and stands at the edge of his bed, watching me feed Benjamin, his eyes shimmering with unshed tears I don’t think I’m supposed to see, that he believes are hidden by the darkness of the room.
But even if I couldn’t see them, I would still feel them.
Feel this.
The shift.
Something changed.
Maybe it did back at that house we hid in. Maybe it did weeks ago in that shower and he just didn’t want to admit it. But he hasn’t looked at me like this, with his guard down and his full heart showing so openly, not in ten damn years.
Whatever reasons he built up in his head for shutting me out no longer taint his gaze.
All I see there is the same pure affection I always did when we were younger—before things got so complicated and fucked the hell up. Before he walled off his heart so he could walk away and I opened mine to anyone else who showed me even the tiniest amount of attention and warmth he always did.
Tears fill my eyes.
And my heart shatters for the millionth time because of this man.
For how I’ve misjudged him for so long and all the horrible things I’ve said to him because of it.
For how I acted, the situations I’ve put myself in, the heartache I allowed others to bring on me, all because I thought he didn’t want me.
For the hurt I let eat away at me, thinking I wasn’t enough for him.
All the years I’ve spent moving through life listless, without a purpose, without anything to anchor me, without the kind of security I need, seem so wasted now that I know the truth.
You really fucked things up, Al.
I have to look away from him, break the intensity of his gaze. If I keep staring at Pope, he’s going to see right through me and realize I am not who he thinks I am.
It’s been so long since I’ve been that girl he fell in love with that I don’t even remember who she is or what she looked like anymore.
That girl had hope for the future. Dreams. A wild spirit that longed for adventure and the all-consuming love I thought I had with Pope. I haven’t felt any of those things since, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to again.
The bed dips, and he settles next to me, peeking down at Benjamin, who has finally fallen asleep against my exposed breast. Pope reaches out and brushes his fingertips over Benjamin’s soft hair, looking at him with so much affection that it only makes my tears fall faster. “Want me to put him down?”
I nod and use the moment Pope needs to take Benjamin and settle him into the bassinet in the corner of the room to attempt to swipe away the evidence of my blubbering before he returns and sees it.
But I fail miserably.
Which only makes me cry more.
It seems to be my constant state these days—unhinged.
My mind refuses to shut down—the thousand horrific possible ways Dan could hurt any of us run through it, mixing with the complex Pope situation that just seems to get more complicated the longer this goes on.
We’ve already suffered so much, almost lost Uncle Stone and could have easily lost Isaac and Kennedy if those bullets had been a few inches in a different direction. And now, we have my ex making these kinds of threats when he has the resources to actually carry them out. Not to mention, Satriano trying to step in so we’ll owe him favors that will surely come back to bite us.
All of it blends into a volatile concoction that threatens to combust.
And it’s all my fault.
I slide down on the bed, turning away from Pope and resting my head on the pillow that smells like him. I’ve given up on trying to control my tears. At this point, it’s a fruitless effort.
They soak the silk pillowcase, and I cling to it, needing something to hold on to when I can’t turn to the man I want to. I can’t let him see me like this—again.
Pope settles in behind me, reaching out to tug me back against his chest, tucking me into his hard, warm body until I’m completely surrounded by him and his strength. “You know how much I hate to see you cry.”
I sniffle. “And I hate you seeing what a fucking mess I am…”
“Oh, Al…” He squeezes me tightly, nuzzling the back of my neck. “You’re not a mess. None of this is your fault, and you have every reason to be upset about what’s happening.” His fingers thread through mine over my stomach. “I don’t know anyone who could go through what you have the last few months and not feel like your entire world has been thrown upside down.”
His reassurance should cut through the heavy, dark cloud of regret choking me right now, but his continued patience and support only make it worse.
“I understand if you hate me for what—”
He flips me onto my back so fast that I barely have time to register it’s happening. Hands braced on either side of my head, he stares down at me, his eyes flashing in the dim light from the moon streaming in the window. “I could never hate you, Allie. Ever.” He leans closer, locking his gaze with mine, holding it even when I turn my head and try to look away. “It’s physically impossible.”
“But”—I fight against my body trembling, trying to find a way to explain this cyclone of emotions overwhelming me right now—“I ruined your life. Two months ago, you were happy and working at your dream job. Now you might lose it, and we’ve invaded your home and completely fucked up your life…”
“Jesus, Al…” He shakes his head, sucking in a long, slow breath. “You don’t get it, do you?”
“Get what?”
He lifts his hand to my cheek, feathering his fingers across it, wiping away my tears. “You are my life…”
Four words from him broke me once, and now four simple ones have brought me back to life again after feeling like I’ve been a zombie, barely moving through each day, breathing, my heart beating, but not really living for anything until Benjamin was born. But so much has happened. So many harsh things said and lines drawn in the sand.
“But I was so awful to you…”
I pushed him away, time and time again, when he tried to smooth things over, attempted to get back to some semblance of friendship, or even just be civil with me. I fought against him every time and refused to give him an opening to explain anything to me that might have ended our animosity.
Less than two months ago, I wanted nothing to do with Pope Clarke, and I made sure he knew it. I twisted that knife into his back, left the wounds, and poured salt into them each chance I got.
The corner of his lips twitches, though I don’t know how any of this is even remotely amusing. “You were, but you had every right to be, given what I made you think. I was more upset by what you did to yourself than what you did to me.”
“What I did to myself?”
He presses his lips to my forehead, letting them linger there, like he’s considering how to answer and can’t do it while looking at me. When he pulls his head back, he offers me a sad smile. “I had to watch you abandon all those things you said you wanted to do with your life, the reason I ended things between us in the first place. You just kind of…gave up. You always said you didn’t want to work for Hawke Enterprises, yet you went to work with Angelina right after you graduated and kind of drifted through life and shitty relationships with guys I wanted to deck every time I saw you with them.”
This hint of jealousy makes me smile despite still feeling like utter shit for what went down between us. Because I was in the same boat. Every girl I saw him with, anyone he ever mentioned, even in passing, to me or anyone else in the family, was automatically the enemy. “But I should have known that whole time, Pope. I should have known you would never be that guy I thought you were…”
He shakes his head, gliding his thumb over my bottom lip. “You did. Deep down, you knew what we had was real. That’s why you were always so terrified to be near me. For the same reason I kept my distance—because I knew this would happen as soon as I allowed you in again.”
“You knew what would happen?”
Pope lowers his forehead to mine again, closing his eyes and releasing a sigh. “That I wouldn’t be able to let you go a second time. You hold my fucking heart, Alessandra McCabe. You’ve had it since you were sixteen, and no matter how hard you tried to shut me out and pretend what we shared wasn’t real, I never took it back. It’s always been yours. Now it’s yours and Benjamin’s.”
His confession hits me like one of Atlas’ blows in the ring, knocking the wind right from my lungs and sending me reeling.
All the reasons we kept our relationship a secret back then.
Our age difference.
The backlash we expected from the family.
Thinking no one would understand us being together considering how we had grown up.
It all seems so stupid now—especially because of how easily everyone accepted Jude and Angelina’s relationship.
But it isn’t just the two of us anymore.
Everything has grown harder to navigate.
Pope’s career has always been so important to him—that dream he gave up everything to achieve. It is his life. And I’ve put him in the worst position possible.
He might lose all he’s worked for because of me.
“But your job…”
The reason he ended things back then and continued to push me away the last few weeks is still there. Nothing has changed in that regard.
It’s more than a job to him; it’s a calling.
And he’s really damn good at it.
That hospital needs him.
The patients do.
He drags his head back, locking his gaze with mine again. “Is immensely important to me. I love being a doctor, and I have no intention of quitting. I’ve just realized that I’m selfish and need it and you, too.” His lips feather over mine. “I work shitty, long hours. I come home cranky and exhausted. I am a real bear to deal with when I wake up in the morning, especially before I’ve had two or three cups of coffee…but I still need you here when I stumble in after a shift and climb into bed. I need you beside me when I open my eyes at four am to get ready to leave and want to stay under the covers. I don’t know how I would go back to the way things were after what we’ve been through since the hurricane…”
Tears that have fallen from pain for so long suddenly shift into something I barely recognize—hope.
I reach up and press my palm to his cheek. “Me, either.”
So much has happened.
Things I set in motion without knowing the consequences.
Leaping before I look.
No wonder everyone calls me reckless.
Pope broke my heart, and I threw the pieces at anyone who made the mangled remains beat faster for even a split second. I was supposed to go to college, travel the world, find my own purpose in life outside of those in the confines of Hawke Enterprises. Only instead of releasing me to go do that like he thought he was doing, I let my anger and despair at losing Pope destroy my dreams.
And I refuse to let him risk his dream, his career, because I’ve made horrible decisions.
“You have to go back to work Monday.”
He freezes, his gaze hardening. “What?”
Even without being at that meeting he had at work, I already know he has seriously been considering extending his leave, and that would put his job in jeopardy. “I won’t be able to forgive myself if you lose your job because of me. I’m okay. There are a lot of people who will stay here with me and keep me safe while you’re working.”
His jaw hardens, and he shakes his head. “I don’t like being away from you and Benjamin, even for a few hours…”
“Me, either.” I really, really don’t, but this isn’t about what I need. It’s what I need to do for him. “You have to go. Promise you will.” I can see his hesitation, the internal debate still raging in his mind. “For me.” I press my lips to his, resting my hands against his bare chest. “Please, Pope.”
Pope is too selfless ever to do anything for himself, so making it for me might be the only way to get him back in the white jacket where he belongs.
A resigned sigh falls from his lips, and he buries his face against my neck. “You don’t play fair.”
“Is that a yes?”
He kisses the sensitive skin behind my ear, then rolls beside me, bringing me with him so we lie facing each other. “It’s a yes, as long as you promise to listen to whoever stays with you at all times and keep yourself and Benjamin safe.”
It’s an easy ask, and I nod and kiss him softly, the weight of everything that happened today and all the tears finally starting to droop my lids. Pope pulls me against him, resting my cheek over his heart—that familiar, steady rhythm, the lullaby that finally lets me drift off to sleep.
* * *
POPE
I closethe door behind Landon and Storm, the last ones to leave, because they wanted to spend every second possible with Benjamin and Alessandra. Can’t blame them, considering the threat to them both. If Allie hadn’t finally taken the baby to the bedroom to feed him and put him down—hopefully for the night—I might not have even been able to get them to leave after the “family meeting” at all.
Thank God.
As much as I love the Hawke clan, having them all in my place, pretty much all day, trying to come up with a way to ensure everyone stays protected during this tumultuous time, turned out to be a lot more difficult than I imagined it would be.
Mostly because I woke this morning to Allie’s ass pressed against my hard cock and her scent invading every breath I took. As she moved around the condo all day, interacting with the other Hawkes, playing with Benjamin, and snuggling against Jude on the couch with him when I should have been worrying about the plan, all I could think was how badly I wanted everyone to leave so I could have her all to myself again. So I could touch her, kiss her, and experience all the things I haven’t let myself feel in so long.
But I couldn’t do that in front of them.
Not yet.
Not when things are so…difficult to navigate.
I throw all the locks into place, then wander down the hallway, looking for Allie. She slips out of the guestroom, easing the door closed as I reach it and bringing her finger to her lips.
“Shh…I just got him down.”
Tugging her close, I press my lips to hers for a much-needed kiss.
Slow and sweet.
At least, that was my original plan.
It goes on far longer than I had intended, and when she finally pulls back, her cheeks are flushed.
I drag my thumb over her pretty mouth. “I’ve wanted to do that all day.”
She grins, resting her palms flat against my chest. “Me, too.”
“Well, your parents left, so we’re finally alone.” My eyes drift to the door she just closed. “Or as alone as we’re going to get.”
Her soft laughter lights me up from the inside out—the sound so foreign after weeks of her walking around in a melancholy haze. “He should be down for a while…” She pulls her bottom lip between her teeth and slowly releases it. “And I set up the baby monitor in your room so we’ll hear him if he wakes up.”
I raise a brow. “You’re okay with him in the other room tonight?”
“He’s been sleeping four or five-hour stretches at night the last week or so without waking up to feed, and his pediatrician said to let him…so…”
She pulls that bottom lip between her teeth again, staring up at me with so much hope and longing in her gaze.
Fucking hell.
This woman was always my biggest weakness, and tonight is no exception.
I press my lips to hers again, gliding my tongue along the seam. Wanting to taste her. Needing it. She clings to me, her fingers tightening in my T-shirt, tugging me even closer as she opens to me fully.
My cock hardens against her belly, and she rocks her hips along it, urging me on, guiding the kiss even deeper, more frantically.
I jerk my head back from hers, my labored breaths matching hers. “Did Dr. Brennan clear you when she came to see you?”
It wasn’t something I was going to ask when things were still so tense and awkward between us, but if she wants what I do, I need to ensure she’s prepared for it and that I won’t hurt her.
Allie pulls me back to her, kissing me firmly, her hand sliding down between us to grope my erection. “Yes…”
Shit.
That single word is like the starting bell, and her touch, the first right hook in a fight I know I’ll lose.
My fingertips play along the bottom hem of her dress, barely touching her soft skin until she’s squirming against me. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you and Benjamin, Al. All you have to do is ask…”
Fear briefly flashes in her gaze, but I don’t think it has anything to do with me—more that she’s worried it won’t be the same or that she’ll disappoint me somehow after all this time.
I understand it because the feeling is mutual.
Her soft blue eyes plead with me before she ever opens her mouth. “Make love to me, Pope.”
It isn’t the first time she’s said those words to me, and she knows exactly what she is doing by repeating them now.
Taking us both back to that fateful night.
The moment we gave ourselves to each other fully.
That we connected in a way I never have with anyone else since her.
And like ten years ago, I’ll be sealing my fate by giving her what she wants—what we both want tonight.
I knew back then what being with her would mean; I was just too young and stupid to see the potential fallout of our decision. I didn’t anticipate the way she would try to throw away all her plans for me or that I would have the strength to let her go to try to save her dreams.
Now, we share one.
A second chance at what we both lost that day.
I drop my shoulder and lift her into my arms easily, crushing my mouth to hers as I carry her to my bedroom, only releasing her to lay her out across my mattress.
She watches me with hooded eyes, her pink lips parted, and her chest rising and falling rapidly. I strip off my shirt and jeans, then slowly lower my briefs, letting my hard cock spring free. Her eyes follow it, and the dress she’s wearing lets me witness her press her thighs together.
Alessandra McCabe…in my bed and aching for me already.
I never thought this would happen, that we could ever get back to this, but it feels more right than anything else has in my life for a long fucking time.
And I do not want to fuck it up.
She holds out a hand to me, and I slide my palm against hers, letting her pull me down onto the bed across her body. Everywhere our skin touches, little electric sparks seem to sizzle across it, and she rolls her hips, grinding herself against my cock in a way that makes me clench my jaw to withstand the bolts of sheer pleasure.
I reach between us and grasp her dress, shifting back so she can lift her ass off the bed. With deliberate care, I allow my fingertips to graze along her skin as I tug the fabric up. Over her thighs, across her belly and breasts, until I finally pull it over her head.
By the time I toss it onto the floor, she’s quivering before me, only her panties and bra separating us now.
Christ…she is beautiful.
My mouth waters to taste every inch of her, to explore her body and worship it until she’s so wrung out that she collapses in a satisfied heap next to me. I slide my fingers under the waistband of her underwear, then drag them down her legs and off, watching her for any signs of trepidation. “You’re sure you’re ready for this, Al?”
It’s only been six weeks since she gave birth. Her body may have healed, but it’s been one emotional trauma after another since then. If she’s not ready, I would never push her, no matter how badly I may want this.
She raises herself up onto her elbows and slides one hand around the back of my neck to drag me down on top of her again. Her mouth finds mine, and the kiss she gives me makes my head spin—deep and dizzying—like she’s trying to consume my soul as well as steal my breath.
When she finally pulls away, the intensity of the heat burning across her Caribbean-blue gaze sears straight into my heart. “Yes, Pope. Please…”
I kiss her again, tugging on her bra to free her breasts, the fabric pushing them up high, her nipples taut and pink. The way she responded in the shower told me how sensitive they are now, and I waste no time flicking my tongue across each peak.
She twitches under me, her hips rolling up.
Seeking.
Wanting.
But I am going to ensure she’s good and ready before we go there, have her primed and dripping, begging for me before I slide into her wet heat.
I roll onto my back, pulling her with me, and urge her up to straddle my hips. Her dark hair falls around her as she looks down at me, and she shifts her position so her pussy aligns perfectly over my cock.
It twitches against her, eager for something that has to wait.
I squeeze her thighs. “Come up here and sit on my face.”
Her eyes widen slightly, her pink lips parting. “Um…I don’t think I can—”
A blush spreads across her chest and cheeks. I’ve known Alessandra McCabe her entire life, and I don’t think I’ve seen her embarrassed before, but fuck if it isn’t the most adorable thing ever.
I wrap my arm around her back and tug her closer, until I’m a mere hairsbreadth from kissing her—so she can feel my words and know I mean them. “I want your pussy on my face. I want you to come down my throat and taste every drop. Will you do that for me, Teeny?”
She stares at me for a moment, the tears beginning to form in her eyes. “Yes.”
“Good girl.” I lightly slap the outside of her thigh, then lie down, settling myself in the perfect position to let her straddle my face. “Grab the headboard.”
Allie slides forward, reaching for the tufted leather before she drapes her knees over my shoulders, putting her exactly where I want her.
Her pussy glistens with her arousal already, only inches from my eager mouth, and I don’t waste any time burying my face between her legs.
“Oh, God…” Allie’s head falls back, her eyes closed, mouth open, and she bucks forward. “Fuck…”
I grasp her ass, holding her in place, the ideal angle to plunge my tongue into her. She groans, rocking her hips forward, grinding down, and making me grin against her wet flesh. “Fuck, you taste so good…”
Each glide and flick of my tongue, every squeeze of her thighs around my head, the way she releases all her inhibitions and rides my face, taking all her pleasure, makes my cock ache to be inside her. But not until she comes for me, until she’s begging me to fill her the way she needs.
It doesn’t take long for her whole body to tremble.
Her hands tighten on the headboard, the leather creaking.
I slip two fingers inside her, curling them into that spot I know will drive her wild and dragging them slowly along her inner wall.
“Oh, fuck, Pope! Right there!”
I probe, pump, and glide my fingers inside her while I suck her clit hard, pulling her orgasm from her, demanding it, needing it as much as she does.
She comes on an almost silent gasp, her body spasming, hips bucking. I hold her steady, keep her where I need her to prolong her release, to taste every single drop as her pleasure rolls on. Her pussy clenches around my fingers, rippling along them, her body wanting something else there. Something more.
And I’ll give it to her.
Let her take control.
Take what she needs from me.
She finally sags forward against the headboard, and I pull my fingers from inside her to help her slide down my body, her soaked pussy rubbing over my length, getting it wet and ready. A little satisfied moan slips from her lips, and she cants her hips so the head of my cock barely slips inside her.
I grit my teeth at the searing heat and teasing contact, and she lifts her head from my shoulder to kiss me. Her tongue probes the way mine just did inside her, almost like she wants to taste herself on me. It glides along mine, a playful battle, almost a game to her.
A dangerous one.
Each moment she drags this on, my cock aches more, desperate to be buried inside her—and she knows it.
She grins against my lips, then presses against my chest, pushing herself up across my hips. Her hooded gaze locked with mine, Allie grips my cock and lifts herself up, aligning it perfectly before she sinks down on me, taking me agonizingly slow.
Good God…
My breath rushes from my lungs. Each inch she engulfs in her slick heat draws me further away from the worries of this world and to one where the only thing that exists is this perfect moment.
Her nails bite into my chest, and she takes me even deeper, giving herself time to adjust until I’m all the way to the hilt. Her moan fills the room, and my eyes drift closed. A groan rips from my chest, the only sound I’m capable of, and she squeezes around me in answer.
I open my eyes to meet hers. “Jesus, Allie, you feel like fucking Heaven.”
We waited so long for this moment—ten years of dancing around each other and repressing our feelings until they were ready to destroy us both. And it took all this to finally bring us back together.
She lifts her hips, gliding along my cock before she sinks down again, faster this time. Harder. More determined. Grinding her clit against my pelvis when she reaches the base.
Fuck yeah.
Pleasure surges through my blood, and I grip her hips, helping her move and find her rhythm, still letting her control and take. A mewl tumbles from her lips, and she rocks against me, engulfing me on each downward thrust and riding me like a woman without any worries or fears.
And that’s all I ever wanted for her.
To be content.
To be happy.
I am finally in this moment, seeing her like this, feeling her body move so fluidly with mine, bringing me back to the most perfect moment of my life. One I never thought I’d repeat. One we both needed.
If I could, I would let this go on forever, but her rhythm becomes erratic. Her heavy breathing and the pink flush spreading across her chest signal she’s close again.
“Allie, look at me.”
Her eyes flutter open as she sinks down on me again, rolling her hips to seek the friction she needs. I slip a hand between us, my thumb finding her engorged clit, and she bucks on me, her cunt tightening enough to draw my balls up tight and threaten to make me explode.
I roll my thumb as she continues to move.
Frantic.
Desperate.
Until I pinch and twist between my fingers and she detonates.
Head back, dark hair flowing behind her, her mouth falls open, a gasp fills the room, and her movements falter. I grasp her hips, digging my heels into the mattress to thrust up into her, to draw out her orgasm and find my own.
Her pussy ripples along my length as she comes, dragging it from deep inside me on a satisfied groan before she collapses on top of me.
Both of us spent and sated.
And happy.
For as long as it lasts.