34. Chapter Thirty-Four
Chapter Thirty-Four
Stephen
Abetter man would say “no,” tell her she’s still healing, that being intimate wouldn’t be right. And I’ve been that man since she got out of the hospital. Caring. Cautious.
But I can’t even say with certainty that she’s the only one I’ve been protecting.
Because the thing about Ava Tucker that’s always been true is that when she’s mine, she’s mine.
This in-between is new. She might intend to divorce Raul, but she hasn’t yet, hasn’t even started the process yet.
We haven’t made any real promises to each other.
Up until this moment, that volatility has made me keep some distance, however small. I might have told her I’d burn with her and have no regrets, but that’s a lie.
Every day, we grow a little closer, inch back to what we once were. The same but different. Nothing about us feels toxic this time, at least not yet.
Part of me isn’t sure I’ll get the happily ever after I’ve always wanted. We’re very far from any kind of guarantee. In this house, I’ve caught glimpses of the family unit the three of us could be if every decision domino hits just right. Luck has never fallen in my direction like that.
Landon won’t be mine. Raul will fight the divorce with every resource he has. Ava will decide Landon and her company come before whatever this is with me. Those all feel like logical outcomes. Likely outcomes.
So if I can have another chance at the kind of joy I only feel with her, even if it doesn’t last, even if it breaks my heart again, I’m not saying no.
There will never be another Ava Tucker. Never be another moment like this one, right now, with her. Whatever I get, I get, and I won’t get upset.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” I murmur against her temple. “But you can do whatever makes you feel good. I want you to feel good.”
“I get to be in charge?” A hint of teasing.
“You’ve always been in charge, even if you didn’t know it.” But she did. She always knew. My heart’s been hers from the start, and I’ve got no problem giving up my body to her now.
“You’ve definitely been the one in charge this time,” she says, kissing along my neck and then my jaw until she reaches my lips.
I’m not. Not even a little. When she kisses me, I deepen it, slide my hand along the back of her neck, drawing her closer. There’s no such thing as close enough, even when I’m buried inside her. Desire for her is a wildfire in my veins.
Out of fucking control is what I’ve been.
From the minute I sat in her living room and pretended to take notes at that first meeting, I’ve cast little more than a light mist over the blaze threatening to ignite.
Allowed the embers of our past to smolder into whatever’s about to happen.
She’s always made me reckless. With her, it’s yes and yes and yes.
Maybe it’s telling that the one time we told each other no, it ruined us both.
“Use me, Ava. Take whatever you want.”
She sits back, straddling me while she undoes the button on my jeans without breaking eye contact. Slowly, she eases down the zipper. “Whatever I want, huh?” she murmurs.
“Whatever you want,” I rasp as her fingers glide along the indent of my erection.
“What if I just want to give?”
“That’s never been good enough for me. You know that.”
“But I’m in charge.”
“Only if I let you be.”
A slow smile spreads as she slips her hand under the waistband of my boxers.
My breath catches when she circles her hand around my hard length.
“I bet,” she says as she draws her hand up and down, “that if these lips,” she touches her index finger to her lips, “can still work their magic, you’ll lose all control. ”
“Never going to happen,” I say, but my voice is already thick with desire, and it takes everything in me to keep my hips on the bed.
“Never?” Ava arches a brow. “I do love a challenge.” Then she tugs down my jeans and boxers, freeing me from the confines of my clothes. She glances up at me as she leans forward, and she flicks her tongue along my shaft.
“Fuck,” I mutter, my hand finding her hair almost against my will. “Ava.”
She pushes my hand away and wags her finger at me. “Now, now, Stephen. I’m about to do the taking.” She drags her hand down my shaft, and I groan, digging my hands into the covers. “Do you remember how deep I can take you? How warm and wet it is when I can take you right to the base?”
There’s a good chance I’m going to come before my dick even enters her mouth. “You probably can’t take it like you used to.”
She grips me with one hand, and then her mouth slides over and along me, her tongue blazing tantalizing pressure along my shaft as she goes right to my base and then sucks all the way back to the tip. I hiss out my approval.
“Turns out I can,” she says, giving me a wicked grin. “Want me to do it again?”
“Yes,” I rasp out.
“You’re going to have to ask nicely.” She bats her eyes at me.
“Please,” I grit out.
“You disappoint me,” she says, moving to stand up.
“Please, baby,” I say, reaching for her. “Take it all. Make me proud.”
Immediately, she hovers over me again, and I want to slide my hand into her strands, cup the back of her head, but I know better. She’ll bat me away, tell me to stay out of her hair.
When her lips close over me again, tongue circling, a little whimper escapes.
“You’re so fucking good at this.” I fist the bedcovers to stop myself from reaching for her.
“So pretty with your mouth full of me.” And I can’t take my eyes off her as she slides up and down, clearly enjoying it as much as I am.
But if I let her keep going, she’s going to win, and not in the way that’ll make us both happy. “Ava,” I rasp out.
When she doesn’t listen, I slide my hands into her hair and draw her away. She murmurs a protest, but when I roll us to pin her, she gazes up at me with a hint of a smirk.
“Afraid I’d win?” she asks.
“I prefer we’re both winners.”
“If you can make me come, you can have unlimited blow jobs for the rest of your life.”
“If?” I scoff, and I step off the bed to draw her jeans and panties down her legs.
“I know every way to make you come. All of them.” I tug her to the end of the bed, letting her legs rest over my shoulders.
Then I cup her ass and swipe up her center with my tongue.
The real question, as far as I’m concerned, is whether I let her come fast or slow.
Which pattern will I use to push her to the brink and beyond?
Letting instinct take over, I use my fingers, mouth, and tongue to draw out each moan, gasp, and whimper. She’s so wet, it’s almost criminal.
But it doesn’t take long for me to figure out something’s off. While she’s reacting how I’d expect, there’s no escalation, no sense of her being driven to the brink.
“Get out of your head,” I say against her thigh.
“I wish it was that easy,” she moans.
“It used to be.”
“It hasn’t been for over six years now.”
I ease back on my haunches, her legs sliding off my shoulders. She sits up, running a hand through her hair, and I’m dumbstruck. “What does that mean?”
“It means I haven’t had an orgasm in over six years.”
“Fuck off,” I say with a chuckle, “that would mean…” But when our gazes connect, my smile slips away. “I knew you were probably having problems, but six years? He’s never given you an orgasm?”
“I wish I could say it’s all his fault, but I can’t even give myself one.”
“That has to be an exaggeration.”
“The last orgasm I had was with you,” she says, flinging her hand in my direction.
“Holy shit,” I say, somewhat amazed. “Karma really fucked you over, huh?”
“Shut up,” she says, and she grabs a pillow from the bed and hits me in the face with it. “Ow,” she says, dropping the pillow and clutching her ribs. “Why does karma hate me?”
I crawl into the bed, and I draw her close, cradling her to me. “Not even a hot tub jet?”
She punches me lightly in my ribs. “Stop.” She wiggles against me. “Maybe you can just fuck me and we can forget we had this conversation?”
“You don’t come, I don’t come. That’s not fucking changing just because you’ve had a bit of a hard time.”
“A bit of a hard time?” Ava leans back to make eye contact with me. “Six and a half years, Stephen.”
I move away from her to stand up, and I hold my hand out for her to follow. She takes it and stands with me. Gently, I lift her shirt over her head, unclip her bra, and kiss her shoulder. She draws my shirt over my head and tosses it to the floor.
I cup her face and run my thumb along her cheek. “I’m not fucking you tonight, but we will figure this out together. This has to be some sort of mental block. Have you been to a therapist or anything?”
“No, because then I would have had to talk to Raul about it all.”
My eyes widen involuntarily. “You’ve been faking it with him this whole time?”
“I’ve been faking a lot of things, Stephen. At least faking the orgasms was easy.”
I close my eyes, and I wrap my arms around her, bringing her flush with my chest. “We’ll figure it out,” I murmur against the top of her head.
“Even if we can’t,” she says, kissing my chest, “I just really love being this close to you again.”
For a beat, I let her words wash over me, a massive comfort amongst so much uncertainty. At least we have this. We got this.
I reach around her and throw back the covers, and then I lift her up, sliding her into bed.
Before I get in beside her, I check all the doors, turn off the lights, and then I ease in beside her.
She backs up until her back is flush with my chest, and I wrap an arm around her, tucking her in close.
Once she’s secure, we both release a deep sigh.
“Right here,” she whispers. “Right here feels like home.”
“It’s yours for as long as you want it,” I whisper against her ear, tightening my grip. All my choices always seem to lead back to her, but I have no idea if her choices in the long run will do the same.