23. Chapter Twenty-Three #2
The nurse returns, and when I stand up, lightheadedness sits at the edge of my consciousness. But I ignore it. I’ve persevered through worse for less.
Landon is my son. Most likely my son. God, I wish I knew for sure, without this hesitation nagging me. If I believe he is, but the DNA test turns out to be true, if I misinterpreted Celia’s look of defiance, I’ll be crushed. Might never recover.
She leads me out the door and then signals for me to walk beside her to a staff elevator, which we board and ride one flight up. We pass the nurses’ station without issue, and at the very end of the hall, the nurse stops and turns to me.
“He’s in the room to the right. I need to get back downstairs before anyone notices I’m gone.”
“Thank you,” I say.
She continues down the hall to the flight of stairs, and I don’t look around, conscious of how that action seems suspicious, before I slip into his room.
Technically, I’m not part of the Santos family security, but I am supposed to be managing the fallout from the accident.
If they called Owen, he’d support me. But I still feel covert, like I’m not supposed to be in here.
It’s a private suite with only one bed, which shouldn’t surprise me, but it does. Landon’s figure seems so small on the mattress, machines monitoring all his vitals. I’m shocked none of the Tucker family is here yet. Ava would be so upset if she knew Landon was in this room alone.
I draw the chair next to Landon’s bed, and I drink in his features.
All the things about him that I noticed and dismissed.
Ava’s genes are strong—there’s no doubt about that—but there are shades of me, of the Foster DNA, that sit in the shadows of his features.
Or I think there are. Maybe I just want there to be.
No matter how much I might want to sit here all night, I need to talk to my sister to figure out what she knows, determine how this accident happened, and I have to be there for my mom too.
And god help me, when Ava’s out of surgery, I’m sneaking myself into her room too. I will get answers.
Without giving myself time to second-guess my choice, I call Gage.
He’s the one Ava’s always been closest to, and from what I’ve gathered, his wife, Ember, is now one of Ava’s best friends.
It’s the middle of the night, but if Celia hasn’t phoned all the family, I’ll get that chain started.
Ava and Landon need all their help, not just Celia’s meddling.
“Hello?” Gage answers, groggy. “Stephen?”
“Ava, Landon, and Raul were in a bad car accident. You and the rest of your family have to get down to the Tucker’s Town Hospital. They need you.”
“Shit,” Gage says, and I can hear Ember’s confused murmurs in the background. “When they picked up Landon, something seemed off. I should have—I don’t know why I didn’t… Is everyone…” His voice grows thick. “Alive?”
I fill him in with what I know, and he promises to be here as soon as he can. He also vows to contact his other siblings.
“Your mom is already here,” I say.
“Of course she is,” Gage says, his tone exasperated. “Probably making sure her spare kidney is still useable.”
“I thought Celia was better.”
“She is,” Gage says, “but knowing my mom, she’ll want all her options kept open in case she relapses.”
I’d love to contradict him, say that Celia’s here because she loves Ava.
But if she really loved Ava, she’d be sitting in this hospital room with the person Ava loves most in the world, taking care of Landon because that’s the only concrete way to take care of Ava when she’s in surgery.
Nagging the doctors and nurses isn’t going to do anything when Ava’s fighting for her life.
It doesn’t take Gage long to push open the door behind me and rush in. He’s in sweatpants and a T-shirt, rumpled but here.
“Mom’s in the waiting room, trying to get updates on Ava,” he says. “Dad’s traveling with the hockey team. I don’t know why she didn’t call any of us to come help. We wouldn’t show up for her, but we’d all show up for Ava and Landon.”
“Did you tell her I called you?”
“Yeah,” Gage says. “She seemed a bit pissed off about that. Sawyer, Nathaniel, and Maren are also on their way. We’ll take shifts. Make sure they both have someone at their bedsides.”
“When Ava gets out of surgery…” My voice is thick at the thought of her not coming through it.
“I’ll call you,” Gage agrees. “No question.” He claps me on the back.
After I stand to go, I stare down at Landon. I should leave. No, I need to leave. “I’m coming back. My mother is on the third floor, and after I have things with her figured out, I’ll sit with Landon again.”
“More the merrier,” Gage agrees. “Landon told me how much he liked you when you were on their detail. He’ll be glad to see you.”
His comment makes my chest unbearably tight. Obviously, Gage doesn’t know that Landon is mine, might be mine. He’s not that good an actor.
“You all right?” Gage asks, pulling up a second chair to Landon’s bedside.
“Yeah,” I say, distracted. My issue is obvious, but it’s not something I can say out loud, not until I understand more about how this happened.
If it’s happened. I need to leave this room, but everything in me wants to stay.
The idea of missing one more second of Landon’s life is a piercing ache.
“I can’t decide if he’s still so little or if he’s so big. ”
“Little,” Gage says with certainty. “So much life left to live. Thank god he’s okay.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose, willing all these confusing feelings coursing through me to fall into something that resembles order. Just when I think I’m okay, another surge of something—anger, despair, frustration, confusion, love—causes an emotional short circuit.
“I’ll be back,” I say, and it takes all my effort to walk out of the room.